Amateur Night report:
The following is mostly reposted from my blog, which can be found here. It has been reformatted and re-written to suit the needs of this audience.
Thanks to two 58-hour work weeks in a row, I had very little time to work on my performance for amateur night.
I had even less time than anticipated because I went to Woody's after work to solicit advice from the dancers. The dancers I thought would be there during day shift weren't there until evening, so I was around quite a while waiting. In the mean time, I talked to Sylvia, who I'd seen many time, but never really talked to before. She mentioned she was planning on bringing her gay friend to male amateur night. I told her I hope her friend is okay with being molested by women, because that's exactly what's going to happen with the audiences we get.
She asked if I were interested in guys and apparently started angling to set me up with him. I'm not entirely uninterested in guys, but I'm not really interested in dating them. It took a while to convince her of this. The thing that struck me most about this is how far removed it was from normal stripper/customer conversation. I was glad for it.
So, I basically stayed up quite late the previous night removing all my body hair. I figured I'd use Nair on most of my body, shave my hands, wrists and crotch/o-ring and leave the hair on my chest and, just crop it down to 1/4 inch. This time I had a shower cap and rubber gloves to prevent accidental loss of hair and nails.
So I had Nair on my legs and was crouching down to shave my crotch. When I stood up, I realized it had gotten from my legs onto my chest. I tried to wipe it off, but it was too late. A couple odd patches of hair went with it. Along with a significant amount of skin from my left nipple. When they say to keep Nair away from your nipples, they are not kidding. I'm writing this 5 days later and this is really the first day I've been comfortable.
So, then I had to shave my chest. The part around the collar bone is quite tricky. And, I had to do my pits as well. The Nair directions say it is safe to use on underarms. This is a filthy lie.
While distracted by this, I forgot all about the Nair on my back and got a rather painful burn there as well.
I didn't have time to pick out music or clothes, soI threw something together in the morning and just grabbed Rob Zombie's American-Made Music to Strip By.
For a while at amateur night, I had high hopes as very few contestants were there. Then, a bunch of good-looking guys came in at the last minute.
I wonder if female strippers ever have people ask to borrow money so they can tip them. I saw this happen to Beast and Juicy J.
The back room situation was different than last month due to a generally low level of drinking. Also, with only 8 contestants, it was much less crowded.
Another contestant, Leo is an interesting guy. He just auditioned to be a porn star and apparently used to be an escort. Would have liked to chat with him some more, but there are always all sorts of things going on.
I wore liquid eyeliner for the first time and didn't really apply it right (the dancer I hoped would help me wasn't there), but I did manage a dramatic reveal when I whipped off my sunglasses.
I wore a compression shirt and I have to say I love those things. I may take to wearing them as undershirts all the time. I just dressed in all black this time, which didn't go over as well as my brightly colored clothes I wore last month. Also, I got kind of worn out on stage. I forgot how long that Dragula mix was.
The scores were generally not good. Allison (the Woody's dancer) gave me a 2 (sadly, not my worst score) and said her two-year old nephew had a larger penis. If I had been in a snarkier mood, I would have questioned how his tits compared to hers. I may do this anyway at some point. This would have offended me if she hadn't said the same thing about Juicy J and Beast. I probably won't be buying dances from her anytime soon, though. I've taken a picture with a ruler to set the record straight. Trying to decide if I should print it out and give it to her.
Another woman refused to give me a score until she got security to say they're keep me away from her (as if, she weighs twice what I do). Then she gave me a 1.
Things generally went better out on the floor afterward, though I did have a woman who kept trying to remove my pants. She was trying to say it was her birthday. Also, she wasn't tipping. Her friend, who said it was also her birthday, was egging her on. The dancer who was supposed to protect me from such people didn't show.
A group of women invited me to come party with them in Iowa City. Then, they slipped out while I was talking to someone else. While I've always wanted to be invited to a party, I don't drink, use drugs or have sex with people I just met, so there wouldn't be much for me to do. I like talking to people and don't thinkk I have anything against making out with strange women, though.
On that note, the reason I didn't notice them leaving is I got rather distracted by a wonderful mother-in-law/daughter-in-law team. Plenty of people have hit on me at male amateur night, but the mother in law was the first one to be really tempting. I have this thing for older women, provided they keep themselves in shape, which she definitely did. I'm glad she wasn't offerring, because while I probably would have turned her down, I would be kicking myself for it about now. And the daughter-in-law understood strip club ettiquette and tipped me, which is the only reason I tied last month with such a poor showing.
If I'm going to do well, I'll have to get in shape. Apparently, men have to do more than not be fat. I'll try to exercise more and see if I can make a visible difference within a month's time.
I stepped on my sunglasses on stage. They were not repairable and cost slightly more than I made in tips. Also, I couldn't find an identical pair. And I left my CD there.
Afterward, I gave Blue a ride home, which I also did last month. I like the guy, but his grip on reality is tenuous at best and I'm starting to think that he considers me his ride now. He wants me to pick him up for female amateur night next month.
He'd like to be a porn star and also can't understand why the dancers humor him, but don't seem interested in sleeping with him. While he is in excellent phyical condition, he's 82 and lives off social security. It's a fine line between ambition and delusion and I think he's crossed it.
One thing that's really bugging me is the homophobic atmosphere in the dressing room. Blue has repeatedly voiced objections to male customers being allowed in at all on male amateur night and another guy called me a faggot under his breath as I applied eyeliner.
This guy also frequently refers to all the female customers as bitches in a way that doesn't sound very ironic. (i.e. muttering about cheap-ass bitches all the time even though he makes more than anyone). He's dating one of the female dancers and I find myself liking her less just because she would go out with such a jerk.
Most of the guys aren't causing problems, but it's enough to set a mood. I'm sure many local gay guys would love to strip, but the atmosphere is definitely going to make them feel unwelcome. Trying to think what, if anything I should do here.
So in summary, here are some pictures:
![]()
![]()
Full set and write-up can be found here .



Reply With Quote



Bookmarks