I have been reading about the long-term effects of sexual abuse on women's weight. It got me tinking about the ways in which I frequently blow my many well-intentioned diets. I like to think I have left my past in my past. However, I am beginnng to wonder whether I am still dragging my history around with me in the form of unwanted pounds and poor eating habits that are making me unhappy with my physical appearence, dragging me down from athletic activities in which I like to participate, and also--need I say it--hindering me in my career!
I read another article about it yesterday, and this morning it all came together when I realzed taht I have been blowing off marathon practice because I am afraid of it! At first I linked forced running in Team in Training to forced running in the Army, but then I realized I was afraid to run BEFORE I joined the Army. And neither one has anything to do with my "To hell with it, I'll diet tomorrow, AS IF it is going to do any good" attitude!
What I realized is, last year, during training to WALK a half-marathin, I lost about 15 pounds. Maybe more. THis year, I am anticipating running/walking a FULL marathon, 26.2 miles, and probably losing 20 lbs on the way. This woudl put me at my goal weight. THe weight at which I looked my best in all my life, had the most exciting life experiences, had the best (and most) sex, achieved many of my dreams, left my first real love, and lost my fiance.
I am acting as if changing my weight is going to turn back the clock and make me go through it all again.
(Just to clear things up, the sexual abuse took place when I was REALLY little, pre-verbal to maybe about 13 or 14, and so has no DIRECT link to the weight I want to achieve. I have had extensive therapy for it. I also have a history of bizarre dieting starting in my childhood, about 6th grade or so. The period of time during which I weighed my goal weight was my mid-to-late 20's when I was in the Army and the few years afterward)
Ladies, do you have any words of support, advice, or suggestions to get me over this hump? Somebody PLEASE kick me in the ass and remind me that Mommy weight is NOT a sexy look!



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Make it your concious choice to nuture and properly feed your body...and do it every time you eat...and if you want that "cheat" food...make the concious choice that you are going to eat it slowly...enjoy it thoroughly...and not feel bad for enjoying/eating it.


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