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Thread: My first Guy Rant on here

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    Default My first Guy Rant on here

    -Hi everyone. Please bare with me on this.I really appreciate the opinions of both females and males.
    -I casually date a guy that I met off of "American On Line" last August. I am 21 and he is 23. Unfortunately we finally met a week before he went away to school in Michigan.(His parents live by my hometown of Philadelphia ) From that time until now, we have only gotten to see eachother 3 times.(During his breaks).We talked on the phone, but talked online more often when we did not see eachother. We debated alot and it did not seem like anything I really cared about, nor did I think he cared much.(Debates piss me off)
    -This past month and a half, he started to call more, and open up a little more about feeling a connection.(Saying he missed me and was always excited to see me) I also started to open up because I have had some feelings that had been slowly developing as well the past few months.( I have no clue how though)
    -I was excited last week when he told me he might come home on Thursday(that just passed) and invited me to a barbecue with his friends.( Told me he was "serious"about this bbq) Last Wed, he never mentioned it online that he would not be coming to his hometown... and then i did not hear from him that whole week until Monday night when he called.(on his way back home at the airport)* PLease note we are not on a daily phone chat basis, so i have no clue why he would decide to call THAT night,right before he boarded a plane.
    -My questions are:
    1.Was I out of line to confront the fact that he invited me somewhere, was in the state, and did not bother to call me until he was in a Chicago airport on his way home.?
    2. I understand that it is only a casual thing... but i am now starting to get more feelings. If a guy really looked forward to seeing a girl, do you think it is too much to atleast TRY to see me, some how,since he traveled to Pa?(He stayed 3 hours away from my hometown on his trip)
    3. 2 months after we met ,he came home for xmas break ,but i did not see him. He never confronted me about it, nor brought it up to me. Do you think I still have a right to be mad if we did not have as much "supposed" feelings back then?
    Sorry this is so long. Basically, my conclusion is that he really just is not into seeing me that much. If he has the chance to fly home and see his buds, he would rather do that.
    Ladies would you be mad if this happened to you? Men would you have found a way to see a girl ,that you really wanted to see, if you were in the exact type of situation?
    Should I just end it so i do not get more feelings? (I am emotional)
    Or accept the fact that it is still very casual,and just play it by year each time he comes. Does it sound like it can develop?
    Thank you

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: My first Guy Rant on here

    I would have made some time - at least an hour or something to see someone I had been chatting with on the phone and had feeling developing for.

    That said, he might have been spooked by them too, and not want to walk into a situation where he begins to really like you and end up in a long distance relationship.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: My first Guy Rant on here

    The thing that would piss me off is "making plans" and then leaving me hanging.

    THAT is unacceptable. If he decided to NOT take you, which is totally fine, he should have said..."I'm not going to be able to take anyone." Or "Plans have changed..." Not invite you and then just not follow through.

    Sounds to me that your biggest problem with this guy is clear, concise communication. You need to learn how to express what kind of behavior is acceptable without ripping his insides out. But, allowing someone to continually do things that you are not comfortable with only causes problems.

    Usually when you tell someone (calmly, rationally) that something they did upset you...you'll get a better response than, "You fucking rat bastard. You told me....you did this...blah, blah, blah." It's much better to say, "You know...I passed up on other plans because you invited me to this bbq, and then I didn't see or hear from you until Monday night. That upset me because I really wanted to see you...but also, I could have made other plans. I feel that is very rude and disrespectful. I would appreciate if you don't make plans/invite me somewhere and then not follow through."

    But, anyways...he was wrong...you have every right to feel angry about that...and call him on his rudeness and disrespectful behavior.

    2 months after we met ,he came home for xmas break ,but i did not see him. He never confronted me about it, nor brought it up to me. Do you think I still have a right to be mad if we did not have as much "supposed" feelings back then?
    Well, that was almost 7-8 months ago. You have a right to do/feel whatever you want. Does it serve a purpose? Are you getting anywhere by holding that anger? Also, did he tell you that he was going to spend any time with you? I know when I was in college and I came home for Winter Break...my days were monopolized by close friends and family that I hadn't seen since July (I live in Chicago and went to school in Albuquerque). You only have so much time to do things...and even the guy that I was "kinda sorta seeing" here only got 1/2 of a day with me (ok...ok...so it was the whole night...anyways). He just wasn't that high on my list of priorities. It's not that I didn't like him...I did...but I was more concerned with spending time with the people whom I REALLY missed. Derek was a "new" relationship...and not serious...and that reflected in the amount of time I put aside to visit with him.

    So, if you want to continue to feel angry about something that happened 7-8 months ago...that's your right. However, I can guarantee you that the only person it's going to hurt is you. Generally, the rule should be, if it happened more than 2 months ago...it's not a valid argument (unless it's infidelity or outright lies).

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: My first Guy Rant on here

    Yeah, that line from Sex n the City is totally right on. "he's just not that into you" When a guy really wants something with you, he will come around and ask.

    I had to post my own guy rant lately too. Blah!

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: My first Guy Rant on here

    -I totally agree with and appreciate everyone's advice and comments.
    -One thing that I wanted to correct,( I was not too clear on) is that during Christmas break, I was the one who chose not to see him when he came home. I was dating someone who I really fell for. He tried to hang out with me alot, and I brushed it off. ( I go to school in my hometown)
    -I just was not sure if I should not be as mad, since I did this to him before...sort of(Although 7-8 months ago)
    -Haha oh yea Bridge that book did pop into my mind. I agree .I actually read it a few months ago too lol =/.
    - Venus, your right. I had already confronted him before I wrote the post,but it was done by online.( I should have did it by phone because it is hard to know a person's tone of voice through internet) Communication could def be better between us. I did let it be known exactly why I was mad though. I told him not to let me know anything again, unless its certain.
    And yea..... the bbq thing was what I was most mad at. I felt as though he gave me a "heads up" ,about his arrival ,just incase he decided to come home.(if hanging with his buds got boring)
    -He had mentioned about being scared. Deogal,..... but not about hanging out. He never used to call me... and now all the sudden... this month..... he is all about calling me. I asked him why and he said... he was nervous before.
    Anyway.. thanks again all. Now i know that I was not just acting on crazy girl emotions.
    If i feel up to it , I am going to go on another date tonight with someone else I have been getting to know. I should not even give this stuff a second look since my goal is to keep options very open anyway i guess. =/

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    Default Re: My first Guy Rant on here

    Silky

    My 'advise' (for what it is worth.......)is call him or leave a message and talk to him about these feelings your posting about. Tell him about the feelings you have and the feelings you think he has. You might also just be up front and ask him why you didn't hear from him about the invite.

    I am speaking from experience here.......don't leave things left to the 'what if' thought. It will always come back and haunt your thoughts, nagging your mind with the "I wonder what would have happened if I had just......"
    I've heard that a good signiture sets you apart from everyone.
    Well......is this good enough???

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