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Thread: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

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    Member SashaThumper's Avatar
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    Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    Hi everyone... I was just wondering if I could have some advice or perhaps see what ya'll think about this: I've been with my current boyfriend off and on (mainly on) for the last five years. I'm 23 and he just turned 24. Last week he started acting funny, not wanting me to stay with him, not wanting to talk to me when I called him, etc. He said he'd heard I was still talking to this guy I was with while we were broken up (the guy is in jail now and I haven't talked to him since my man and I got back together). He said one of my friends told him that. Anyway, so I got my belongings and went to stay at my aunt's house. Well a few days go by and he finally wants to talk. He's apologetic and very needy. So I go back. When doing his laundry one day, I was emptying his pockets and find a girl's phone number. I confront him, nicely, (cuz he flies off the handle over the smallest things) and asked him where it came from. He said it belonged to his roommate, who happens to be 16 and gets tons of calls from girls.. I said ok and tried to let it go... well a couple of days later the phone rings and he answers it. The person on the other line was obviously trying to carry on a conversation and my man just repeated "he's not here" then walked into another room, where I heard only silence and then I heard him hang up the phone.... hmm... well later that night he goes next door to borrow a movie for us to watch and the phone rings.. I see on the caller ID that the # is the same # I found in his pocket, so out of curiosity I answered the phone. The girl asked for my boyfriend.. so we proceed to have a conversation about how she knew him... she said she met him at her work, McDonald's, and that he'd asked for her number. She's only 16. She said he initially told her he was 19, but when she came to his house later (???!!!) he told her the truth; he was about to turn 24 in a couple of days. She said they hadn't slept together but she'd been to his house a few times. She even knew about the flowers I'd sent him for his Bday.... She said he told her I was his psycho ex-girlfriend, and she didn't know we were together still.. She also said that she'd talked to him earlier that day, but he said he wasn't there because I was there... When I approached him, he said she was initially "talking" to his 16 yr old roommate, but then she started trying to pursue him.. He'd told her to F... off , but she was being crazy and wouldn't leave him alone. He's since blocked all her phone #'s, as well as any private #'s that might try to call... Just wondering, what do ya'll think on this one? I'm having a real hard time believing him, but also having a hard time believing my grown man would be trying to court a 16 yr old girl!!! Please help!

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    Senior Member gdamadg's Avatar
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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    Sorry to say. He is trying to play you and that poor little girl. There are soo many holes in his "lines" it is pathetic. My advice is to toss him to the side, and let him have his little girls.
    Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body part.

    Sexually, we are all competing for the same seat on the bus and the thing that holds it together is the tightly held conceit that we are all sexual gods. How can I believe in my own uniqueness when there's a cat out there exactly the same as me?
    -Jeff Melvoin, (Northern Exposure, Altered Egos, 1993)


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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    Quote Originally Posted by SashaThumper
    I'm having a real hard time believing him, but also having a hard time believing my grown man would be trying to court a 16 yr old girl!!! Please help!
    Possible cheating boyfriend???

    Um, hun, there are 45 year old men who chase after 16 year olds. A 24 year old chasing after one is nothing new.

    There's enough holes in this guy's story to fly the space shuttle through.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    Too many holes in his story. Way too many.

    he flies off the handle over the smallest things
    Dump his ass and don't look back hun. He's a liar, a cheat, probably abusive (or at least headed there), and apparently a statutory rapist. He got you to leave for a few days, had a 16yo girl coming round in the meantime, then when he was done with her he suddenly wanted you back. Uh uh. He's a piece of shit and you'll be miserable if you stay with him.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  5. #5
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    Dump. His. Dumb. A*s. Now.

    I can think of 4 guys I know in the state of TN you could be happier with. If the whole planet died off and you were stuck with Boyfriend on a tropical island, maybe we wouldn't be telling you to leave. But, don't be a fool. Things will get worse soon. He should hope the cops come looking for him first for statutory rape instead of that 16 year old's daddy and his shotgun. If some 24 year old with a girlfriend was after my kid sister, I'D be hunting him down.
    Sorry for your bad luck. But go before it gets worse. Hugs.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    Is this an exercise in the obvious?
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer
    Is this an exercise in the obvious?
    LMAO!!! No kidding!

  8. #8
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    possible cheating boyfriend.. SWEETIE, its a no brainer!

    You know what to do!

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    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    I'll just echo what everyone else has said. It's a total no-brainer. Dump his ass like yesterday.

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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    Ditto
    Do you really need this shit in your life???

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    Featured Member screaminpeachez's Avatar
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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    Quote Originally Posted by SashaThumper
    I'm having a real hard time believing him, but also having a hard time believing my grown man would be trying to court a 16 yr old girl!!! Please help!
    I'm having a hard time understanding why a GROWN MAN has a 16 yr old roommate that isn't a family member!

    that would have been my first sign!

    He's obviously socially retarded!
    He is dealing with 16 yr olds because mentally they're in the same age range!

    I had something very similar happen to me a few years ago...

    leave him and you'll get over it soon!
    "may your work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, dance like no-one is watching, screw like your being filmed and drink like a true Irishman "--anonymous
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    http://www.myspace.com/screaminpeachez

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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    Quote Originally Posted by screaminpeachez
    I'm having a hard time understanding why a GROWN MAN has a 16 yr old roommate that isn't a family member!

    that would have been my first sign!

    He's obviously socially retarded!
    He is dealing with 16 yr olds because mentally they're in the same age range!

    leave him and you'll get over it soon!
    BINGO! I was wondering how a 16 year old gets a roomie...shit, it's not even "legal" to live on your own until you are 18...so what gives?

    Don't take any shit...he's lied to you, obviously. Kick him to the curb...and maybe even give an anonymous tip to the police about his, uh, illegal clandestine activities.

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    Member SashaThumper's Avatar
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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    Thanks for your advice, everyone. I know ya'll are smart ladies who have experienced more than the average woman, so your opinions are highly valued. To answer a few of your questions, the reason he lives with the 16 yr old boy is cuz they live in the boy's grandmother's house. The g'ma is old and senile, and now lives with her sister. The boy's mom lives next door and allows him to live in the old lady's house as long as my boyfriend stays there too, to pay the light bill, watch over him, etc. The kid doesn't go to school anymore, and is pretty much a meth addict-- not your average 16 yr old kid. My boyfriend has pretty much exhausted his means as far as living with parents/grandparents; they can't handle him anymore cuz he won't keep a job for more than a couple of weeks and he is extremely violent sometimes. I know he needs medication, therapy, or something, and I try to help him. My help (supporting him, loving him, etc.) apparently isn't good enough.. I'm about ready to leave him... it's just so hard...

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    You know very well that what's best for you is to dump this guy and get far far away from him. Lose his number, change your number, move, whatever it takes. Believe me, the violence, lying, cheating only get WORSE.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    Quote Originally Posted by SashaThumper
    My boyfriend has pretty much exhausted his means as far as living with parents/grandparents; they can't handle him anymore cuz he won't keep a job for more than a couple of weeks and he is extremely violent sometimes.
    Well now, there's a recipe for 'happily ever after' if i've ever heard one. That one's a keeper!

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    Member SashaThumper's Avatar
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    Default Re: Possible cheating boyfriend.. please help!

    The whole situation does sound ridiculous, esp. when I read back what I've written.... trust me, there's a whole lot more to our story (I've got 5 years worth to tell). It's sometimes hard to see the forest for the trees, so I just needed an outside perspective. He also doesn't support my desire to be a dancer either--- even more incentive to leave, right?

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