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Thread: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Normally I would post in the ladies lounge, but for this question I would like the opinion of both the men and the women:

    I need to know how to string a guy along who I'm going to eventually have sex with, but I want to make the tension mount as much as possible before doing it.

    The reason for this is because most of my sexual life, I've always been the agressor (kissing them, or basically making it so the guy wouldn't understand that he wasn't taking a chance at rejection at all.) Even if I'm not the aggressor, I tend to rush sex very fast...I don't have a problem with this, but I would like to change it up a) so I'm sure my partner is the one that I want (I get tested in between each lover, so if I'm not sure I don't want to waste 2 weeks down time for testing and results. It's overkill, but it satisfies my responsible streak.) and b) I want to make the guy work for it.

    Plus, having not had sex in awhile, I want to make it a ripping clothes with teeth, busting a hole in the drywall, rugburn in the morning type of experience.

    So, I started out by going out with this guy and letting it drop into conversation that I'm a princess (it's not the first thing I said, but it was smooth but joking enough to take it lightly.) He's gotten the point and spent money on dinners to woo me (I do understand that money and sex are not the same, nor have to have any overlap, but this was part of making the guy work for it. I wanted to be valued, and even when he wasn't spending money on me, I still felt valued.) Plus, I want a guy who will buy me lingerie (it's a pet peeve of mine in the past that I've had to buy all my own lingerie to turn the guy on). But we'll work on that later.

    Now the issue is that our conversations over the phone have taken a decidedly sexual bent (without doing phone sex). We've only been on three dates, and I'd like to stretch out the time before sex both in terms of length of time, and the number of dates until that time. I'm trying to train myself to wait for the guy to make the first move. It's not something that I'd probably do a lot in the future, but I'm really appreciating the effort it takes me to let the guy step up and be aggressive since that's what I'm looking for in bed.

    The question then is this: I think the next couple of times we go out he'll try to kiss me (we haven't yet, and if he doesn't try soon then he's a fool). What's a good progression for spacing sexual stuff out? Are there any tricks for things that will turn him on (don't want to get into bj's just yet either) and I can leave him hanging to stew in his own frustration for a little while more? I don't want to push him too far-- that's why I need help to know how far to go but still be able to walk out the door.

    Also, suggestions for sexual turn-ons that aren't the usual.

    I know if we start heavily fooling around I'm probably going to be lost (I haven't had sex in over 8 mos. so that's another reason...don't want to just jump in the sack because I'm a hornygirl at the moment.)

    But I'd still like some input for naughty teasing, and a little just barely over the edge taunting.
    Last edited by fancygirl; 04-13-2005 at 12:48 AM. Reason: typo

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    Veteran Member Weluckyfew's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    these may not be your style, but just some ideas:

    Dancing, obviously. Take him out on the dance floor and be oblivious to him at first. Close your eyes and move in ways that would make a pope want to sit on his pointy hat. Don't look at him, keep your eyes closed and be lost in your own little sensual world. It's important that he think you're not performing for him, you're just being who you are. Trust me, his eyes are going to be all over you like he wishes his tongue were. And then after a few songs, when you finally lock eyes with him and pull him close for a little dance-fllor-grind he's going to be doing backflips inside

    share an ice cream cone - I know, I know....it's cliche. But it's also very effective. I think the important thing again is to not be performing for him, keep it non-sexual, just be really enjoying it and non-obviously showing some of that tongue skill you have. When I see a woman displaying incredible sensual enthusiasm for something non-sexual it makes me think "If she can look this insanely sexy when she's not even trying what's she going to be like when she is trying??!?!"

    Share some stories about how hot some of the other dancers looked last night --- even if a man doesn't have the multiple women fantasy (and here, of course, I'm speaking of dead men) it's still very sexy to hear a woman lusting after another woman. And if you go into details (her outfit, her boots, her lips, her legs) he's going to be right there lusting with you. And again, you don't want it to be obvious that you're teasing him. You want him to be building this fantasy in his mind, you want him to be amazed at how hot you're making him without even trying (he thinks)

    Drop the little hints of the greater you -- did you see Sideways? There's a great scene where the guys first meet Sandra Oh - when she gives them a lot more wine than she's supposed to and he jokes about how bad she's being she responds "I guess that means i need spanked". Then she just walks away. If she stayed and flirted or kept the conversation going along those lines it would have been too much. Instead she just let drop that one suggestive phrase, just enough to get their motors roaring, then walked away and let them boil.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    I think the next couple of times we go out he'll try to kiss me (we haven't yet, and if he doesn't try soon then he's a fool).
    You're already in trouble. If he won't even attempt a kiss at the end of a first date, he's not aggressive enough in the same way that if a woman rejects or deflects a kiss at the end of a first date, she's not interested enough. You could be setting yourself up for sexual dissatisfaction at this point, particularly with your heightened expectations.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer
    You're already in trouble. If he won't even attempt a kiss at the end of a first date, he's not aggressive enough in the same way that if a woman rejects or deflects a kiss at the end of a first date, she's not interested enough. You could be setting yourself up for sexual dissatisfaction at this point, particularly with your heightened expectations.
    CO my man...im not feeling you on this one.

    i get your point...but not everyone has the same standards.

    I didnt kiss my last ex until the 4th date or so...and we ended up dating for 2 years

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    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Quote Originally Posted by AinNY
    I didnt kiss my last ex until the 4th date or so...and we ended up dating for 2 years
    ^ is that 4 dates over 2 years?

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Quote Originally Posted by A_Guy
    ^ is that 4 dates over 2 years?
    haha...fucker

    are you jealous i wasnt with you all that time? dont worry we can make up for that next time you come down to FL

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Quote Originally Posted by AinNY
    are you jealous i wasnt with you all that time? dont worry we can make up for that next time you come down to FL
    ...... no.... just... lonely.





    Hold me








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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    How about a romantic dinner at your place if he doesnt make a move on you then kissing , petting those type of moves then you may have to resort to your past plays .A private dinner in my opinion is much more personal and doesnt mean I want to get you in the sack . ( just me ), he may not be comfortable in public .

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    How about a romantic dinner at your place if he doesnt make a move on you kissing , petting those type of moves then you may have to resort to your past plays .A private dinner in my opinion is much more personal and doesnt mean I want to get you in the sack . ( just me ), he may not be comfortable in public .

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    as far as the naughty teasing goes. There's definitely a fine line between teasing and giving him the wrong signals. You want to obviously let him know that you are interested and he's making progress in the relationship, without making him feel like you're just stringing him along.

    Sounds like you ready to jump his bones (that's bones... not bone silly ), so I would recommend that you don't put yourself into situations where it would be all to easy to... how shall I say... let loose .. In other words, cuddling in the bedroom is a big no-no.

    I would recommend the two of you go out dancing... possibly some salsa, or even some good ole fashion booty grinding.

    That'll be sure to send the right signals, get his pulse going, and leave him wanting more.
    Last edited by A_Guy; 04-13-2005 at 09:55 AM.

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    After the first few kisses shgowing passion, you could let him "inadvertently" see your crotchless panties, or your pantiless crotch. Just be oblivious of his glances at first. Then slowly smile.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Veteran Member Weluckyfew's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    I wouldn't read much into his reluctance to kiss you-- maybe he's been a huge manslut and now that he's finally met someone amazing he wants to go slow and not f*** it up.

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Nah-- This boy is definitely not as aggressive... but I started seriously considering him for sex when we talked about sex on the phone and he'd dropped that he'd sneaked sex at various jobs of his in the past. That was really hot to me, and made me think that if he's not that aggressive at first, that's okay-- just as long as he is in bed. If you read my Best Sex post, the best sex I'd had was with this serious, very business-like student (college level, thanks) and we didn't kiss or anything until the fourth night hanging out...but then of course we had sex in one fell swoop as well. -naughty grin and a blush- so, I'm trying to challenge myself, and challenge my lover at the same time.

    A large interrelated issue has to do with my self-sufficiency. I've always put off being pampered because I felt silly, and because I wanted to pamper the guy. I just was never sure how to be comfortable being on the receiving end of a lot of thought, effort, and money. Noticing a commonality in the losers in my past, I figured I'd give being a princess a shot without being overly gold-digging (I'm not after his money, as I make more than he does.) I guess, along with the sex, I just want him to know that even after we have sex he's going to have to work to keep me. The sex will do that to a large degree, but I think that if he has to work REALLY AMAZINGLY FUCKING HARD to get to the first score, he's going to have a lot invested in keeping me happy.

    And just so I don't appear a total manipulative witch, I keep my lovers VERY HAPPY. I just finally am demanding a little reciprocation. ; ) Thanks for the help so far. Keep it coming!
    Last edited by fancygirl; 04-13-2005 at 05:56 PM. Reason: spelling

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Maybe you ought to just be straight with him. Give him a kiss or some other indicator of your interest, enough to motivate him to make a move. Don't make him wonder what you're thinking. He might be hesitant about your intentions, and erring on the side of caution.

    If you make it clear that you like/want him, and he still won't man up, move on. But stringing people along isn't right.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Quote Originally Posted by fancygirl
    Plus, I want a guy who will buy me lingerie (it's a pet peeve of mine in the past that I've had to buy all my own lingerie to turn the guy on). But we'll work on that later.
    Holy shit, ya learn something new every day. I always feel like shit buying chicks Lingerie, and here come to find out it's a pro rather than a con...

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Quote Originally Posted by Madcap
    Holy shit, ya learn something new every day. I always feel like shit buying chicks Lingerie, and here come to find out it's a pro rather than a con...
    LOL Madcap. Yeah, but it depends on what KIND of underwear. I love corsets, FMPs, sexy PJs, and the like. Not really the edible underwear type of girl ; )

    As for the post before that, I'm not stringing him along because I do like him, and I do plan on having sex with him. But, I'm tired of making it too easy... I want to see what a guy will do given his own time/leisure to make a move. PLUS, you forget that he and I have been talking about sex on the phone...so I think he's gotten the point that he has a significant shot.

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Quote Originally Posted by fancygirl
    LOL Madcap. Yeah, but it depends on what KIND of underwear. I love corsets, FMPs, sexy PJs, and the like. Not really the edible underwear type of girl ; )

    Never bought the edibles, anyway. I suppose i could be cajoled into eating them under the right circumstances, but it's not really my thing. Now, a nice pair of Thigh High stockings just might send me into fits...

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Quote Originally Posted by fancygirl
    LOL Madcap. Yeah, but it depends on what KIND of underwear. I love corsets, FMPs, sexy PJs, and the like. Not really the edible underwear type of girl ; )

    As for the post before that, I'm not stringing him along because I do like him, and I do plan on having sex with him. But, I'm tired of making it too easy... I want to see what a guy will do given his own time/leisure to make a move. PLUS, you forget that he and I have been talking about sex on the phone...so I think he's gotten the point that he has a significant shot.

    Yep, I missed that part. You're cool as far as I can tell.


    I'm in my own frustrating situation. I have a female friend - a dancer - that I've spent alot of time with and would like to date. This is a woman who I met a year ago (not in a SC), and I've grown to really care about her.

    She's not ready to date right now. She's been working hard at getting her life on track after having a fucked up relationship, and a relationship now would throw a wrench in that. I can't blame her for her aversion. I don't believe she's stringing me along either.

    I've made it quite clear what my intentions are, and she's been very honest about her position. There is no confusion there. I told her I'll be around, and I'll be patient, but I make it a point to steer clear of the "friend zone". I don't want to be pals and nothing more.

    I get the feeling when I talk to her - close enough to kiss, and looking right into each others' eyes - that she wants me to kiss her. I know that she knows it will fuck up her plan, so she won't let me kiss her. But I can still tell.

    I'm a little frustrated too.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Quote Originally Posted by Hef
    I told her I'll be around, and I'll be patient, but I make it a point to steer clear of the "friend zone". I don't want to be pals and nothing more.
    Right track. Stay out of the "friend zone." It's cool to be a chick's friend, but you might as well cut your nuts off and sit them in a jar over the fireplace, that's about all the good they'll do you.

    Maybe i'm wrong, but that's my experience talking. It always kills me when some idiot tries to use the buddy way into a girls pants. The "friend zone" = a guy she can complain about her boyfriend to, stupidest thing to do when you're after a chick. Might as well cut 'em off and hang them on the wall, since ya won't be needing them with her.

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Quote Originally Posted by Madcap
    Right track. Stay out of the "friend zone." It's cool to be a chick's friend, but you might as well cut your nuts off and sit them in a jar over the fireplace, that's about all the good they'll do you.

    Maybe i'm wrong, but that's my experience talking. It always kills me when some idiot tries to use the buddy way into a girls pants. The "friend zone" = a guy she can complain about her boyfriend to, stupidest thing to do when you're after a chick. Might as well cut 'em off and hang them on the wall, since ya won't be needing them with her.

    Agreed. I told her flat out that I'm not out to be her buddy, I've got plenty of those already. I'm not going to pretend I don't want her. I try here and there to kiss her. Anything I can do to keep some degree of sexuality in the air, I do.

    The "friend zone" sucks. I've fucked up and landed there before. "Friends" are the guys she cries to after she's just gotten fucked hard by her BF and wants somebody to bitch to about the shitty things he said afterward.

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Keep in mind, chicks are great friends. It's just that there needs to be a divide between the ones you want romantically and the ones you don't (nothing bad about that).

    To the lurkers, never let yourself get into the "friend trap" if you want a girl. The deathblow is then given. Seal the fuckin' deal, or strike out and move on. It's not bad, just don't lie to her.

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Quote Originally Posted by Madcap
    Keep in mind, chicks are great friends. It's just that there needs to be a divide between the ones you want romantically and the ones you don't (nothing bad about that).

    To the lurkers, never let yourself get into the "friend trap" if you want a girl. The deathblow is then given. Seal the fuckin' deal, or strike out and move on. It's not bad, just don't lie to her.

    I have female friends. I'm just not about to date them (and they don't want to date me). The key, as you mentioned, is in defining the relationship from the beginning.

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    ^^Knows his stuff.

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    I don't know...I've had it happen that a guy I intended to keep in the "friend zone" ends up charming his way into my heart....AND my pants

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    Default Re: Tips for Sexually Frustrating a Guy

    Nicolina~

    And it's possible to win the lottery. None of that means you should count on it.

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