Ha ha ha. What kind of BS is this?
Got this off of zbone.com
Controversial Catholic Sect To Buy Strip Clubs
April 1, 2005
By SAXBEAT, Staff Writer
LOS ANGELES (AP) - The controversial Catholic sect, "Holy Family," which
has become well-known recently because of its links to Hollywood actor and
director Mel Gibson, has made an offer to buy the Deja Vu and Spearmint
Rhino chains of strip clubs for a reported price of $3.5 billion.
Gibson, acting as spokesperson for the small but outspoken church in this
matter, said it was a matter of, "Doing something positive to fight sin
and sinners, as our laws obviously haven't worked."
The Deja Vu chain, which operates 78 strip clubs across the United States,
is best known for offering "97 pretty girls and 3 ugly ones" at each of
its clubs. It constitutes the largest adult entertainment chain in the
U.S., with revenues estimated at $500 million to $1 billion annually.
Spearmint Rhino has holdings in Europe as well as in the United States
with revenues near $500 million.
The Holy Family sect is a so-called Traditionalist break-off of the Roman
Catholic church, which, among other things, celebrates Mass in Latin, and
is not recognized by the Holy See in Rome. The group plans to convert the
purchased strip clubs into churches. Gibson has contributed large sums of
money to the group before, including $2.8 million to build a church near
Malibu, CA, but the offer for the entire Deja Vu and Spearmint Rhino
chains dwarfs his previous contributions and is being supplemented by
thousands of private contributions as well as some of the $2 billion in
earnings from Gibson's religious epic, "The Passion of the Christ."
"We've scouted out most of the locations already," said Gibson. "You'd be
surprised at how quickly we can have them up and running as churches. Once
we remove the stripper poles, the stages can become altars with just a
paint job. Most of the clubs also have small booths around the perimeter
that can be converted to confessionals. Basically, we just move the chairs
to the back of the club, bring the sofas up front as pews, and we are
done. We can even use the DJ booth for music until we can order enough
organs to go around."
Michael Swyved, CEO of Deja Vu, Inc., said the company will not consider
the church's offer. "It's an outrage," he said. "They should clean up
their own act before they start complaining about ours," an apparent
reference to the molestation scandal sweeping the Catholic church in
recent years.
Religious Studies Professor Aptly Named at California State University,
Northridge, says while the battle between church and adult entertainment
may have taken a new turn, the war is an old one. "Of course, there is
going to be friction between the groups," he said. "There are so many
similarities: Both encourage a lot of kneeling. Both involve private
offerings of money based on guilt and how much you think you've sinned.
There is probably an equal amount of praying and thanking God at both
institutions. Priests and DJs occupy positions of authority that are often
abused. And of course, women are both exalted and oppressed in both
organizations. They are essentially fighting over the same turf. And of
course, we've all heard of the link between religious and physical
ecstasy. So, I think it makes sense. I think the Holy Family group is
recognizing the amount of money being spent in strip clubs, and saying,
'Hey, put some of that in our garter belt,' so to speak."
Swyved says the Deja Vu company is considering a number of options to
fight off the hostile offer, including declaring itself a religious sect
in order to get First Amendment protection. "We'll do whatever it takes,"
he said. The company has already asked the purchase offer to be
investigated under anti-trust laws. "If strip clubs get bought by
churches," he said, "the church will have a monopoly on people's souls. It
is un-American. We have a right in this country to decide whether or not
we are going to sin, and how much."
Gibson denies the church will have a monopoly on souls. "There are still a
lot of sinners out there," he said. "Our sect is small, and besides, there
a lot of other strip clubs besides Deja Vu, and almost all of them offer
higher mileage. Of course, when it comes to sinners there are always the
Jews; and while they may run Hollywood and the banks, there are
surprisingly few of them running strip clubs."



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