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Thread: Stripping for married men?

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    Veteran Member Candy Apple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who's your favorite "type" of custy?

    Quote Originally Posted by bvegan
    I'm not saying there isn't a valid reason for her preference. I'm saying that her statement of this preference supports my theory.

    As for skipping over other posts, I'm reading many but replying only where it relates to my reason for being here on this site, which is the subject of men in relationships going to strip clubs and getting lap sex. Thus, it is what I'm writing about.

    You do see that this woman's preference for married men is in direct opposition to the interests of these men's wives, right? You seem to want to deny the wife/girlfriend any voice in this discussion. I believe this is why you so easily pass off my theory as "fucked up."

    Ok, I have to ask this because I have always been very interested in what's going on in the minds of others. Why do you call it "lap sex"? A lot of dancers barely even touch the man (or woman for that matter). Second, if you are so against exotic dancing and your man doesn't like it either, what's the point of all this? I know if I'm going to protest something, it's going to be something worth while to me, something that directly affects me or my family. You're not doing it for other women, they can speak up for themselves. Lastly, no one is denying the wife/girlfriend their voice. If they have that much of a problem with it, they are welcome to come to the club with their man and get the same unbiased treatment that their man would. That way the woman would know there is nothing to be jealous of.

    By the way, you can send your reply via private message if you so desire. No need in hogging this thread anymore.

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    Default Re: Who's your favorite "type" of custy?

    Quote Originally Posted by DSUsb19
    In response to Bv's posts, I am sure we'll soon hear the thumping of a very well-worn Bible. People have to do what they have to do to survive. If you're surving, good for you. Why come to a site for dancers and customers to put them down?
    Noooo bibles here. I don't believe a God who loved people would send them to burn in hellfire forever. (Thanks to George Carlin who expressed that so well.) I'm a confirmed agnostic.

    And I'm not trying to put you down or change your minds about all this. I'm realistic enough to realize I'm not going to "convert the masses" as one moderator suggested I was doing.

    I wrote what I feel hoping your guy's responses would help me define this issue for myself. I'm not looking for you all to agree with me, just hoping some of you will explain your feelings about it to me in the hope that would help me understand it all. This is a very emotional and confusing issue to most women who are not in the business, myself included. It's something many guys claim freedom to do on the grounds of general social acceptability of it, despite the way so many women feel about it, and women are made to look crazy if we object to their going to a strip club for a bachelor party or with their buddies.

    I'm trying to remove some of the emotion and confusion surrounding it for myself so I can be clear with myself and others including bf about it if it ever comes up. This is an issue that scares me hugely in a "what if" kind of way, and I don't like acting or speaking out of fear. If I know what is going on, how it all happens and how I feel about it, then I will have a clear basis for reasonable argument on the subject.

    If I sounded like I was putting you down, I apologize - that was not my intent. I wrote as I did after reading a great deal of the site and thought I was using language and a tone that would not offend.

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    Default Re: Who's your favorite "type" of custy?

    Quote Originally Posted by gypsy_girlchild
    Most of the time they also say that their wives ALLOW them to come into the club and it's a girl's night at home. I have even met a few of the wives.
    Not every married couple wants to be together 24/7 and the wives let their husbands go to the club.
    That's ok for them, if they are really ok with it. Of course the men may be lying . . . or maybe those wives just don't care that much. Lots of wives get married because they are "supposed to" or to get money. Like I said, after reading some of the descriptions here I'd do almost anything to prevent my guy going into a club like this, but for me intimacy is tied to love very closely, and sharing intimacy with others is destructive to love. This isn't necessarily your problem, but it is an element of the equation.

    Quote Originally Posted by gypsy_girlchild
    In my club we must be fully clothed during a lap dance and they can only touch our legs and back. In another club I work at it is topless with NO touching. In what way is this prostitution?
    I based that on stuff I read here on this site about things women do in lap "dances." Lots of it was way beyond what you wrote here. Also, that was written in answer to a thread asking if people thought stripping was a form of prostitution. I answered honestly because the question was asked, not to offend.

    Quote Originally Posted by gypsy_girlchild
    What are you doing on a site that supports dancers if you don't? I don't think you'll find many sympathizers to your cause.
    As I said, trying to understand so I can deal with this issue better - both in the "what if" sense and if it ever actually comes up.

    Thanks,

    BVegan

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who's your favorite "type" of custy?

    Bv~

    I gotta ask, who cares? If you have trust issues with your guy why are you with him? If you don't thinkl he should be in a stripclub, then i agree with you, he should respect your wishes and stay out, but exactly what do you think you are accomplishing here? Do you actually think your guy doesn't look at other women?

    Look, rant your way to doomsday, rant until the stars burn out and it's not going to change anything. Sure there are strippers out there who provide extras, but even if every stripclub in the world is closed down what do you think would happen? Do you honestly believe that married men wouldn't seek out prostitutes? It has to do with what one person feels she is worth, and with what one person feels his risk is worth. Some guys are stupid, end of story. It's been around forever, and it isn't going away. Telling people they are whores because guys like to look at their tits isn't going to accomplish a whole lot (and i know you didn't come out and say that, but i got the implication from your posts thus far, maybe i'm wrong).

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    Default Re: Who's your favorite "type" of custy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Candy Apple
    Ok, I have to ask this because I have always been very interested in what's going on in the minds of others. Why do you call it "lap sex"? A lot of dancers barely even touch the man (or woman for that matter). Second, if you are so against exotic dancing and your man doesn't like it either, what's the point of all this? I know if I'm going to protest something, it's going to be something worth while to me, something that directly affects me or my family. You're not doing it for other women, they can speak up for themselves. Lastly, no one is denying the wife/girlfriend their voice. If they have that much of a problem with it, they are welcome to come to the club with their man and get the same unbiased treatment that their man would. That way the woman would know there is nothing to be jealous of.

    By the way, you can send your reply via private message if you so desire. No need in hogging this thread anymore.
    Well, I'll keep it short, then maybe lay off for awhile and let it all sink in and start a new thread so it's not off topic, as some have suggested I do, if I still haven't resolved the issue.

    I use the term lap "sex" because of the things I read here on this board about what happen in lap "dances." if my guy was being touched by or touching a naked (or near naked) girl that would, to me, be sex. The stuff I'm talking about that I read about is definitely sex. From grinding to hand jobs to actual penetration. I'm a little relieved to hear it isn't as prevalent as it seemed from what I read.

    And all this definitely is for me. I want to be able to define and clarify my feelings on this for myself, not because it's an ongoing issue in my life, but because it's something I worry about in a "what if" way - and I want to a) stop worrying and b) know clearly how I feel and why if it ever does come up.

    As for going into a club with my guy - I couldn't do that. I don't want him to go there at all, with or without me. I'd go with my friend who is a dancer, but since I would want bf to tell me if he went, I'd have to tell him if I went, and I don't want to put ideas in his head.

    More thought needed.

    Thanks,

    BVegan

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who's your favorite "type" of custy?

    Quote Originally Posted by bvegan
    Well, I'll keep it short, then maybe lay off for awhile and let it all sink in and start a new thread so it's not off topic, as some have suggested I do, if I still haven't resolved the issue.
    Good idea. Do you mind if i participate?

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    Featured Member Muyaha's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who's your favorite "type" of custy?

    the question pops in my mind from reading your posts... Why are you on SW if you do not agree with SC and goings on inside?

    I may have many faults, but being wrong ain't one of them.

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    Veteran Member SthnrnGrl77's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who's your favorite "type" of custy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Muyaha
    the question pops in my mind from reading your posts... Why are you on SW if you do not agree with SC and goings on inside?
    i've been lurking. that's a very good question. i hate the fact they cook and eat dogs over in korea so I don't go there but there's nothing I can ever do to change it. if you (bv) don't like it stay away from clubs, just don't go . but i will say there are alot worse things out there than SC's (for ex. snuff films, kiddie porn, violence toward women/elderly etc.) why not channel some of your energy toward those things than what consenting adults do with their time.

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    Default Re: Who's your favorite "type" of custy?

    Quote Originally Posted by SthnrnGrl77
    i've been lurking. that's a very good question. i hate the fact they cook and eat dogs over in korea so I don't go there but there's nothing I can ever do to change it. if you don't like it stay away. but i will say there are alot worse things out there than SC's (for ex. snuff films, kiddie porn, violence toward women/elderly etc.) why not channel some of your energy toward those things than what consenting adults do with their time.
    somehow I think Muyaha's post was not directed towards you.


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    Veteran Member SthnrnGrl77's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who's your favorite "type" of custy?

    sorry i was responding to bv's posts on the evils of sc's.

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    Default Re: Who's your favorite "type" of custy?

    lol o.i.c.


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    Veteran Member Candy Apple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who's your favorite "type" of custy?

    Quote Originally Posted by bvegan
    The stuff I'm talking about that I read about is definitely sex. From grinding to hand jobs to actual penetration. I'm a little relieved to hear it isn't as prevalent as it seemed from what I read.
    I'm glad you are starting to realize this is not what all entertainers do

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripping for married men?

    The stuff I'm talking about that I read about is definitely sex. From grinding to hand jobs to actual penetration. I'm a little relieved to hear it isn't as prevalent as it seemed from what I read.
    How about reading less about SCs and going to them more?

    That will shatter some of your staggering misconceptions about the industry and the men and women that are part of the SC scene.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

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    Default Re: Stripping for married men?

    Hey BV, I can understand your concern. But it really comes down to edjucating yourself to the real world of the SC. That means going there and after the initial shock - actually talking to some of the girls - find out that they're actually pretty normal people -- watch them sit and rub their feet - watch the smiles come and go - the way they move from man to man - making each feel good for a moment. You'll start to see the real world through the fantasy and hopefully be able to deal with it more rationally.

    I'm a pretty normal guy who rarely visited a SC and by sheer chance I ended up at one one night (i was dragged there) and met a dancer and have been dating her for 1 1/2 years now - and I can tell you - most of your fears are unwarranted. But even though my GF's an incredibly polite and articulate young woman the things I catch my normal friends saying behind her back make me want to punch a few lights out. These comments come from friends who have no idea what a dancer does and what a SC really is. They have heard "stories" from supposedly legit sources that talk of hand jobs and BJs and kissing, etc, and yet they have never set foot in a single SC. So they group all dancers together which INCLUDES my GF. It pisses me off and makes her uncomfortable because of the smiles they give her to her face become sneers when she turns around. Obviously a beautiful woman who shed her clothes for entertainment is a threat to normal females in secure relationships, but many many dancers are in solid relationships themselves. To think one is going to steal your man is a bit overreactive. It's just as likely that you'll be stealing the men you work with from their loving wives.

    check it out, see for yourself.

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    Default Re: Stripping for married men?

    I think I've missed a lot in this thread (and the related one.) However, I'll go ahead and add my two cents anyway.

    Married men go to strip clubs . This activity may or may not constitute a threat to their marriage.

    Please allow me to say that I think it's ridiculous to assert that a run-of-the-mill table or lap dance is "sex." (What would WJ Clinton say? ). Even if the dance involves a little dick-grinding or light petting, I don't think it's possible for "sex" to occur if a guy's joystick stays in his pants. Of course, I can see how such non-sex activities would bother you, I just think you should be realistic about what you consider sex.

    Personally, I am more threatened by a woman who has captured my man's emotions than one who has simply gotten his dick hard. There's generally no real emotion in the SC lapdance encounter. Hence, I don't find it threatening in the least. In fact, I think some married men go to SCs simply for sexual stimulation that has no emotional component. I also think that dancers prefer married men as customers because they are less likely to lose perspective and become emotionally involved in the fantasies we project at work.

    That said, many men do find themselves becoming emotionally involved with dancers. I have known at least two dancers who began dating married customers, and whose affairs eventually led to the breakup of the customer's marriage.

    In other words, it's a very individual thing. Some guys (married or no) go to strip clubs looking for "extras". Some avoid clubs where "extras" are offered. Likewise, some dancers do more than just dance. Many others would never dream of crossing the line between stripping and prostitution.

    Some married men who cherish their wives and their relationships still enjoy stripclubs. So do some married men who feel sexually and/or emotionally unfulfilled.

    Overall, I'd say that a stripclub is probably one of the places where your man is LEAST likely to encounter a person who will become a threat to your relationship. He's much more likely to have an affair with someone he meets at his place of work.

    I'd also say you need to deal with your individual situation, and work out some sort of compromise that makes sense to both of you (again, I missed a lot of your original postings). I do hope you've gained some useful information from this site.

    (Should I direct her to the blue site, guys? )

  16. #16
    Sitri
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    Default Re: Stripping for married men?

    Um, I don't thing she would find a hospitable reception on the blue site.

    As a married man, I can say (as I did in a previous thread) that most married men by and large get....(sit down for this) all of the sex they want at home. This said, even a stable marriage with lots of sex may not emotionally fullfill the man. Some men want more than sex. Just like women, they want to feel young and attractive.

    Ninety nine percent of the time men walk in from work and instead of being greeted like they were missed, they are treated like wayward children who are incompetent or the dumping ground for the day's problems.

    Married men go to clubs to feel like they are desireable, competent, and someone's hero. They go for their fantasy and to dump their dull routine lives outside for a few hours. I was recently in a club and the girl who got my attention from me was the one who came up and complimented me on my eyes and dimples. WOW, I felt great..

    Can you imagine how much business clubs would get if men were greeted like they were at home.... They would be empty...LOL.

    Now there are probably married men who don't get sex at home, and they go for other reasons. My 2 cents.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripping for married men?

    Why isn't creepy-vengeful-lady posting in here?

  18. #18
    God/dess erotictonic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who's your favorite "type" of custy?

    Quote Originally Posted by bvegan
    Noooo bibles here. I don't believe a God who loved people would send them to burn in hellfire forever. (Thanks to George Carlin who expressed that so well.) I'm a confirmed agnostic.

    And I'm not trying to put you down or change your minds about all this. I'm realistic enough to realize I'm not going to "convert the masses" as one moderator suggested I was doing.

    I wrote what I feel hoping your guy's responses would help me define this issue for myself. I'm not looking for you all to agree with me, just hoping some of you will explain your feelings about it to me in the hope that would help me understand it all. This is a very emotional and confusing issue to most women who are not in the business, myself included. It's something many guys claim freedom to do on the grounds of general social acceptability of it, despite the way so many women feel about it, and women are made to look crazy if we object to their going to a strip club for a bachelor party or with their buddies.

    I'm trying to remove some of the emotion and confusion surrounding it for myself so I can be clear with myself and others including bf about it if it ever comes up. This is an issue that scares me hugely in a "what if" kind of way, and I don't like acting or speaking out of fear. If I know what is going on, how it all happens and how I feel about it, then I will have a clear basis for reasonable argument on the subject.

    If I sounded like I was putting you down, I apologize - that was not my intent. I wrote as I did after reading a great deal of the site and thought I was using language and a tone that would not offend.
    You know, this has nothing to do with anything in this thread. It has to do with the fact that anytime anyone here doesn't agree that what you people are doing is right in any way, you immediately jump to calling them a bible thumper or say they are trying to preach or convert people to a certain religion, etc. I am kinda sick of seeing that. Some people base their beliefs on their own rationality, experiences, and logic. Just because they see wrong in what you are doing does not mean they even read the freaking bible. I just wanted to say that.

    Now I don't believe that dancers are the cause of men's cheating, men seek out sc and that environment. But I do not think it is a healthy environment for anyone, dancers or hardcore customers. The environment attracts mentally ill people, and the illness spreads onto others. It devalues women, and it causes them to become sick, or sicker. This is what is wrong with sc. It's basically a co-dependency.

  19. #19
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Stripping for married men?

    Oh, if you only knew I only see dollar signs, and not men, at work...........you'd probably feel a whole lot better...............

    Edit addition: I actually hate married customers because they're cheap with me (mortgage, wife and kids to feed!) and they tend to be abusive....I joked to one, "Hey, you know what they say, come to a strip bar, you might get screwed but you won't get f*cked!" and he got viciously angry. It hit home for him because he put him a situation where he was being teased with something he wanted (no strings sexual gratification) and he wasn't getting it, yet he was PAYING to have that stimuli dangled in front of him!
    Are you or I supposed to be responsible for the above man's poor decision making and spending habits? NO. This is America and it doesn't work like that here.
    I probably come off as one of the more aggressive, "man-hating" dancers on SW, but I don't care. it's a reflection of what I've seen in my whole life, not just as a dancer. JUST as a dancer, I've seen things that both improved my life in terms of goodness and hope, and things that were stomach-turningly awful (violence against women AND men, greed, dishonesty, etc.) But you can find that almost anywhere. This is a tough world.
    My advice, bvegan? Dump your man, do some traveling alone. Get out of your sphere and see how other people live. You'll understand life better.
    Last edited by madmaxine; 05-05-2005 at 11:43 PM.

  20. #20
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripping for married men?

    Be afraid, be very afraid. If you suspect he's the type that would do it, then he probably is already doing it...trust AND communication.......

    BTW, this thread makes no sense, I have NO clue what its about........

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripping for married men?

    I make a large percentage of my income from married men coming in, but so many of them are pathetic. As far as I can tell, it most certainly is a form of sex to them, if not to the women doing the grinding.

    If a guy is getting his dick rubbed, as part of a dry-humping type experience, to the extent of possible ejaculation, it's sex to him. If the woman gets nothing out of it, it's not sex to her. Somewhere in there lurks the truth.

    I don't believe in grinding type lap-dancing, ultimately, for this reason--though this is pretty tame activity compared to what regularly goes on in my club.

    On the other hand, if a woman finds the sight of other women dancing in a provocative manner to be pleasing, and her man exercises a little consideration and restraint, it can be among the most pleasant of pastimes to go together.
    Last edited by Djoser; 05-06-2005 at 12:04 AM.
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  22. #22
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Stripping for married men?

    I agree with Katrine. "It's always the quiet ones..." And women have extra intution about these things.

    I KNOW how you feel. I went from being the scared angry girlfriend who couldn't believe my ex-boyfriend let a stripper sit on his face ("birthday treat" and no, not all dancers do that) to showing my tits and bits to the world. And the crappy part is, there will ALWAYS be a double standard. I dare you to drag your man to a male strip bar and have him watch you get a dance/ do stage horseplay with a man. See how well that one will go over.

    More editorializing: the SC visit is an independent choice a man makes to spend his time and money at a place where he knows there are naked chicks dancing around. He IS responsible for this. Also, did you know most men refuse to patronize this business? (If all men did, I'd be retired by now LOL.....living off of interest on money in the bank...)

    If you feel like your man's SC visits are a problem, take it up with him, it is your right as his partner. On the other hand, you'll be surprised when you visit a strip bar- it really is women and greedy bar staff running the show, not a misogyny-fest.
    (Why all the agony- lady, this is why men die earlier than women and leave their wives the estate and $$$....the payoff...LOL!)
    Last edited by madmaxine; 05-06-2005 at 12:04 AM.

  23. #23
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Stripping for married men?

    Yeah, this thread is confusing. OK, don't dump you man, but kick his butt. LOL.

    I thought bvegan was having man trouble. But that's beside the point. I don't have a lot of patience with anyone, and the wise sex workers of the world learn quite a bit about expediting human interactions, one lesson being: If he's a dumba*s, chuck him in the street, something better will come along. LOL.

  24. #24
    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who's your favorite "type" of custy?

    Quote Originally Posted by erotictonic
    You know, this has nothing to do with anything in this thread. It has to do with the fact that anytime anyone here doesn't agree that what you people are doing is right in any way, you immediately jump to calling them a bible thumper or say they are trying to preach or convert people to a certain religion, etc. I am kinda sick of seeing that. Some people base their beliefs on their own rationality, experiences, and logic. Just because they see wrong in what you are doing does not mean they even read the freaking bible. I just wanted to say that.

    Now I don't believe that dancers are the cause of men's cheating, men seek out sc and that environment. But I do not think it is a healthy environment for anyone, dancers or hardcore customers. The environment attracts mentally ill people, and the illness spreads onto others. It devalues women, and it causes them to become sick, or sicker. This is what is wrong with sc. It's basically a co-dependency.
    This thread is kind of a salad tossed together with off topic posts from other threads. Even a few of mine (from other threads are in here). Creepy-vengeful-lady hasn't actually posted in here at all. They were all moved here from other threads.

  25. #25
    Veteran Member Candy Apple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripping for married men?

    Madcap is right. The strange thing is when I saw the title yesterday it said started by Candy Apple! I was like, I didn't start that! Until I realized what was going on...

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