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Thread: Help! I have a dancer/custody problem

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    Exclamation Help! I have a dancer/custody problem

    I'm going to be auditioning to be a dancer soon. (I'm pretty sure I'll make it) My problem is that if my ex finds out I'm sure he'll do everything in his power to use it against me. I live in Michigan. Does anybody know if he can get custody of my 2 kids if he knows I'm a dancer?

    Please help!!!

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    Default Re: Help! I have a dancer/custody problem

    While it generally isn't a positive mark on your record to be known as a stripper, I am relatively sure he would have to show other, more substantive reasons to request custody. But as you are in a sensitve position, I would recommend you do everything in your power to make sure he doesn't find out, including keeping it a secret from anyone the two of you know in common. Including your own family members. I've worked with girls whose own siblings have ratted them out to an ex.

    It does make you more vulnerable, so make sure your bases are covered--the kids are in school or really good child care, your job doesn't impact them negatively, etc. Good luck to you.

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    Default Re: Help! I have a dancer/custody problem

    I'm not sure about Michigan, but in WA state where i live, we need to have an entertainer's license. What sucks about that is that the licewnse is issued by the city, so those records are accessible to anybody. Whether its a future employer, ex boyfriend, or some random person, they can easily see if you've danced. if your state is like that too than... its not good. But if if you don't have a license, how is your ex going to prove you're a dancer? Because you're an independent contractor, most clubs just check out your ID and you're good to go. In that case, you'll be fine. I'd do a little research. Call the club you want to work at and ask them if you need a license or what you need to do. Also when you start, don't be sharing personal details about your life. That way its less likey that your boyfriend will hear about it. I don't even tell management or other dancers my real name, but thats just me Good luck!

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    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I have a dancer/custody problem

    Not sure on the laws in your state for modification, its usually every three years, and he's going to have to get an attorney to prove an "order to show cause" (I'm a paralegal) The order to show cause is what is done when the non custodial (Or custodial parent as well) files a request to the court to review items of concern, the items of concern to modify or change the divorce or custody have to be legit reasons- example being, if your ex got a new job making way more money than he was at the time of your divorce, you could file an Order to show cause to petition for more child support based upon his income change, or, if he had committed a crime you could file an order to reduce his time with his child based upon that.. Usually a simple custody argument based upon employment is hard to prove.. but... check them out.. call an attorney that offers a free consultation and present all your questions..

    Technically, your ex would have to prove you unfit. Which is extremely hard to do. If you are providing a good home, food, all the basics-utilities, etc.. and you aren't leaving your child in the hands of murderers, drug dealers etc.. the chance of him getting custody is very rare.. unless of course, you agree to allowing him custody.

    I'm trying to find a news article about a former porn star in California ( I will send it to you once I find it) that had this problem, her ex was trying to prove her unfit.. the judge ruled in her favor and said that as long as her child wasn't exposed to her work environment, and she was providing a stable home and not on drugs or doing anything illegal, she wasn't unfit.

    But, to set your mind at ease, find a good family law attorney who offers a free consult and ask your questions.. but I'm almost 100% positive, that they will tell you the same thing.

    Good luck.


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    Default Re: Help! I have a dancer/custody problem

    Thanks everyone. You made me feel a lot better. I'm just going to keep it a secret. The kids won't be exposed to any of it. They have a good home, food, clothes, and they'll be taken good care of while I'm working. My job shouldn't matter.

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    Default Re: Help! I have a dancer/custody problem

    not to scare you, but i know a girl who lost custody of her daughter to her ex husband (even though his parents were really behind it all) and she was a great mother. the other family had a lot of money and used the fact that she was a dancer against her. unfortunately dancing is still seen as poor moral judgement by many judges and it can taint the way you're viewed in court. i don't mean to play devils advocate, i'm just saying -if- he does try to take you to court and he -does- know you are dancing, the chances of it being used against you are very high.

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    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help! I have a dancer/custody problem

    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Penny
    not to scare you, but i know a girl who lost custody of her daughter to her ex husband (even though his parents were really behind it all) and she was a great mother. the other family had a lot of money and used the fact that she was a dancer against her. unfortunately dancing is still seen as poor moral judgement by many judges and it can taint the way you're viewed in court. i don't mean to play devils advocate, i'm just saying -if- he does try to take you to court and he -does- know you are dancing, the chances of it being used against you are very high.
    Actually, I will have to disagree with this. Unless the ex had other information on the mother to prove her unfit, no judge in this country would take away a child unless they could prove her to be involved with illegal activities.

    Quite honestly, all Jo has to do is consult a family law attorney (and I suggest a female one) provide all the information that her ex is saying, etc and file an order to show cause for modification.(JO, I suggest you throw this back at him and file an order to show cause based on his harrassment of what you do for a living and see about modifying your child custody agreement where he gets less time, just a thought for you.. and no, your job DOES NOT matter as long as you are providing for your children and also providing adequate and proper care while you are working, and not exposing them to your work environment) I see this every single day (not all are dancers, but a former attorney I worked for just did one here in my area with a girl who is a dancer and she won- the judge basically laughed his ass off at her ex-who has a bit of money from his family backing him).. Unless there is a judge who is sitting on the bench who is not being neutral and not hearing the facts (such as in a small town and becomes biast), then I can not see how, unless of course, the mother is involved with illegal activities and is NOT providing good care, a good home etc for her kids to have them taken away.

    Social Services also has to be involved and the children have to undergo a series of visits. Also neighbors, co workers etc have to be interviewed and her ex would have to provide reasonable items of concern in order to file an order to show cause, i.e: Leaving a child in a hot parked car in the summer time, children coming over to visit dirty, hungry, unkept, children having bruises, sores etc.. the list goes on and on.. He'd have to be able to prove this in a court of law and have documented proof (such as a report from Social Services indicating that the children are not cared for properly).

    Just my experience and my two cents.


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    Default Re: Help! I have a dancer/custody problem

    i've seen that happen to women. it might be because they had done something other than dance. so if you choose to dance, try not to do anything else that may get you into trouble. Because the compilation of the two may be what will do you in.
    ie, smoking pot (a good friend i know lost her daughter for soming pot - no lie), driving while intoxicated (which is very easy when your a dancer), etc. or even being is a club that might be busted for doing something illegal. there a thread just mentioned in here about dancers being busted for prostitution and solicitation. these could be marks against you.
    Definitely talk to a lawyer about the situation. I'd hate for his threat to have any validity behind it. Nothing is worth losing your children.

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    Default Re: Help! I have a dancer/custody problem

    Quote Originally Posted by Gynger
    Actually, I will have to disagree with this. Unless the ex had other information on the mother to prove her unfit, no judge in this country would take away a child unless they could prove her to be involved with illegal activities.
    Umm, while that all sounds great in theory, you might want to spend some time trying to convince any number of judges in the hardcore Southern Baptist regions of the south that something more is required before you make such a sweeping statement... 'cause I can assure you that there are plenty of judges in Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and much of the rest of the former Confederacy that will take the child away so fast it'll make your head spin!

    And as for your "will have to show," "must prove," and assorted other requirements, the judges at the trial court level are well aware of the standards of review which will be applied by the appellate court to each and every aspect of their rulings... and it's a rare judge indeed that doesn't know how to "bullett-proof" a decision against reversal on appeal. In this regard, factual evidence (read "testimony") is reviewed on a "manifest error" basis, which means that the appellate court will not overturn the judge's decision re a disputed issue of fact unless it's manifestly erroneous/clearly wrong - so to the extent he chooses to believe one version of things over another, his decisions re same will generally hold up on review. Then, of course, comes the evidentiary rulings, i.e., his comes in, hers doesn't... for any number of reasons, most of which are very difficult to overcome on appeal, and/or the civil procedure rulings, etc., etc., etc.

    Point being, depends entirely upon where you are... and which judge you get.
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