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Thread: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    “The simple answer to your simple question is ...the dancer is being nice. Your posts give the appearance that your ego is blinding you to what some of the club people really think of you.”

    I persisted with this thread because the answers didn't adequately explain her previous behavior, much less her most recent behavior, [becoming a waitress, talking with me & giving me her email address, unsolicited], and didn't help me with the decision I’m currently contemplating [not getting anymore dances from anyone until I can see what develops with the "waitress" - something which I expect will take months].

    -thanks to those who tried

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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    Jatson, let me ask you a question: What do you suspect is the reason for the puzzling behavior of these dancers?

    You must have formulated some hypotheses by now, no?

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    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    Well, if you are the type of customer that wants to "talk" before you buy dances, that is probably the reason they are avoiding you.
    We are seriously there to make money, many have a quota. I have had to let regualrs go because of the fact that wanted to talk before and in between dances, it go so that the ratio of dances to conversation was not worth the effort.
    You may be a great guy, as many of my regs were, but seriously we can only talk for so long before we need to get some sort of payment. I hope this doesn't sound cruel, because I'm not trying to be.
    Instead of waving the girls over and trying to engage them in conversation, ask for a dance, this way they feel they are getting compensated for their time and you will be getting their attention.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    Gypsy –

    No offense taken - I don’t go into strip clubs to chat up the girls. It’s easy for me to start conversations with the women I meet in my daily life, so I don’t need to get that type of attention in the clubs. I go into the clubs to get sensual dances from young women with killer bodies.

    Nicolina –

    I didn’t want to color anyone’s judgement with my own opinions, but since I’ve had a problem breaking through groupthink and stereotypes, here goes:

    The best hypothesis about Marie’s dancer behavior came from a friend of mine of about the same age. She said that Marie likes me, didn’t want to get too attached to me, but still wanted to keep me interested in her. Marie has said some things that support this hypothesis. But the reasoning for her not wanting to get too attached is unclear. [I never asked her about Ann.]

    The reason I popped up here is b/c I’m in a bit of a quandary over how to proceed:

    1) Marie totally intrigues me, but I’m not smitten & I know that I don’t really know her. After getting her email address, I see a possibility for a future with her if I invest the time and stop getting dances or going into to club, except to see her.

    2) I just found out that Linda came back to the dayshift & it’s likely that there’s still that rivalry thing going on between Linda & Ann. Given Ann’s behavior the last time the two of them were working the same shift, I have the strong impression that I could get either Linda or Ann to see me OTC.

    3) And to top it all off, an old girlfriend has come back into the picture and is sounding me out about getting back together. She’s currently living in another city, so it would take awhile to get back together. I’m tempted to do so, but I think I might prefer to be with Marie, who seems to be more emotionally balanced & better suited for a long-term relationship.

    The big question is ‘Why was Marie acting as she was?’ If there was a boyfriend conflict, then that’s not good. If I did get into a relationship with her, then how could I trust her not to do the same thing with other guys? But a club patron issue would be different.

    I wouldn’t feel right about trying to get into a relationship (even if it’s only ‘friends w/benefits’) with more than one of these women at the same time. So, I need to make a decision about which one to devote my energies towards.

    Now, of course, if Marie was only being nice all this time, then that would certainly simplify the issue, now wouldn’t it?

    -j

  5. #30
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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    jatson, thanks for the reply to my question.

    Here are a few thoughts:
    1) I've never once refused to dance for a customer because I liked him as, shall we say, "more than a customer". I did once date a customer, but we hooked up the same night we met and embarked upon a truly disastrous three-year relationship. I never made that mistake again.

    2) On the rare occasion that I've refused to dance for someone, it is usually because they make me uncomfortable in some way.

    3) If you think Marie likes you, and you'd like to go out with her, you should probably try pursuing that relationship. I can't remember everything you've said has happened between you two, but it sounds as though you will get better answers to your questions about her behavior by using that unsolicited e-mail address she gave you than by posting here on this board.

    4) To give your favored hypothesis the benefit of the doubt, maybe it's true that she does like you but she has a strict policy about not dating guys she meets in the club. If this is the case, there may not be any hope for a relationship with her, even if she does have some fond feelings for you. Over the years, I met several customers who I genuinely liked, but I never violated my policy of not dating customers after I'd extricated myself from that earlier carwreck of a relationship.

    But again, jatson, you won't really know until you ask her.

    -Nic
    Last edited by Nicolina; 05-11-2005 at 04:54 PM.

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    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    Nicolina has given great advice.. Ask the girls what's up (if you can catch them.)
    I've only refused a dance a few times because of another dancer who laid stake to him (and yes they do that.) The only reason I refused is that she had a reputation for causing problems and no amount of money is worth my outfits being ruined or my own rep. defamed.
    You need to find out if they are trying to be polite to eachother, that could be the reason first of all. If not, they will eaither tell you the truth or beat around the bush, which means something IS up and you aren't going to find out any time soon.
    Good luck.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    Gypsy –

    That was the initial reason why Ann wouldn’t dance from me – too much backlash from Linda.

    Nicolina –

    You’ve hit upon my less favored hypothesis – Marie does have a strict non-date policy, so there may be no future in this, regardless. The email address could have been a spur-of-the-moment rash act, which she later regretted. However, she has responded to most of my emails (?)

    I’ve gently tried to broach the subject with her, by talking about my interest in getting to know her better, (both through email & in person), but she remained silent in both cases and I went on to another topic. I guess I’m afraid if I push the subject too hard that I’ll push her away. My instincts say to go slow & gentle.

    But the longer I keep my ex-girlfriend at a distance, the less likelihood I have of getting back with her. And so it goes.

    -Thanks & Adios.

  8. #33
    Featured Member tootsie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    sounds to me as though they've gotten too comfortable with you, i'm that way with a few certain custys. i just feel not right dancing for them anymore.

  9. #34
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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jatson
    Nicolina –

    You’ve hit upon my less favored hypothesis – Marie does have a strict non-date policy, so there may be no future in this, regardless. The email address could have been a spur-of-the-moment rash act, which she later regretted. However, she has responded to most of my emails (?)

    I’ve gently tried to broach the subject with her, by talking about my interest in getting to know her better, (both through email & in person), but she remained silent in both cases and I went on to another topic. I guess I’m afraid if I push the subject too hard that I’ll push her away. My instincts say to go slow & gentle.
    You are wasting your time chasing after Marie. If you are bringing up the subject of a relationship, and she has informed you that she has a strict no-date policy, and has remained silent on your inquiries, it means it isn't going to happen. In the real world, there is no such as a "strict" non-date policy. If she was interested she would bend that rule, or at the very least be going out of her way to keep her options open. In other words, she would be responding to your inquiries with responses that would clearly let you know she wants too, but is in an a quandry. Silence = No in this case.

    While your feelings for Marie may seem very real and intense to you, they are getting the best of you and screwing with your judgement. You can and must walk away from this and take away something that will make your life a little better the next time around. Your sense of self, your happiness, and personal dignity must always come first. If you're going to pour feelings into a relationship, don't throw away your happiness in the process. Don't make your sense of dignity and happiness dependent on what others do, let alone on a woman who you barely know, let alone one that has made it clear she isn't looking for a relationship with you.

    Finally, don't waste your life waiting for something to happen. That's making Marie responsible for your happiness. Nobody wants that burden of being responsible for someone else's happiness, and nobody but you can fill the emptiness anyhow.

    Marie isn't going to happen. Live now. Go make something happen with someone else (I'd suggest outside of the stripclub).

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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    xdamage -

    My last post was unclear -- It was some 18 months ago that she told me about her no-date policy. Now her mindset seems to have changed. Her recent behavior has been "Here's my email address. Write to me." Within a couple weeks or so, I'll know what's up. And if it's "No," then that's fine with me, seriously.

    But this is all beside the point. I was only up here trying to determine possible reasons why I would get affection, but no dances.


    tootsie -

    Thanks for speaking up.
    Last edited by Jatson; 05-13-2005 at 12:54 AM.

  11. #36
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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    jatson

    i'm sorry but we're not mind readers. so the only person that can answer this with any sort of correct answer would be the girls that your talking about..

    your going to hafta break down and ask them what's up?

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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    I did, but they wouldn't tell me. Hence I came to a stripper board, where I might encounter others, who might know & wouldn't mind telling me.

    This long drawn out discussion about dating only came about b/c I sought to show that Marie's affection, at least, seemed genuine - hoping to get an answer to my question (see thread title) that made sense, given the facts of my particular situation.

    Now folks, I really am putting an end to this.

    Adios.

  13. #38
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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    People that come into a bar have to realize this. That I am there for a reason. To sell. Whether it be dances, drinks, or for enough money, me. It is there for sale. There is no time for long extended idle talk.
    People don't go to a car lot just to shoot krap about the weather to the salesman there, why do it to me here? I will be polite, smile, give hugs, shake hands, talk a little bit and then move on.
    Loooking for affection? Yes, that can be had, for the going club price.
    Yeah, its all about the money. I can't pay my bills with just my smile.

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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    Quote Originally Posted by grinew127
    People that come into a bar have to realize this. That I am there for a reason. To sell. Whether it be dances, drinks, or for enough money, me. It is there for sale. There is no time for long extended idle talk.
    People don't go to a car lot just to shoot krap about the weather to the salesman there, why do it to me here? I will be polite, smile, give hugs, shake hands, talk a little bit and then move on.
    Loooking for affection? Yes, that can be had, for the going club price.
    Yeah, its all about the money. I can't pay my bills with just my smile.
    Love it! Such eloquence. I've been reading through all the posts of this thread and it has been interesting.

    Dances or even my company can be refused to whomever I choose, it's part of the luxury of working for myself. I have done it and will do it again.. if I feel like it. Why? There is no why to it, it's simply my choice to make and you can kill yourself trying to figure out the why of it, like the guy who started this thread is doing.
    Just my two cents worth.

    Miss R.

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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    You softies, you...

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    Thumbs down Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    The reality is that like other genders there are strippers that are racists and bigots. I usually stay away from those type of clubs. Maybe you can have a better chance at the local bar, with a down to earth lady.
    And it is a bunch of bologna....they are supposed to be service providers, you pay, they provide. I dont know why they have SO many attitude problems. Its like walking to a Wal Mart and getting no service because you are black or brown!
    It's TOO BAD SHE'LL won't LAST, BUT then again WHO DOES!?

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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    Wtf? Sounds like someone has issues..

  18. #43
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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    Maybe honey...but I know how it feels.....
    It's TOO BAD SHE'LL won't LAST, BUT then again WHO DOES!?

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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    First off, I'm NOT your honey. I don't even know you and if you want to be condescending. Do it elsewhere. I doubt seriously that you "know how it feels" as that is obvious from your previous statements about attitude.

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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jatson
    Much better first post: "Why would a dancer, who refuses to dance for me, give me unsolicited hugs, stares, and pats on my shoulder as she walks by?"

    Can anyone get beyond simplistic answer/non-answers [she likes you/impossible to tell] and explain some possible rationales for her behavior? Something insightful?

    -thanks
    Ha, I do this all the time with certain customers that I want nothing to do with because they are not worth my time.

    If he is blabbery, touchy (and yes, that includes massages. If I want a massage, I'll go to a massage therapist), etc. etc. and does not pay me to sit and listen to him yap (and yap...and yap...and yap)when I could actually be making money, then I will make a mental note of him and AVOID him in the future! If we happen to spot each other, then I will be friendly and cordial, smiley, etc., but that's it. I would not spend a huge chunk of my time sitting with him just to get a couple of dances out of it. It's not worth it.

    I'm thinking that this is exactly what is happening to you. The dancer doesn't want to be mean to you, but DAMN, she is WORKING! She needs to make money--she's not there to socialize or get massages. These "affectionate" gestures are nothing more than ploys to let you down easily.

  21. #46
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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    Regarding the above quotation....."Something insightful"........
    Looking for a Rose Garden? Right this way folks, right this way,
    Yeah, it's sort of nice today, now isn't it? Yeah it's been cloudy every day but today!
    Oh, be careful, try not to take too much of that today. Remember, you gotta get to the meeting at 9 sharp in the morning. Hey, gotta run. Hey, let me give you a hug. Now, don't that just feel so much better? <Kiss, Kiss> See Ya!

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, Let me go over there now. Come and see me now, hear? Bye!

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    Default Re: Affection, but no more dances. Why?

    Funny thing about Poriland4's comparison of dancers to Wal Mart employees......Wal Mart employees are paid a salary to help you, dancers are not. This means, that if you want a "service" provided (as you said), you need to pay for it. We pay to work in clubs, and are indpendent contractors. We are certainly not going to waste the time we paid for to talk to you.

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