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Thread: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

  1. #1
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    OK, my last couple of weeks have been.. uh.. interesting. I called my friend (a porn director, well call him "Dan") and asked him if he could put me in a few videos so I can pay for school. He said sure and that I can stay with him to save $$. So, I head down... first of all we end up hitting it off... guess were dating now.

    So, 2 weeks Im there with him and it comes time for my b/g video. I get there and then freak out. I dont know what the problem is... i did porn everyday for 3 years (and a lot harder than a 20 minute "vanilla porn") and now im in the bathroom crying before the shoot. huh? I dont know if this is because i feel guilty because he and I are seeing eachother or if its just the porn (because ive been out for so long)... Dan left the studio during the shoot and i sucked it up and did it. Afterwards he came back, walked me to my car, gave me a kiss (which surprised me) and I went to my other shoot (for a golf clothes catalog of all things...) That night was just weird. The ONLY reason i DID the shoot instead of walking out was because he was having problems with one of the other scenes that day getting a girl and i didnt want to stress him MORE and now i feel like im getting punished for it.

    now i dont know WHAT to do... im SICK of stripping (havent worked in damn, months now) and now i cant do hardcore work (makes me sick to think about it).

    "Dan" is hooking me up with a agent Cam Smith - csmodels.net (highly recommended) because he gets lots of solo, fetish and g/g work so I dont have to worry about doing boys... but who knows how much work ill get, not to mention its not even close to the amount of $$ i could make with a few videos.

    I dont know what my problem is... i NEED school money, i dont NEED a boyfriend but now im NOT doing hardcore work because im seeing someone.

    Ya know, i did porn behind my ex's back and never felt guilty, just didnt care and this guy ive been seeing for a couple of weeks and feel like crap about it.

    And how can i fall for someone so FAST AND hes twice my AGE... AND hes taking me to Philly to meet his family next week?! :/ (trip was already planned but now im going with him). Hes also talking about a trip to Cozumel this summer. Its all going so FAST.... ahhhhhhhh....but when its happening it doesnt seem so fast, just when i sit back and THINK about it. My friend Chanta says that im trying to fit in all my younger years into a summer because my daughters gone and ive never really been able to play and be young... maybe shes right. But it doesnt FEEL like im just "playing"

    I guess i just needed to vent - this is probably the most confusing writing without any real POINT but damn... i just DONT CARE. Maybe just some opinions (if you can understand any of my ramblings)...

  2. #2
    Veteran Member lethalsoul's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    This site will be more helpful to you

    http://adultdvdtalk.com/

    Directors, pornstars, fans etc... all post there.
    lethalsoul

  3. #3
    Veteran Member HoneyHITZ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    Aww sweetie, it will all work out... if it feels right, go with it for a while... if/when it doesnt feel right anymore... then ease off, ya know? about the b/g porn, i dont blame you, i can do solo, g/g and such, but b/g ? noooo way... good luck hun... *muah*


    <Rhiannon_SW> :that's where Jimmy Hoffa went!
    * Rhiannon_SW gasps.

  4. #4
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    Sounds to me like your trying to make your head say one thing, but it is fighting back and saying another.

    <opinion mode="big">
    I think you are running on inertia, doing what you know what to do.

    I think you are done with this business, but don't know how to get out of it.

    I think even for all the blustering, when a girl finds a guy worth getting out of the business for, she will get out of the business. I have seen this repeatedly.

    I think you want or need a boyfriend. You say you don't want one, but you have ended up with one. You say you ended up falling for a guy fast. It sounds to me like you either need or want one, irregardless of what your head is saying.

    I think you are reaching an emotional maturity where this is all bullshit and you know it.

    I think you really need to sit down and come to terms with what you want and where you want your future to go. Then you need to figure out a new way to get there, because this way is certainly showing rough edges.
    </opinion>

    Change is easy to talk about but scary as hell to do.

  5. #5
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    If i was posting about how i want porn work id probably go to that site but the thing is i dont really like to associate with porn people. (another reason the dan thing is weird) lol... porn people are just weird.. how can you be in a relationship or married and have sex with others? not normal...

    the change is there... i start school in sept - costs $7000 which is WHY i was going to go back to porn for a little bit to make the money - my plans are screwed... i figured i can do a few videos and have the money for school...oh well... guess its time for a new plan.

  6. #6
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    Maybe you can work in a producer role or get a list of retailers and start cold calling to sell tapes. There must be some other stuff to do.

  7. #7
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    Ok you might have heard this before but have you talked to him about how its moving too fast for you. Maybe if yall just slowed it down youd feel more comfortable and have more control of your friendship/relationship. But if you dont want a bf at all then be straight with him before you meet his family...no sense in dragging this out.

    About the harder stuff youre about to do....are you really comfortable with it or do you feel that you dont have balance in your life might be the reason youre having a mini breakdown? Sometimes in life all we need is a little balance and control to feel sane.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  8. #8
    Featured Member susan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    wow.... well.... my one-and-only involvement with porn was a non-contact scene ("third set of tits from the left", if you know what I mean) and I was more-or-less high the whole day anyway, so I can only partially relate.

    Well, for one thing, you HAVE the look, so porn will be a HUGE money-maker for you. A month in the biz, and you'll have school paid for. On the other hand (and this is from my one-and-only experience), it's not at all like stripping. With stripping, most of your contact is with customers who are, more or less, "normal". With porn, you spend all day on the set with.... well... "porn people", who are "not normal". (Girls -- if you've never been on a porn set, you just won't get it!!!). The idea, I guess, is how to stay grounded and centered while spending a day or a few days hanging out with a group that is too wierd for words.

    Frankly, the fact that your asking these questions means that, yeah, you have what it takes to do porn without going nuts like so many girls do. If your new b/f is ok with it, and he seems well grounded, then you're probably on pretty safe ground. What I found, when I was dancing, was that I had to have a "normal" life that was totally compartmentalized away from the club. (I was in college, so that was easy). I think if you do that, and just look at the porn as this "thing you do on the side"..... then you'll be OK. The real fear, I think (and I"m not trying to get in YOUR head, just thinking about my own) is getting totally caught up in the biz to the point where you forget where the outside world is located.

  9. #9
    Featured Member susan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    Hey....one other thing... keep me posted on this, OK? Send me an e-mail if you want to keep it private.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    Audrey,

    I suggest you see a therapist, if you do not have the money for one, check with the County mental health services, and they can refer you to one that the county pay's for at no cost to yourself. Both Alameda, and San Francisco county have programs readily availble to help you. Also your School's health center can refer you to a mental health provider as well.

    I think all of the things going on in your head right now, are a result of some past trauma/s that you were involved in as a child. You would be suprised how past traumatic issues effect your future decisions and actions. You may not believe they affect your current situation, but they really do. Trust me on this. Why? Because your rambling just like me before I started going to thearapy...

  11. #11
    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    Audry, i wish ya luck! I hope ya find what it is you're tryin' ta find. Other than that i just don't know enough to tell you jack. But i do wish you well. Sorry i couldn't be of more help, this might be weird of a SW poster but i'm not even much of a porn consumer, so i know nothing.

  12. #12
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    I don't know if this helps,but having a really great guy in your life will make working in the sex industry a lot less enjoyable.In my case,I have found that because I have a wonderful boyfriend,I no longer possess the need or desire to dance.This also has to do with being content.If you are content and happy with your station in life,then this job will no longer be necessary.This has been my experience thus far.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  13. #13
    Featured Member tampadancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    hun... make sure you are considering your emotional health and well being here. I can't help but remember your post in the "problems with porn" thread - so i was pretty surprised to read this post from you.

    Reeeaaaalllly spend some time thinking about it. While porn would be a quick and easy way to make 7k, you could also probably make that in a month or so of dancing. Also, have you looked into student loans at all?

    When youre doing something that makes you cry and feel bad about yourself for $$, I just don't think it's worth it. Also, do you think that dating this porn producer is a way for you to feel more "normal" as an individual doing porn? I mean, perhaps by dating someone that produces porn, you know that there is no way your acting in porn will really negatively affect the relationship. Someone who kind of knows what youre going through and can understand your feelings.
    Be careful, and good luck!

  14. #14
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    Exactly Tampa - I HATE the porn industry and what it does to people. I dont know WHAT I was thinking when I decided to get back in. Ive been thinking about all thats happened and writing in my journal... helps clear my head... and came to a couple points.

    1. Porn is not for me... I finally got away from my past (as in I can talk about it like the post Tampa read) which I NEVER would have done before because I was too ashamed. I realize its now the PAST and will never be my life again.

    2. "Dan" says he thinks somehow we were meant to meet because I KNEW I shouldnt be doing porn and didnt WANT to and he helped me realize that I dont want to sacrafice myself for a few bucks (again)

    3. My daughter is now going to stay with her dad for a YEAR (alls ok, shes sooo happy) so I can go to school and finish with the least amount of stress as possible (for the both of us)

    4. All WILL work out in the end. I will somehow get the $$ (no student loans possible for cosmo schools out here, ok, there are but its cash $7K - student loan schools are $21K, makes no sense)

    5. Im tired of making a living off my BODY!!! Ive been doing it for 5 years now! (minus the last few months Ive done nothing and I feel soooo much better about myself)

    6. "Dan" would NEVER date me if I was doing porn. He doesnt date girls in the industry and since I was out for so long he doesnt consider me a "porn" girl... which is funny because all the people in the industry that I stay in touch (which is a bare few) with say the same thing about me...

    7. Im going to sit down and make a few calls and try to figure out a way to get the school money sooner so I can start like in July instead of Sept. Was thinking about using my car as collateral for a loan but the bank said its a year older than theyll do.. its a 97 but its worth $12K and I only need $7... grrrrr

    8. All will work out in the end... I have a feeling this next year will be great and go by really fast... I will finally move on with my life and make a better home for my daughter and I.

    9. I dont need a shrink - I understand my problems and past - I just need to sit down and think things over sometimes and bounce things back with someone (friend/family member) I always reach a clarity after a few days.

    10. I love stripperweb.

  15. #15
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh
    10. I love stripperweb.
    We love you too.



    Because there ain't no tits on the radio

  16. #16
    God/dess Rhiannon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    (((Hugs)))

    We all love you too, Audrey. Sounds like you know what you're doing, know what you want, and know where you're going in your life. Best of luck to you!

  17. #17
    Banned BigGreenMnM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh
    If i was posting about how i want porn work id probably go to that site but the thing is i dont really like to associate with porn people. (another reason the dan thing is weird) lol... porn people are just weird.. how can you be in a relationship or married and have sex with others? not normal...
    Just an opinion Audrey,and only trying to help.

    Just that statement above tells me you need a break from anything and everything adult industry,specially the filming end of it.
    Maybe explore a relationship with "Dan",or just explore and renew a relationship with yourself and where your head is at.
    Im not saying go on a walk about,im just saying maybe you need a break from the madness for awhile and get back to you and your goals.


    I would also tell you that we have all seen your pictures,there are many clubs and area's in the world that would all but KILL to have you,and you would almost be guranteed to make much more then 7K a month,let alone what you could bank in a year.
    MOVE TO THE MONEY!!!!
    Females of your visual caliber can work 1 year,in the top clubs in the country,save,and pay for 4 years of school.

    Clear your head,recalibrate your goals,saddle up and put it on um for a year,then dont look back when they hand you your diploma.
    Best of luck.
    Last edited by BigGreenMnM; 06-09-2005 at 01:26 PM. Reason: forgot the ~~~>/ thingy

  18. #18
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    2 cents: ask Dan to co-sign for a loan through a bank or credit union. He is part of the reason you altered your plan to achieve things all by yourself, I don't even think it's out of line to ask for a little help from him, since you are letting him court you.
    I also understand the "porn people" issue. Agency/ club people are the same deal. While I'm not trying to rain on your parade (I like you and want to see you happy) be aware that this thing with Dan could end suddenly. The most valuable lesson stripping can teach a girl is to look out for Number One. You have more to lose than he does. Just sayin'.

  19. #19
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    oh, i know it may not end up as anything but whether it works or not at least i didnt get back into porn. i am putting my daughter and i first. Dan and i have known eachother for 4 years (maybe i forgot to mention this!) and knew me when i was hard into the industry... knew when i got out and saw me getting back in. He just wants whats best for me and knows porn isnt the way to go.

    i know i could go places and dance and make money - i just want some kind of guarantee - i dont want to end up across the country and make what i could make here... dunno - ill figure it out.

    Ahhh! guess i have 3 months to get things together - should just suck it up and dance in LA... think i just may do that because not only do i need school money i need BILL money too!!! i think if i could save $15K ill be ok... working on it..... and $5k a month isnt THAT hard to make... if i just set a goal and stick to it... ill get it all done and everything will work out in the end...

  20. #20
    Featured Member tampadancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    audrey i am SO HAPPY that you decided against going back to porn I was really concerned when I read your first post in this thread.

    You're right, things WILL work out. Focus on your goal, and attack! Set up a plan to make the money you'll need for school, and do it! Make this year the one you focus on yourself and get YOUR life in order, while your daughter is with her dad.

    Oh, and smile This is a temporary life obstacle.

  21. #21
    Featured Member susan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    Quote Originally Posted by AudreyLeigh
    10. I love stripperweb.
    Hugs, Audrey!!!!

  22. #22
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    I know nothing about this, save what I have read of here, but if you live in CA, would it be profitable to go to Vegas for the weekends? Or something of that nature? You are so incredibly gorgeous, I'm sure you could do well there.
    :shrugs:
    Vegas is where the money is, right?





    Well... at least A_Guy's money.



    Because there ain't no tits on the radio

  23. #23
    AudreyLeigh
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    Ive thought of going to Vegas quite a few times... but I dont think Ill do well with so many girls.. Im not one for a lot of competition... Im more of a "big fish in small pond" type girl... I think Id be overwhelmed in Vegas but since I will be in LA a lot I think I should at least go, try it, and see... think im gonna go search through the reviews...

  24. #24
    God/dess onlythebest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    Vegas is slow in the summer.
    One of woman's cardinal rule: Body parts can be fake,everything else has to be real.

    一个女人的枢机规则:肢体可以伪造,一切必须真实.

    中国大CHINESE BIG BOOBS!!!中国大




  25. #25
    Senior Member grinew127's Avatar
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    Default Re: Back to porn....and dating a director!?

    I will make this short. You were an inspiration (and still are). I could have killed for your attitude. Love you. All the best.

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