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Thread: "Can I join you"

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    Default "Can I join you"

    I'm switching this around a little bit because I have a question for the customers here. When I'm working and a guy comes in who I've never seen before I walk over and introduce myself (the basic hello my name is, whats your name), I then follow up with "may I join you" or "do you mind if I sit down". In my 4 years of dancing I've had maybe a handful of customers say no, however lately I get turned down, more that I get a yes. Then not 5 seconds later another girl will say something and the customer is pulling a chair out for her. So anyway the point of this being, what does a dancer say to you that will invite you do join her.

    One last thing, I always wait until the guy is seated and has his drink before I go over, I know how annoying it is to get jumped the second you walk into a club.

    Thanks for any input

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Can I join you"

    You have to fit my basic criteria for the type of woman that I prefer. I don't mean to be crass about this but no dancer asks to sit down if she isn't going to eventualy ask for a dance. If I prefer petite brunettes and you are a blond with a boob job I'm probably going to say no when you ask to join me.

    My only other advice would be to take a look at the ladies who are getting chairs pulled out for them and take an honest look at yourself as well. It's not a question of who's better looking, younger or whatever. Four years is a long time, maybe you need to refine your approach, maybe a change in your look. If you've been at the same club all this time you are starting to look "invisible" to a lot of the guys who are in the club on a regular basis. Best of luck!
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    Featured Member Destiny's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Can I join you"

    Like yoda said, most guys go to the club looking for a certain type of girl. If you're not it, they probably don't want you to sit down. If they aren't going to buy a dance from you, you don't want to waste your time by sitting down either.
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Can I join you"

    I do the exact same thing, and the best I can say is that no one bats .1000. You weren't his type, he was waiting for her, that's her boyfriend, he doesn't have money anyway... let that one go, as you weren't getting his money one way or another.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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    Default Re: "Can I join you"

    I think maybe you are pitching the question to early. Stop and warm them up a little bit first. "How was your day?" "Are you from this area, just visiting" are good questions to start a little conversation. Leave them wanting more before you ask to join them. Most guys I've met want to continue a conversation with a beautiful intelligent woman.
    Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul... - Marilyn Monroe

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Can I join you"

    There are a number of reasons I may turn down a girl. On top of the "you're not my type", "my tiproll is reserved for _________ " reasons may simply be a timing issue.

    It does need to be stated that most customers who are intent on buying dances don't have a $500+ tiproll on them, so they need to budget. If you're in a club with 25+ girls, he may want to see a variety of them before choosing his entertainer(s).

    Sometimes when a dancer approaches me too early in my visit, I may turn her down solely because I haven't had a chance to see the competition yet. (OTOH if she approaches too late, someone else may get my money). Other times I may turn a gal down is when I just had some dances with another gal and I may wait a little while to recharge, and have another drink, before going at it again.

    There's really no magic means by which a dancer can detect whether a customer is ready or not, so I wouldn't obsess over it. Sometimes you're timing is right, and sometimes it isn't.


    All you can do is go up introduce yourself (please be sure to state your name, this puts a memory trigger in the guy's head), and ask him. If you get turned down, wish him a pleasant evening, and let him know that if he changes his mind, you'll be happy to accomidate him later (provided that you're available).
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Default Re: "Can I join you"

    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbles82781
    I'm switching this around a little bit because I have a question for the customers here. When I'm working and a guy comes in who I've never seen before I walk over and introduce myself (the basic hello my name is, whats your name), I then follow up with "may I join you" or "do you mind if I sit down". In my 4 years of dancing I've had maybe a handful of customers say no, however lately I get turned down, more that I get a yes. Then not 5 seconds later another girl will say something and the customer is pulling a chair out for her. So anyway the point of this being, what does a dancer say to you that will invite you do join her.

    One last thing, I always wait until the guy is seated and has his drink before I go over, I know how annoying it is to get jumped the second you walk into a club.

    Thanks for any input
    Well, Bubbles - first, I'll say kudos to you for waiting for him to have a drink. I'll always do it, but I do find it a bit annoying when the first thing I have to do is pay $12 for a drink for someone. Give me a few minutes...let me chill.

    Second - I think your error might POSSIBLY (clearly I'm not sure) be that you are the first person. Personally, I never say no. But when I'm first in a club, I do get annoyed when I'm immediately attached.

    In short....try letting others go first and see what happens. If the gal is turned away, then YOU try going up second.

    Chances are, they're trying to conserve money a little...but cave when the second or third person gets there.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
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    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
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    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: "Can I join you"

    You might be better off if you talk to them a little bit and then go off... leave them wanting more... when you talk to them the second time you should have a clearer sense of where they're at and hopefully they've been sitting there waiting for you to return...and you'll know it...

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    Default Re: "Can I join you"

    Thank you so much for the wonderful advice. I'm going to try dlabtot's approach today and see if that works -- I have found days that its packed and I can only talk to a guy a minute or two before moving on I seem to do better.

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    Default Re: "Can I join you"

    Quote Originally Posted by dlabtot
    You might be better off if you talk to them a little bit and then go off... leave them wanting more... when you talk to them the second time you should have a clearer sense of where they're at and hopefully they've been sitting there waiting for you to return...and you'll know it...
    I find the "hostess" type endearing. She smiles, says hi, and introduces herself without asking to join you. She asks if you like any particular type of dancer, then suggests someone. She's an instant friend, and I always end up with her eventually, even if she's not quite my type.

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    Default Re: "Can I join you"

    i always smiled at the guy if he smiled back then i knew he was interested and then of course theres the obvious ones that stare at you from all the way across the room and i would never jump right in there and ask them to buy anything sometimes i would say its getting hot in here.... and the guy would say would you like a drink yeah sure i i am sure its probably he was in there to see a certain dancer i had customers who were like that if any one else approached they would say no unless of course i brought the other girl in then that was a different story just keep your head up high and keep making that $$$$$$ what one wont buy another one will!!!!!!!!!!!

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    Default Re: "Can I join you"

    Quote Originally Posted by Lilith
    no one bats .1000
    Actually, many do but then are quickly dropkicked back down to single A.

    I agree with SW. The hostess approach works a couple ways. First it's a low pressure, low commitment interaction that makes a customer feel at ease. If he wants to spend more time with you, he'll let you know. If he's not ready for whatever reason, it gives you an opportunity to sell him later on. By asking him upfront if he'd mind if you sat with him, you're giving him a chance to give you a definitive "no" which means you've got no shot for the rest of the night.

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