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Thread: Bi-Polar Friend, Need Advice LONG!

  1. #1
    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Angry Bi-Polar Friend, Need Advice LONG!

    This is really long, sorry. Editted as much as possible. Background: friend since grade school, she's bi-polar, we're 25, she's jealous of my bf and other friends. Every so often, she tells me what a selfish bitch I am, even though I am her only friend and do everything for her. These are emails to each other today. Who's over-reacting? How should I handle this? What to do? Do I give up on her, since this is all the time?

    Friend:
    I'm wondering about the concert. It's next week & I want to get there for sound check & the meet & greet, but it's not that important. I'm not sure what's going on w/ your job & school. Let me know.

    Me:
    Here's the prob. If I miss school, I have to make it up the next day, so I'll miss 3 hrs of work. So, I can't leave work early for the concert. I won't get home til6. It'll be hard. Don't be mad, but I told u from the start that the chances of me going were slim. I was shocked when u told me that u got tickets. I WANT to go...but it'll be hard. I also have to train my replacement next week, so that makes it harder.

    Friend:
    No prob, J said he'll go if you can't. Doors open at 6 & I want to be there by 4. I can't blow this off - I paid a ton of $ for the tickets. Do what u have to, it's understandable. I just wish u would've told me sooner. I realize this is your busy time but you've taken off for Sox games w/ Tim! You told me u can get a 1/2 day on the 31st! You never said chances of u going were slim. Thanks for such short notice. There's no time to sell (ebay). I'm sorry I have to lose my Best Friend over fucked up shit. Maybe I'll get used to the fact that everyone goes away. I hate to say this, but u were right when u said you're too selfish to have kids. You do things w/ girls from work - when's the last time WE went out? You really know how to hurt people. Maybe I'll see u around.

    Me:
    I JUST found out my prof's schedule! I also didn't know that I was going to quit my job until last wk. That changed things. I CAN take 1/2 day - I need that for class! How dare u even question my responsibilities @ work & school? I did not ask u to buy these! When I saw the date, I told u I CAN'T go b/c Aug is too busy! Re: Sox game, that was my bday in JUNE! I haven't taken ONE DAY in Aug! Sorry that my choice to quit my job & go to school have interfered w/ your concert plans. Next time, I'll ask first. Do I have to explain every time I go out w/ people, too? I KNOW I haven't been selfish at all. I'm just really busy. My life can't revolve around u. We're not in HS! You're being one-sided. Sorry if my choices have hurt u. Like I said before - I'm very busy til mid-Sept. It's not going to change. Take it or leave it.
    Last edited by Hello_Kitty27; 08-24-2005 at 09:17 PM. Reason: shortened






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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bi-Polar Friend, Need Advice LONG!

    I know this is long, I've taken out as much as possible. I just need some kind of outside advice. She has completely written me off b/c of a stupid concert, that I never agreed to go to. About once a year, she calls/emails and freaks out about how 'terrible' I am to her and then she doesn't talk to me for several months, then she comes crawling back, tells me I'm her only friend, her family is terrible, etc. Then she blames me for 'our fight' but tells me she'll 'forgive' me and would like to 'move on from here'. i've been dealing with this behavior for 20 out of my 25 years. Do I give up, or let her keep using me as her verbal punching bag? Also - She has always been VERY jealous of my ability to make friends and have good relationships. When I try to introduce her to my other friends, she pouts in a corner or causes a scene, so it's impossible. People hate her ... literally. I try b/c I feel bad. She has NO ONE else, except a piece of shit cheating boyfriend that she won't leave. PLEASE HELP!






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  3. #3
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Bi-Polar Friend, Need Advice LONG!

    Yuck. Sorry to see this.
    I grew up around people with mental disorders that made others around them suffer. They never got help until forced into it, OR hitting bottom.
    I think as a friend, you can only calmly say that her over-reactions are hurtful, and then if you are acquainted with her mom or other relatives, talk to them about getting her help (I'm supposing this post is a small sample of her behavior.)
    In all honesty, it's desperation and not inner virtue that makes people like this treat others better in the long run. Still, she probably has it in her to grow up.

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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bi-Polar Friend, Need Advice LONG!

    Thanks for the reply. You are right ... I could go ON and ON and ON about this type of stuff. The sad thing is, she gets help. She's on meds, goes to therapy twice a week, and doesn't work under her doctors orders. That is why I am thinking maybe she is a lost cause. But you're right - I think I will send her a simple email like you said. (if I call she'll yell at me for hours....no joke) ...and her family ... they don't believe in mental disorders, even though her dad is bi-polar also. He doesn't believe in it and thinks she is trying to get attention. UGH!!!!!!






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  5. #5
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Bi-Polar Friend, Need Advice LONG!

    I know, I like to comfort myself half-jokingly that "their soul is half-full!" on most days with my relatives. Hahahahahaha.. It is fricking annoying.

    If she's so severe that meds and therapy aren't helping, you should consider just breaking ties- I know it sounds cold, but some people only drag others down, like a panicky drowning victim. "Life's hard, buck up!"

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