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Thread: Stalking customer

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Cristalla's Avatar
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    Default Stalking customer

    There was this guy - thank god i got rid of him now- that kept coming to see me at my club, spending 300+ on me, at the beginning was nice and behaved normally but then after a while he start saying things like ' you are the most beautiful human being i seen in my life' or 'you are so perfect' and bs like that and soon he start to hang stuff on my motel door - i dont know how he found out that was my room number - it was one of those motels right on the street so anybody could access - 0ne day were roses, another hershey chocolates- i hate hersheys!-another day pounds of beef jerky , hallmark cards, then little jewelry...

    at the beginning i thought it was kind of nice but then i had to leave for vacation .. for one month i was abroad....

    when i came back i had 40+ voicemails from him , and started to sound odd...
    i changed club and i spoke to him on the phone ..

    he came immediatly to see me , drove 400 miles to my new club, kept going with the same lines of stupid worshiping on my persona, and finally he left cos the club was closing. at 4 am i was already sleeping,
    i woke up by my phone text alert..

    it was him texing me ' would you ve been offended if i asked you to stay overnight with you in yr hotel room? ' then another text ' no strings' .
    i got so pissed and wrote him back 'are u out of yr mind,,,blah,,i only dance,,,respect me,, etc.

    and he replied sayin he only meant to sleep on the floor not to drive that late at night before going to work..he d never meant about sex...blah...he loved me
    too much to ask such a thing ,how could i ever even though he meant sex...

    yeah right,,, yuck... if so ,why would he wrote the no string text... anyway, after that i was done with him and i didnt want him as a customer anymore , and that s when he started calling my cell 10 times a day,,, leaving messages...

    he sounded desperate because i didnt reply or call him back so my friend told me to text him one last time saying that my husband-that lives in another state-
    was listening to my voicemail and got very mad when he heard him calling me sweetheart and saying i love u....

    he pretended he never received the text. ..!

    he kept calling and texting and calling. i asked my phone carrier to block his number but they couldnt do it,... thank god after 2 weeks he stopped...but i m still afraid he ll psycho on me again some other time... [good thing i change clubs all the time traveling around different states]

    any similar experiences occurred to any of you?!
    Last edited by Cristalla; 08-12-2005 at 09:21 AM.

  2. #2
    God/dess kryssy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    after switching clubs you never should have called him to tell him where you were. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you have to remember safety first.

  3. #3
    Veteran Member Cristalla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    yea... i guess i didnt realise yet how far he was into his mental fantasy...

    i felt uneasy after all the calls, the second time i was back in the new club,when i had no phone service and he started to call more and more asking me to use a calling card to call him back cos i had no signal on the cell

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    Featured Member hannah83's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    yeah not trying to sound mean at all, but maybe now you'll be more careful about who you give your number out to. and always follow your gut, if you were feeling uncomfortable there is a reason for it.
    There's a wild side behind every innocent face.

    End violence against women.
    I support Dottie.


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    Featured Member hannah83's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    and pounds of beef jerky? LOL didn't know that was the way into a girls heart, I would laugh at a guy if he gave me jerky as a gift.
    There's a wild side behind every innocent face.

    End violence against women.
    I support Dottie.


  6. #6
    Veteran Member Cristalla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    you girls are right ... it was the first time something like this happened to me... now i know better
    we learn how to deal with things from errors and experience ...if they r not fatal

  7. #7
    Featured Member hannah83's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    good point. just take this experience and learn from it
    There's a wild side behind every innocent face.

    End violence against women.
    I support Dottie.


  8. #8
    Veteran Member Cristalla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    yeah... i love beef jerky though...!!! much more than chocolate ! lol

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    Beef jerky is good...I'd take it as a gift! Hehehe...

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    God/dess kryssy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    Just learn to follow your judgement first

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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    If anything maybe you can change for phone number in case he wants to "reach out and touch someone". Make sure you have his phone number in case he comes back to your club so you have something to tell the police. You never know what stalkers are going to do - so be prepared. Get some mace for him and all the other wierdos. Sorry this happened to you but at least maybe hes gone now for good.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  12. #12
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    ^ Good advice from TM! Being cautious is always a good idea.

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    Featured Member rusdancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    This reminded me of this guy who's been acting pretty much the same at my club.It started with just talking on sunday nights,sometimes flowers and nice cards and then progressively he started to become pushy and act obsessed,staring at me all the time,asking me to go eat with him and for my phone number,which I politely refused.After a few months I figured that he was harmless and could be a good friend and gave him the number,and after that he started calling a few times a day and acted jealous when I talked to other people.He was saying that I changed his life and inspired him etc,which scared me to death.So I just distanced myself from him.Nice guy,but expected something he could never have,killed the friendship.

    Try just to ignore him and give him no reaction whatsoever,maybe he'll get bored finally and leave you alone.But try not to be rude,be as nice as possible,you still don't know what can happen.

  14. #14
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    Okay. Everyone. Like, in the world (because dancers drive me nuts with these situations). When a guy tracks you down - that is he goes out looking for information you didn't give him, like in some way less casual than googling your stage name - it is time to have the words. That means it is probably time to stop taking his money. I get that these guys can seem like very important revenue. I get that you can't always jettison a customer for being a little creepy. But when someone is full out stalking you - like finding out where you live - you need to stop engaging them. Stalkers are irrational. And, incidentally, husbands don't turn them off. On the contrary, it feeds into their "obstacle" fantasies. The only reason she isn't with me is because that man is keeping her away, kind of thing. The only thing to do then is A) "break up" - tell him that you do not want to see/dance for him anymore, full stop no excuse. You just don't like him. B) DO NOT change your mind the first time you have a bad night. C) if the behavior continues, CALL THE POLICE because you are way, way past being able to deal with it yourself.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    The best way t get rid of stalkers is to simply ignore them. Even one small little tect message, like telling him you had a husband, would just fuel the fire. Because it's telling him you're STILL TALKING TO HIM.

    He WILL try to contact you again. Do not do anything. Anything at all. Don't call the police. The police visiting him will also fuel it because he will turn violent. For more information on what to do in this situation read Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker.

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    Banned BigGreenMnM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny
    Okay. Everyone. Like, in the world (because dancers drive me nuts with these situations). When a guy tracks you down - that is he goes out looking for information you didn't give him, like in some way less casual than googling your stage name - it is time to have the words. That means it is probably time to stop taking his money. I get that these guys can seem like very important revenue. I get that you can't always jettison a customer for being a little creepy. But when someone is full out stalking you - like finding out where you live - you need to stop engaging them. Stalkers are irrational. And, incidentally, husbands don't turn them off. On the contrary, it feeds into their "obstacle" fantasies. The only reason she isn't with me is because that man is keeping her away, kind of thing. The only thing to do then is A) "break up" - tell him that you do not want to see/dance for him anymore, full stop no excuse. You just don't like him. B) DO NOT change your mind the first time you have a bad night. C) if the behavior continues, CALL THE POLICE because you are way, way past being able to deal with it yourself.
    Very good advice imo,and right on point.

    All I could add would be for you to figure out how he got your address,cause if he can do it,others can also.

  17. #17
    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    I agree with Jenny, when he found your hotel room without you telling him, that was a red flag.... he must have followed you there from the club without your knowing.... that is the epitome of stalking.

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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    Was that in Montana? In some of these small towns, the guys know where the dancers stay or if they don't, it's not hard to find you in a town of 20-30,000 people. They might see you in Wal Mart, or at the gas station. Most of the guys fortunately have been going to the clubs for awhile and everyone knows them.It is not the same working in a major city with millions of people and 50-100 girls a night working to being in a club with 4-7 dancers a night in a small town. Small town people are different. They are comfortable knowing everyone in town, and many times people ask you where you are from and what you are doing when you are out and about in these places. They're nosy. A guy doesn't necessarily have to be a stalker in the traditional sense to find where you are staying.

    I had a customer in Fargo who was infatuated with me, and he faded out. In the small town clubs it is good to exchange phone numbers with the guys who spend ok because a lot of your money comes from building a clientele who will come to see you every month that you're booked, but a few guys once they get the number, will call constantly and become annoying. it's not the norm though. After awhile they usually fade out though. These guys are lonely in the rural areas. I still don't understand men who know they are not at our level trying to pursue us. A smart man should know that if he is older or overweight that he has no chance with us. Or is it a male thing that they think every dancer has a price?

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    Quote Originally Posted by Tina
    A smart man should know that if he is older or overweight that he has no chance with us.
    This thread: http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26992
    might give an idea as to why older men might think they have a chance with younger women...

    fat, bald, uncouth -- that's a different story...

  20. #20
    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    [QUOTE=Tina] A smart man should know that if he is older or overweight that he has no chance with us. QUOTE]

    That's not true about the old men anyway. If Sean Connery started stalking me, it would get ulgy real quick, lol. As in the bumping ulgys kind of way; God he is so damn hott!!!!!!

    But for the most part you are right.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    Featured Member venusofwillendorf's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    now don't knock overweight men! it depends on how overweight you're talking, of course, but many man who also have a few extra pounds are just big in general. and strong. and i like strong men. the muscley man image, i think, has been pounded into my brain so many times i've developed a distaste for it- like how i ate too much peanut butter in preschool, and now i hate it.

    o, and don't forget- the ones who're told all the time that they're unattractive usually try much harder in bed, and are far more appreciative of a good woman.

    but about stalkers- one thing you, and every dancer, and in fact every woman alive, should do is take a self defense course for women. it's not about wrestling and fighting fair- they'll teach you quick maneuvers to use on someone who outweighs you considerably that will allow you to disable him, so you can get away. it's not just good for stalkers gone bad, either- let's face it, women have a much higher chance of being violently attacked on the street than men, and some sickos think the fact that we're dancers means we're asking for it. don't roll over. defend yourself!
    Last edited by venusofwillendorf; 08-13-2005 at 05:20 PM.
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  22. #22
    Veteran Member Cristalla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    yes Tina... was in montana....

    he wasnt fat or old - 47 ?- but , even if i met him in different circumstances i still wouldnt ve been attracted to him...

    i like young guys , kinda like kurt cobain...

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    Default Re: Stalking customer

    Quote Originally Posted by Tina
    A smart man should know that if he is older or overweight that he has no chance with us.
    ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!
    I can almost see you walking a room in heels,with your nose all up in the air,waiting for one of those fat old fuckers to walk in the room,and being all prissy pissed until they do!!

    Or is it a male thing that they think every dancer has a price?
    nahhhhhhhhhh its a custie thing and decades of industry reputation.

    Since paid extras run rampant in our industry,evidentially,alot of dancers DO have a price,like it or not.

    Im guessing 80% have a price,whats your guess???

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