Well, out of the blue I decided to see what strip clubs are all about. An annoying habit of mine is I always like to be prepared and do my research before jumping into things, so... here I am.
With just a little bit of browsing around, I've noticed some obvious do's and do-not's:
1. Come clean. Shower, shave, etc.
2. Don't be a jackass, i.e., keep hands to yourself unless otherwise permitted.
3. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
Ok, cool, sounds logical and reasonable.
Now onto the questions...
1. "It's all about the Washingtons?"
I've wisely decided to leave extra cash and all forms of plastic at home, and only bring in what I intend to or am willing to spend. But how much is how much is should I bring?
1a. "I Don't Want to be Arrested for Paying with a 2 Dollar Bill."
What denominations, and in what quantities? Remember, I'm a newbie at this, so...
- What are $1's used for? How about $20's? Will I need the in-between denominations as well? I think I have some $2 bills stashed somewhere, would it be cute to tip stage dancers with them, or is that a no-no?
1b. "And here's a shiny nickel for your trouble!"
I assume I tip everyone that performs me some kind of service. But how much? Whatever's convenient ($4 drink = give the waitress $5, etc.) given change? How about services that have no inherent price tag? (Paying the DJ to play a song I like, etc.)
And let's not forget the dancers. I assume the $1 bills are for tipping them; I guess I'll recieve the answer to this bundled with the above question.
1c. "No, and we don't validate parking, either!"
Is it kosher to ask the waitresses/bar for change?
1d. "I don't want your dirty, dirty money!"
Is having new, crisp bills mandatory? We all know how dirty money is; bills are handled by hundreds of people during their lifetime. Anything from bodily fluids to pathogens, to drugs of all flavors. Yum!
I don't intend to stuff bills up people's asses (nor shove dollar bills down her throat and hit her with a chair), but I understand some special ways of accepting tips involve the mouth?
2. "Quit yo' jibba jabba!"
Dancers, you know just as well as I do that men lose 50-100 IQ points in your presence. So forgive me if I'm having trouble discussing politics, world events, microbiology, American literature, cats, cryptology, or perhaps forming coherent sentences. I may really be trying!
2a. I understand the girls, in theory, are supposed to let me choose the direction of the conversation, correct? Well in case i'm not entirely too talkative, will the girls generally try to strike up conversation?
Let's say there's awkward silence, presumably awkward for both of us. Should I try to get something out, possibly sounding like an idiot in the process, or wait for her to initiate conversation?
2b. To the best of my ability, I'll always retain enough decency not to *perfrom grab ass* or make excessively dirty (and and unfunny) comments, unless she gives me the go-ahead.
Unfortunately, me sitting there slack-jawed, gawking, drooling (not literally), or mumbling unintelligibly is all too possible. In short, it's possible that I'm going to be a pervert at a strip club. Go figure.
Is this bad? Will I get slapped, or giggled at, or rolls eyes'd, or talked about in the dressing roomed? Or is this just another part of the job?
2c. It's a simple fact that a stripper will never have sex or go out on a date, or whatever.
Is it not OK to hit on the dancers? In an entirely playful sense, entirely expecting "No" for an answer.
FYI, "Hey, wanna give me your number?" or "Hey, wanna go out?" or "Wanna run to Vegas and get married?" with a smile is very different from "Wanna suck my cock, bitch!" or *grabs ass*.
Is this cool, or don't even bother? I mean, even if she doesn't catch the joke, what's the worst that can happen? (I'm only asking for a phone number, etc. after all.)
2d. As an extra layer of protection intended to further differentiate the fantasy from the reality, would it be wrong to lie when she asks about me? A subtle misdirection with the purpose of reminding me This Isn't Real is indistinguisable from the truth. Or should I rather slightly obviously embellish? "I'm a porn star."
Delivered, of course, without seriousness - she'd obviously know I was kidding.
3. Howstuffworks.com/stripping
If only...
Anyway on to dancing lessons!
3a. I'm making some major assumptions, for you to correct if they're wrong. It's to my understanding that most clubs have a "stage", often home of the infamous pole. I tip stage dancers with the $1 bills, correct? Do I tip the ones I like? Or tip all the ones dancing for me, and give the ones I like a little extra? How often are these little tips handed out? Per song?
Sitting in the front row and not tipping is probably a big faux pas. What about sitting in the corner and not tipping. Would that make me a freeloader?
What, generally, is the level of interaction in these dances?
3b. Given that there's a whole forum dedicated to tactics on selling these, I'm guessing a major part of The Strip Club Experience is "private dancing", or "lap dancing", whatever.
It's pretty self explanatory, but this IS when the a girl dances for me, right? I know what constitutes or is involved in lap dances varies from state to state, club to club, girl to girl. But the definition is essentially, 1 on 1, correct?
- Now does she come to my table, or does she take me to a private room? Or are these themselves on different tiers?
- These are the ones that cost around $10 - $30, right? And they last per song? Should I buy a set, and tip after the set?
- Do I solicit a private dance from a girl, or will she proposition me? Or, like most things, do we meet somewhere midway, Two to Tango? Should I drop hints that I'm interested? Will she break the ice if I can't?
- As I understand it, this is the majority of a dancer's income. If it's a slow night, am I more likely to get offers from multiple girls?
- In that situation, how do I say no?I'm only partially serious... it's hard enough when you're clothed!
But really, are there any tips on how to get the girl I like while keeping my horizons broad?
- Speaking of The Girl I Like, I should (especially as a newbie) spread my attention around before locking onto one "favorite", yes? Even then, I shouldn't focus exclusively on her, no? I'm 99% sure this is the way to go, looking for affirmation.
Now, any tips on "sampling"? Yes, I can buy dances from all of them, but what's a quicker and cheaper to "sample" early on? I mean, the hottest girl might not give the best dances.
3c. In some areas, certain kinds of touching are against the rules.
Now why the hell would I want to report a girl that's breaking the rules?(Assuming girlfriend doesn't find out.)
4. Clothes make the man?
So you'll be wearing (almost) nothing; what do I wear?
I know to avoid rough clothing with hard protrusions, anything that might cause chaffing, etc. What else?
- Buttons: not OK?
- Jeans: too rough?
- T-Shirts: Cool? (there is no dress code) Might look wierd with a t-shirt if I'm wearing nice pants, though.
- More tips?
FYI, as a freshly digenarian student working in tech, my wardrobe is rather... limited. It's all either casual "jeans + t-shirt" stuff, or much nicer stuff for interviews or formal stuff (some of that stuff is a bitch to get cleaned, and has buttons anyway, which is why I'm hesitant).
In doubt, which side should I err on? Dress up or dress down? (With priority on observing comfort rules, of course.)
Now comfort for both parties is paramount, but will my dress significantly affect how dancers treat me?
5. Misc
- Finding a club... SCL and SCJ reviews have been helpful so far. Any other (local) sources of information, besides my friends?
- It'll be fun to bring some friends a long. (That is encouraged, isn't it?) Are large groups preferred? Small groups? Solo?
- I'm looking at clubs in the Kansas area, because I have some friends there. There seems to be a lot more variety in Dallas, but I'll have to go alone. And I hear the laws are more strict, especially in Wichita?
- Do places usually have special events, weekly or otherwise? What's a good day to visit?
- I hate to start shit, or get involved in it, and I rarely do. But a character fault of mine is the inability to "let it go" when dealing with jackasses. Even worse are assholes in places of authority, since I'm inclined to treat them like any other idiot. Getting into fights with management or security would be a Bad Thing™, which I'd like to avoid. Hopefully the presence of hot half-naked girls will mellow me out?
Meh, worst case scenario, I give them the finger, tell them to fuck off, and leave and never come back.
- How long should I stay? How short should I stay? How long is a typical visit? Now, a lot of that is up to my discretion, but are there "unwritten rules" regarding length of visit?
- I can't bring cats in, can I?
Okay, that's all I have for now; I'm sure I'll be back with more later. Thanks for your help.![]()


), but I understand some special ways of accepting tips involve the mouth?
(Assuming girlfriend doesn't find out.)
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