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Thread: Not Ready To Retire

  1. #1
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    Default Not Ready To Retire

    I'm 26, newly married and also a new mom. I was an exotic dancer for 3 years before I met my husband and got pregnant. It was very unplanned and happened at a very inoppertune time. I was dancing at a new club that I liked and was planning on making appearances at other clubs, my body was in the best shape it had ever been in, and I was making really good money for being in a pretty remote area. I was happy.
    Now I'm not. Although I love my daughter more than anything and I'm happy with my husband more often than not, I still feel incomplete. I really really miss dancing. I miss being on stage and being the center of attention, I miss having the fun that I did when I danced, I miss the money, and I miss the release it gave me from life.
    Now I've gained weight, I don't work at all, my husband works lots so I'm stuck home a lot with the baby, and I just don't consider myself fun anymore. My self esteem has dropped lower than it was before I started dancing. I feel like a single mother half the time.
    My husband was never a strip club type of guy. I only saw him a handful of times when I was dancing at the local club where I started at. He said he doesn't want me to start dancing again because I'm a mommy now. He hasn't absolutely forbidden me to do it again, he would just rather I didn't. I know he wants me to be happy, but he just doesn't understand how important dancing is to me. I really don't want to retire right now. I've even gone as far as planning to go visit family and go dance at the local club there while I'm gone.
    I think one of the main problems of why he doesn't want me to dance anymore is because he's afraid of people finding out (family) and getting shit for it. And also because our daughter is so young right now. It would be hard to find a sitter for her that we feel comfortable with. Right now my parents babysit her when I need them to. There is absolutely NO WAY that they would watch her for me to go dancing. They disapprove of it very much and it would cause lots of problems between us.
    Any help or other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
    Thanks!
    Trinity

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    Member feistykitty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Ready To Retire

    First, a question: what does dancing have to do with being a mommy? Lots of mommies have jobs.

    Second: It isn't as if you HAVE to tell anyone what you are doing. You could be "waitressing" for all they need to know. Make the choices in your life to make yourself happy while still taking care of your family. If you don't you will find yourself resentful (even though you won't want to be) and take it out on the nearest person to you (your husband). This will only confuse him and bring tension to your relationship. If you feel like you can't go back to dancing at all then I suggest that you find a good outlet for yourself. You can't stay cooped up with the baby all the time. Go take some classes at the local college or something else to better yourself. Make goals for your future. You are probably feeling like your life is stagnated (I got this way too for a while, and then I started taking classes and chose a major and suddenly it felt like I had jump started my happiness again!) and you aren't going anywhere or worth a whole lot more than "mommy and wife". You need to break out of this...and there is more than one way to do so.
    Send me a message if you want to chat. I know how you feel.
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    Default Re: Not Ready To Retire

    it sounds to me like its a problem with your man more than anything else. you were a dancer b4 you met him right? so he has no right to change you, baby or not. if he is so small minded to worry about what others might say then he sounds like he prefers what others think to what you want. that is wrong.

    having been a dancer for many years i think that if you have a child then it is wrong to carry on dancing.This come from seeing a great deal of so called 'mothers' continuing living the life of a single woman.they get drunk,take drugs and rollin at all hours.(im not saying you would do that) your child should come b4 anything else. that doesnt mean you should stop your life. dancing should be a stepping stone to your future. your life has now changed and i think with that you should change your career path. collage is the way forward and perhaps a hart to hart with your man..

    good luck

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    Veteran Member Foxey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Ready To Retire

    I totally disagree with that last post. I am not a mom but I've worked with a shit load of moms that dance and ya know what, it's 50/50 who does drugs and parties and who doesn't, just like it is with the non-moms. Some of the best moms I've ever seen have been dancers. I don't see anything wrong with a dancing mom as long as you still look good and can make money. Your husband should have your back and support whatever career decisions you make for yourself, and dancing is a career. As for your parents, tell them you are waitressing. There is only one person that you have to answer to when you lay down in bed at night, and that is yourself so do what is best for you. All the power to ya girl, good luck!
    In a black light trance, then go go dance...

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    God/dess colleen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not Ready To Retire

    I'm with Foxey. I have a little boy 4 years old, and I went back to dancing just about a year ago. I work at night and my husband works during the day, so we don't have to pay for an outside sitter, period.

    I really feel this is the best of both worlds. I am home with him during the day (I was not home with him when I taught school) and we still have money to pay our bills and do fun things as a family on the weekends.

    Myabe hubby can work a little less and you can work when he is home? Or else maybe you can jsut work one or two shifts a week?

    It sounds like you are not compleely clear on why he does not want you to dance. Whatever it is, you need to talk to im and find out what his issue is. Dads get a little weird and emotional with the birth of a new baby, for a lot of reasons. Mine had a weird idea of the kinds of things mommies do and don't do, and it took him quite a while to get over it. Maybe that is his issue, since he was OK with your job pre-baby. Maybe he feels he sees you little enough as it is, since he works so much, and he does not want to share your attention with the baby AND the custys. In that case, you will have to block out chunks of time jsut for him, and also for the 3 of you to spend together as a family.

    Whatever his issue is, you will have to figure it out before you can come up with a useful solution. It may be simplier than you think.

    I went through a similar situation. My pregnancy was totally unexpected, so I moved in with the dad. We have been married for almost 3 years now. The first couple of years of adjustment were brutal. I walked out on him once, came close to it a couple of times, and we have been to therapy. PM me if you need to talk.


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    When you perform... you are out of yourself--larger and more potent, more beautiful. You are for minutes heroic. This is power. This is glory on earth. And it is yours, nightly.

    --Agnes De Mille

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