Yes, I'm in love with a dancer. The thing is, I let the job get to me. I'm not insecure, and I trust her completely (one of the things I love about her). My mistake was to focus on the parts of the job that bother me. One is my concern for her safety (she would work private parties without a driver), the other is just a general feeling of not liking having men looking and interacting with the woman I love (in addition to all nude parties she also works in an all nude lap dance bar) in a way that I feel should be between the two of us.
Focusing on these feelings about the job caused me to be irritable and moody towards her at times (usually brought about when aspects of the job were brought up). I honestly have not been aware of how I've been coming across to her. She has even told me that she knows that I have not been intentionally upsetting/hurting her. Obviously my reactions to her caused us to get into arguments. Our arguments have gotten her to the point that she doesn't know what to do with the relationship. She has been holding me in relationship "limbo" for more than a week now.
I on the other hand want to do whatever it takes to make things work. I have put A LOT of thought into my own thoughts and feelings. Reading numerous threads on this site has certainly helped me put things in perspective. While I know that I will never like the job, I know that I can accept the job. It was wrong for me to act out because of dancing, upseting her and making her feel bad/guilty for doing her job. I want her to know that I want to support what she does regardless of whether I like/agree with her. I have told her all of this, but she still remains closed off/distant to me.
The way she wanted to leave things was to "slow things down." Although "just be friends" was never said, it's the feeling I got from her. She is in love with me (she has told me that much), but she doesn't want to deal with the realities of the relationship.
The way we ended up leaving things was that I told her that it was too hard being left in "limbo." I just think that if two people love each other they just can't take a "break" when things get difficult. Although she wanted to keep "talking" in the meantime, she refused to acknowledge the relationship. Although it kills me to not have her in my life, I felt I had to tell her not to contact me unless she was ready to work on (put effort into) our relationship.
I've really come to respect you ladies from reading your many posts. Any advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated. There is more to our story, but I feel I've already made this way too lengthy. If you have specific questions you would like to ask that may help you to advise me please ask away. Thanks! - John


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