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Thread: "They're made out of meat."

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default "They're made out of meat."

    An amusing piece of short Sci-fi, by Terry Bisson. From "Bears Discover Fire and Other Stories," Copyright © 1994, Tor Books. Hopefully i'm not commiting a crime, here, but i thought it was pretty funny.


    "They're made out of meat."
    "Meat?"
    "Meat. They're made out of meat."
    "Meat?"
    "There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."
    "That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars."
    "They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."
    "So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."
    "They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."
    "That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

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    Newbie Jal's Avatar
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    Default Re: "They're made out of meat."

    lol

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: "They're made out of meat."

    Something from the same site...



    MESSAGE FROM OUTER SPACE
    ALIENS CONTACT NASA:
    "QUIT SENDING US YOUR STUPID JUNK"


    WASHINGTON, DC (DPI) - History was changed forever yesterday when NASA received a transmission from an alien species. The brief message, addressed to "[email protected]," read simply:

    Humans --

    Please discontinue sending stupid unsolicited transmissions and debris to us. We have received several metallic craft bearing objects, crude drawings, and disks which play noises when scratched with crystal-tipped needles. We don't know who "Bach" is, but tell him for us that he should consider another profession. Honestly, we receive thousands of unsolicited transmissions and craft from societies such as yourself to the point where they become a great nuisance, so discontinue this practice immediately or we will be forced to report you to your information provider or, more simply, blow up your stupid planet and all your stupid life-forms. Send your junk to the Gezor -- they have all the class and intelligence of stewed clazin. Regards,

    Elinzoa Glppaducc
    Information Processing Coordinator
    The Shati-Makal
    NASA immediately cancelled plans to send up a time capsule containing a CD of the Ricky Martin hit, "Livin' La Vida Loca", and a VHS copy of "Friends."







    Scientists this week decoded the first confirmed alien transmission from outer space. Here is the text of the message that they decoded:

    ! GET FUSION FUEL FAST ! THIS REALLY WORKS!

    Just send 5*10^50 atoms of hydrogen to each of the five star systems listed below. Then, add your own system to the top of the list, delete the system at the bottom, and send out copies of this message to 100 other solar systems. If you follow these instructions, within 0.25 of a galactic rotation you are guaranteed to receive enough hydrogen in return to power your civilization until entropy reaches its maximum!

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    God/dess colleen's Avatar
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    Default Re: "They're made out of meat."

    LMAO! Hillarious!


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