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Thread: An Austin Stripper's Rant

  1. #1
    242_fair
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    Default An Austin Stripper's Rant

    Came across this on another board:
    A stripper's RANTS

    Reply to: [email protected]
    Date: Tue Feb 17 10:01:44 2004


    RANTS:

    1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail already.

    2) Men that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen). Ew! I don't even bother dancing with you nasty fucks anymore.

    3) You with the thick-ass jeans--this was an impromptu visit, eh?

    4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if that felt good. It does NOT FEEL GOOD.

    5) Hey you loser, counting all your bills to me after the dance, all $20 in ones, and rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

    6) No I will not let you just "slip it in real quick" for 50 more bucks. If you're going to proposition me, at least don't insult my worth.

    7) Stop asking me if my tits are real. There are as real as my affection for you.

    If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum from just a lapdance.

    9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

    10) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all your breath stinks, you have a piece of salami stuck to your goat-tee and you look like Jay Leno. Secondly, I don't give a shit.

    11) Don't bitch at me about the $8 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

    12) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

    13) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

    14) Boys, don't sit in the front row with your homeboys and act all engrossed in some deep conversation (knowing damn well you ain't talking 'bout shit) during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you.

    15) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!!

    16) Dumb ass, don't ask me, "so what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance only with guys in dark pants.

    17) STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!!!! That's extra.

    1 SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!

    19) If you don't tip me, I'm going to call your wife.

    20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion before our dance.

    21) Hey cheap-asses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to reruns of "I love Genie" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.

    22) Stop asking me why I do this job and get all analytical on me. For the MONEY you moron, that's why. Duh.

    23) No seriously, my real name is Vixen Blue.

    24) NO, I will not take a dime sac of weed for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you sick mutherfucker!

    25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl with the overbite and the black roots over there by the bar.

    26) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

    27) Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

    2 Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

    29) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. DO. NOT.

    30) I don't care if you're cute and/or Brad Pitt's stunt double. I do not give free lapdances. Cute don't pay the rent.

    31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around a pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

    32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't quite know all the words.

    33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platforms a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

    34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover.

    35) Hey DJ! You suck!

    36) Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking smurf on your ass is lame.

    37) Girls--some songs should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are), Sade, Bjork, or Aaron Carter. PLEASE.

    Thanks for listening.
    Vixen Blue
    ******
    Thought some were really funny...

  2. #2
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    Default Re: An Austin Stripper's Rant

    That's some funny (and dead-on) shit right there.

  3. #3
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: An Austin Stripper's Rant

    So much negativity! Girls, be more serene.......frowning and stewing gives you wrinkles. And remember the saying, "Sucks to be you," when someone gives you a hard time at work.

  4. #4
    Featured Member tampadancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: An Austin Stripper's Rant

    whoa! jesus...

    A little too negative, angry-chick for me.. but I can still relate to her points.

  5. #5
    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
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    Default Re: An Austin Stripper's Rant

    I think they're hilarious! As if we don't all feel like that sometimes.

    Nice to see it in words, made me smile

    Feature costumes for sale!

  6. #6
    Senior Member DesireTime's Avatar
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    Default Re: An Austin Stripper's Rant

    That was fuckin' hilarious.
    And you hunger for the time,
    Time to heal, desire time.
    And your earth moves beneath
    your own dream landscape...

    U2, "A Sort of Homecoming"

  7. #7
    God/dess
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    Default Re: An Austin Stripper's Rant

    I'm pretty sure this was originally a San Francisco stripper's deal from some time ago. See this thread.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: An Austin Stripper's Rant

    I thought it was quite comical, and if guys get lippy with me at work, or any occasion calls for one of these lines, I'll use it

  9. #9
    Featured Member rusdancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: An Austin Stripper's Rant

    That was really funny!

  10. #10
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: An Austin Stripper's Rant

    A little too negative for me...but some of the things were dead-on funny.

    Thanks 242.

  11. #11
    Senior Member LadyM's Avatar
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    Default Re: An Austin Stripper's Rant

    Others to add, aimed at other dancers:

    1) You, the one who bitches non-stop about how slow it is, how bad money sucks now, SHUT UP. You couldn't be bothered to get off your arse and vote in November, therefore you should duct tape your mouth for the next four years.

    2) To the ones who can't make it to work on time and try to sneek out the back before your shift is over--No wonder you don't make any money when you're only on the floor for 2 1/2 hours. Try working a whole shift, you might actually make tip out.

    For the customers:

    1) Hey you who doesn't learn. That dancer has led you on and screwed you over how many times now? Learn your lesson or shut up. I'm not your free therapist. Hell, I'm not even your paid therapist. If you're that dumb, I can't be bothered.

    For the club owners:

    1) If your going to remodel the whole club (stage, bar, bathrooms, carpet, kitchen), just f-ing CLOSE for a couple of days. NO ONE can be sexy with the emergency lights on and the sound of saws and pounding hammers louder than the music. Take the loss for two days rather than fuck up a whole week.

    (and yes, I had a bad week, if you couldn't guess! *lol*)

  12. #12
    Featured Member Amethyst's Avatar
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    Default Re: An Austin Stripper's Rant

    Both sets of lists were hilarious, although one night this week I was one of those bitches guilty of the rants aimed at dancers (I did vote though...).


  13. #13
    Senior Member LadyM's Avatar
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    Default Re: An Austin Stripper's Rant

    *lol* then it wasn't aimed at you! It's for the girls (and hell, guys too!) who bitch and complain about how f-ed the gov't is, how bad the economy is, and what a jackass Bush is but then didn't bother to vote. If you don't do something to solve the problem, don't complain about the consequences! ;-) (and for the record, my 'home' state has been bleeding jobs since 9/11 and it's a HUGE state for both insurance and defence--gods help us if the close the sub base! War is NOT always good for the economy!)

  14. #14
    Member girlinmd's Avatar
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    Default Re: An Austin Stripper's Rant

    that list was sooo funny. yeah i agree, both lists were. i think 1, 5, and 12 did it for me though

  15. #15
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    Default Re: An Austin Stripper's Rant

    Too bad we can't rewrite some of those lines that are directed at the customers in a nicer and professional way, and put them on each table in the club, AND have the DJ read them out randomly during the night. LOL.

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