Is it just me or do the weirdos tend to appear all at once?
Tuesday:
The night started pretty uneventfully. It was dead as all hell and the customers who were there didn't seem to be spending money in general. I was approached by a Brazilian fellow around 10pm (my shift starts at 7:30pm). Now in general Brazilians are a pain in the ass. The clubs in Brazil are known for open prostitution etc, so they come here (US) and assume it's the same. Most girls avoid them like the plague as it generally isn't worth the effort. Having to avoid the attempted lickings, bitings and fingerings isn't worth the small amount of cash they're willing to part with. I try to not judge right off the bat however as I do have a couple Brazilian fellows who are actually very pleasant and respectful of the rules. Anyhow this guy approaches me during a stage set and begins the conversation by asking how much I would charge to spend a couple of days with him
Oy.
I explain that the girls in our club don't do that sort of thing, etc, etc, etc. He seemed to understand, tipped me well and left. I got off stage and he approached me again, this time asking for a private dance. I cringed internally but I hadn't done any at that point and figured i've always been good at keeping the grabbiest of guys under control so I agreed. I led him to a booth located in a spot easily visable to the bouncer so if I DID have to get his attention it would be simple to do. I clearly stated the rules:
You CAN NOT touch my breasts, hooch or ass. You CAN touch my arms, legs, back and hair as long as you don't pull it. No licking! No biting! No kissing! He nodded and repeated the rules back to me. I started dancing for him and was pleasantly surprised to find he was sticking to the guidlines. The song ended, I stood up....
WTF!
The guy has his penis in his hand and is shaking it at me! I screamed, "What the hell are you thinking!! You can't do do that!!"
He says, "Oh sorry." Tucked it back away and handed me a 20 while asking if he can come see me again...
Oy vey.
The bouncers tossed him of course.
I shot into the dressing room both mortified and just generally freaked to have had a wanker waved at me like a fucking party favor. I started filling in my friend Cassidy... I said something along the lines of, gee if you're going to take your dick out and wave it around it should be something special. Like have a sparkler jammed in the end of it or have it covered in sequins or something! She added, "Or do magic tricks with it, like that thing where they keep pulling out all of those knotted colorful handkerchiefs..."
Fucking LOL!
Wednesday:
I had some Puerta Rican dude come running up to the stage and insist I only dance with my ass facing him. Not THAT unusual. Ass guys LOVE me. The first words out of his mouth were, "Damn baby, your ass is bangin'!"
I thought to myself, banging on what? I didn't notice wacking it on anything. This set off a case of the giggles which I tried rather unsuccessfully to supress.
He tipped me very well and didn't try and touch at all so no biggie, it's all good. I hop off stage at the end of my set and wander to the DJ booth to grab my drink and then head downstairs to the dressing room. I emerge 10 minutes later to find the same dude standing there waiting for me. He wanted my number, I politely refused but said he could email me through the club's website. At this point his buddy stops by. "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn baby, you's HOT." Yup, sure am, those stage lights are brutal. *giggles again set off*
Now this second fellow tells me he is the other guys brother. They look nothing alike. Nothing. One is tall and pretty good looking, the other short and skeevy.
The conversation then went as follows:
Guy: "Ya, we's twins."
Me: "No kidding, the similarities are striking between you."
*insert bouncer cracking up*
Guy: "We're twins."
Me: "Ya, you mentioned that."
Guy: "We're brothers."
Me: (remain silent, smile, think to self, gee glad he cleared up they're twins AND brothers 'cause I never would have guessed)
Now keep in mind they don't look remotely related but I guess anything is possible.
Me: "So uhhhh... I take it you're fraternal twins?"
Guy: "Ya, fraternal, he's 1 minute older than me."
Dear god he's a liar and a retard. Oh joy.
I had to excuse myself at that point before my head exploded. The whole time our bouncer downstairs is in tears from laughing so hard...




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