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Thread: Star Trek humor

  1. #1
    Senior Member Malak's Avatar
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    Star Trek humor

    Star Trek - T.N.G. Sex
    ----------------------

    (Beverly enters the bridge)

    Dr. Crusher: "Data, may I see you in the Captain's ready room?"

    Data: "Yes, Doctor."

    (they enter the ready room)

    Dr. Crusher: "Data, we need to do a diagnostic on your inseminator.
    I've been reading the manuals and a check-up is long overdue."

    Data: (tilts head) "That is most interesting, but I can tell you that it
    does in fact work because a few weeks ago it activated while I
    was sleeping and took out a power conduit in my quarters."

    Dr. Crusher: "Yes, well... I need to observe it's functioning myself
    for the ship's medical logs."

    (Beverly starts removing her uniform...)

    Data: "What are you doing, Doctor?"

    Dr. Crusher: (laughs) "I'm creating the proper controlled conditions
    for the test. You should remove your uniform also."

    Data: "But Star Fleet regulation number 23-475f does not allow
    personnel to be on duty without their uniforms on except during
    specific types of drills."

    Dr. Crusher: (Beverly nearly giggling...) "Data, as medical officer
    on this ship - I'm ordering you to remove your uniform."

    Data: "In that case, I will comply then."

    Dr. Crusher: "Ok, when you are done... lay on the Captain's desk
    on your back."

    (Data undresses and lays on the desk with his legs hanging-off.)

    Dr. Crusher: "Switch on your emotion chip for this procedure."

    (Data switches the chip on and starts smiling.)

    (Beverly starts massaging his legs and Data's inseminator starts
    getting longer.)

    Data: "That is quite pleasurable Doctor. Did the manual tell you
    exactly how to do it?"

    Dr. Crusher: (grinning) "No Data, I've had lots of practice with
    Jon Luc."

    Data: "Really? Has he ever done damage to the ship accidentally?"

    Dr. Crusher: (laughing) "Not with his 'inseminator' but it would have
    been useful if he could while he was a prisoner of the Borg."

    Dr. Crusher: (leans in and whipers...) "Resistance is futile!"

    Data: (laughing like a maniac) "Oh doctor, that was most amusing."

    Dr. Crusher: "Well, tell me how THIS grabs you!"

    (Beverly vigorously strokes his inseminator making Data's eyes
    widen.)

    (Beverly straddles him on the desk and inserts his 10" inside
    herself.)

    Data: (gasping) "Doctor, I'm not sure I'm certified for this
    procedure."

    Dr. Crusher: "You wiil be!" (she thrusts her hips up and down
    faster and faster)

    (Captain Picard walks in...)

    Captain: "Beverly! What is the meaning of this?"

    Dr. Crusher: "Sorry Jon Luc, but you gave me a taste for
    'robotic' and I thought I would try the real thing!"
    Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder.

  2. #2
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    That's hot, I love Star Trek porn! You know I'd hit that Picard, not Data though, ick.......

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

  3. #3
    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    In case you have questions for Tpol.


    http://www.allscifi.com/aridor/Iboar...=Tpol&msg=1801
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

  4. #4
    Senior Member Malak's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    Kat - You like those poetic guys, huh? I've been known to write a verse or two when properly inspired... ;-)

    Actually, I always thought a captain who was halfway between Shatner & Picard would be a lot more attractive to women.
    Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder.

  5. #5
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    7 of 9 anyone? I think I'm the only person on planet earth who liked Voyager. I was all about a Chakote and 7 of 9 sammich............

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

  6. #6
    Veteran Member afxturnip's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    Voyager kinda grew on me like a fungus. But I'm a Deep Space Nine guy. Women with spots and all that. And dabo girls too!

    Plus the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition are quite enlightening. http://www.dmwright.com/html/ferengi.htm

    -afx

  7. #7
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    Quote Originally Posted by afxturnip
    Voyager kinda grew on me like a fungus. But I'm a Deep Space Nine guy. Women with spots and all that. And dabo girls too!

    Plus the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition are quite enlightening. http://www.dmwright.com/html/ferengi.htm

    -afx
    Any good stripper already knows those by heart afx darling!

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

  8. #8
    Veteran Member afxturnip's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    Katrine, you have the lobes for business.

    And that's not all!



    -afx

  9. #9
    Featured Member GenWar's Avatar
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    Exclamation Re: Star Trek humor

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine
    Any good stripper already knows those by heart afx darling!
    And to think I actually thought it wasn't possible for Kat to get any cooler.

    Silly me.

    -gen
    "See, believe it or not (and I don't care whether you do), it's never been about the sex. I get sex at home, anytime, and we like it, and it's good for both of us. No, my stripclub experience has been about acceptance, and affirmation, and desirability...There have been some women who have a personality that just clicks with mine, and in the faux-sex atmosphere of the club, it's a mix that is completely seductive." - Jay Zeno

  10. #10
    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    Quote Originally Posted by GenWar
    And to think I actually thought it wasn't possible for Kat to get any cooler.

    Silly me.

    -gen
    Yeah,

    She keeps doin' that. Just makes her harder to deal with.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

  11. #11
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    Yes, I DO have a Ferengi fetish, they are my favorite Star Trek alien concept! My least favorite are those whiny ass Bejorn!

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

  12. #12
    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    Hey, Kat, watch which Bajoran you're calling whiny! Major Kira can box some Ferengi ears right off. And I would soooo rub noses with her. Well, okay, maybe not so much dressed like this, but definitely like this.

    -Ev

  13. #13
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    I don't find her hot at all!! Of course the first Dax.....goes without saying......

    http://www.roswell.dsl.pipex.com/ima...ven/seven7.jpg

    stupid looking photo though.......

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

  14. #14
    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    Quote Originally Posted by afxturnip
    Plus the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition are quite enlightening. http://www.dmwright.com/html/ferengi.htm

    -afx
    Hmmm. Yours is a more complete list than the one I've had in my profile:

    http://www.starbase118.net/academy/l...ien/frules.htm

    I'll have to update.

    A couple of years ago, someone I showed them to suggested that they should be called the Stripper Rules of Aquisition. THese should be posted over in Hustle Hut. Especially:

    299. Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it's easier to exploit them the next time.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

  15. #15
    God/dess mr_punk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    Quote Originally Posted by afxturnip
    But I'm a Deep Space Nine guy. Women with spots and all that. And dabo girls too! Plus the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition are quite enlightening.
    Quark made that show.

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine
    Any good stripper already knows those by heart afx darling!
    so does a good customer,Kat. (pardon the slight editing)


    A ATF is a ATF. (until a better one comes along).

    Only give money to strippers you know you can get the pussy from.

    Never make fun of a customer's ATF. (insult something he cares about, instead).

    It never hurts to suck up to a stripper. you might get a BJ.

    She can touch your willy, but never your tip roll.

    Reward any stripper who gives you a BJ so they will continue to do so.

    a BJ will get a stripper anything.

    customers are not responsible for the stupidity of strippers.

    Never trust a stripper.

    A stripper in need means DATY, FS and a BBBJTCNSNQ for the customer.

    Every stripper has her price.

    If a stripper takes your first offer, you either asked too little or offered too much.

    Don't trust any stripper who trusts you.

    Treat strippers in your debt like family, exploit them [ruthlessly].

    Only fools pay above the POP index.

    There's nothing wrong showing charity to a stripper...as long as she winds up freeing willy.

    If you're going to have to endure a boner killing stripper story, make yourself comfortable by putting her nipple in your mouth

    There's a sucker..er..stripper born every minute; be sure you're the first to find each one.

    astroglide is the lubricant of choice for a stripper with a tight snatch.

    The stripper is always right, (...until you get the booty).

    When in doubt, lie. if you're still in doubt. lie again.
    Is it not a problem that the woman have a smaller brain than a man? The government scientist Dr. Yamuka has proved it is size of squirrel. - Borat

    Alan Marciano
    : Oh, man...(to himself) Why did I get mixed up with that bitch?
    Lt. Vincent Hanna: Cause she's got a great ass and you got your head all the way up it! - from the movie "Heat".

  16. #16
    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine
    I don't find her hot at all!!
    Good! More for me!

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine
    Of course the first Dax.....goes without saying......
    Nah, I'm not into multiple personality disorder, although I realize the Trill don't call it that. So you don't have to share either.

    -Ev

  17. #17
    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    Quote Originally Posted by mr_punk
    so does a good customer,Kat. (pardon the slight editing)
    Oh, I have some new ones to add:

    Be wary of extras priced so low that you can afford them.

    A SC that would have you as a member isn't worth patronizing.

    Replacing the pursuit of stripper love with the pursuit of stripper pussy is substituting one pathetic loser strategy for another.

    If you're worried about where a stripper's anatomy has been before you, just close your eyes and pretend you're her first (tonight, anyway).

    Always assume your HMO doesn't cover what you'll catch from FS with an extras girl.

    Adopting advice written for entertainment purposes as a personal creed is a productive use of a geek's life.

    Your tip roll is never as big as you think it is.

    A surprisingly large number of females employed in the customer service industry, not only strippers, are looking for you to become their confidants, lovers or fuck buddies. Apply now.

    If a stripper asks you to jump off a cliff with her, do it, as long as she'll go down on you as you're both going down.

    -Ev

  18. #18
    Featured Member Lizette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Star Trek humor

    Data? I found it a little too gross when he got with Yar.

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