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Thread: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

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    Default Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    My GF went back to work after a year off. She only works one night a week - the same night every week. My question is - is there any reason for a dancer to exchange contact info with a customer if she works the same night every week? I only ask because I was under the impression that the onlyl purpose of a dancer (in a relationship) giving out her contact info was to inform regulars when she's going to be in. Or are there other reasons I'm not aware of?

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    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    so, maybe tell her a better way to stay in contact with regulars, and not "invade your time" would be to use email!

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    I don't know either..lol.I don't give out anty personal info, not even e-mail. I do have a man. All my regs know I'm there Thurs-Sat. and if they have any questions whatsoever they just call the club and ask.

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    Quote Originally Posted by tampafldancer
    so, maybe tell her a better way to stay in contact with regulars, and not "invade your time" would be to use email!
    Well that's what confuses me. Why does she need to make and stay in contact with regulars if they know exactly when she's going to be at the club? I am just trying to better understand the benefits behind this.

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    The only people I give my email to are my out of town regulars because I'm not very consistent when I work and they let me know when they're flying in so we can meet up. I only gave my phone number to one out of town client becuase he spends mucho money on me when he flies in- like 800-1000 two to three nights per visit. He also knows not to call unless he's going to be in town. I wouldn't give my phone number out to anyone else because it's too personal and I think it's a little disrespectful to my bf

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    Featured Member Meea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    Customers like to feel special and that's why they want to talk to a dancer during her off days. It won't kill her to call them and it's good for business because it makes customers think she actually likes them

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    Some girls are very comfortable w/ giving out an email or different phone number working for business relations. I knew plenty of girls who gave out an email or extra cell phone number to regulars.
    I would only do it if I knew he came to see me on a regular basis. I had a regular as such..he lived in Palm Springs w/ his wife...and came to Sacramento to do business and would email me just to say hi and some stuff. Nothing too over the top. It was a nice way for him to contact me to tell me when he was coming to the club and to keep in light contact.

    Also, if someone wasnt going to show up ...I might not go in on an unscheduled day to work since he wont be there. Sometimes, I would only go to work on a certain off day when he was to be in town for the reason of personal profit.
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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    Quote Originally Posted by Meea
    Customers like to feel special and that's why they want to talk to a dancer during her off days. It won't kill her to call them and it's good for business because it makes customers think she actually likes them
    Maybe I misunderstood but that sounds like a tactic to lead a customer on. I understand that it might be good for business but is that truly respectful of her BF? Isn't her relationship worth keeping work at work?

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    You haven't said this, but it sounds like you don't want her to contact her customers when she isn't working, right? Did you tell her that? Maybe if you asked her to not call her customers because you feel (XYZ) then she would be more understanding of your feelings.

    If she has a good and legit reason for calling the customers outside of work, she could explain it to you then. I get the impression that you might be suspicious of other behavior going on beyond a work only relationship. The best bet is to get everything out in the open.

    Also, just because you find some guys phone number or business card in her work gear or purse doesn't mean that she actually intends to use it. I have tons of cards and numbers from guys that I know I will never call, but just haven't gotten around to tossing them out.

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    Hmm I have never given out ANY contact info, e-mail, phone #, etc...when either I am in a relationship or not and it has never hurt my money.

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    I have had custys actaully FORCE their number on me. Some have written it down befoer they came to the club and handed me a card, some have followed me around the club with a pen until I relented and wrote it down, and one even left his # on my car! LIke Paris said, jsut b/c she has the number does not mean she intends to use it!


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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    Quote Originally Posted by Meea
    Customers like to feel special and that's why they want to talk to a dancer during her off days. It won't kill her to call them and it's good for business because it makes customers think she actually likes them
    I have reminded someone to call their regular many times.

    Its not necessarily a big deal. Its a little touch to make the custiomer feel like what he has is more "real" than the other guys at the club.

    I have seen huge piles of business cards, numbers on napkins, etc. If it means something, you'll know it, so relax, I'd say.
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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    It's not a big deal as long as you trust her. I have a couple regulars that IM me and we'll chat online. They are harmless, married, and know I have a boyfriend. If someone consistently spends alot of money on me...sometimes I will go to dinner with them.

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    Quote Originally Posted by hyzenthflay
    It's not a big deal as long as you trust her. I have a couple regulars that IM me and we'll chat online. They are harmless, married, and know I have a boyfriend. If someone consistently spends alot of money on me...sometimes I will go to dinner with them.
    Agree!If she has a high tipping customer it's OK to chat outside of the club,he'll keep coming back and maybe tipping even more.Sometimes this comes with the job.They all have thier own lives,so there's probably nothing to worry about.

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    Quote Originally Posted by hyzenthflay
    It's not a big deal as long as you trust her. I have a couple regulars that IM me and we'll chat online. They are harmless, married, and know I have a boyfriend. If someone consistently spends alot of money on me...sometimes I will go to dinner with them.
    Well that seems like a recipe for eventual relationship suicide. Honestly, do you really believe most caring BFs in a committed relationship would have no problems with his GF going out to dinner with other men just because that man spends a lot of money on her while she's dancing nude? This is not a matter of jealously, it's a matter of respect. For the man she's with. She would have to ask herself is the customer's happiness more important than my BF's? Is his money worth more than my relationship? Sometimes a dancer can get so desensitized to what it is they're actually doing that they forget it's not entirely normal behavior. "It's just a job" doesn't quite cut it when the private dances move outside of the club. I'm sure there are a few men who don't mind having their GF's do whatever it is to make money but I'm not one of them. I really don't believe it's healthy for anyone in a committed relationship to take a backseat to a third party because of cash.

    Only my opinion of course.

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    Quote Originally Posted by hyzenthflay
    They are harmless, married, and know I have a boyfriend.
    Actually, there is no such thing as a harmless married man.

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    It's a business relationship that she is nurturing. I don't see anything wrong with what she's doing. Of course you do because you don't get the business, obviously.

    Guys are so confused about this job. She is not chosing a customer over you. For YOU it's sexual. For US it's not. It's a job.

    You obviously cannot be in a relationship with someone that continues to do this unless you begin to understand it. You are her boyfriend and are entitled to her highest level of intimacy, but you are not more important than her financial independence.

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    Are you insecure or just resentful that she can capitalize on the things that you can't? A lot of guys, esp men that make less than us, feel emasculated by the easy money of the biz and the power of our sexuality. In return, they expect that their girlfriends get out of the biz to level the playing field, or worse....guilt her into supporting his mooching ass.


    Quote Originally Posted by BFinTraining
    Actually, there is no such thing as a harmless married man.
    You would never had said that if she was a real estate agent, and her client was married, even though to us, that's exactly the same thing.

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    Sweetie - you know perfectly well that people here are not going to jump on a "she is being disrespectful by trying to keep regulars" wagon. You obviously don't like your girlfriend dancing - you've posted these types of "advice seeking" posts that aren't really seeking advice a few times. If you're not fine with it, I understand that. I wouldn't personally like it myself if my SO was either paying or paid to behave the way that I do. But that IS a matter of jealousy. Nutshell - she does not feel (probably - I base this on my own feelings, which she may or may not share) that it is disrespectful to you, or that these people are remotely threatening to you. She feels that it is part of work - not "leading the customer on" insofar as she is making him believe that he will eventually bag her, but by simply being attentive and making him feel special (my hairstylist trims my bangs for free. When I have bangs). It's customer-service-maintenence. Dancers are in it for the money; ergo, you may safely assume that if a 15 minute phone will help maximize their money they will make it. I mean if a 15 minute phone call would quadruple your salary this week, would you call? Probably, yes. If your boss (who, for our purposes here, is a heterosexual woman) took you to dinner to discuss a raise, would you go? So would she. I appreciate that it seems different to you. But that is the way she is looking at it. Telling her that you are okay with her dancing, but only in such a way as to ensure that she is making the least possible money is not going to go well for either of you. Just make up your mind about whether or not you trust her, and let the girl work.
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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    i am in a committed relationship and no customer's happiness comes before my bf's.

    however.

    he also gives me the space to do my job. he voices in a non-threatening way what does not sit well with him, and he states why. we talk about it like adults and reach a mutual decision. and we stick with our decision. we dont just agree with the other person just appease them.

    i understand that its my responsibility to be honest and open with him, and so i hold my end of the deal by communicating with him whatever he wants to know. he knows that its his responsibility to be honest and open with me, so he lets me know what he expects. he's already told me he is uncomfortable with contact outside the club, so i dont give out personal information.

    to me, it seems like you already have an idea of how things should go but havent told her, or you have told her but in a roundabout way which is a disaster waiting to happen. you two MUST come to an agreement about what she will and will not tolerate, what you will and will not tolerate. if either one of you deviates, all bets are off and everyone is free game. simple. all this pulling your hair out over details is not healthy.

    i don't think that anyone here is trying to say just relax it's all in your head, but now that you know what some dancers will and won't do, you can use that to formulate a compromise when you come to her with your grievances. and all jobs make you force the one you love to take a backseat at one time or another. just a thought.

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    Don't worry about it hun, I'm practically engaged and I give my regulars contact info. (I have a business email) It's really not a big deal. I know girls that even call their custys to call them into the club when they're working. It's strictly business, it lets the custy feel a lil special that you want to kit so he'll keep comming to give you more $$$. So don't sweat your pretty head over analyzing this.
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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    [QUOTE=Emily]Are you insecure or just resentful that she can capitalize on the things that you can't? A lot of guys, esp men that make less than us, feel emasculated by the easy money of the biz and the power of our sexuality. In return, they expect that their girlfriends get out of the biz to level the playing field, or worse....guilt her into supporting his mooching ass.



    QUOTE]

    And a lot of dancers want to make every man feel like a controlling jealous a-hole. It's a bit obvious which side of the fence you land. But really now - are the stereotypes healthy for either side? We hear all about the respect that dancers should recieve - what about the respect for their SO's? It IS tough to date or live or marry someone who does this for a job and any man - or woman -- that tells you otherwise is not simply a jealous insecure dolt.

    As for me, I'm going on two years with my GF and have a very healthy relationship, including visiting clubs with her all over the world so I understand the business and have handled it reasonably well. It's why I come here - to try and get a better perspective to keep me in line. We have discussed our feelings and have adjusted but not without problems, especially when your GF decides to go back to work after a year off. All those problems pop back up again. Not just with customers but with the exhaustion, the withdrawl, the anxiety, the sudden quiet pauses when work is brought up. Yes, it takes a very strong person to deal with that life style but it should be a two way street - don;t you think?

    To understand what your SO might be feeling is part of a normal relationhip - if you;re a car saleman, a politician or a dancer. Now if you say you love total independence to be all that you can be and shout it to the world that you don;t give a s**t what any man thinks, than obviously this thread does not apply to you.

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    I was curious, does your girlfriend support you financially? The reason I ask is because my boyfriend knows that I give my regular customers a quick phone call during the week to make them think I like them. But I'm supporting my boyfriend financially so it's kind of in his best interest to be understanding.

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    Quote Originally Posted by BFinTraining
    And a lot of dancers want to make every man feel like a controlling jealous a-hole. It's a bit obvious which side of the fence you land. But really now - are the stereotypes healthy for either side? We hear all about the respect that dancers should recieve - what about the respect for their SO's? It IS tough to date or live or marry someone who does this for a job and any man - or woman -- that tells you otherwise is not simply a jealous insecure dolt.
    Did you read what I wrote? Are you even reading what you write? Who is stereotyping whom?

    Let me repeat myself (for my own amusment since this is being filtered out by you).

    I said you didn't understand the business....clearly illustrated by your comment that "a lot of dancers want to make every man feel like a controlling asshole." Where are you getting this?

    Actually, don't answer that. I don't need to hear your opinion after you continually ramble about how you get no respect when you don't give it to her. Just think about it to yourself.

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    Default Re: Dancer's with BF's - Why exchange contact info?

    I have a friend who is married and used to dance. She gave out her e-mail and kept in touch with a couple of guys and nothing more. Her husband didn't have a problem with it but he totally trusted her and had no reason not to.

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