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Thread: For Love or Money part 2

  1. #1
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    Default THIS JUST SUCKS!!!!For love or money

    hi board members...

    i am going to be single forever. ive been seeing a guy and i text messaged him and told him i was a stripper in the past...at first he said it was fine..and he thought it was kinda hot and that he wouldnt care as long as we were monogamous if i stripped(right now we are just seeing each other anyway)Then imm after he starts with all of these stripper comments....I talked to him today and he said he could never be serious with someone who was a stripper or who was thinking about being a stripper...THIS JUST FUCKING SUCKS> we are not even a couple yet!!!!!!!!!!so basically it would be ok for me to go fuck someone else right now -(I HAVENT EVEN SLEPT WITH HIM OR DONE ANYTHING SEXUAL) and obviously i wouldnt have to tell him about it... but if im a dancer he just writes me off....i screwed myself. i really wanted to have an honest relationship for once and not have to hide what i do. i tried to be honest and he said now he cant trust me. he is always going to think that i am off stripping somewhere. and now if i wanna dance behind his back its probably even worse if he finds out....and it would make it harder to dance behind his back anyway because he'll always be suspicious and could even go around looking for me. oh and he called me a liar because i hadnt told him right up front - (whatever we hardly even knew each other) and was wondering what else id "lied" about and if i had any std's -- and then went on to comment that hed always felt bad for strippers....yet it was ok for him to get many a lap dances in the past!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck is up with the double standard. i dont know what to do. he was in total shock when he found out cause he never would have suspected that from me, and now i guess it has totally changed the way he thinks of me. did i make a mistake by tellling him???Probably...but i want to have a boyfriend that is going to accept me for me i dont think ill ever find that though because i m not sure id wanna be with the type who was totally cool with it. its just fucked up cause if i got naked at mardi gras that would be ok...and if id had a bunch of partners in the past that would be ok...and if i was in a girls gone wild video that would probably be ok too....but STRIPPING???and u know, if we worked out, i'd quit for sure -- but right now we are just seeing each other & why should i stop dancing for someone when he could just dump me and then i would be out alot of money. I do like him though and i dont wanna stop seeing him. anyway, im sitting here waiting for him to call me so we can discuss this and obviously not working....what should i do!!???? love is hard enough to find, will this job hurt my chances even more?

    Airella

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    Default Re: THIS JUST SUCKS!!!!For love or money

    This issue comes up a lot. You haven't found the right guy yet. Plenty of strippers have supportive boyfriends/husbands. It requires finding a MATURE man who UNDERSTANDS the business.

    Many dancers want a boyfriend so badly that they take ones with faults hoping they will go away, and that never happens.

    Selectively date enough guys and dump the ones who aren't cool with stripping, and eventually you will find a guy who is ok with the business, and sees the financial rewards associated with it.

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    Member stilettoweb's Avatar
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    Default Re: THIS JUST SUCKS!!!!For love or money

    I don’t think it’s the stripping or lapdancing part that’s bothering him, I think it’s in sharing of intimacy (your smile, laughter, cute facial expressions etc…) with someone else.
    Are you saying if you hooked back up you’ll quit or after you become a couple you’ll quit?

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    Veteran Member sexystephani's Avatar
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    Default Re: THIS JUST SUCKS!!!!For love or money

    Im sorry to hear about that guy he sounds like a complete asshole. I dont understand the double standard - guys love strip clubs and strippers but some of them have a problem with their g/f stripping. WTF!

  5. #5
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: THIS JUST SUCKS!!!!For love or money

    Welcome to the club honey......

    Until you meet someone who can meet or surpass your salary as a dancer to support you financially, DO NOT even give insecure guys the time of day. I promise you'll be poorer and bitter if you decide to dump it all for "love." Don't learn this the hard way.

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    Default Re: THIS JUST SUCKS!!!!For love or money

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine
    Welcome to the club honey......

    I promise you'll be poorer and bitter if you decide to dump it all for "love." Don't learn this the hard way.
    You have to look out for #1 first and foremost. Guys come and go, even when they seem like 'the one' in the beginning. It took me years of lost time to learn this, and I still fumble with it, but I recover quicker and try not to make a guy the centerpiece of my world. On the other hand if he seems worth pursuing I personally wouldn't volunteer that I am (was ) a stripper UNTIL I already have him by the balls because the majority of guys egos won't let them accept you're not "all his".

    I know how frustrating it is since from our perspective it's just a damn job but the guy you like isn't going to always understand this. IMHO though, women have had to come a loooonnnngg way to finally enjoy certain freedoms and if I had to choose between some dude and buying a house to secure my future, I'd get the house in a heartbeat. I don't think any man is worth changing your own goals for even is he's a sweetheart. If he is, I suppose he would support you mentally.

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    Default Re: THIS JUST SUCKS!!!!For love or money

    Quote Originally Posted by cheetahchick
    i am going to be single forever.
    You say that like it's a bad thing.


    at first he said it was fine..and he thought it was kinda hot and that he wouldnt care as long as we were monogamous if i stripped
    Maybe it's just me, but I never let a guy get away with saying something committal like this and then taking it back. I'd definitely hurl his own quotes right back at him.

    I talked to him today and he said he could never be serious with someone who was a stripper or who was thinking about being a stripper...
    Suggested response: I could never be with someone who patronizes strippers and then can't be serious with one. Especially after telling me he could be.

    THIS JUST FUCKING SUCKS> we are not even a couple yet!!!!!!!!!!so basically it would be ok for me to go fuck someone else right now -(I HAVENT EVEN SLEPT WITH HIM OR DONE ANYTHING SEXUAL) and obviously i wouldnt have to tell him about it... but if im a dancer he just writes me off....i screwed myself.
    Given his behavior, I'm thinking better to screw thyself than him.

    did i make a mistake by tellling him???Probably...but i want to have a boyfriend that is going to accept me for me i dont think ill ever find that though because i m not sure id wanna be with the type who was totally cool with it.
    I know what you mean, there's a happy medium, but that's a bit of a reverse double standard there. I think it was Groucho Marx who said, I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me as a member.

    its just fucked up cause if i got naked at mardi gras that would be ok...and if id had a bunch of partners in the past that would be ok...and if i was in a girls gone wild video that would probably be ok too....but STRIPPING???
    Hey, I'll add to that list... I'd probably get more respect hooking curbside than stripping, as long as I kept more clothes on while giving out quickies.

    love is hard enough to find, will this job hurt my chances even more?
    Let's look at the silver lining. It'll hurt your chances of hooking up with any old boyfriend. It may help your chances of holding out for a good one. Good luck, darlin'

    -Ev

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    Featured Member Amethyst's Avatar
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    Default Re: THIS JUST SUCKS!!!!For love or money

    Quote Originally Posted by stilettoweb
    I don’t think it’s the stripping or lapdancing part that’s bothering him, I think it’s in sharing of intimacy (your smile, laughter, cute facial expressions etc…) with someone else.
    I agree. My SO knew I danced when we met and while he will never ask me to stop (I'm stopping on my own anyway) or accuse me of doing anything appropriate, he is less concerned with people seeing me topless, but rather the conversations I have, the "secrets" and laughs, the "friendship", the foot/back massages I receive, guys that stroke my hair or otherwise put their hands on me.

    To the OP, your hopeful BF may in fact feel the same way. If that's the case, just reassure him that it is all an act. I make sure mine is well aware that if he were to listen to me in the club, he'd swear I was a different person.

    Then again, he does sound kind of assholish & immature in that he would NEVER date someone who was a stripper, even after getting lap dances etc... If that's the case, then it's better you were honest with him now so you know what you're dealing with and can walk the f*ck away from him before it got any deeper.


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    Default Re: THIS JUST SUCKS!!!!For love or money

    I hear you girl.I was dating for the last few weeks a guy I was crazy about,who seemed on the opposite of your guy ,to tend to date dancers mostly,and just last night pulled something really stupid on me,so I'm in a man hating mode now for hopefully not too long.I know that some guys can be supportive,but a lot of them can be total assholes.(Sorry I'm talking like this I'm really upset).

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    Default For Love or Money part 2

    He called me last night and said we should change the subject. As I said in my previous post we are just dating - we are not yet exclusive. I dont think he is dating anyone else but my guess is that he would... I went over his house and we messed around a little bit. No sex, or oral sex.... Im afraid that I could start to develop feelings for him (or maybe i already am a little bit) I refuse to get hurt again. I have no idea if he takes me seriously..ESPECIALLY after i told him i was a dancer in the past. Now whenever I dont answer the phone he is going to assume that I am out stripping or something. I feel like I need to take some space from him to figure out what to do...but i dont want to be immiture and ignore him either. How can I find out if he is just trying to get ass, or there is a chnace he could be into me? I know the worst thing is to talk to a guy about relationahip stuff. Is there anything I can do to reverse the effects of telling him the truth? Help!

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    Default Re: For Love or Money part 2

    You've had great responses and advice. Let me see if I can give you a male perspective.

    This guy has already started down the road of "just wanting ass." It's why he changed the subject on the stripping discussion (after disrespecting you and your choices -- a very bad sign). It's also why you ended up over there last night after such immature and insecure behavior on his part. This is because he has power over you right now: You like him, may have feelings for him, and you want a man in your life.

    Please, please consider taking a break from him. Soon. He's weilding a power over you that he doesn't deserve and hasn't yet earned. If you fall for him, it will be much harder to extract yourself from this web of immaturity that's he's not yet outgrown.

    One other thing: It's never a mistake to talk about relationships with the right guys. It's true that we speak a completely different language and can be a royal pain in the ass. But the right guy for you is going to respect you and accept you and encourage you far more than this boy is capable of doing.
    Last edited by VenusGoddess; 06-09-2005 at 08:12 AM. Reason: Merged two threads together...

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    Default Re: For Love or Money part 2

    How do you tell early on if someone is into you? I just dont want to get closer to this guy because I think he is going to hurt me. I know that he has been checking an internet dating site...he even just checked it this morning. I know its a bad move to try and find out how someone feels about you in the beginning. I asked him if he took me seriously and he said yes...yet he said he thinks we should just keep it platonic and not have sex as we get to know each other. (the not having sex was my idea -- i think he d have sex with me if i was willing) Considering the fact that we have already hooked up a few times, i think it is a little late for "platonic" I dont know what he wants...and its confusing...as i mentioned i haven't worked in the past few nights because i was with him....how into me could he be if he is still checking an internet website???? do i pull back with or without explanation...and if its without -- im telling u he will assume its cause im dancing. i dont think i can be friends with him because i am starting to fall for him....he let me stay at his house without him there,..and he takes me out to dinner. but hes not very affectionate...

  13. #13
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: For Love or Money part 2

    Girl, let me break some hard truths to you. Since he has said what he said already, in his brain, you are branded "WHOOORE." He is only seeing you now for a*s and the bragging rights of telling his friends, "This STRIPPER is so into me, I got her eating out of my hand..."

    You can end this right NOW. Stop calling him. Don't return his calls. Go out on casual dates with other guys. Put Guy #1 in the back of your head for 2 weeks- I promise you'll find something better to fix your sights on (preferably a regular who wants to give you jewelry.)

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    Default Re: For Love or Money part 2

    Was it a mistake to tell him what I do? I suppose there is no taking it back now... What if he comes looking for the club where I dance??? Do you think if he really liked me this wouldnt be such a big deal to him...Maybe he never liked me that much in the first place. Did he really need to know? ugh!

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    Default Re: For Love or Money part 2

    Of course you should have told him what you do. Lots of guys like us, don't they Cheetachick? You're trying too hard to justify his feelings. So he comes in the club while you are working?

    How many guys have asked you out while you danced? How many of them seemed ok, and didn't mind what you do and you avoided them?

    I have said this before when this topic comes up, but this is important.

    If a girl becomes a dancer of course there is a social stigma given to it. There are a lot of lifestyles given a negative social stigma. All of us in life have to identify with LIKE MINDED people.

    Number one, anyone dancing needs to be commited to it, and determined to have something to show for it. When a person earns money in an unconventional way, at first status quo people don't respect them, do they? Once those same people are making financial gains, and become successful, others views of them change, don't they?

    Cheetachick, once you have something to show from this business that sets you head and shoulders above the mainstream non dancer population, such as your own home, money in the bank, investments, etc., and show an air of independence when dealing with men, you will start attracting a higher caliber man who is less likely to try to dominate or sway you.

    Of course some guys will be intimidated by you, but those are the types you don't want to be with anyway, right?

    The sooner you preach confidence to others about your choice of being a dancer, brush off people who don't accept you, and work at building financial security from this business, the sooner you'll attract better people in you life, and stop fretting over ordinary guys who are possessed by their friends and family.

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    Default Re: THIS JUST SUCKS!!!!For love or money

    Quote Originally Posted by Amethyst
    I agree. My SO knew I danced when we met and while he will never ask me to stop (I'm stopping on my own anyway) or accuse me of doing anything appropriate, he is less concerned with people seeing me topless, but rather the conversations I have, the "secrets" and laughs, the "friendship", the foot/back massages I receive, guys that stroke my hair or otherwise put their hands on me.
    Interesting reply as I can relate. I could give a crap how many guys see my girl topless or her a$$. Who cares? It can mess with your mind as a guy though more the type of stuff you mention, the "friendships" with the regular customers. It takes a STRONG STRONG man to handle this.

    As for this thread, my advice is to RUN!!!! You should not be made to feel bad when you reveal what you do, there are plenty of men out there who can accept what you do and be supportive. His initial reaction is all you need to know, the type of comments he made, in his mind he will see you as nothing more than his bad image of a stripper and at this point will reduce it to trying to get sex or keeping you around so he can brag like someone said to his buddies, "I'm seeing a stripper." I think his initial reaction should show you he has no respect for that line of work and I think you'd be better off getting out now.

    It may hurt but trust me, you should not have to hide what you do, there ARE men out there that will not hold it against you and make you feel as bad as this jerk has. The difference between a man and a little boy in my opinion. And this is coming from a male's perspective.

    Faithless

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    Default Re: For Love or Money part 2

    Thanks everyone for your wonderful responses. You know this guy actually is a rich boy himself (And a conceited one at that) but thats besides the point. Right now he is beyond pissing me off. He's playing total head games with me not to mention that I cant be myself around him anymore or feel like I can be honest. I told you I went over his place last night....well, dick head hasn't even called me yet tonight. Fuck him. Should I let him know we are over or why? or just blow him off when he calls. He could have had me , but apparently I'm not good enough cause he feels the need to still be checking some internet dating website..he sends mixed messages....I hope he cant use my dancing against me. You know what though - I dance. That is the TRUTH and I dont think i do anything wrong. Its a job. No I do not have any STDs thank you very much, and please dont feel sorry for me. (he said he felt sorry for strippers.) If he cant accept me for me...hes simply not the right guy...he might be rich but I make more money than him anyway. hahahahah (hed never know it though cause im not as showoffy and flashy as pretty boy)oh yeah but "strippers dont know how to save money".....

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    Default Re: For Love or Money part 2

    The sooner you preach confidence to others about your choice of being a dancer, brush off people who don't accept you, and work at building financial security from this business, the sooner you'll attract better people in you life, and stop fretting over ordinary guys who are possessed by their friends and family.
    Truth.

    <S> Tina
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

  19. #19
    Gendai73
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    Default Re: For Love or Money part 2

    sad sad story... for both parties.

    one day he'll releise he had the holy grail in his hands and then proceeded to destroy it for no good reason.

    and she's missing the support she needs.

    sad that prejudice destroyed something that could of been wonderful

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    Default Re: For Love or Money part 2

    [QUOTE=cheetahchick] You know what though - I dance. That is the TRUTH and I dont think i do anything wrong. Its a job. No I do not have any STDs thank you very much, and please dont feel sorry for me. (he said he felt sorry for strippers.) If he cant accept me for me...hes simply not the right guy/QUOTE]

    That's all you need to know right there. You gave yourself the best advice possible. If he can't accept you, he's not the right guy. Send him on his way, maybe he'll grow up someday. As hard as it may be to believe, there ARE still some good guys out there and hopefully one will come your way that understands and does not judge you based on what you do for a living. Trust me, I toyed with being in "A-hole land" earlier in my life when my girl wanted to start dancing again (she had danced before we met, something that surprised me when she told me but didn't make me feel the way this guy does about you) but I wised up, realized I was acting ignorant and immature and she has my full support. Felt sorry? That's just a really pathetic thing to say. I feel sorry for him if that's his attitude. You deserve better!

    Faithless

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    Default Re: For Love or Money part 2

    Just wanted to add my two cents...Emotions are tough to deal with when it comes to dancers and customers...The possessive way that a BF looks at his girlfriend if she is dancing is similar to the way a dancer looks at a cutomer...Dancers get very possessive of their customers and BF get very possessive of the GF. I think it takes an emotionally strong person to view dancing for what it truly is: entertainment. But it takes strong emotions from a boyfriend and also a dancer when viewing a customer...We give sex too much power and it has a tendency to ruin relationships...but I will admit it is difficult to get control over those emotions when you have a powerful source controlling them. If we could all just learn to view sex as a physical act b/t two people and not give it the power we do then these relationships would work out fine...until then: DRAMA!!!

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