Results 1 to 15 of 15

Thread: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

  1. #1
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    262
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    Well, you all know about my current situation with the ambiguous relationship (see "Sexually Frustrating a Guy"). Tonight she came to see me at my club. She showed up around 1AM. I gave her a bar tab, talked for a minute, and then she went to socialize while I worked.

    She inadvertently insulted one of the girls she was talking to, someone in our circle of friends. The other girl got mad and made her cry. She came to me, and I calmed her down. She left the club in tears still.

    Then, just 20 minutes after she left, I was walking the floor. I turned around on the dance floor and came face to face with my ex-fiancee. I haven't seen her in 4 years.




    She smiled, screamed, hugged and then kissed me. I hugged her back. I didn't know what to do. I never, ever imagined I'd ever see her again. I just recently made peace with our unresolved issues. Now it's all back in my face.

    The last time I saw her, I was standing in our condo parking lot, having just packed a moving van. I was moving 1,000 miles away. I stood there, holding her, told her I love her, and then left in tears.

    Now this.

    We traded cell phone numbers tonight, because at the very least we need to work out our issues. I don't know what else is supposed to happen. It's odd, since 4 years ago I told her that things happen for a reason, and maybe we might be able to try again later. Now I run into her.

    What am I going to do?

    I am so confused right now. My head is spinning. My chest is pounding. I am going to drink for a little while and then go to bed, if I can even sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a very emotionally draining day.

  2. #2
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    262
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    I'm awake. I've been awake. I got a buzz on some wine and slept for a bit. I'm figuring I'll have to call her some time today. I don't what to say. This is blowing my mind.

  3. #3
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    5,493
    Thanks
    120
    Thanked 50 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    You don't have to do anything but to get your own emotions into order.

    I see you're thirty - lemme tell ya - at 30 - guys "baby bells" start going off and you start wanting to do some "nesting." Look inside yourself - you know it's true cuz you have moved past the challenges of the twenties.

    Choose wisely grasshopper.

  4. #4
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    13,598
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 28 Times in 23 Posts

    Default Re: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    I have to say this: you do not need to be in direct contact with someone to "resolve" issues. You need to be willing to resolve them within yourself...you need to be able to see what the trigger was...deal with the trigger/issue and move on. Just because you have the "main trigger" standing in front of you does not mean that you will be able to resolve your issues.

    Now...that being said...how do you feel about seeing her again? Is there a reluctance to be around her? Is there a "dread" feeling? I know that you said you are confused...however, and this is just MHO, I think it's more of a reluctance to re-connect with this person. No matter how many "issues" we have with someone we love...we are usually not responding to the situation as "what am I going to do now?" I'm not saying that your response to the situation is "bad"...but, in my eyes...that's your instinctual claxon horn going off. Of course...I do not know why you left...and I do not know how she is viewing seeing you...so...

    You do not need to call her right away. I think that you need to work through the issues that seeing her again brought up...think about why you want/need to re-connect with her and then go from there.

    This is your life...you only need to do what is best for you...not for anyone else. Do not ever forget that.

  5. #5
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    262
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    We met in Charlotte, NC at a nightclub. I was in town visiting friends from high school. I hung out with her, then she came down the following weekend to see me. Within 4 months she moved down here and we were living together.

    That lasted 2 years. Over time she became more interested in buying stuff and less interested in me. I got pissed. We were having sex less and less. Eventually I said "let's break up", and she said no. A week later she said she wanted to break up.

    We planned on marrying. I hadn't actually bought a ring but it was time. By SC law, we were already married (commonlaw). I viewed her as my wife and she knew that.

    I was heartbroken. I decided to use the breakup to improve my life instead of fuck it up. I found my dream job and moved to CT to become the best I could be at what I do. I left with a bedroom set, my tools, and some clothes. I let her keep the dog, the cat, and the house full of stuff we owned.

    She dicked me out of some money. She didn't return my calls. I let it go. I no longer care about the money but I feel a need to say some shit to her.

    I do not in any way want to rekindle anything. I felt nothing like that last night. I was mostly in shock when I saw her. I didn't want her but I got the feeling she came back looking for me. That isn't going to deter me from pursuing the other girl (the dancer). I want closure.

    My "baby bells" aren't ringing very hard. I would be just as happy to take care of this ther girl's kid as I would to have my own. But, that sort of thinking is really jumping the gun. There's alot of stuff that has to happen before you become a parent.

    I was chuckling to myself about one thing. She put on a few pounds and I dropped some. I'm looking good. Her butt is bigger. I got hit on 5 times last night before I even talked to her. Hehehehe.

  6. #6
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    262
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    We talked on the phone today. I'm meeting her in a little while to discuss things. She was excited to see me. She said she's shpwering and getting dressed, and would like to meet for dinner. I think she's thinking something way different than I am.

    I just left from seeing the dancer. She knows the whole situation and understands. I reassured her that I'm not going to see my ex for anything other than to settle problems, and that I want her, not my ex. Nothing has changed.

    Wish me luck.

  7. #7
    tampafldancer
    Guest

    Default Re: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    oh god. Dont see your ex... it will only cause problems.

  8. #8
    Featured Member Muyaha's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    los angeles, ca
    Posts
    1,431
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    What??? don't go see your ex... she's an ex for a reason. She might have been maybe ms. right years ago because she was that during that part of your life. Don't go see her, especially if she dicked you out of money and left you high and dry. What is the main reason for wanting to see her? Just curious? or is the sexual desperate fogging your thought process.

    I may have many faults, but being wrong ain't one of them.

  9. #9
    madmaxine
    Guest

    Default Re: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    Glad to see your second post puts your situation in better light.
    Sounds like your ex-fiancee burned some bridges where ever she is now and decided, "Oh, lemme go look up Hef, maybe I can crash with him.." Nobody just shows up for the hell of it.
    Looks like you dodged a bullet four years back...saying that sounds harsh, but consider the alternatives. You're probably way better off being on your own than if you had married this chick. Just wait 'till you hear whatever she has to say about HER past four years, it'll be rich. (PS Reverse the phone bill charges so she can pay for the privilege of whining in your ear.)
    Good luck man. (> Bouncer Afficinado here.)

  10. #10
    God/dess
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    2,352
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    I think your next purchase should be a Defibulator because your heart can't take much more of this . Take it one woman at a time and be very cautious of those who took a piece of your heart in the past .

  11. #11
    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    3,776
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    ^ I agree with every single person above. She is an ex for a reason, and what could you want to resolve? She could just apologize to you on the phone for being such a bitch. Going out to dinner to discuss this stuff just seems like too much personal contact way too soon, even if you do want to be friends with her (which is another ??? aspect).
    Good Luck, cause I'm betting this woman is going to try to reel you in...There's really no reason to hang out with her especially since you have the tenuous love relationship with another girl (Not to say that you SHOULD hang around, but this just smacks of getting your head fucked with.)

    But, who knows? maybe your mind will remain clear all throughout her talking, and you'll be able to forgive, and put your past behind you...and if she turns into a whiner, or a bitch, then it would be kind of a sweet justice since your life is good right now.

  12. #12
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    262
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    I talked to her on the phone today. We decided to meet for dinner tonight. We went to a little Mexican restaurant I know. It was quiet. We were the only customers in there.

    We did the catching up thing before and during the meal. She said she did get engaged but never married.

    After dinner I said what I needed to say. I told her that the way she screwed me (monetarily) was bullshit, and I was embarrassed when I found out how she screwed our landlord over, along with her friends. She replied that she simply fawked up, and she was sorry. She said she'll make things right. I told her to forget about paying me. I'm over it. I did tell her to pay the others.

    I told her that for the past few years I have tried to figure out what I did wrong, and have worked at correcting what I thought was wrong with me. She explained that I never did anything to contribute towards our breakup, that it was all her fault and she was sorry she hurt me. I was a perfect boyfriend and she fawked it up.

    I told her that 5 years ago, when I said I loved her, wanted to marry her, and would always love her, I meant it. And I still love her and always will, but we can't ever be together again. I went on to say that I want the past to stay in the past. We can't even be friends. I would limit it to being civil when we see each other out but that's it. I don't want her calling me.

    She understood. She told me she realized a couple years ago how bad she fawked up and tried to find me to make things right. She was sorry and ashamed of how she treated me. She thought for sure I had been mad at her all this time (which I had) and she understood if I wouldn't forgive her.

    It's been long enough. Staying mad now won't help either one of us. I want to move on, and forgiving her will allow me to. So I forgave her and left on good terms.

    I have such an intense feeling of relief right now. Everything that I felt so fawked up about is just gone. A huge weight is off my shoulders. I feel really good about life.

    I left the restaurant and went to see my other girl. We discussed things, and then I fell asleep. I just woke up and drove home now. Good night.

  13. #13
    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2005
    Location
    California
    Posts
    3,776
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    WOO HOO! GOOOOOOOOOOOO HEEEEEFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!
    I'm proud of you. That's cool that you got the closure, and that you can move on.
    Too bad every break up can't have the closure (though, hopefully sooner than five years).

  14. #14
    madmaxine
    Guest

    Default Re: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    You're a better person than I, Hef. I wouldn't p*ss on fire to put him out if I saw my ex.

  15. #15
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    262
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Jesus, my love life took an unexpected turn

    Just to give y'all an update.


    I haven't heard a peep from my ex since last we spoke. At least she's respecting my request to be left alone. That's cool.

    Things are good with the other girl. Still spending alot of time with her (and her daughter when she has her). I gave her a kickass flower arrangement for Mother's Day, delivered to her work, which was cool because nobody else thought to. We went out to lunch (this was Thursday).

    Tonight we drank a bottle of wine by the fire outside at my buddy's house up the street and let the kids play. All is good.

Similar Threads

  1. Dilemma about love and life
    By kate320 in forum Life Support
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 11-19-2010, 06:16 AM
  2. LOVE LIFE of a STRIPPER...PLEASE HELP!!!
    By missmayes666 in forum Newbie Board
    Replies: 43
    Last Post: 10-07-2010, 06:35 AM
  3. Don't Turn Jesus On!
    By Yekhefah in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 02-22-2008, 07:29 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •