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Thread: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

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    Veteran Member Prina's Avatar
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    Default RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    OK..so I've been pretty busy this summer with studying and I barely have time to speak to my friends or even have ME time to chill.

    I have a RIL, who seemed pretty cool in the beginning, but now he is getting a little wierd on me. I usually speak to him every day and that was fine but he called me 6 times in a day and a half. Don't you think that is a little too much?

    I think he is becoming a little obsessed, he told me he loved me last week...ugh. I make sure when I speak to him, I do not discuss feelings or try to lead him on. I speak to him like I speak to girlfriends...minus sex talk.lol. I never saw him outside and he pretty much knows we will never go out on a date.

    Well I forgot to bring my phone charger to the place I am staying and told him that I may be hard to get a hold of until I go get it. I just called him today after two days and his tone was kinda pissed off. I dunno I'm getting wierd vibes.

    When should I drop him and how? I mean I already sense a possesiveness, but am I overreacting? What does he have to do inorder for me to stop and end the "relationship"?

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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    Quote Originally Posted by Prina
    I have a RIL, who seemed pretty cool in the beginning, but now he is getting a little wierd on me. I usually speak to him every day and that was fine but he called me 6 times in a day and a half. Don't you think that is a little too much?

    I think he is becoming a little obsessed, he told me he loved me last week...ugh...I never saw him outside and he pretty much knows we will never go out on a date...I dunno I'm getting weird vibes...When should I drop him and how? I mean I already sense a possesiveness, but am I overreacting? What does he have to do in order for me to stop and end the "relationship"?
    Err...Houston, we have a problem. Ringing you 6 times and a day and a half, telling you that he loves you, etc., when he's never even seen you OTC, nor is likely to do so, is a pretty good definition of obsessed.

    Think you need to tell him the facts of life in a nice way before he starts getting even more possessive. A strip club is fantasy land, and somehow I think your RIL doesn't realise it.

    I'm guessing he's also a good source of income to you, which is why you'll be reluctant to drop him, but sometimes income is not worth losing sleep over a possessive RIL.

    My tuppeny worth...

    Phil.

  3. #3
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    Agree with everything Phil just said. One question: What's a RIL?

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    Regular In Love

  5. #5
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    Thanks, Emily. <Adding another term to my SW acronym dictionary...>

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    Featured Member hannah83's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    yeah i'd be careful. Watch yourself when you leave the club, make sure he doesn't try to follow you
    There's a wild side behind every innocent face.

    End violence against women.
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    Veteran Member Prina's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    Yeah...he asked what type of car I drive and I told him different. He actually lives very close to me and doesn't know it. Hopefully I won't bump into him while running errands.
    I also have one of the managers walk me to my car a few hours after he leaves.

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    Featured Member hannah83's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    that's smart b/c if he's asking ?'s like that, he'll prolly start trying to follow you. You take a different way home from work everyday, right?

    if not, it's a smart thing to do(trust me, i've had to call the cops a few times b/c i was being followed and once the guy tried to run me off the road) don't want that happening to you!
    There's a wild side behind every innocent face.

    End violence against women.
    I support Dottie.


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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    I had a guy very similar to yours. Unfortunately, I can't give you any advice from personal experience because I moved so that was easy for me to end it.

    I would stop talking to him every day. If he gets pissy, oh well. Right? You're a busy girl, make sure he knows school is your number one priority. Tell him you've got so many things going on that you don't have time to chit chat often.


  10. #10
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    Get rid of him now. I'm serious. Make up some crazy stuff that you know will turn him off, or say you have a boyfriend......hearing this upsets me 'cause a friend of mine was being stalked recently, and she did nothing to provoke it, some freak just followed her out of a store. All things considered, the longer this goes on, the angrier he'll be when you do cut it off, and if he runs into you he'll definitely approach you. Erode his incentives. And be careful.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    I think he is becoming a little obsessed, he told me he loved me last week...ugh. I make sure when I speak to him, I do not discuss feelings or try to lead him on. I speak to him like I speak to girlfriends...minus sex talk.lol. I never saw him outside and he pretty much knows we will never go out on a date.
    It's not your fault that he's being an RIL and can't leave what happens ITC, ITC. His lack of SCing experience and failure to recognize that you're not interested in anything OTC is also not your fault. Maintain distance and be prepared to walk away.

    Tread carefully, pretty lady.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Veteran Member Prina's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    Holy crap! Ok..now I'm getting scared!
    LSM..He already knows school is priority and that was part of the reason why he kept coming back. He called 6 times because I didn't answer my phone. He says he wants to know me forever...YIKES!!!

    I think he may be too busy to stalk me but he does seem to be getting a little anxious.
    He got a little annoyed when I didn't wear a dress he requested.


    I will see him this weekend. I told him already after this weekend I will not be available (3 weeks) until after my test. I will think of something. I just hope he doesn't find out where I live. I mean is that possible? from say my cell number??

    I will keep you guys updated on how he is.

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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    Now is the time to break the truth to him. How old is he in relation to your age?

    I had a regular at one club I worked bookings at. He was in his 50's. Not wealthy, but spent over $3000 on me, and the type that would come in the club 3 nights out of the 6 I was booked at 5 when the club opened, and stay until 12:30, which was last call. He was always craning his neck when I would dance for someone.

    He told me he loved me and that he would love to propose to me on stage.LOL. I finally shook him off and he admitted that I was getting too "expensive" for him.

    I assume you have made some ok money off of him. How long has this "relationship" gone on?

    Just be up front with him, and explain to him how the club business operates, that it is a career and not about finding a girlfriend.

    Hopefully he will get it and go away.

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    Featured Member hannah83's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    if he's stalking you, he'll find out where you live. the whole "I want to know you forever" thing has me freaked out. I think i'd get rid of that guy FAST!!

    stay safe girlie
    There's a wild side behind every innocent face.

    End violence against women.
    I support Dottie.


  15. #15
    Veteran Member Prina's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    It's only been a few months but I met him about 6 months ago and he said I made sorta an impact on him and he couldn't get me out of his mind.

    He said he thought he would never see me again and when he did, he said to his friend...
    "put a lowjack on her car this one is not getting away."

    He is a good source of income. Pays me enough to come in twice a month to work but I can deal with the pay cut. I will have a talk with him this weekend and let him know this is not real.

    I must go now..I won't be able to access SW where I will be...a bit conservative over there. I will update this weekend..

    thank you all for your advice!!

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    Some customers are not worth having.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    I say cut him off now. Take no chances, don't spare his feelings, follow every possible precaution. It will be safer for you now, and better for him in the long run.

  18. #18
    Crissychan
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    Sweetie.... switch clubs ASAP..... the money is so not worth your saftey....

    the comment he made about not wearing the dress he requested, thats freaky.

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    Banned Stringer's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    Why the hell did you give this guy your phone number? Unless you are interested in hooking up with a customer outside of the club, I see no reason whatsoever for doing that.

    By giving this guy your number in his (obviously) deluded mind he began to see himself as more than just an "ordinary" customer. The only thing I think you can do now-if he doesn't act like he fully understands your telling him that a relationship is not possible-is to go to another club. I know you like those $$$ he's laying on ya', but it isn't worth the whole "pycho-stalker thing" that comes with it.

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    Veteran Member Foxey's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    Be careful with cell phones... My ol' man is a hardcore biker and he knows a lot about, well, tracking people. He's warned me about cell phones before. All it takes is walking into the cell phone store and bribbing an employee a couple hundred dollars to pull up your billing address for your phone. I don't know how likely that is or not but it's worth being careful.

    Getting followed from the club was one of the most scary experiences I have ever had. I have to admit that it was my mistake... I spent about 6 hours chatting with a customer one night whom I thought was one of the most interesting guys I had ever met. Foolishly I let my guard down and agreed to go have dinner with him when I got off work. Over the course of dinner he did a Dr. Jackyl/Mr. Hyde switch. I was discussing the industry in general with him and referred to customers as assholes in general. He got this weird look on his face and practically shouted "THEY AREN'T ASSHOLES!!!" and it got weirder from there. Luckily earlier in the night I had gotten the guys cell phone number because when we left and I headed for home I noticed that he was following me. Well he had to go the same way as me for a certain distance but we passed the point where he should have turned off and kept following me. I made a turn that I didn't need to make that was in the opposite direction of where he was going. Sure enough, he followed me. I decided that my first call would be to him and my second call to 911. I called him and said "You sure as hell are taking an unusual route home!" and he goes "I'm following you." so I ask him "why?" and he goes "I thought that's what we were doing" so I went off at him as I had said nothing to give him the idea that i wanted him to go home with me. I think my last words at the restaurant were "Bye... I'll call you sometime" So anyhow he finally turned off my ass and I started driving towards the police station to make sure he was gone. I drove in circles for about an hour before actually going home and I definately didn't sleep easy. What a mistake that was... Be careful and never let your guard down, not for anyone!
    In a black light trance, then go go dance...

  21. #21
    Member TxShooter's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    STALKER ALERT>>>>

    This is a guy who just does not get a clue. If you had been leading him on it would be one thing, but with no vibes on your end this is just weird. Be very careful and "watch your six." He may not be a huge problem right now, but he could easily become a major problem.

    I tend to agree that maybe you should change clubs, at least for awhile until things calm down a bit.
    Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, cigar in one hand, scotch in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
    ---Sex is like Money, too much is never enough.
    ---Never argue with seven men when you are carrying a six-shooter.

  22. #22
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    Prina, this situation is getting very creepy. You definitely need to watch your tail with this creep. And just maybe you need to hide out for a few days in a safe house. I know this one place in the Hamptons....

  23. #23
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    I thought what we had was real!!!!
    J/K not funny really but still, you gotta wonder, what happens when a PL who thinks he's special runs across a post about him.

    Tho I'd say 95% of the guys here would keep it to themselves.

    Why can't guys just enjoy a dancer-custy relationship?

    Sweety, you probably arent going to get out of this easy, I suggest being coy, play it out while you change cell phone numbers, and get a prepaid, and give it to him, or something, make sure when you cut him off he has 0 point of contact, this will hammer home the reality of it being nothing as well as him being confused on how to persue further on if he wanted to.

    Be careful first and formost and keep posting so we know you're ok
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  24. #24
    Senior Member Archangel's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    Keep doing what you're doing. Or rather, what you are not doing. By not complying with his wishes, he will eventually lose interest. Unless he is after you purely for the challenge, that is. You can probably determine what's driving him. Is he an ultra competitive type? Or is he just a PL?

    If he's looking for the challenge, the only way to make him go away is to divert his attention to another more tempting challenge or give him what he wants and let him win or completely disappear. I recommend the redirect.

    If he's a PL, treat him like any other PL that annoys the hell out of you. Also, change your number. Once you start cutting off methods of communication, he should become annoyed and depressed. When that happens, he'll try to find someone else to make him happy and give him what he needs. That is, after making absolutely, positively, 100 percent, beyond a shadow of a doubt that you really do not have any further interest in him and you never really did. Let him know that you cannot even take his money now, because he bugs you too much.

    I will not go into the third and worst case scenario, because it is pretty rare, all things considered. If you decide it is this, get the police involved. And move. Far away.

    Good luck and be safe.
    -=# Archangel

    "Who is to say what is a sin in God's eyes?" (Pearl from The Scarlet Letter)
    "Every man dies; not every man really lives." (William Wallace from Braveheart)

  25. #25
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: RIL...getting a lil too attached..

    You should send him along to "that bitch" who is always in the dressing room "talking smack" about you. heh heh heh heh...

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