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Thread: Can I get some advice?

  1. #1
    Featured Member Hottie7268's Avatar
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    Default Can I get some advice?

    Sorry to vent like this again, I know it's becoming a habit and I promise to stop once this shit in my life clears up. I have to ask you folks for some personal advice.

    I've been going to school part time and working a full time job since November. I love school 100%. I like work, it pays me good money which enables me to go to school. My issue is that I've run myself ragged thus far. I was diagnosed last month with an intestinal ulcer due to lack of sleep (I'm up at 6 for work, I get out at 5 and go straight to school where I also work on clients till 10:30. I don't get home till 11, sometimes 11:30. I shower, eat, then go to bed usually by 12), poor nutrition (I'm in sales and I run amock so BK or Wendy's are my food options), lack of water (getting up at 6 and going all day requires a pot of coffee by 9AM), and stress (bills, bills, and more bills). I've also had issues with my car, which my bf wrecked 2 months ago and things are still messed up with that.
    Since my diagnosis, I've changed my eating habits and started to take care of me more. I've missed some school time which I was told I could make up so long as I didn't miss anymore school.
    Well, yesterday I got pulled over on my way to work. My sticker had expired and for some fucked up reason my plates were registered to the wrong vehicle, so the cops took my plates and towed my car and gave me a $150 ticket. I had no way to get to school. So I got a call last night from the school telling me I've been put on suspension and that I have to wait 3 months then go in front of a board of admins to be readmitted into the school. I'm 3 weeks from graduating my 300 hour class. This totally fucks my school plan for the next few years. There's also nothing the school can do for me, it's state law.
    I've also just found out there's a $500 deductible on ER visits on my health insurance, which means my CAT scan from a few weeks ago is going to cost me a lot of money that I don't have.
    My boss could care less about school. He's telling me to focus on work and put school on the back burner. He got mad at me for worrying about how to get to school yesterday instead of worrying about how to get to work. I can get another job. I can't get another school (I'm in for Medical Esthetics and it's the best school in my area). He also suggested I quit school for a while after I was diagnosed with an ulcer.
    So here's my dilemma - I'm about ready to quit my job, get a part time job, suck up the suspension and just wait, and go back to school with less of a work load. I'll be hurting for money, but I'll be less stressed and more focused on school, which is and should be my top priority regardless of what my boss thinks. I just don't want my bills to swallow me up. My bf is totally against dancing (which was my first choice, believe me!) and I don't want him supporting me (my own pride issue). What do I do? Am I thinking the right way? My boss loves having me here and it's a good job, but it's only a means to an end for me. I have no interest in selling print work!

    Sorry this is a freakin novel

    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.



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    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    I totally feel your pain Hottie. I've been in a similar boat off and on... it's a bitch. I'm almost on the same schedule . With such a tight schedule, if anything goes wrong, then it just seems to snowball and problems stack upon problems.

    You definitely need time for yourself... no matter how hard of a worker you are, no matter how much you need the money, and no matter how badly you need to graduate - there has to be some flexibility there for yourself.

    I learned the hard way. I was work work work a 100% of the time. It's an addictive habit that's hard to break. But looking back on those years, it seems that I had no fun (I know I know.... I'm not THAT old)!! It's like I'm playing catch up now. Better late than never I guess. I had similar problems also... Acid Reflux, headaches, no sleep (actually went a whole week without sleep)... and that coupled with legal problems (hey, running around the streets of downtown Ann Harbor, drunk beyond oblivion seemed like a good idea that Tuesday night ).


    Prioritize:
    If school is important, than focus your efforts there. Do whatever it takes. Your job is killing your free time, health and probably leading you towards depression. Can you take out a loan? Can your parents loan you money? There are a lot of good loans available for students. Money may be tight in the short run, but it'll save you all the heartache and stress that can last much longer. Also, can you get a job with your school as a TA or something along those lines? Maybe something in your field?

    Also, look into Yoga.... it's a huuuge stress reliever.

    You need money, but you don't need the stress... it just isn't worth it. Life's waay to short.

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    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    ohh yeah... and visit A in Florida

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    Featured Member Hottie7268's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Thanks AGuy. I have loans out for school already, my credit sucks so I can't take out any personal loans, and my parents wouldn't lend me a dime if I asked, nor do I want to ask. I just feel like it's irresponsible to quit my job right now, especially when my boss makes me feel bad for even thinking like that. I've tried to give my 2 weeks, but he talked me out of it. I feel like if I do anything drastic right now, my world will collapse around me even worse than it has, but if I don't do anything then I'm digging myself into an early grave. I ask myself all the time if this job is worth it, but I can't stick to a solid answer for that question. I'm driving myself insane with my schedule and with all the bullshit going on around me. I just don't want to do the wrong thing, you know?

    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.



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    Featured Member Hottie7268's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by A_Guy
    ohh yeah... and visit A in Florida

    LOL! I'm going to and he's going to wish I never came!!!

    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.



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    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hottie7268
    I just don't want to do the wrong thing, you know?
    yup... definitely. and it's tough to make a decision under these conditions. You're off from school now (if I understand correctly). You could always stick with your current job, make your bill payments, and let things settle down. When you're ready for school again, take a drastically reduced school load. Hell. I'm only taking two classes and it's killing me .

    At least that way you can see if the schedule is more manageable, and also it may clear your head a bit so you can make a wise decision about your job.

    and I'm serious about the yoga thing








    and give A a big kissy for me

  7. #7
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Lie to your boyfriend and start dancing.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

  8. #8
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    I had this life a few years ago, before I was a dancer. But my ulcer came from the a**wipe boyfriend I had, who literally made me sick to my stomach. Anyway, to start this off talking about boyfriends, if this guy isn't helping to support you in any way, part ways. This will free up some time for yourself.
    Job- Are you making commission on sales? Good. If not, look for something else.
    School- BEG the school board to let you stay in. Show that you mean it. You probably have invested enough energy that it's worth shedding tears, & telling the whole tale you just told us, and swearing that you'll be golden from this point on.
    Look, ask your folks for help. They are probably proud that you have been working so hard to support yourself and put yourself through school without bugging them for help. They will always be your parents. They'll always know where you live (heh.) Any money lent to you, they'll get back at some point in the future. They're not worried.
    I sure hope you can finish school, it sounds like you are fired up about what you are studying, which is key to accomplishing your academic goal. I wish I never dropped out of school. Going back is going to kill me. But I have to do it. So, at this juncture, pick the top things and hold onto them. This is Looking out for Number One Time. Best wishes.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine
    Lie to your boyfriend and start dancing.
    Ha ha ha!

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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by A_Guy
    ohh yeah... and visit A in Florida ...

    and give A a big kissy for me
    A_Guy always gives the best advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Hottie7268
    LOL! I'm going to and he's going to wish I never came!!!
    now im skurred


  11. #11
    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    and like A_Guy said....

    Prioritize....

    1- Boyfriends arent that important

    2- Your future is

    3- Your happiness is more important

    4- Your health is most important

    From there figure out whats best for you. No one here can tell you whats right....do whats best for you using YOUR priorities...not anyone elses...not your boyfriend's, not your parents, not A_Guy's, and certain not my dumbass's....figure out what you want...take a day or two off and think about it...dont rush into anything.

    Any you still have my # if you need to chat

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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hottie7268
    I was diagnosed last month with an intestinal ulcer due to lack of sleep ...

    So I got a call last night from the school telling me I've been put on suspension and that I have to wait 3 months then go in front of a board of admins to be readmitted into the school. ... There's also nothing the school can do for me, it's state law.
    You've got a medical condition and they're telling you it's state law that they can't do anything when you miss class but suspend you? Bah. First, let me see the state law. I want to see what it says and how they're determining that.

    Second, where is your due process? Seems like you should have the right and mechanism to appeal their decision. Seems like they should have informed you of the steps to appeal. Even if it's nothing more than a formality because the facts are cut and dried, seems like there should be a process to appeal.

    Third, have they perhaps heard of the Americans with Disabilities Act? Now don't go hiring a lawyer because I don't know if this is a valid point in your case or not and it might be way too expensive to find out. If you've got a friend who's a lawyer who can give free advice, maybe ask. But I'm just wondering if there's an exception to this "state law" for medical problems that you could argue if you had proof from your doctor that you have one, and you claim it's been impacting your ability to keep up. It's really not nice for them to pick on sick people.

    It might not hurt to make a little noise, rattle a few cages, stand up for yourself, but that's your call.

    -Ev

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    God/dess MojoJojo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Let me just add.................

    nope, I have nothing to add. EE really put it well.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    Veteran Member OPEN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Werent you already dancing before? If so were you when u met ur bf? I mean from what most of the girls on here say you shouldnt dance JUST for the money, but you shouldnt NOT dance cause of a bf. Esp one who cracks up your car?? I hope you can continue in school,,,,

  15. #15
    Featured Member Hottie7268's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    I started dancing after I was with my bf, and if we really needed the money that bad he'd probably let me do it again (with some coaxing involved), I just don't want to dance because I have to. I'd rather do it because I like to, which is pretty much why I did it before.
    And honestly, it's not my bf causing the issue. He and I spoke about our situation this weekend and he's dead set on me quitting my job and getting a part time position. He made me take a good look at myself and see what havoc I'm wreaking on my body. I didn't realize how much weight I've lost. AinNY, you saw me when I looked pretty fit and thin. I'm skin and bones right now. None of my clothes have fit me for months. I'm pale and my eyes are sunken in. I lose it mentally over the slightest thing. Last weekend I got angry and kicked a hole in our bathroom wall (which is where I also found some black mold, but that's a whole other can of worms), this weekend I woke up and freaked out again. I shoved the bf into a closet door and broke it, then I tried to commit myself into a psychiatric unit, which is not a place I really want to go but I'm so overwhelmed by these problems that I don't know where to turn.
    I can't ask my parents for help. It's not even a slight option. We don't even really speak much anymore and that's fine by me. Easing up on my school load is a no go too. It's not a school where I can drop classes. It's like beauty school, it's done in hourly courses and I generally work in the clinic when I'm there, which isn't very hard especially where I like what I'm doing. Everyone has said it's a blessing in disguise right now for me, but I just feel like I fucked up. I make decent money at work, but my boss is a mind fucker and all he wants is the money my clients bring in. I'm a cash cow for him. Honestly, the money here isn't worth my sanity. I' just don't want to screw myself financially. The bf says we'll be fine and that I can quit and go on unemployment or take up a part time job and just relax for a few months before I go back to school. I don't know what to do.


    Oh yeah, AinNY (or AinFL.....we need to clarify this one of these days dear), I'm driving down to Florida in about 2 months. No joke. We're going to visit my grandparents for a week, so keep in touch till then and we'll make plans to meet up again.

    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.



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    God/dess AinNY's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hottie7268
    Oh yeah, AinNY (or AinFL.....we need to clarify this one of these days dear), I'm driving down to Florida in about 2 months. No joke. We're going to visit my grandparents for a week, so keep in touch till then and we'll make plans to meet up again.
    Just let me know


    Im sorry about all the shit youre going through....but honestly....the only time i've seen or heard about you being happy is when you werent with your bf....just my thought... why are you back with him anyway?

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    Veteran Member OPEN's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Oh, well ur BF sounds ok, sorry I was guessing in the wrong direction. What is wrong with the "part time job" thing so you can slow down a bit? You sound like a great person who just needs to simplify her life right now. You are right not dancing just because you are in need of the money. Guess I was just hoping to get a chance to help your situation out a bit by being able to come to where u are dancing (since we must be not far away), and spend some serious money on you. (You look cute from the back LOL).
    Well I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    I wish i could actually add something to this, but i have no clue what to say...

    I hope things turn out Hottie, you'll be in my thoughts. I dunno what else to say.

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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hottie7268
    I'm so overwhelmed by these problems that I don't know where to turn.
    Sorry we're not much help but just remember we're pulling for you. Sounds like your boyfriend cares about you, and even though your job sounds stressful, you're obviously an asset there. So you've got some positives going on. Have confidence that things will work out even if the path is a bit different than you first expected. And take time out from your day to do some relaxing things, even small ones, just for you. Be good to yourself, okay?

    -Ev

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hottie7268
    The bf says we'll be fine and that I can quit and go on unemployment or take up a part time job and just relax for a few months before I go back to school. I don't know what to do.
    I would find out the specifics, first. I think that unemployment is only for people who are laid off/fired from their jobs. Not for people who just quit. You may, however, be able to get a note from the doctor for bed rest, etc that you could use for disability benefits...but, you'll really need to look into that.

    That being said, I agree with Evan_Essance...I've never heard of a school putting someone on suspension as a result of an illness and then saying that you have to wait 3 months to go in front of the board to petition to get back in...and it being state law. NOW, You may want to contact some government educational agencies to see where this is coming from and how this is working out like this.

    Sometimes, though, these situations come when we least expect it and most need it. You will be fine...and everything will work out, however you need to take care of yourself. If your day time work is making you sick, then make the necessary plans to leave. Rest up for a little while...leave school be for now...and then dance 1 or 2 days a week.

    The most important factor in all of this is your health. You NEED to take care of yourself first and foremost...everything else is a distant 2nd.

    Lots of hugs,
    VG

  21. #21
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Your situation be okay in the long run. Do NOT wear your body out. I was in the hospital recently (worst week of my life!) and I had plenty of time to think about my life direction while waiting for all the tests to come back. You can resume school. You can get another job. (I'm touched by your loyalty to your boyfriend, seeing as I haven't had any use for one in a long time and maybe never. Tell him he's lucky. Then ask him to help you out. That's what he's there for.)
    Sometimes several things crash together in our lives to turn us in another, better direction. It's painful and scary, but sometimes things won't improve until some things get broken and re-arranged. My favorite astrologer claims there was an "eclipse" occuring when my life was getting mangled. So maybe it's Fate. Maybe it's just bad luck. Listen to your loved ones and friends, they know you.
    Good luck honey. Keep your chin up.

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    Featured Member Hottie7268's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can I get some advice?

    Thank you all so much! I'm still debating on what course of action to take. I'm going to put school on hold for now while I try to fix my situation. I'm 80% sure that I'm going to quit this job within a week or two. I don't care about unemployment either. I'll get a part time job to supplement my bf's income. I just don't want to do the wrong thing and screw myself royally in the end. Thank you everyone for the great advice!

    Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.



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