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Thread: so i just had lunch with a friend..

  1. #26
    Veteran Member Nina's Avatar
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    Default Re: so i just had lunch with a friend..

    Quote Originally Posted by Sergent D
    Ok, you're too hung up on the $ amount of the gift. Of course the $ value is relative to what the person can afford to give. Hey it's possible that the dude has $100M in the bank, meaning this is like pocket change to him.

    The gifts you bought are for real people who are in your life, people who you see as equal. This person, and similar SC customers buy gifts for people who don't let him know their real name, are not equals and are not 'friends.' You may refer to each other as 'friends' but that's not what it is. People who are actual friends are worthy of knowing your name, meeting family, coming over for dinner, etc.

    I'm not saying that a customer/entertainer relationship could not go there someday but I'm sure that is not the norm.
    Well if the amount spent isn't an issue and our only hangup is the fact that he bought her a gift, then I still see it as a perfectly o.k. situation.

    He bought her this because she has obviously done something that has bought him some joy--- or the very act of buying the gift for her bought him joy. While it may be that her work persona and the sc fantasy is the thing that has bought pleasure to this man's life who are we to judge what pleasure should be worth to him?

    None of us know this man's circumstances--he may have just lost a loved one, gotten out of prison, or gotten over a depression. He may be in a state of mind that he just wants to GIVE (and not even necc. monetarily), and it isn't for the rest of the world to decide that he has given too much. IF she has done something that in his mind warrants a $3000 bracelet so be it.

    He may just be after her cookie, (and if he is he offered the gift without specifying that it was a prepayment for her services which means she is under no obligation to give it to him if she doens't want to) but the hope of recieving isn't the only reason people give.

    I've found that when I'm in a suspicious, hording, taking state of mind that they assume that others have the same motives......When I'm relaxed, giving open and generous I expect that others feel the same.

    For the record I've always loved giving presents (I'm very good at it if I do say so myself!)
    I love agonizing over what the perfect gift might be, saving my $$ for it finding the perfect wrapping paper or fabric and accompanying card or poem. But the best is when the person gets the present and smiles because they are happy that someone thought of them-It's even better than when they finally open it and like it.

    Oh BTW I'm one of those people who believes everyone is an equal-- the homeless guy downtown and the owner of my club and I are all the same once this ride is over.
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    "Acceptance is right. Kindness is right. Love is right. I pray, right now, that we're moving into a kinder time when prejudice is overcome by understanding; when narrow-mindedness, and narrow-minded bigotry is overwhelmed by open-hearted empathy; when the pain of judgmentalism is replaced by the purity of love"
    Janet Jackson

  2. #27
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    Default Re: so i just had lunch with a friend..

    OK - I do the OTC friendship thing and am not adverse to giving the odd gift to dancers I know. However, it is a reciprocal thing - I get the odd gift back unprompted. The gifts on either side aren't expensive - just little tokens of affection. Sort of thing that friends do for each other.

    Where I'd be uneasy is if the giving is only in one direction. I know one dancer who had problems from this. The gifts started small, and gradually grew in scale. Eventually the guy said with some emphasis, "I've spent lots of money on you - what are you going to do for me?" He was given fairly explicit directions on where to go, and ever since has been a pain in the ar*e towards this particular dancer.

    Expensive gifts always seem to be a moral dilema for a dancer - on one hand it's difficult to refuse a freely given gift, and on the other the question is what expectations come with the gifts.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: so i just had lunch with a friend..

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W
    Where I'd be uneasy is if the giving is only in one direction. I know one dancer who had problems from this. The gifts started small, and gradually grew in scale. Eventually the guy said with some emphasis, "I've spent lots of money on you - what are you going to do for me?" He was given fairly explicit directions on where to go, and ever since has been a pain in the ar*e towards this particular dancer.

    Phil.
    That is awful for that dancer! But I happen to know a dancer that is great firends with a customer that helps her with bills and was thinking of buying her a car for her birthday.
    There was NO sex involved nor ever will be since she is committed to a lesbian relationship of many years. I don't believe she's even slept with a male.
    This man loves her and her girl friend and thinks of them as his real friends. They go out to dinner, they hang out at the club and he never tries to monopolize her time.
    Some guys are genuinely nice guys that just want someone female to talk to, it's not common in our line of business, BUT kudos to all you men out there!
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



  4. #29
    Veteran Member reesexc's Avatar
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    Default Re: so i just had lunch with a friend..

    The fact that he is a diamond cutter as someone mentioned makes it a bit less "shocking" than your avg. person that would buy that $3000 necklace. It is worth $3000, but who's to say he really paid that much for it..lol. I've had customers give me gifts as well...but the best deal I ever got was from a guy that was hooked on my best friend so everytime he would buy her something he would get me a matching one..lol...that was great

  5. #30
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    Default Re: so i just had lunch with a friend..

    Quote Originally Posted by gypsy_girlchild
    ...But I happen to know a dancer that is great friends with a customer that helps her with bills...There was NO sex involved nor ever will be since she is committed to a lesbian relationship of many years. I don't believe she's even slept with a male...This man loves her and her girl friend and thinks of them as his real friends. They go out to dinner, they hang out at the club and he never tries to monopolize her time.Some guys are genuinely nice guys that just want someone female to talk to, it's not common in our line of business, BUT kudos to all you men out there!
    On a personal level, I've always told women I meet that I do friendships and I do relationships, and that the two are very different. If we end up with the friendship option, then I make it extremely clear that I will behave myself unless and until she changes her mind.

    One of my best friends is a girl called Lisa, (not a dancer). We've been very close for 20 years and just enjoy each other's company. We've always had absolute trust in each other - and that's very hard to find.

    I have to say that my mates, having seen one or two of the girls I've been content just to stay friends with, think I'm nuts.

    Phil.

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