Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Confused and grossed out-Moral issue-advice?

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Emiliana's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Austin,TX
    Posts
    528
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Confused and grossed out-Moral issue-advice?

    So last saturday a guy walks up to me on stage and asks me to dance for his gf...i say ok and come over when im done. The guy seemed a little wierd and so did the girl but i ignored the feeling. The next song started and he pushed me to her lap as she started to light her ciggarette....I asked her if she would like to wait and she ignored me..then the guy started yelling at her that i needed to start dancing. Whatever...she finishes her cig and I began my dance
    ...at first she seemed into it but then she kind of went stone faced and limp...i thought it was wierd but i kept dancing...then the guy started to reach over and try to yank at her skirt and panties and pull her top open...this freaked me out and i told him to stop...he told me to eat her out(which of course i didnt) and then the girl started crying and pushing at his hands. I felt horrible and jumped off of her, got my money and told the guy to leave her alone. He said she is my girlfriend and i can do what i want.
    At this point i apologized to the girl and told my manager what the guy was doing.He of course ignored me but i felt really bad...like i should protect this girl but what can i do. I still feel guilty...i dont think she wanted a dance and i feel like i sexually harrassed her with this guy....it isnt true but i still feel icky...they were both fucked up on drugs and i didnt want to mess with the guy anymore because he seemed mean and this wasnt my problem. It also didnt help that he was from trinidad and barely spoke english...
    My dilemma is though...if i see something happening to a woman and she doesn't want it(as i explained to the manager) and she cant do much about it cause she is so drunk/fucked up....what do i do. I couldnt exactly call the cops and none of the staff would help me. I would hope someone would have helped me if i needed it....What would you guys have done cause I am really at a loss.
    Emiliana



  2. #2
    Senior Member FallenFairy69's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2005
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    161
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Confused and grossed out-Moral issue-advice?

    First off you did the right thing by stoping,collecting your money and leaving,and then telling the staff.If they don't want to do anything about it then it's not your place to worry about it ethier.Secondly..not to sound cold hearted or anything but it's the girl's own dumbass fault for being with a jerk like that.Maybe someday she'll realize that and clean her life up and move on.You did what was in your power to do and that's all you can do.Hopefully someday that poor girl will wake up and see what type of relationship she's in and make the right choses.But until then there is nothing that you or anyone else can do for her.

  3. #3
    Veteran Member Emiliana's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Austin,TX
    Posts
    528
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Confused and grossed out-Moral issue-advice?

    Solid point..I think your right cause to do anything else would have interfered with my work and eff that. But (and im not a caped crusader) morally i felt like shit ignoring this woman's problem...I hate seeing things like this happen and even though i cant really punch out every guy i meet that does things like this i would like to think that i wouldnt let a girl(or a guy for that matter) be hurt in front of me....do what you would have others do unto you and such...but you are right also about her getting with a worthless cuntrag of a man and getting fucked up out of her mind. Im NOT NOT NOT saying she deserves it but i also dont think she is innocent or very smart for that matter. Bad choices do often lead to bad situations...and we are the ones that made those choices...I still feel shitty...probably mostly because i played an indirect part in hurting her or making her uncomfortable by dancing for her when she didnt want it...i didnt know that at the start but you know how irrational guilt is...
    Emiliana



  4. #4
    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Va mostly
    Posts
    2,750
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 52 Times in 41 Posts

    Default Re: Confused and grossed out-Moral issue-advice?

    Babe, you did your best. I been in this same situation a few times. One time she refused to get the dance and I REFUSED to push it on her. When she agreed I jsut sat and talked with her and she appreciated it.
    Another time the guy kept trying to get me to do things with his girl which I wouldn't have done anyway, but it didn't help that she looked so lost, plus they were married! Awful scene, but she was glad that I didn't try anything creepy.
    I was lucky that none of them were too messed up. I'm sorry you went through that, but you did your best and atleast she won't feel like you went farther than she wanted, she'll remember that you took no for an answer.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



  5. #5
    Member Gigi2Cute's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Posts
    43
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: Confused and grossed out-Moral issue-advice?

    It would be considered sexual assualt. If she was drinking or on drugs she cannot give consent. Even if she was hopping up and down beggining for it... it would still be considered illegal. You did the right thing by stopping. It was her a**hole boyfriend who was doing wrong by forcing her to do something she didn't enjoy. Next time don't hesitate to have management call the cops, who knows what other kind of cr*p he wanted to put her though.

  6. #6
    Veteran Member Emiliana's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Austin,TX
    Posts
    528
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Confused and grossed out-Moral issue-advice?

    good point....i hate to put my nose in business it doesnt belong in..thats just asking for trouble but it is also like the kitty genovese effect and i dont want to be the bystander either
    Emiliana



  7. #7
    Senior Member candy courtland's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    wisconsin
    Posts
    76
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Confused and grossed out-Moral issue-advice?

    i agree with everybody else here. you did everything right,(stopping and then getting help)good for you girl . you have a good heart. ive come to the conclusion that just because your a member of authority (ie: dj, bouncer. manager) doesnt make them good people. some but not all. for example, the one time i gave a female a private dance the dj said hed give me money if i lifted up her skirt for the camera. of course i didnt and told him to go to hell.

  8. #8
    tampafldancer
    Guest

    Default Re: Confused and grossed out-Moral issue-advice?

    um, is there a possiblity he could have been more of a pimp or something of that nature?She could have been a run away or something!!!


    That doesnt sound like normal girlfriend/boyfriend activity. He is forcing her against her will in PLAIN VIEW OF OTHER PEOPLE! He is far beyond just an abuser, he has no shame!

    Good thing you walked away. I would have given an anonnymous tip to the police with their license plate.

  9. #9
    Veteran Member Yea's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2005
    Location
    To be discovered
    Posts
    678
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts

    Default Re: Confused and grossed out-Moral issue-advice?

    If any of us are in this situation.. maybe the best thing to do is ASK HER if she needs help.


  10. #10
    Veteran Member Emiliana's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Austin,TX
    Posts
    528
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Confused and grossed out-Moral issue-advice?

    I asked her in her ear if he was bothering her and if she wanted me to call her a cab and she just kept crying and muttering....really, really on drugs i think...she looked very skinny and strung out so i really wouldnt rule out the pimp thing....it was truly a sad thing to see a fellow woman so out of control of her enviroment and herself...can't save them all...although i would if it was even possible but its not...someone has to save themselves just like i did and probably like a ton of people on these forums may have....
    Emiliana



  11. #11
    madmaxine
    Guest

    Default Re: Confused and grossed out-Moral issue-advice?

    Wow, I'm glad you did what you felt was right. You did everything you could in this situation...you can't control other people's choices.
    I've always avoided these types of people....I know I've lost money but "better safe than sorry"......
    I would have say don't interfere unless neccessary.....some people cannot be helped. Sometimes they have to suffer very humiliating lows to see that they need to change their lives and loves.

  12. #12
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Another Country
    Posts
    18,664
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 148 Times in 100 Posts

    Default Re: Confused and grossed out-Moral issue-advice?

    I feel so bad for her. I'd hate to be put in a situation like that. :/ I'm glad you did what you did. Still sad you might never see them again to see what happened with her,

Similar Threads

  1. Thumblogger advice needed, confused :(
    By ukmissy in forum Other Work
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 12-02-2010, 09:52 AM
  2. Jealousy issue ....need good advice
    By Hello_Kitty27 in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 06-09-2006, 07:51 AM
  3. Need advice about an eBay issue..
    By Farrah_Holiday in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 07-27-2005, 07:34 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •