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Thread: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

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    Default How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    Hi,

    I think I'm not making nearly as much money as I should because I'm not really providing the fantasy.

    I've noticed that when I'm on stage, I get lots and lots of looks from guys. I'm always told how beautiful and articulate I am. However, it is so hard for me to sell VIP rooms and sometimes it can be hard for me to sell lapdances because I'm not willing to dance really nasty or crazy on the floor like some of the other girls are (hence, why I'm switching clubs in a few weeks).

    Also, sometimes I think I'm a little too real. Guys ask me out all the time, and I flat out say, "I'm sorry, I don't date customers" (which is the truth 99.9% of the time). I also hate doing that fake shit where the girls rub all over the customer's heads and are kissing them on the cheek. I don't mind being very affectionate towards a customer who's spending money on me, but these girls do it to EVERY guy!

    So, how can I provide the fantasy without compromising my intelligent conversation and without coming off as fake? I'd like to be a really great entertainer and provide a good experience for each customer that I encounter.

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    I always believe in believing your own sh*t. Its great you want to provide and awesome experience to customers. Guys are gonna ask you out all the fricken time...for as long as you are in the business. Theres a better way you can phrase your answer instead of a flat out "no" but without promising extras. What works for me is telling them Im so busy with blah blah I dont have time for relationships or dinner (or wtvr they offered). Or "*giggle* I dont play outside of here this is my playground".

    Maybe you dont feel comfortable around customers to give "affection" to them. But you shouldnt do anything that makes you feel fake or uncomfortable such as the kissing on the cheek thing you mentioned. Find another way to make your customers feel special. Hold their hand, look into their eyes and flash a sexy smile, let your chest beat next to his...somehow you can make your persona stand out more without compromising who you are. Besides, I dont think were are suppose to be us when were there...we are someone else our own fantasy.
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    madmaxine
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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    Speak less and listen more. This is a hard pill to swallow for smart dancers- most custies do not want to know if you're smart. They come to the club to be treated like kings and get off. Some actually "feel bad" if you seem too smart- I guess it's better if you seem like an airhead, then they feel like it's OK to objectify you.
    Zero in on how to chatter about things HE want to talk about, and save your dazzling best for regulars who will really give a crap about what you think (well, as far as that goes in a club.) Some custies are nice, but the guy who wants to fantasize about you for $$$ doesn't give a crap if you have a brain. In fact, he'd probably prefer you had no head (R. Crumb, "Bitchin' Bod".....) I'm using hyperbole, but you can guess what I mean.

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    Maxine is dead on here; strippers with a fully functioning frontal lobe are either threatening to customers or objects of savior-type behavior, or both.

    It's sad you have to dumb yourself down for the bulk of your clientle but every once in a while you might get someone that won't penalize or patronize you for the quality of your synaptic responses.

    Two cents.
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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    I agree that it's sad that I might have to dumb myself down for the guys. It's also sad that many of them have such low self esteem that this is necessary. I, for one, do NOT feel better when I'm in the company of someone who is obviously less intelligent than I am - unless they just happen to be sweet, then I try to speak more on their level and enjoy them for who they are. I suppose it can be a little "cute", but after a while, it gets annoying. I thoroughly enjoy being around very intelligent people - provided they are not arrogant. Speaking of which, perhaps I may come off to customers as being a bit arrogant without realizing it. Hmm...something to think about. I will try to be mindful of that.

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    Featured Member MinahSky's Avatar
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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    You need to realize that not all men in the club are the same. You should adjust your approach and handling of them since they are all unique. A lot of men like to talk. Their wives/girlfriens constantly nag them about tehir problems, yet dont' let them talk. Honign the art of listening can help you tremendously. Also, check your attitude at work. You may not think that you're letting it show, but most likely you are. You can cry, get upset and whatever else you want at home. My ex used to start sh!t with me before I would leave for work. I would spend my time on the way there decompressing and blasting good music. By the time I got to the club, I was in a better place mentally.

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    Senior Member pet_rock's Avatar
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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    Quote Originally Posted by BrainyDancerGirl
    I agree that it's sad that I might have to dumb myself down for the guys....I try to speak more on their level and enjoy them for who they are.
    As the intelligent one, you are NOT dumbing yourself down to talk to the guys--you are using your enhanced verbal skills to communicate effectively with them! Honestly, since I'm a guy who likes to TALK to dancers, I may have a bigger problem than you since dancers are usually known for big breasts rather than for big brains and it's hard to find an intelligent dancer...too bad you're in NYC! Anyway, when you find an intelligent guy he may become your regular and then you're half-way home...

    However, to GET him in the first place you have to put the fantasy out there first--and as you've noticed and noted, the other girls are affectionate to everyone and so when it turns out the guy is nice and classy and intelligent they've already got an 'in' and will get what he spends. They ARE putting the fantasy out there and you're not--you are being aloof/standoffish until he shows you the money, as it were. So you have to try and put A fantasy out there, like TigersMilk suggested--unless you can just pull off the Ice Queen routine, maybe?

    I, for one, do NOT feel better when I'm in the company of someone who is obviously less intelligent than I am
    Um, then you are NOT going to be happy in an SC since patrons are not necessarily known for their smarts, either--and getting drunk while he's in there isn't conductive to intelligent discourse, either. So then you have to just get into giving lap dances to avoid conversation, but you aren't getting them to go with you...

    I wish you well, but it may be that until you come up with a personna and push your real self inside while dancing that you aren't cut-out to be a dancer. Or maybe you need to read all the threads (I'm hoping someone else will reference them! ) that could help you get into the business. i.e. Dancer Wealth's posts et al.

    I'd like to be a really great entertainer and provide a good experience for each customer that I encounter.
    It sounds like you would be great in a show-bar (bold), but um, you DO realize that meeting this goal while holding to your standards is an impossibility, right? (italics)

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    Pet Rock,

    Acutally, I've been a dancer for a while, and have been quite successful. At my old club in Atlanta, The Cheetah, I averaged $600 to $800 a night. But most, if not ALL of my clientele was very well educated and quite articulate. Hence, having looks, a personality, AND a brain really turned them on. That WAS the fantasy for them. Plus, I had a network of people in the club (bouncers, waitresses, other dancers, etc) who I worked with to make money.

    But, so far, NYC has been hard. It just has a whole other atmosphere. I'm not really established at a club yet, and, thus, don't have the network that I used to have. Plus, I took a break from the business for more than a year and a half (two years almost). I've only been back at it for about 2 months. Guess I'm still kinda rusty. LOL!!!

    As far as affection, I suppose I could spice it up a little without going overboard. Maybe touch the arms a bit more and put my arm in theirs as we talk. A light hand on the thigh (not, of course, trying to grab the crotch...LOL!!!) I should make sure to REALLY seem interested in what they have to say (sometimes, I don't have to fake this because some of them DO have interesting stories to tell).

    I guess as far as "persona", the closest thing I can think of that's not "fake" is being bubbly and positive. You know, being in a good mood and sharing that good mood. I like to make people feel happy and let them know that I'm happy to be around them too. That is a natural aspect of my personality. Maybe that can work for me. We'll see!

    Thanks for the advice all!!

    P.S. I don't care about being around dumb people at work (that happens no matter WHERE you are!!!). It's just that I don't purposely CHOOSE to be around dumb people hence, why I feel bad that many guys make themselves feel better by being around dumb pretty girls. But, hey, whatever floats your boat.

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    (Open mouth, tries to removes foot...)

    Well, maybe it's just the current club you picked then, as far as customers go--or maybe the south isn't ALL rednecks! (I'm a transplanted Yankee so I don't count...)

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    Quote Originally Posted by BrainyDancerGirl
    Hi,

    I think I'm not making nearly as much money as I should because I'm not really providing the fantasy.
    A surprising numbers of guys take SC's as being for real. It's not so much providing the fantasy, as conforming to their stereotype of what a dancer should be.

    Quote Originally Posted by BrainyDancerGirl
    I've noticed that when I'm on stage, I get lots and lots of looks from guys. I'm always told how beautiful and articulate I am. However, it is so hard for me to sell VIP rooms and sometimes it can be hard for me to sell lapdances because I'm not willing to dance really nasty or crazy on the floor like some of the other girls are (hence, why I'm switching clubs in a few weeks).
    Some guys unfortunately go to the clubs to get mileage. There's a reasonable correllation between nasty/crazy on stage and nasty/crazy in private dances. Try for another market - some guys like sexy rather than crude. Try lots of eye contact, gentle stroking of his cheek with your fingertips, etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by BrainyDancerGirl
    Also, sometimes I think I'm a little too real. Guys ask me out all the time, and I flat out say, "I'm sorry, I don't date customers" (which is the truth 99.9% of the time). I also hate doing that fake shit where the girls rub all over the customer's heads and are kissing them on the cheek. I don't mind being very affectionate towards a customer who's spending money on me, but these girls do it to EVERY guy!
    Bad mistake this one. You do date customers, but only after you've got to know them really well. It'll take several more visits, and, oh by the way, would you like another private dance. Most guys come into a SC convinced they can "date a dancer". Give them a flat no and you've taken away one part of their fantasy. You've got to leave the prospect open that they might get a date. OK, you're never going to give them one, but they don't know that.

    Quote Originally Posted by BrainyDancerGirl
    So, how can I provide the fantasy without compromising my intelligent conversation and without coming off as fake? I'd like to be a really great entertainer and provide a good experience for each customer that I encounter.
    Two problems with intelligent conversation. (a) It takes time, and you're trying to get the maximum number of lap dances in the evening. (b) "Date the dancer syndrome" - anyone after your phone number is going to use said intelligent conversation to try and get some personal information about you. As someone else has commented, far better to let them talk about themselves.

    Final bit of advice - you're looking at the problem as a dancer. What you've got to do is see yourself through a customers' eyes. You're trying to provide a sophisticated and sensual experience. Fine, but much of your audience will be driven by somewhat baser motives. They're not so much interested in your brains, as your body. Focus on marketing said body, and not your brains.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    I'd like to thank you all for the honest feedback you have given me so far. What I have found especially valuable is the feedback from the customers. I really can see where you all are coming from (and many of you articulated it very well...too bad you guys aren't in NYC - you'd probably be great customers for me after I improve my act! LOL!!!). Any other advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

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    Veteran Member laplover69's Avatar
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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    I guess I maybe the atypical one here as I prefer some genuine sincerity in dancers. Sure I realize it's a fantasy BUSINESS most of the time and a SC is not the place to gauge whether or not there is any sincerity in "lust" so to speak on either the dancers or customers behalf, but I do appreciate not being "played" by a stripper when there is time, $$$, and feelings developed OTC and ITC. I would hope that some dancers who do date customers (not stripper dating) where its all about pay for play, that they do appreciate that sometimes "customers" really do have sincere feelings for you. It's just getting past the sometimes unfounded "stereotypes" and labels dancers have of "customers" and visa versa...Cheers

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    I like my regular customers. I dont' care how much money an @$$hole spends, he's still an @$$hole. I much rather dance for someone I respect and can talk to. Otherwise, a 3 minute song can feel like forever.
    Last edited by MinahSky; 08-08-2005 at 09:08 PM.
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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    Everybody talks about the fantasy, the fantasy, the fantasy.

    Ok, all right, now, I want to know what the heck is this fantasy?

    When a guy comes into a club, and we engage in some pleasant chit chat, about any subject, any thing. This is what you call a fantasy?

    Most guys when they come in just want to talk. And most of the time, it just junk talk, that is all it is. They are not looking for the latest in micro-surgery, Non-Euclidan geometry, or the latest in genetic gene splitting.

    Smile a lot and listen and when he wants an input, agree, open your eyes real wide, like it was the wisest and the greatest thing you have ever heard. Pretty soon, he will think that you are the smartest girl around. No. really!

    Be nice. Like the old saying, if you got the money honey, I got the time.

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    Speak less and listen more. This is a hard pill to swallow for smart dancers- most custies do not want to know if you're smart. They come to the club to be treated like kings and get off. Some actually "feel bad" if you seem too smart- I guess it's better if you seem like an airhead, then they feel like it's OK to objectify you.
    Absolutely. I spent years keepin' it real. Only recently, for the sake of my sanity, I started using a faked-up 'dumb girl' personality at work, and lemme tell ya...the money has increased noticeably, AND I'm less drained after work.

    Feature costumes for sale!

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    Scarlett, it stinks to have to do that, doesn't it? I try to find a happy medium. Unfortunately there are some "men" that HAVE to feel superior to us in order for us to make money.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Do unto others as you would have them do to you...it's less work to be nice than it is to be evil!

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    i provide the fantasy by smiling, laughing, giving a great deal of eye contact, rubbing neck/shoulders/back, and acting very chipper...in a NON-FAKE manner. it's hard to explain how to not appear as though you are faking it, though.

    yes, i agree that acting dumb works wonders...not too dumb, though. i slip a "big word" in there every now and then. i even mention "intelligent subjects" every now and then...but i have found that keeping it simple and sexual is easier and makes me more $$$

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    madmaxine
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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    The club is all about the custies....you''re there to serve them. That is your job.
    I also have worked in a lot of middle-of-road clubs....working class people tend to have much common sense but don't like feeling "talked down to.." or dealing with a "snob".
    What bothered me more was having custies grab or insult me because they thought I would take it (being tiny and Latina.) It made me very mean. Compared to this, having to take down the conversation a notch doesn't seem so bad.
    (It's best to play dumb when you need to and have people underestimate your strength in any job...I worked regular jobs where the backstabber employees were always trying to test to see where everyone stood, so they could knock them out of the way....the world is a treacherous place....)

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    I know exactly what you mean. Some customers are surprised by my intelligence & therefore would rather have a long conversation with me. I use that as part of the game & dance for them while they talk & talk & talk. But the next time they come in, they ask me out & I have to tell them I don't do that. They might come in again & try once more, or I might never see them again. I hardly get more than 1-3 dances per customer bc of the way I dance. I try to maintain eye contact, but I only touch the customer on his shoulder or knees, I don't let the customer touch me, & I definitely do not do dirty or crazy dancing. I just try to keep a happy, carefree attitude, & I smile a lot. So, the only thing I can do is to get the next dance & the next. This is how I make my money, luckily since my club is primarily a "wanna dance" type. I don't care anymore about having regulars bc I don't want to live a lie for them. I have my own life & my own boyfriend. What I do at the club is strictly my job. I tell them that it is my job & if they want to see me, they can come see me at the club. I may lose out on some money, but it's okay with me bc I am perfectly content with the money I make doing what I do now.

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    I think it's funny you should mention the date thing. I get asked out ALL the time by almost ALL of my customers - married, single, divorced, etc, etc. I think the problem with showing too much of my intelligence is that it moves me from being in the category of "fantasy" to (if the guy isn't intimidated) "fantasy girlfriend". Suddenly, I fulfill the "Madonna/Whore" complex - you can take me home to your parents AND you can have just the nastiest little woman in the bed. Guess that doesn't translate into multiple dances and/or champagne rooms but instead, "How about some dinner sometime?" DAMMIT!!!!

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    I maybe totally off base here, and I do not mean to offend, but maybe your approach is too business like for this club. Personally I look for the dancers who appear to be having the most fun. And I watch everything, the stage, how the enter it and leave it, how they work the crowd or don't work the crowd, are they sticking to a reg or hustling the room, do they smile and laugh, even when just casually walking across the room. Do they seem to enjoy the people they see and meet. Bottom line are they having fun.

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    Since I just made a reply about an Australian accent...when I moved down to the south I found that the annoyingness of the southern drawl was inversely proportional to the attractiveness of the woman using it. You sound like you're attractive enough to make it be a positive instead of a negative!

    So if you're from the south (instead of just having worked down here for so many years) you might could play up on this! Unless of course, NYC patrons with their NY accent find it completely a turn-off--which might be why you're failing right now?

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    Sorry Pet Rock,

    One of the things I'm known for is that fact that I've lived my entire life in the South and I DO NOT have a Southern accent. Most people can't even guess where I'm from when asked. They guess things like California or Ohio. I just laugh my ass off.

    BUT, maybe I can play off on the Southern thing...being that we Southern Belles are so hospitable and really treat our men like gentlemen...hehehe

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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W

    Two problems with intelligent conversation. (a) It takes time, and you're trying to get the maximum number of lap dances in the evening. (b) "Date the dancer syndrome" - anyone after your phone number is going to use said intelligent conversation to try and get some personal information about you. As someone else has commented, far better to let them talk about themselves.

    Phil.
    You're so on the money, Phil. Intelligent conversation only works on a particular type of customer who likes to chat in the champagne room. Other guys waste your time with conversation. I know of one instance where I chatted with a guy for ages, he said he 'would take care of me'. He only gave me $40

    Also to add, the 'madonna/whore' syndrome comes into play when a girl gives intelligent conversation. The end result is no dances and a request to 'have dinner' OTC or he'll end up dancing with someone who conforms more to the stripper stereotype.

    On busy nights, I ham up my British accent and put on a Mae West routine :
    Helloooo old chap, is that a cellphone in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?

  26. #25
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: How Do You Provide the Fantasy?

    Quote Originally Posted by BrainyDancerGirl
    BUT, maybe I can play off on the Southern thing...being that we Southern Belles are so hospitable and really treat our men like gentlemen...hehehe
    That's what I plan on doing. I'm originally from Memphis and I live in California, and I intend to take the stage name Dixie and just play up my accent and the whole "sweet Southern blonde" thing. When I was waitressing I found that when I kicked up my accent, I treated the customers better and made more money - it's like it subconsciously triggered an urge to actually BE sweet and happy to serve.

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