Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Sexual abuse and overweight--need suggestions, books, and moral support

  1. #1
    God/dess colleen's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2004
    Location
    South Chicago Suburbs
    Posts
    2,059
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 139 Times in 62 Posts

    Default Sexual abuse and overweight--need suggestions, books, and moral support

    I have been reading about the long-term effects of sexual abuse on women's weight. It got me tinking about the ways in which I frequently blow my many well-intentioned diets. I like to think I have left my past in my past. However, I am beginnng to wonder whether I am still dragging my history around with me in the form of unwanted pounds and poor eating habits that are making me unhappy with my physical appearence, dragging me down from athletic activities in which I like to participate, and also--need I say it--hindering me in my career!

    I read another article about it yesterday, and this morning it all came together when I realzed taht I have been blowing off marathon practice because I am afraid of it! At first I linked forced running in Team in Training to forced running in the Army, but then I realized I was afraid to run BEFORE I joined the Army. And neither one has anything to do with my "To hell with it, I'll diet tomorrow, AS IF it is going to do any good" attitude!

    What I realized is, last year, during training to WALK a half-marathin, I lost about 15 pounds. Maybe more. THis year, I am anticipating running/walking a FULL marathon, 26.2 miles, and probably losing 20 lbs on the way. This woudl put me at my goal weight. THe weight at which I looked my best in all my life, had the most exciting life experiences, had the best (and most) sex, achieved many of my dreams, left my first real love, and lost my fiance.

    I am acting as if changing my weight is going to turn back the clock and make me go through it all again.

    (Just to clear things up, the sexual abuse took place when I was REALLY little, pre-verbal to maybe about 13 or 14, and so has no DIRECT link to the weight I want to achieve. I have had extensive therapy for it. I also have a history of bizarre dieting starting in my childhood, about 6th grade or so. The period of time during which I weighed my goal weight was my mid-to-late 20's when I was in the Army and the few years afterward)

    Ladies, do you have any words of support, advice, or suggestions to get me over this hump? Somebody PLEASE kick me in the ass and remind me that Mommy weight is NOT a sexy look!


    My MySpace Page:


    When you perform... you are out of yourself--larger and more potent, more beautiful. You are for minutes heroic. This is power. This is glory on earth. And it is yours, nightly.

    --Agnes De Mille

  2. #2
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    13,598
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 28 Times in 23 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual abuse and overweight--need suggestions, books, and moral support

    First of all...weight gain can be a few factors. 1) Gaining weight is a "high". Usually when you are eating lots of sugars (or carbs...which convert to sugars) you get a "rush"...your mind also gets foggy and you can "forget" stuff for a while. 2) Being "overweight" can also be seen as the "building of a barrier". Protection, so to speak.

    Just because you went to counseling, does not mean that you have dealt with the abuse. Those issues are so core...that it is hard to really tap them. But, it can be done. The most effective way of dealing with core issues/hurts/pains, etc is to write, write, write. Until you understand FULLY how you have dealt with it, how you have repressed it, and how it is affecting you now...you cannot deal with it. Free-association writing is best done first thing in the morning when you wake up. Just grab some paper and something to write with and just write whatever. Get that stuff out of your mind...onto paper. Shred it, burn it, destroy it however and let it go. You do not need to read what you wrote...you just need to get that part of your mind moving more conciously.

    As for your eating, right now. You need to make a concious choice. You cannot "blame" it on anything but a lack of desire to make a concious life choice. Make it your concious choice to nuture and properly feed your body...and do it every time you eat...and if you want that "cheat" food...make the concious choice that you are going to eat it slowly...enjoy it thoroughly...and not feel bad for enjoying/eating it.

    Life needs to become concious. So many of us walk around never realizing what we are actually thinking. In order to fully deal with the issues in which you find surfacing, you need to be concious of them. Free-association writing helps unlock those closed doors. Dream interpretation also helps, as it's your sub-concious telling your concious mind what is going on...behind those locked doors.

    I do not really have any books that deal with this well...but to help unblock your potential, go buy the Artist's Way...it really helped me tap into my talents and start doing what I loved to do...which in turn helped me to deal with the issues that I found surfacing in my life.

    Find a psychologist who you really trust who can help you tap into those areas. Since you live so close...I have a name and number if you are interested.



    VG

  3. #3
    Pamela
    Guest

    Default Re: Sexual abuse and overweight--need suggestions, books, and moral support

    I lost my thread...Damn

    Hun i had a problem with a break-up, and ate ALOT. I gained weight while on this site still dancing and put up pictures.

    1. Keep a journal. They work wonders, from writing what you wrote that day, to going pee.
    2. i joined an on-line site for others like me, it helped sooo much, the support was great, i left in 4 months as i felt i did not need it anymore.
    3. i started moving again...baby steps. Sweeping the floor or vacuming burns alot of calories!!!!
    4. I accept what happend to me, the break-up should have made fucking headlines.

    And most of all i don't ever forget. don't bury feelings...let them come, and feel them and move beyond them!!!!

    I don't care if you do 8 squats in one day, and 10 sit-ups the next...every baby step helps!!!!

    Sorry i lost my first message to you, but these are small life-style changes that make HUGE changes if you do something small everyday!

    You can do it! What i simply needed was motivation. I went and got it!!

    Pamela

  4. #4
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    27,134
    Thanks
    55,898
    Thanked 26,027 Times in 13,270 Posts
    Blog Entries
    1
    My Mood
    Aggressive

    Default Re: Sexual abuse and overweight--need suggestions, books, and moral support

    I too, have this issue, altho not w/the weight sich. The book that got recommended a lot to me is "Courage to Heal". I don't know author, but it is a widely known book. I didn't know about my sich, until a friend pointed it out to me after an observance w/a family member. Venus is right on, as usual, this is a VERY intense thing that I believe can't be addressed by just a book. Good luck.


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

  5. #5
    Senior Member Tia's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    100
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Sexual abuse and overweight--need suggestions, books, and moral support

    I have had some abuse in the past, and it took me several years to really get over it. Everytime I thought I'd put it behind me, it would come up again, and I'd have to figure it out little by little. Everyone is different, and I don't know what will work for you. These are a few things that I can think of that helped me when I was stuck for progress:

    1) Writing (as mentioned)
    2) Talking... whether it be in meditation, in prayer to whoever you believe in, to a friend, an SO, or someone who has had similar situations. Sometimes when talking things out, I'll say things I hadn't thought of before that might be at the core of what is bothering me or how I can get over it or the person I'm talking to can give me a different perspective to consider. I considered all of their input, even the things I wanted to immediately disregard, and was surprised at how some of it helped.
    3) Tried to understand why it happened
    4) Took steps that made me feel safer (I was taking tae kwon do and aikido for a while, among other things) and might address some of those, or realized that the occurances were based off past events

    I had some issues to work through with subsequent boyfriends, and my latest one was incredibly good to talk with about it; I thought I'd kicked it, and up it comes, while I'm dating the poor guy, and he was so sweet and patient and sympathetic. This one guy helped me out so much more than the others, and I can't even guess why. It might have been because he hurt with me.

    The final hurdle for me was to eventually completely forgive the people who had hurt me; this was the hardest for me to do, but it was what gave me peace over it at the end.

    I did a number of other things, but the key is to do a lot of self-exploration and to really listen to all the thoughts you have (no matter how silly or untrue they may seem). This is the sort of thing where you can get all the advice you could want, but in the end you'll still have to figure it out on your own.

    I'm sorry I can't help more... but I believe you can do it!

Similar Threads

  1. Sexual abuse ?
    By scr333x in forum Life Support
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 07-18-2009, 04:05 PM
  2. Moral Support - I'm a veteran newb
    By Rubydragon in forum Newbie Board
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 12-19-2007, 10:51 PM
  3. Moral Support Issues
    By Apollonia Rose in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 01-10-2007, 08:17 AM
  4. Re: Sexual Abuse (If yes, at what age?)
    By EveOnline in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 01-29-2005, 07:59 AM
  5. speaking of sexual abuse
    By Izzy in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-20-2005, 11:13 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •