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Thread: I think she's ruined it for me.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default I think she's ruined it for me.

    I've been a regular customer at the small local club near me for several years... I've gotten used to being a lot of the girls' favorite customer....

    I think the main reason I started going so much is that I totally gave up any hope of finding real love.... after my marriage broke up I did all the recommended things, classes, community, political events, you name it.... well it's all a lot of fun actually, but after a few years the idea that I was gonna meet someone at one of these things seemed less and less likely. The only women I ever seem to meet that way to whom I am attracted always seem to be married. And I'm not going to go out with someone I'm not really into just so that I won't be alone.

    At the club I could simply purchase the illusion of intimacy... plus it really is small so some of the girls I've really gotten to know and like... but I never thought of it as more than it was... I try to be a non-stressful oasis in the club and most of them know they can hit me up for a ld or not and whether I say yes or no, get 1 or 10, they can relax, there's no drama involved. I've taken advice and had some of my taken. It's really been a positive. And for a man living alone with mostly male friends, it's been a lifesaver just to have a source of female energy in my life, (sorry to get all new-age on you).

    You can probably tell where this is going. Just over a month ago a dancer from out of town was at the club, and we seemed to really hit it off. I mean I felt feelings that I had started to wonder if I'd ever feel again. I felt cursed that I met at the club and not somewhere else. She was only in town for a couple more days but when she came back a few weeks later, the spark was still there, at least for me. At the club we set up a lunch date. I just am more enamored of her the more I know her... she is smart, strong, funny, caring, creative... well after our lunch I went ahead and blew all the $$$ on lds and vips with her that I had planned in advance, but it was just... different... it's like the fantasy isn't there anymore, but the reality underneath is even better... I gotta say though, after the disastrious breakup of what I thought was a good marriage, I have a hard time trusting and so I am by no means ready to believe that I am more than a customer to her.... however I don't want to be her customer.

    This whole thing has had a profound effect on me.... just experiencing my heart opening... although between the fact that she's out of state, and the well-known hurdles of sc relationships, I have no expectations, I also can't deny my feelings, I really have to go all the way back to when I met my ex-wife to think of the last time someone has affected me this way (good or bad sign? lol), and I'd have to say that as opposed to feeling good feelings with the potential of heartache, or feeling nothing, I'll choose the former.

    But, now, I feel like I no longer want the illusion of intimacy.... certainly not with her.... whether we become casual friends or intimate friends, or just drift apart, I want it to be real.

    And somehow, the whole thing makes me not want to go to the club at all... maybe after this works itself out one way or another, but for now, it's weird, those days after our date was the first time I was in the club and I was not able to give myself over to the fantasy, even a little... I felt like I was at my friends workplace....

    Well I've gone on long enough, I guess... comments?
    Last edited by dlabtot; 06-25-2005 at 03:19 PM.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Yes, switch clubs while you still can.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Madcap
    Yes, switch clubs while you still can.
    ??? huh? first, there are only two clubs here, she dances at both when she's in town, I was using the singular 'the club' as a generic term for both of them. My regular club is directly on my way home, the other one, way out of the way.

    Second, even if there were a hundred clubs here, the point wasn't just that I don't want to go to the club she's dancing at, rather that she's changed the whole experience for me.

    Maybe I missed what you are trying to say.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    What i'm trying to say is that it's all downhill from there. If you have to drive 100 miles, go to a different club. It'll be cheaper in the long run.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    At the risk of sounding too blunt, you seem to be missing the point. Why drive a hundred miles to go to a strip club when what I'm saying is that what the strip clubs deliver is not what I want right now. Can't you conceive of NOT going to a strip club? Wouldn't that be even cheaper than driving 100 miles to go to a club?

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    If that is your point why are you on STRIPPERweb with it. People on SW tend to intend on continuing the hobby.

    Look, no offense, but what are you expecting here? To be talked into continuing? Or be talked out of it? You don't wanna go, don't go. It's that simple. Don't take it so seriously. Treat it as a bar with an irregular live show. It's not the dating game, and it's not love connection. It's something to do on a saturday night.

    Not getting what you want, go play bingo or something. You wouldn't be a freak or weird if you didn't go. If it's not your thing it's not your thing.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Well, one thing I expect on any internet message board is that there are some people who just can't handle seeing any deviation from the standard groupthink.

    But I've learned not to be a moth to the flame.

    Have a nice day.

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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Good grief, I swear sometimes people just get on here to start nit picking with other people.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    You asked for comments, i gave you a comment. I'm not attacking you. At first, i got the impression you were getting in over your head (it happens sometimes) and i told you to remove yourself from the situation by switching clubs. That was my misinterpretation because 99% of the people who post here go to strip clubs and don't intend to quit. How is that groupthink? I don't see why you'd come to a site called STRIPPERweb with something like that. Sorry you interpreted it as an attack, it wasn't meant as one. Sure i'm blunt sometimes, but it's clear as day to me.

    You post on a message board dedicated to this industry, and the gist of your post is "It's not what i want." Well, then... Don't go! It's simple. Find what you DO want. If SC's aren't giving you what you want, why waste the money going to SC's? Isn't there someplace that money would be better spent? There are other kinds of bars, you might be able to pick up a decent chick at one of them. Who knows, she might even be single... at a singles bar.

    You never know...



    Oh, and no, i can't really imagine not going to SC's...

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    God/dess FBR's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Have to agree with Madcap on this one.

    She obviously enchanted the hell out of you. It's tough to remember that the dancers are just doing their jobs. Some of the gals do a little OTC...lunches, dinners etc...to cement the "relationship". It's still business to them (just the same as if I took a client out to lunch or dinner or to a ball game).

    To quote a key statement you made:

    well after our lunch I went ahead and blew all the $$$ on lds and vips with her that I had planned in advance
    Whenever money changes hands, its business..no matter how gorgeous she looks and how horny you are. If there was a romantic interest on her part she wouldnt want your money...at least under club circumstances.

    Subconsciously, you might be feeling she took advantage of your vulnerability (I assume you told her all about your history). Sounds "cruel" on the surface but I've gotten some very nice business orders when I discovered my customer was "vulnerable" due to delivery or quality issues. I dont feel a bit guilty about if because I still gave them value for the dollars they spent.

    In any case, potential heartbreak is often life in the SC world, particularly if you take things too seriously. Maybe you need a hiatus. It helped me one time when I went over the edge regarding a stripper.

    Hope it all works out for you.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Well, I'm not really feeling particularly vulnerable at the moment, that's part of the fun of it... what I said was that I'm not ready to easily trust someone that I just getting to know, no matter how enamored I feel.

    I'm feeling a lot of self confidence and I'm loving life like I haven't in a long time.... I just started whitewater kayaking, I'll be out on the river again tomorrow, only my third day running rapids in a kayak... maybe I'll meet a river rat lol... being single doesn't mean you have to get hung up on one person.... if it doesn't work out with her it's her loss as well as mine.

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by dlabtot
    I am by no means ready to believe that I am more than a customer to her.... however I don't want to be her customer.
    Simple and direct solution. Tell her that you don't want to spend money on her anymore. This way she knows that engaging in any type of activity to ensure your continued business is pointless.

    Then ask her out. There's a 98% chance you're gonna get your heart broken, but at least then you'll know for sure this road is a dead end (or that you're the other 2%).
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    You've been enjoying your SC visits because, up until this particular dancer came along, you where just having a good time with a bunch of women who are professionals at providing one. You where not putting pressure on yourself to expect anything more.
    Now, you've fallen in love (or at least begun to) with a woman that, in all likelyhood, you can't have. The club is no longer fun for you because you are putting expectations on yourself, this woman and the situation. The chances of you getting anywhere with her are slim to none. It's up to you weather you approach this lady with your feelings, ignore her and try to get over it, or just stop going to the club. A strip club is a great place to relax and have a good time. It makes a lousy singles bar.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    The girl was good at her job, and now you're disillusioned. If you'd maintained realistic expectations within the unrealistic environment of the SC, you'd have been able to continue enjoying the uncomplicated companionship of beautiful women. But you can't. So stop.

    We've all been PLs at some point or another, since that's a recreational hazard of the hobby. But you suck it up and move forward.

    Can't you conceive of NOT going to a strip club?
    Um, no. Especially after the Penthouse-Letters grade experience I had this weekend.

    God almighty, I love me some strippers.

    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer
    God almighty, I love me some strippers.
    Allelulia, brother.

    Perhaps we should speak in muted whispers, though, with our newbie friend heading for a classic OTC trainwreck (Note to dlabtot: I swear to God, every single one of us has been there. It's damn near a sacred right of passage. So please do not feel bad. Oh, and let her ask you out first.)

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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Why would he want to seek a yak?
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Why do these people keep coming here asking questions that they clearly don't want to hear the answers to?
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Because they can't get the truth in real life and so they come here looking for some epiphany from people who "understand". Which it's clear that we don't because we never give them to opinion that they are happy with.

    Anywho...I suggest that the OP go and read all of the other "I want to be more than a customer thread" for more eye-opening views. Especially the ones where they came back and mentioned that they asked the dancer out and were turned down. Were in love with your money, dlabtot, you are the one who's trying to take advantage of a situation...LOL

    *sigh* I do think it's better that he posted this here, as disillusioned as he may be, than over on the Blue Balls site. Of course, it would be great to see some of their responses to this. heh

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    Featured Member screaminpeachez's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Just so you know dlabtot,

    even the reality underneath IS an Illusion...
    you are seeing whatever it is you want to see.

    You are obviously looking for some sort of closure or new beginning. Good for you to try to move on passed your divorce. It sounds like it was difficult for you.

    Just be prepared for it to all change again.
    You'll make new discoveries everyday.
    That is the reality.

    But, don't project your feelings onto every girl you meet. You will be severly disappointed.
    And you will miss out on any possible fun you might have.
    Just enjoy the ride.
    "may your work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, dance like no-one is watching, screw like your being filmed and drink like a true Irishman "--anonymous
    "GOD is LOVE, but get it in writing"- Gypsy Rose Lee

    http://www.myspace.com/screaminpeachez

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us
    Why do these people keep coming here asking questions that they clearly don't want to hear the answers to?
    You need to read more closely... if you look at my posts, you'll see that I asked for comments, but I did not ask any questions. lol

    BTW, your earlier post was right on target...

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess
    Because they can't get the truth in real life and so they come here looking for some epiphany from people who "understand". Which it's clear that we don't because we never give them to opinion that they are happy with.

    Anywho...I suggest that the OP go and read all of the other "I want to be more than a customer thread" for more eye-opening views. Especially the ones where they came back and mentioned that they asked the dancer out and were turned down. Were in love with your money, dlabtot, you are the one who's trying to take advantage of a situation...LOL
    BTW, I spent days reading almost every thread on this site before I posted my message. Also, I guess I didn't make clear that going out OTC was her idea, not mine...not that I'm reading as much into that as folks on this site seem to.

    It is interesting reading all these responses that insist I am looking for a particular answer to a question I didn't even ask.

    Am not asking anything...I'm just sharing my situation and feelings. My feelings are real, whether they are returned or not, and whether or not someone reading this thinks I'm 'projecting' or not, and I'm just commenting on how those feelings affect my enjoyment of the sc fantasy. Do I think my situation is unique? No. Do I think I'm different from any other PL who's been in this situation? No. I'm thinking about her all the time... do I think she's thinking of me? No.

    I could look at this situation, and says, "Life sucks, it's hopeless"... instead I choose to say, "Life is great, no matter what the future holds, because I'm happy now". I am less unhappy with the inevitable heartache I face than I am happy that my heart is open enough to feel anything.

    PS, the river was awesome Sunday... going out again on Thursday.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    I still say you should drop it like a hot potato.

  23. #23
    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Ahh, yeah, this is nuts... maybe I'll stop in on the way home from the river tomorrow and try to get one of my old favorites to make me forget my infatuation
    Last edited by dlabtot; 06-29-2005 at 09:55 PM.

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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    This is the reason why men need to only go to the SC OCCASIONALLY. Like maybe once a week if even that. Too many guys go there day in and day out and it becomes like any other addiction and you start losing your freaking mind.

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    Default Re: I think she's ruined it for me.

    Dlabtot: It looked like it was getting a little nitpicky here, so I kinda skimmed. But I just wrote a LONG post in another thread about how I am not too far off from you. My point is, could it be easier and say that this is exactly what you want? I mean, buy the lie. Pay her the money to make you believe you shouldn't have to.

    A good dancer makes you feel like you're the bomb, and the exchange of cash is only there 'cause it has to be'

    Whatever the truth, she likes you, she likes you not, maybe for now, the truth doesn't matter, and you could try moving forward with that. Honestly, its not so bad. The only thing you can't do is brag about how incredibly cool this girl you hung out with is, cause everyone's quickest reply is either they're a stripper, or you paid for it.

    Try dating one of those thin ass girls who eats like they have a whole in their neck. Billtime and you'll be wishing it was a V.I.P. charge, not a fine-dining dinner she turned into an all-evening buffet. Trust me, I've dated more sinister women that got more outta me and I didn't even get an airdance for it!

    Good luck whatever ya do.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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