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Thread: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

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    Default is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    Hi, I'm pretty new, but already the most common things these guys I dance for say is "wow, your boyfriend is a lucky man", etc. I thought it strange they would assume I had one, and several of the dancers assumed a guy got me to do this also. I am in fact single, but I'm not looking at the moment really (too busy) and am definitely not looking to date customers. When they assume I have a bf, I go along with it, but when they ask, what should I say? Saying I'm single does make them more flirty, and is this the idea? But it also leads to more aggression from some (like "well, you'll never get one now doing this"). Also, if I act like I have a boyfriend it's easier to say "no" when they want me to do more than I'm willing. I can already tell that I have to be less ambivalent with what I will and will not allow in the lapdances (there is so much variance in our club from very light contact girls to all the way extras girls that the customers can be pushy).

    So, with that in mind, is it better to say I have a bf or not? I tried telling one guy "yes and no..." and left it hanging, and actually he didn't make me explain too much. Is that a good line? thanks all!

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    I HIGHLY doubt men assume you're dating. The "I bet your boyfriend loves you" comments are to see if they can date you or something. I notice the way they say it is too fricken obvious. "Yes and No" would make me believe you have someone but you're willing to cheat and I'll feel like I have a better chance.

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    Featured Member hannah83's Avatar
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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    i used to tell the truth and tell the custys that i have a boyfriend but i noticed my money would drastically drop. so now i just lie and tell them i'm single.
    There's a wild side behind every innocent face.

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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    me too hannah. i am engaged but i quit wearing my ring to work cuz everytime i wore it guys would ask about it, which always turns into,"what does he think about you working here,etc" and definately hurts my money.
    they like it if you are single because then they think they might have a chance with you. hell i have even had guys tell me that i should have lied and told them i was single lol. so now that is what i do to most of em. sometimes i tell them the truth, depends on the person.
    Oh, I musta took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.


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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    The less said about the topic the better, imho

    Related discussion: http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=53508

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    Quote Originally Posted by bikinigirl04
    guys would ask about it, which always turns into,"what does he think about you working here,etc"
    Not that you would want to say this, but that would tempt me to respond: "what does your wife/girlfriend/mother think about you coming here?" LOL

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    Featured Member bikinigirl04's Avatar
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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    lol exactly dlabtot.
    Oh, I musta took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.


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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    On the other hand, just to play Devil's Advocate with myself, it is a pretty natural question, one I've seen discussed about the ladies here at SW many times... .. perhaps what dancers don't like about these type of questions is that they make it harder to maintain the 'two different personas' that many use as a coping mechanism...

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    The policy on dancer boyfriends/husbands should be don't ask, don't tell. Same goes for customer girlfriends/wives.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    the reason i don't like those questions is b/c it is asked a zillion times a night and the conversation that follows is always the same...why do i wanna talk about my bf to a guy im trying to entertain lol.
    i agree, don't ask don't tell
    Oh, I musta took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.


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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    Quote Originally Posted by hannah83
    i used to tell the truth and tell the custys that i have a boyfriend but i noticed my money would drastically drop. so now i just lie and tell them i'm single.
    Motion seconded. I've just got in from picking up a dancer friend of mine. I turn up towards the end of her shift, and by tacit agreement we don't make it obvious we know each other while we're inside the venue. She's fully aware that the illusion she's single enhances her earnings, and she doesn't want to take the chance that I'll be mistaken for her bf and hit those earnings.

    Now this dancer is pretty money orientated, and what she'll do if a guy has a few dances is give out her mobile number; (she has a "dancer phone" and a "personal phone"). Some guy has about 4 dances from her, and duly gets her "dancer phone" number. [Next time she works that venue, she'll text him in the expectation of getting more dances].

    So, I'm driving her home, (which takes about an hour from this particular venue), and just short of her place, she decides we're both hungry and it would be nice to stop in an all night supermaket and get a few bites to eat. While we're there, she gets a ring, (at 1.30 in the morning!!!!), on her mobile from this guy asking for a date.

    WTF!!!!

    Phil.

    As a PS: her attitude to these guy's she sends texts to: most are pains in the arse, but as she puts it, "it's 10 minutes of aggravation, and another £40 on my earnings". I guess being "single" improves earnings, but has drawbacks, (like the above).

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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    I don't really care if the dancer I'm talking to is single, engaged, or married, but I'd prefer it if the subject just didn't come up at all. I don't ask, and if we are talking and she lets that information slip out it doesn't really bother me. It does sort of ruin the "fantasy" if I have to hear much more about it. As long as she's paying attention to me while I'm in the club, I don't care if she has a boyfriend or husband outside of the club.

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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    I tell guys I have a girlfriend they like that better then saying I have a boyfriend which usually is a turn off

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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    Speaking for myself... Personally, I don't care either way, because I understand that most of what goes on is just an illusion, and therefore, fantasies are really a matter of "taste." I am quite certain, that there are man who'd love to think that the dancer they are with is married, and wouldn't mind cheating, if offered something for their time.

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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    I tell them the truth when they ask about a BF, "Nope, I do not have one."

    I just neglect to tell them (unless they ask) that I do have a Dear, sweet, wonderful, awesome, perfect, sexy-as-hell, husband.

    If they can't see the 2.53ctTW platinum ring on my finger, they they need glasses; or don't care.
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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    Quote Originally Posted by doc-catfish
    The policy on dancer boyfriends/husbands should be don't ask, don't tell. Same goes for customer girlfriends/wives.
    Agreed. There are many things about a dancer that is no one's business except their own. Their dating/marriage status is one of those things.

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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    When in doubt, just lie. Every dancer should clearly be "single" when she's working, unless of course you're trying to rid yourself of a PL/RIL that's hassling you about OTC activity, in which case even if you actually are single, your "boyfriend" can come in handy.

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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    It is best not to ask and for her not to tell. No drama stories either, please.

    If someone insists, say I'm far too busy working togive that serious time and besides jealousy is always an issue.

    If you evade the issue by saying I have a GF, it might play into some guys' fantasies of a threesome but then it might give them warning that you are a lesbian and not man-friendly.

    Best not to get into relationship issues including kids. With customers or other dancers that are not your close friends. Someone out there is always looking for an angle.

    Save it for your regulars.
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    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    I don't think the dating thing is discussed.... have any of you ever had your SO come in to your club? Did you acknowledge knowing each other, or play like its the first time you met?

    I think the girlfriend "lie" is a good idea. Most guys that come into clubs probably like that stuff anyway....

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    Featured Member MinahSky's Avatar
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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    My man and I talked about this...actually, he brought it up. He told me that if it made me more money to say that I'm single, to go right ahead. He knows that I'm coming home to him. Have I mentioned how much I adore him...? <sigh>
    Last edited by MinahSky; 08-13-2005 at 11:37 AM.
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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    I hate being asked if I have a bf. More often than not it's by some punk-ass kid who thinks he's hitting on me. I usually say no, but i am engaged. The conversation that ensues is always the same..."what does he think about you doing this" blah blah blah. I've never noticed this hurts my money at all though compared to when I used to always say I was single.


    I definitely agree with the don't ask don't tell policy that's been mentioned. It's easier and more enjoyable for all involved.

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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    Quote Originally Posted by dlabtot
    perhaps what dancers don't like about these type of questions is that they make it harder to maintain the 'two different personas' that many use as a coping mechanism...
    coping mechanism? i hope you don't mean to imply that dancing is somehow traumatic?
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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    ^^^Personally I think work sucks; all jobs are traumatic. Each has its individual challenges. I think any job requires a coping mechanism... even jobs that I've liked, sooner or later are days that I just don't want to work, don't want to have to deal the the requirements of the job, but I have to....

    as far as the idea that some dancers have a different persona inside the club and out, and that it makes it easier for them to do their jobs, it's certainly not a concept that I originated...

    Your inference that I mean something negative about strippers or stripping is not accurate.

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    Featured Member MinahSky's Avatar
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    Default Re: is being 'single' part of the fantasy too?

    One little note that I'd like to add: no matter how close you think you are to the other dancers, make sure you tell them the same thing you tell the customers. If you tell the customers that you're Sydney, 22, from Omaha, Nebraska, are studying art and have no boyfriend, make sure that you tell the ladies you work with the same thing. Some dancers have no better time than spilling your secrets to ruin your money, or simply for drama's sake.
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