I've been a regular customer at the small local club near me for several years... I've gotten used to being a lot of the girls' favorite customer....
I think the main reason I started going so much is that I totally gave up any hope of finding real love.... after my marriage broke up I did all the recommended things, classes, community, political events, you name it.... well it's all a lot of fun actually, but after a few years the idea that I was gonna meet someone at one of these things seemed less and less likely. The only women I ever seem to meet that way to whom I am attracted always seem to be married. And I'm not going to go out with someone I'm not really into just so that I won't be alone.
At the club I could simply purchase the illusion of intimacy... plus it really is small so some of the girls I've really gotten to know and like... but I never thought of it as more than it was... I try to be a non-stressful oasis in the club and most of them know they can hit me up for a ld or not and whether I say yes or no, get 1 or 10, they can relax, there's no drama involved. I've taken advice and had some of my taken. It's really been a positive. And for a man living alone with mostly male friends, it's been a lifesaver just to have a source of female energy in my life, (sorry to get all new-age on you).
You can probably tell where this is going. Just over a month ago a dancer from out of town was at the club, and we seemed to really hit it off. I mean I felt feelings that I had started to wonder if I'd ever feel again. I felt cursed that I met at the club and not somewhere else. She was only in town for a couple more days but when she came back a few weeks later, the spark was still there, at least for me. At the club we set up a lunch date. I just am more enamored of her the more I know her... she is smart, strong, funny, caring, creative... well after our lunch I went ahead and blew all the $$$ on lds and vips with her that I had planned in advance, but it was just... different... it's like the fantasy isn't there anymore, but the reality underneath is even better... I gotta say though, after the disastrious breakup of what I thought was a good marriage, I have a hard time trusting and so I am by no means ready to believe that I am more than a customer to her.... however I don't want to be her customer.
This whole thing has had a profound effect on me.... just experiencing my heart opening... although between the fact that she's out of state, and the well-known hurdles of sc relationships, I have no expectations, I also can't deny my feelings, I really have to go all the way back to when I met my ex-wife to think of the last time someone has affected me this way (good or bad sign? lol), and I'd have to say that as opposed to feeling good feelings with the potential of heartache, or feeling nothing, I'll choose the former.
But, now, I feel like I no longer want the illusion of intimacy.... certainly not with her.... whether we become casual friends or intimate friends, or just drift apart, I want it to be real.
And somehow, the whole thing makes me not want to go to the club at all... maybe after this works itself out one way or another, but for now, it's weird, those days after our date was the first time I was in the club and I was not able to give myself over to the fantasy, even a little... I felt like I was at my friends workplace....
Well I've gone on long enough, I guess... comments?



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Good luck whatever ya do.

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