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Thread: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    Sooo--this guy doesn't know I'm a dancer; I planned on telling him in a few weeks, no biggie, just didn't feel like doing it until then. But he stood me up last night, and I'm trying not to get on my superior stripper pedastel, but wtf?
    we're just dating...and what guy would screw with the good sex, and relationship-lite fun of dating moi?
    He called four and a half hours after we were supposed to have dinner, and said he'd run into a friend, forgotten, and had started drinking.
    Now-I'm only willing to give the guy another shot because he's never done anything remotely like this, but even if he was just a platonic friend, I'd be pissed off at the disregard for plans.
    Also- it always seem like guys pull this shit...I haven't stood anyone up since high school, or probably even Junior High, but I have had at least three different guys in my dating history pull this. It wouldn't have been a problem if he'd called (since it's just casual dating, I'm serious about that--I would have just made other plans, like I ended up doing 1.5 hours after our date time) but I can't get that he "forgot"

    Is he really that stupid or am I not as sexy anymore? (Keep in mind, my shrewish tone at the moment is only relegated to situations like now...most times I'm very chill and flexible with whatever comes up)

    Guys and Girls out there...previous experiences? Am I losing my touch? Is that sexy stuff in our dating relationship fizzled out if the date slipped out of his mind until four hours later?

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    How old is this guy???Older guys don't do stupid stuff like this.That is just rude and inconsiderate.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

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    Veteran Member Santos's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    He stood you up, he's an ass. I don't believe the "I got drunk and forgot excuse"; I don't forget things even when I've been drinking. But it's moot anyway. He disrespected you in a big way. That type of action doesn't deserve a 2nd chance. I would never give someone who stood me up a second chance (assuming they weren't caught up in some type of emergency; and then a phone call is in order).

    IMO, this chump will continue to disrepect you if you give him another chance.

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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    Honestly....no guy in their right mind would stand up a hot chic..thats just retarded. Who the F does that? "Drunk and forgot" seems like a lame excuse to me.....sorry but Ive been burned too many times for BS.

    Tell him to F off next time he calls.....or if you wanna be evil like me: set up a date and dont show..maybe hell feel like you did when he didnt call?
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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    Yeah, I agree. I had one bow out of a date once, he did call at least, but nonetheless. I gave him another chance and it wasn't worth it, so I didn't see him anymore. I wouldn't give ANYone another chance who didn't even have the courtesy to call so you could make other plans. I agree he'll continue to be careless of your feelings if you keep seeing him.

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    so- here's some other details:
    he's 21--younger than me
    hasn't fucked up yet and has always been flexible and as understanding of me and my plans as I have for him and his plans
    has apologized by phone, person, and email

    I, too, have low to zero tolerance for this shit anymore--but I'm willing to give him a second chance since my emotions (aka LUUUUV) isn't related to it. But he'll have to jump through some serious fucking hoops.

    I'd love to hear others opinions. I agree with everyone above, but am holding final judgement in reserve. Any hoop jumping suggestions?

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    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    Give him one more chance.Only ONE more.That's all.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




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    Veteran Member Nina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    Drop his ass..... when a guy really wants you, esp. in the beginning, he's on his very best behaviour. If dude has screwed up this early on then he will screw up even worse later down the road.......Now being the ubersexxy chick that you are I'm sure you know you are too good for this kinda nonsense right?

    You aren't losing your touch--he's just a guy that happens not to be head ove heels for you. And please don't fall int o the common mistake of trying to make him like you more....WE all know where that one will lead you to right?
    Sexy, Swarovski Stripper jewelry, OOAK, and DIY clothing


    "Acceptance is right. Kindness is right. Love is right. I pray, right now, that we're moving into a kinder time when prejudice is overcome by understanding; when narrow-mindedness, and narrow-minded bigotry is overwhelmed by open-hearted empathy; when the pain of judgmentalism is replaced by the purity of love"
    Janet Jackson

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    God/dess A_Guy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    Quote Originally Posted by Nina
    Drop his ass..... when a guy really wants you, esp. in the beginning, he's on his very best behaviour. If dude has screwed up this early on then he will screw up even worse later down the road.......Now being the ubersexxy chick that you are I'm sure you know you are too good for this kinda nonsense right?
    Nina's dead on... guy or girl, in the beginning of a relationship - serious or otherwise - we're all on our best behavior. And if his best is "forgetting" about a date with a uber-sexy stripper chick, then he isn't worth the energy... even if it's just a casual relationship.

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    Featured Member WiseGuy_TX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    Well, i guess i'm somewhat on the other side of the fence on this. If you cant handle this kind of little faux pau (screw up) then forget about any kind of real relationship down the road. But everyone is different concerning what is unacceptable and what is little to me may be big to them. At least let him know how you feel and see if he is drifting away. You already said he has somewhat proven himself when he "always been flexible and as understanding of me and my plans" which i assume means you have done a faux pau yourself.

    ....P.S. my girlfriend does this to me all the time, i expect it as its part of her wonderful nonsense i've learned to accept. Its a small issue to me. Had i thrown her away the first time she did it, i would have never had a chance to enjoy the other more important things we share.
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

  11. #11
    IACali
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    mmm, yeah, what wise guy said. I'm actually a huge flake, and my closest and longest lasting friends, fuck buddies, and even serious romances, have been with people who "got" this about me, and decided that it was worth it to them. Some even *gasp* love me because of my flaky quirk, and not simply in spite of it.

    I would never expect someone to maintain a relationship with me if it was a dealbreaker for them. It just means that we're not right together. That's fine.

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    Veteran Member DJ_Duane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    Quote Originally Posted by fancygirl
    Also- it always seem like guys pull this shit...I haven't stood anyone up since high school, or probably even Junior High, but I have had at least three different guys in my dating history pull this. It wouldn't have been a problem if he'd called (since it's just casual dating, I'm serious about that--I would have just made other plans, like I ended up doing 1.5 hours after our date time) but I can't get that he "forgot"
    From my experience, women do it just as much as men do. Perhaps more so.

    I had a date with this girl a few months ago and when it was time for us to meet, she didnt show. No call. No email. Nothing.

    I called her that night and got no answer. Emailed her with no reply for THREE DAYS!!! She told me that she ran into her friends and all decided to go clubbing together.

    Apparently, I wasnt high enough on her list of people she gave a shit about to even deign to give me a call and cancel. Nope. All the while I was wondering if she was okay or if I had done something to piss her off.

    Yeah, it sucks when you get stood-up. I've been on the receiving end of it, but never - ever - did it to anyone else.

    People do it because most people dont care about anyone but themselves.

  13. #13
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    Bad way to start off a relationship of any kind if you ask me. First impressions mean alot to people. Why even bother getting in deeper with this guy? Let it go. Too many other men to have!!!

    And yes, DJ_Duane, i have gf's who play this shit just because they ARE PLAYERS....It sucks to see it.

    Pamela

  14. #14
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    I'm inclined to agree with the "dump his ass" crowd. Basic civility is very important; you have a right to expect it from strangers and demand it from intimates and friends. Whether you're hot or not, if I've put you in my calendar to meet at such-and-such a time, I'll be there.

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    Featured Member Crystal_eyes's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    Doesn't matter if he's old or young ( my ex who was 40 was doing this to me ) I think it's really disrespectful and I wouldn't take this shit anymore. I had too many headache already because my ex was doing that to me not in the begining of the relationship.

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    Update: I haven't had any similar faux pas because I've always called to cancel, and even then--it doesn't happen often. He's in the dog house and he's approached me enough to communicate that he was an idiot, that he felt really guilty; but I also found out that he hadn't forgotten--he just hadn't wanted to ride down the beach to pick up a phone signal.
    SO- he's in the dog house--I'm finishing up some school stuff so he can stay there. We still have fun conversations, but he hasn't gotten any sex or even any kisses, and he's not going to until he earns it. I've made this clear, so if he comes up with something, cool-- if not, I'll be moving on in a couple weeks. For right now, I'm just satisfied that he knows he really has to work hard to impress me if he wants to get anywhere near the level of intimacy we were at before.
    But- though I do agree with the lack of respect, I do think that he didn't realize what a huge mistake it was going to be, but that I should give him a second chance to make it up to me (i.e. not just a second chance in the normal terms of allowing him to think that it's okay if he screws up again.)

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    Featured Member discretedancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    give him 1 more chance...but that's it. After that, make him your "damn I'm horny" last minute fuck and make it tough for him (like call him right before he goes out with friends and invite him over for a quickie)...

    torture him with sex...keep him if the sex is good.

    IF HE SCREWS UP AGAIN, THERE IS NOTHING THERE BUT SEX

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    We still have fun conversations, but he hasn't gotten any sex or even any kisses, and he's not going to until he earns it. I've made this clear, so if he comes up with something, cool-- if not, I'll be moving on in a couple weeks. For right now, I'm just satisfied that he knows he really has to work hard to impress me if he wants to get anywhere near the level of intimacy we were at before.
    I empathize with your situation, and sure, it's inconsiderate to stand you up, whether it was intentional or inadvertent. That said, you seem to also be afflicted with Golden Pussy Syndrome--that's never attractive, and perhaps you need to be disabused of the idea.

    On the other side, it's great to know you're especially infallible, particularly as it pertains to relationships.

    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    Here's a somewhat long explanation about my background and my current situation, because being labelled as having "Golden Pussy Syndrome" makes me sound as if I shouldn't be exacting about who I'm taking on as a lover, and how they should act towards me (and since I act with absolute respect towards my lovers, I expect the same level of it):

    While I'm unclear on the exact gist of the Golden Pussy Syndrome, I think I have the definition of it. I can agree that I have a tinge of that (I mean, look at the title for this post) but think of it this way: Knowing that I'm worth more as a lover and friend (I'd get as pissed off if a platonic friend had done this to me) than being stood up, does not mean that I'm overestimating myself. It just means that I'm unwilling to be devalued. Now- since I'm talking in money terms, I want to clarify that this is more related to my past and knowing that I deserve a good guy who will treat me well, rather than being a stripper.
    I was screwed over by two serious boyfriends who I would have (and did) do anything for. While I didn't have low self-esteem, I didn't have the "bitch, you gotta work for it" attitude that I have now. So-- in experimenting with dating again (sworn of bf's for a few years, and while I've had lovers, the last dumbass bf that I was speaking about was a year and a half ago) I've taken on an empowering attitude of "impress me"--because I know there's guys out there who will, and I give back just as much once I am impressed; I just had the bad luck to choose some losers. But then, self-reflexively, I had to decide whether or not I was choosing them because I wanted to date losers. Therefore I swung to the other side of the pendulum and started to make the guys work for it.

    So-- it may seem that I have to be "disabused of the idea" but it's been working so far-- I've found a great guy, and he fucked up. I am in no way "infallible" especially or otherwise, but I also haven't fucked up because like A_Guy and a couple other people noted, we've only dated a little while...and I watch those easy p's and q's (like calling to cancel). I probably will fuck up, but I doubt it will be in such an obviously avoidable way-- to me, this was a big deal because of what he did, but also because I had to ask myself if giving him a second chance was a weakness of mine to see a red flag that I'd ignored in the past.
    And to address a second part of the Golden Pussy Syndrome--according to what I think it is since I'm not working off a solid definition, I haven't held sex over his head like a carrot, or believed that I was superior to him. I am, however, holding sex over his head like a carrot NOW because while I have forgiven him and stopped being angry, he still needs to know that reparations of some type have to be made (a nice dinner, and some sucking up, yes, but I'm not demanding expensive jewelry or anything). And if I just fell back into the level of intimacy we were at before, I would doubt myself and would wonder if he really understood how much his lack of thought affected me.

    It may seem too much thought to put into such a "casual" relationship, but I'm trying to get a hang of this casual thing, so I have to go slowly. In the past, I've tended to fall into relationships and get serious fast, and with the past few lovers I've had to practice that sort of romantic/emotional detachment. I will eventually have a BF, but at this point in my life I'd like to have this casual set-up that either one of us is free to end at any time with little residual sadness.

    But- since I only take on one lover at a time (like I said, I don't have much practice at FULL emotional detachment, plus with all the STDs out there, I like to have each of us tested before going without a condom--having several partners would negate that) he needs to be worthy of that position too, even if he's not a BF.
    Last edited by fancygirl; 06-05-2005 at 07:05 PM.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    I stood someone up once. I didn't 'forget' about her, and i didn't call to cancel (as i fully expected to be going out with her)...

    BUT... believe me, i'd rather have spent three days in the bowels of hell than three days in CITY JAIL!

    The fucked up part of it was that when i finally got someone on the horn, i had to have my UNCLE call her and let her know what happened, and this was like 24 hours after we were supposed to go out. Natch, she thought it was all bullshit. I showed up once i got out with some documentation to let her know it wasn't a bunch of spoonfed-crap, but nothing came of the whole deal anyway. A three day stay in the gangsta-hilton isn't the best way to kick off a new relationship...

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    While I'm unclear on the exact gist of the Golden Pussy Syndrome, I think I have the definition of it.
    Golden Pussy Syndrome (GPS) is a serious condition that afflicts women of all walks of life and all manner of comeliness, but it's particularly severe amongst women that are unusually attractive (strippers and models, for example). What commonly occurs in cases of GPS is that a woman comes to believe through interaction with AFCs (or in the case of strippers, clueless PLs/RILs, which are even worse), that her pussy is indeed made of gold and unique as a result, and that she has exclusive rights to the distribution and use of said singular pussy and that any man would be blessed were he granted entry to her pussy, since there cannot possibly be an equivalent. This condition is then aggravated by men who are seemingly unaware that in reality, there is no shortage of available and qualified pussy--with the exception of perhaps prison and certain rural areas, there is a veritable bounty of beautiful women in this country, some obviously more desirable than others, but there's certainly a prodigious plethora of positively pulchritudinous pussy available nonetheless.

    So-- it may seem that I have to be "disabused of the idea" but it's been working so far-- I've found a great guy, and he fucked up.
    Hehe...that's because he's young and probably an AFC or PL/RIL to boot who fell bass ackwards into meeting an otherwise wonderful woman such as yourself, and now he doesn't know what he's supposed to do with you. Hey, we've all been there, seriously...

    Certainly, I don't begrudge you or anyone of either gender the right to demand respect and consideration in a relationship, be it casual or serious. Your response to the situation--one that's casual and fluid, by your own admission--just seemed a bit severe of an indictment for a singular offense.

    Moreover, it's not just you that suffers from GPS--lots of women do, strippers and civilian girls alike. The reason it's easy to become susceptible to GPS is that too many guys suffer from Oneitis, as in, there can be only one woman that could possibly satisfy them. The cure for Oneitis is commonly known by the unwieldy acronym, GFTOW (Go Fuck Ten Other Women). If more guys were immune to GPS, women would not develop the debilitating and delusional condition nearly as often.

    Remember guys, only you can prevent GPS.

    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

  22. #22
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    yea.. dont use sex as a tool to punish a guy. If he pisses you off get rid of him, otherwise don't play silly games. He will get the wrong idea about you.

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    no- in my mind I'm not playing a game because that would involve making him read my mind. I've been very explicit about how angry I was, and now how he had to make it up to me. It's not going to be held over his head for long (we've both been busy so I know otherwise this would have been finished this past weekend) but I do want him to put in some time and effort to realizing how good he had it (and this isn't GPS because I'm talking about all parts of our relationship and not just good sex). A fancy dinner is a cool apology--and he's already asked me out for this Friday, so that's fine.
    I think we're both treating it as a game. Initially we were both upset (me angry, him guilty) but now that I've forgiven, we tease back and forth about it and about what he's going to have to do to get back in my good graces.
    Casual Observer noted: "that she has exclusive rights to the distribution and use of said singular pussy and that any man would be blessed were he granted entry to her pussy, since there cannot possibly be an equivalent."

    I agree with most of that--
    Every woman DOES have the exclusive rights to the distribution of her coochie and how she uses it--DUH. Who's supposed to have that right otherwise? And I think every person should value their sexual energy enough to think that anyone would be lucky to have sex with them...not in a superior, you're not worthy sense, but a "damn, let me show YOU my best moves and show you how good it can be."
    Finally--I know that there's better, more flexible, better adjectives, pussy out there--but I do know that I'm proud of mine, and any sexual partner of mine has to treat ALL of me, first and foremost, with respect and consideration before he even thinks that he gets to have the benefits of all of me (and the coochie is only one of those benefits, and might not even be the most important one.)

  24. #24
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    I get stood up all the time. The funny part is I always look at my watch & think, Great, now I can go do something by myself. I don't have to hang around this loser who just stood me up. LOL

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Who in their F'in right mind would stand up a stripper?

    Every woman DOES have the exclusive rights to the distribution of her coochie and how she uses it--DUH. Who's supposed to have that right otherwise?
    Reread what I wrote:

    What commonly occurs in cases of GPS is that a woman comes to believe through interaction with AFCs (or in the case of strippers, clueless PLs/RILs, which are even worse), that her pussy is indeed made of gold and unique as a result, and that she has exclusive rights to the distribution and use of said singular pussy and that any man would be blessed were he granted entry to her pussy, since there cannot possibly be an equivalent. (emphasis mine)
    Obviously, you choose who you're sexual with and what behavior is respectful and acceptable--that wasn't ever in dispute. But you don't have the only pussy on the planet so don't let people think you do; it unduly reflects poorly on you. Too many women think that they alone have the monopoly on sex--because the behavior of too many men has created that condition.

    I'm not here to beat you up, but let's not misconstrue or misrepresent what I wrote.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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