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Thread: Male Amateur night long report

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Male Amateur night long report

    Amateur Night report:

    The following is mostly reposted from my blog, which can be found here. It has been reformatted and re-written to suit the needs of this audience.

    Thanks to two 58-hour work weeks in a row, I had very little time to work on my performance for amateur night.

    I had even less time than anticipated because I went to Woody's after work to solicit advice from the dancers. The dancers I thought would be there during day shift weren't there until evening, so I was around quite a while waiting. In the mean time, I talked to Sylvia, who I'd seen many time, but never really talked to before. She mentioned she was planning on bringing her gay friend to male amateur night. I told her I hope her friend is okay with being molested by women, because that's exactly what's going to happen with the audiences we get.

    She asked if I were interested in guys and apparently started angling to set me up with him. I'm not entirely uninterested in guys, but I'm not really interested in dating them. It took a while to convince her of this. The thing that struck me most about this is how far removed it was from normal stripper/customer conversation. I was glad for it.

    So, I basically stayed up quite late the previous night removing all my body hair. I figured I'd use Nair on most of my body, shave my hands, wrists and crotch/o-ring and leave the hair on my chest and, just crop it down to 1/4 inch. This time I had a shower cap and rubber gloves to prevent accidental loss of hair and nails.

    So I had Nair on my legs and was crouching down to shave my crotch. When I stood up, I realized it had gotten from my legs onto my chest. I tried to wipe it off, but it was too late. A couple odd patches of hair went with it. Along with a significant amount of skin from my left nipple. When they say to keep Nair away from your nipples, they are not kidding. I'm writing this 5 days later and this is really the first day I've been comfortable.

    So, then I had to shave my chest. The part around the collar bone is quite tricky. And, I had to do my pits as well. The Nair directions say it is safe to use on underarms. This is a filthy lie.

    While distracted by this, I forgot all about the Nair on my back and got a rather painful burn there as well.

    I didn't have time to pick out music or clothes, soI threw something together in the morning and just grabbed Rob Zombie's American-Made Music to Strip By.

    For a while at amateur night, I had high hopes as very few contestants were there. Then, a bunch of good-looking guys came in at the last minute.

    I wonder if female strippers ever have people ask to borrow money so they can tip them. I saw this happen to Beast and Juicy J.

    The back room situation was different than last month due to a generally low level of drinking. Also, with only 8 contestants, it was much less crowded.

    Another contestant, Leo is an interesting guy. He just auditioned to be a porn star and apparently used to be an escort. Would have liked to chat with him some more, but there are always all sorts of things going on.

    I wore liquid eyeliner for the first time and didn't really apply it right (the dancer I hoped would help me wasn't there), but I did manage a dramatic reveal when I whipped off my sunglasses.

    I wore a compression shirt and I have to say I love those things. I may take to wearing them as undershirts all the time. I just dressed in all black this time, which didn't go over as well as my brightly colored clothes I wore last month. Also, I got kind of worn out on stage. I forgot how long that Dragula mix was.

    The scores were generally not good. Allison (the Woody's dancer) gave me a 2 (sadly, not my worst score) and said her two-year old nephew had a larger penis. If I had been in a snarkier mood, I would have questioned how his tits compared to hers. I may do this anyway at some point. This would have offended me if she hadn't said the same thing about Juicy J and Beast. I probably won't be buying dances from her anytime soon, though. I've taken a picture with a ruler to set the record straight. Trying to decide if I should print it out and give it to her.

    Another woman refused to give me a score until she got security to say they're keep me away from her (as if, she weighs twice what I do). Then she gave me a 1.

    Things generally went better out on the floor afterward, though I did have a woman who kept trying to remove my pants. She was trying to say it was her birthday. Also, she wasn't tipping. Her friend, who said it was also her birthday, was egging her on. The dancer who was supposed to protect me from such people didn't show.

    A group of women invited me to come party with them in Iowa City. Then, they slipped out while I was talking to someone else. While I've always wanted to be invited to a party, I don't drink, use drugs or have sex with people I just met, so there wouldn't be much for me to do. I like talking to people and don't thinkk I have anything against making out with strange women, though.

    On that note, the reason I didn't notice them leaving is I got rather distracted by a wonderful mother-in-law/daughter-in-law team. Plenty of people have hit on me at male amateur night, but the mother in law was the first one to be really tempting. I have this thing for older women, provided they keep themselves in shape, which she definitely did. I'm glad she wasn't offerring, because while I probably would have turned her down, I would be kicking myself for it about now. And the daughter-in-law understood strip club ettiquette and tipped me, which is the only reason I tied last month with such a poor showing.

    If I'm going to do well, I'll have to get in shape. Apparently, men have to do more than not be fat. I'll try to exercise more and see if I can make a visible difference within a month's time.

    I stepped on my sunglasses on stage. They were not repairable and cost slightly more than I made in tips. Also, I couldn't find an identical pair. And I left my CD there.

    Afterward, I gave Blue a ride home, which I also did last month. I like the guy, but his grip on reality is tenuous at best and I'm starting to think that he considers me his ride now. He wants me to pick him up for female amateur night next month.

    He'd like to be a porn star and also can't understand why the dancers humor him, but don't seem interested in sleeping with him. While he is in excellent phyical condition, he's 82 and lives off social security. It's a fine line between ambition and delusion and I think he's crossed it.

    One thing that's really bugging me is the homophobic atmosphere in the dressing room. Blue has repeatedly voiced objections to male customers being allowed in at all on male amateur night and another guy called me a faggot under his breath as I applied eyeliner.

    This guy also frequently refers to all the female customers as bitches in a way that doesn't sound very ironic. (i.e. muttering about cheap-ass bitches all the time even though he makes more than anyone). He's dating one of the female dancers and I find myself liking her less just because she would go out with such a jerk.

    Most of the guys aren't causing problems, but it's enough to set a mood. I'm sure many local gay guys would love to strip, but the atmosphere is definitely going to make them feel unwelcome. Trying to think what, if anything I should do here.

    So in summary, here are some pictures:


    Full set and write-up can be found here .
    Last edited by Clark; 08-23-2005 at 08:10 PM.

  2. #2
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male Amateur night long report

    Ok, this was like 47 threads in one! Diversify my friend Diversify!

    First, wow, all studs!

    http://www.woodysshowclub.com/mannight.html <-- pics of all dancers

    Very informative, just a lot of fluff, and misdirection.

    Heh you depend on female dancers too much. And the peener comment! Sheesh, dude thats crazy!

    I'm a little big, and white, I wonder if I could be a dancer. Look at my Sig for a pic, opinions? Can I work the pole?
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Veteran Member TJAndDani's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male Amateur night long report

    ...

    Yeah, being in shape is required. And being tan.

  4. #4
    242_fair
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    Default Re: Male Amateur night long report

    OHM that was such a funny report!

    I thought it was a joke until I saw the pics, exp the part about the senior citizen!!

    Just do the spray tan (search for a thread on it), and keep up the good work!

    Keep us posted.

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    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male Amateur night long report

    I'd rather redefine beauty standards so that tans aren't required. How do I go about doing that? Do I just keep Brad Pitt inside for a while?

    This was the short version of the report. The long version includes a bunch of other conversations I had with the female dancers to prep and the prologue where I go to my parent's house while still wearing eyeliner. That can be found at my site.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male Amateur night long report

    Ugh I feel the same way about tans. I'm pale and do NOT tan. I don't believe in tanning as society's way of acceptance. I hope you really don't have to tan to be considered attractive.

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    Veteran Member Foxey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male Amateur night long report

    I'm all for tanning but I recently quit because I decided I'd been doing it for a year straight and didn't like my chances of skin cancer. Tan skin definately looks better and is more flattering except on the rare occasion when a girl can pull porcelin off. Just out of interest does anyone have any good info on tanning in tanning beds and skin cancer? Like how often to go to decrease your risk? (aside from not going at all, obviously)
    In a black light trance, then go go dance...

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    Veteran Member silverandcold's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male Amateur night long report

    Just buy self tanner lotion, lol....or go get a spray tan. Muuuch safer.

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    God/dess kryssy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male Amateur night long report

    I congradulate you on your courage to do amature night at all. Alot of men will not even wear a thong for the wifey/girlfriend let alone in front of a large group of strange women.

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male Amateur night long report

    I just have to say that if you are willing to go to the trouble of hair removal and eyeliner and the rest, why not pick up a bottle of self tanner and go all the way.

    Either that or get yourself a sexy vampire costume and go for the pale look that way! Brad Pitt did make a sexy vampire didn't he? Even if you are not the most buff or tan or whatever, if you have a really cool act with theme costume, you will stand out and place a lot higher.

    It is so much tougher to be a male stripper as far as the kind of show and looks required. It is like a feature dancer, but that is just the bare minimum requirement.

    I work for a booking agency that does male strip-o-gram, and the first question from most of the ladies is "Does he have big muscles?" Then they ask if he puts on a good show. I have never been asked if a dancer is well hung, but some do want to know if he will go nude. The ladies will frequently ask about height as well. I guess between 5'10" and 6'3" is about right. Shorter or taller doesn't really get a negitive response, but those are the ideal according to the ladies I talked to.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male Amateur night long report

    Tonight, I went to amateur night at a comedy club and did stand-up about being a male stripper and was offerred a paying gig. This was only my second time doing stand-up and my first time doing this material.

    I'm 5'9" and 135 lbs, but I can do all kinds of flexibility stunts. These don't go over as well with women as men from what I can tell.

    As for tanner, I may break down and do it as this is what several strippers have advised me to do. I'm Scottish and can't really tan on my own and I'm also not a big fan of fake tans and have givens bad marks at female amateur night a few times when spotting blotches along the hairline and behind the ears.

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    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male Amateur night long report

    Here's a comparison:
    Stripping: "You're really funny and you have weird facial expressions. I give you a 6."
    Comedy: "You're really funny and you have weird facial expressions. You've got to go on tour with us. Here's my card."
    One of the comedians told me I can't get any strippers to come down and see my act because strippers only care about my money. Now I have to show him up.
    I would think most strippers would have plenty of material for observational comedy, but I've never actually seen any do stand-up. While it pays little or nothing compared to stripping, I think there's a lot of potential here.

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    Senior Member quoth_the_raven's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male Amateur night long report

    Please don't take this offensively, but I think you would do really well in gay clubs, especially because you're so flexible. My BF works in them sometimes(I go with him every now and then) and the guys that make the most money look like you--tall, thin, and young. They're not even good dancers, they just have a look that appeals to the customers.

    OTOH, my BF is 6'3" and about 230lbs and he makes the majority of his money off the straight women who hang out in the clubs. If there aren't any he's SOL!
    Just a thought, though...

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    Featured Member former_LV_dancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male Amateur night long report


    Tonight, I went to amateur night at a comedy club and did stand-up about being a male stripper
    Clark-
    I was a stripper for 3 years and my bf is a professional comic. He's been in comedy 16 years, works all over the US and works in TV here in NYC. If you have the least bit of interest in comedy, don't portray yourself on stage as a male dancer. You will really limit your audience. I have seen several dancers male and female that have tried that angle to comedy and it doesn't go over well. You have to have a strong act and the male dancing can be part of it but not consist of your only material.

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    Veteran Member Clark's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male Amateur night long report

    I thought that might be the case, but it hasn't worked out that way. Last month, when I came close to winning, the sole male judge gave me a 2 and said I reminded him of Kip from Napoleon Dynamite. It was the only score I got below 7 that time.

    The sole male judge this month didn't like me either. I think I've had one gay fan the entire time I've been doing it. Granted, there aren't are a lot of gay customers in on male amateur night because male audience members get molested by crazy drunk women unless they bring a couple fag hags to protect them. So I don't have the biggest sample to go off of.

    I seem to do best with older women and strippers, Allison aside. Also, straight men, oddly enough, though they don't really spend money on me.

    Besides, I'm in Cedar Rapids, IA. The nearest gay club is Chicago, 4 hours away. I've got a decent day job here and all my favorite strippers are here and I don't see myself commuting that far.

    No problem with the idea though. Gay men seem to be better behaved than women in my limited experience.

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