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Thread: Is it ok....??

  1. #1
    Member The_European_Girl's Avatar
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    Default Is it ok....??

    Do you guys think that is Ok that your BF should go to go go bars?

    I'm not a dancer, i just like to read about what you girls do.
    Me and my bf fight all the time about going or not going to the gogo bars.
    I dont like at all that my bf should see other girls than me..doing that stuff.
    I'm i asking too much ? I know he loves to go to this places, and i know he's
    been there so many times....but he lies always to me.
    I dont know what to do anymore...?/ Do you have any advice..??
    From where i come from...those clubs are not legal...and so is like a tabu.
    But he wont care. Our sex life is great and i know he is very atraccted to
    me...becuase i'm a very good looking girl. I dont know what makes him
    to see those girls. Once someone offered me to dance at their club and he
    got so mad. I told him huh...u like to see other girls doing it..but you dont
    like you gf to work there. Dont those girls have bf's/husband's too.
    I dont know..but i feel very jealous and very furious when he goes to
    stripp clubs.

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    Veteran Member cpeters1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    I'll answer this for my wife who has no problem with me going to SCs and also likes to go with me. Basically, I feel men like to look at naked girls. It's really just that simple. It has nothing to do with how much I love my wife, how great our sex is, or anything else for that matter. My wife is secure enough in our relationship that she can trust me not to go outside the boundaries of our marriage. She even has no problem with me getting high contact lap dances, and touching women, has done both right by my side, has done both herself. We have no jealousy issues and we both know who is going to sleep next to who at the end of night.

    I'd also suspect that since you act jealous, that makes the SC a forbidden fruit for him, thus making him want to go all the more. I suggest you go with him and have a better time than he does. See what all the fuss is about. My wife always tells other women that she'd rather me be at a SC than a regular bar, cause no stripper is going to go home with me at the end of the night. Whereas I could quite possibly pick up a girl at a bar and go home with her. At the SC it is a job, they aren't looking for a date.

    Also, each time we take a trip to the SC, it has enhanced our sex life. I really get off on seeing her with another woman, and I also think she'd be a good stripper, so that works in my favor as well.

    In summary, it is all about trust and being secure with your relationship. If those things are lacking, probably time to move on anyway. If your man goes to the SC and hooks up with a dancer, then you just learned he is a scumbag and it was time to find a new man anyway. Heck, encourage him to go, he may find it less attractive then.

    Good luck.

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    Member The_European_Girl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    Thank u so much. I just love what u said. Everything is so true.
    But he is not that tape of man that can take his wife with him....No that's forbidden.
    He is like a controling freak..and i'm ok with that because that's the way how i was
    raised in my country. And when i came here he was the luckiest one...to find a girl
    that is ok with that. He has 100 of other good things..and i dont really care that he
    is in that way. What i care is...that i dont want him to look at other womens and than
    to come home and have sex with me. U know what i mean??
    Anyway thank u very much.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    Lying and marriage don't mix very well. You two need to find a position of compromise that is founded on mutual respect and honesty... just mho

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    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    to be blunt and honest. i don't want my bf going unless i'm with him and we're having fun together. him going alone and spending what is mostly "our" money on another girl for her attention would -really- piss me off. now, if he were invited to a bachelor party or some other group outing, i would be ok with it.... you know... so long as it wasnt happening every month or something.

    also, in your case he is lying to you. lying is absolutely intolerable imo.

    i've only been working a month and i have heard some of the most terrible things come out of the mouths of married men. i'm also fairly disgusted with the fact that, in many cases, they are sitting there spending time and money on another girl (usually feeding her all kinds of love-crap) while their wife is at home trying to make ends meet and/or taking care of their children. i try not to judge because i don't know exactly what's going on at home.... but if i think about it too much (and i try not to) i can't help but feel that 90% of the time the guy is a total asshole.

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    Veteran Member cpeters1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    The_European_Girl: Being okay with a controlling man is never a good thing. He controls you and what you want or desire is usually secondary to that. He's the man after, he's in charge, he makes the rules, he looks at the girls, he spends the money, he's right, and you're a whiney bitch. Hey, I hope I am wrong, and he is a great guy, and you are totally cool with it all, but from what I read between the lines there is a problem here. This is America baby, as you become more adapted to our culture your old ways may seem to less desirable. Let's just hope you don't realize that after it is too late (kids).

    Pretty_Penny: It would be very hard to convince you I am not one of those 90% of guys, but I look at it this way. I don't gamble, I don't get drunk all the time, I don't cheat, I don't smoke, I look at naked girls dancing. What I spend at the SC is my play money. My wife has money she can spend, friends she can go out with, and yes I will even watch the kids while she does any time she asks. So it is possible to be married and cool, I am proof.

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Penny
    i've only been working a month and i have heard some of the most terrible things come out of the mouths of married men. i'm also fairly disgusted with the fact that, in many cases, they are sitting there spending time and money on another girl (usually feeding her all kinds of love-crap) while their wife is at home trying to make ends meet and/or taking care of their children. i try not to judge because i don't know exactly what's going on at home.... but if i think about it too much (and i try not to) i can't help but feel that 90% of the time the guy is a total asshole.
    Your statistical analysis may or may not be accurate but it doesn't really matter.
    Without married clientele most strip clubs would be close to empty most of the time. Especially during the day.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Veteran Member Yea's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    Quote Originally Posted by The_European_Girl
    .but he lies always to me.
    I personally cant stand a man who lies irrelevant or what he’s doing… that would be the end of it for me.


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    Senior Member Luke34's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    Quote Originally Posted by Yea
    I personally cant stand a man who lies irrelevant or what he’s doing… that would be the end of it for me.
    you must be single... LOL

    Yea... we lie... and more often than not it is just to get on with life... some things are just not worth being truthful about...

    ...what do you say when a girl asks you " do i look fat?" ....and there is a plethora of similar questions to which we are trained to have automatic answers to ... the reaction time allowed to answer these questions is zip....

    we are conditioned to lie...

  10. #10
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    It's a very different thing to lie and tell a girl she doesn't look fat to save her feelings, than it is to lie to your partner about going to strip clubs.

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    Senior Member Luke34's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    very true Darcy...
    I am sure there are numerous times when girls lie just to preserve our precious egos and we appreciate them for that too!!

    Take care
    Last edited by Luke34; 09-07-2005 at 04:54 AM.

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    Veteran Member Phedre's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    Still if he lies about going to a SC what else does he lie about ... going home with someone before he goes home to EuropeanGirl. Lie about little things and they start adding up to bigger things.
    Phedre
    ~ my very own pole dancer!

  13. #13
    Gendai73
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    Unless you can read his mind. you'll never understand why he goes. but chances are it's just innocent fun. If you two spend alot of time together he may go just to get a break from you. let his mind unwind maybe.

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    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    Quote Originally Posted by Luke34
    very true Darcy...
    I am sure there are numerous times when girls lie just to preserve our precious egos and we appreciate them for that too!!

    Take care
    There is a huge difference between saying white lies to prop up the one you are with, and outright lying to cover up behavior and practices that would hurt your S/O and or get yourself into legitimate trouble.

    Most of the former help sustain relationships. Most of the latter destroys relationships.

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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    To: The_European_Girl

    1st of all, I don't agree w/ putting up with someone who is controlling, HOWEVER, there are a LOT of people here in the US that originated from other countries where this behavior is customary. That is a FACT whether we Americans want to accept it or not. As far as lying goes, my bf and I just got into a HUGE fight b/c I caught him in some small lies, some of which go as far back as a year ago. I was furious. He finally admitted to me that he sometimes felt the need to lie to me simply to avoid a possible fight. We talked openly about things he lied about and yes, they were all stupid, and nothing that I would have gotten mad about, but he wanted to avoid the possibilty of an argument over stupid things. SO - I imagine this is probably why your bf is lying to you. He knows you will be mad at him for going to these clubs and he doesn't feel like fighting about it.

    2nd of all, about the clubs themselves ... I am not a dancer, I am a female once-in-a-while customer of clubs. Before i ever went into a strip club, I used to be INSANELY jealous, intimidated, mad and insecure when any of my bf's would go. It was fear of the unknown, I guess. When my current bf and I went to a club together, it was really enlightening. I realized there's nothing I should be jealous of. Just like cpeters said, guys just like to look at naked women. It is USUALLY harmless, and nothing more than looking. If my bf were to go without me, I may feel a little jealous if he came home and immediately was horny and wanted to have sex, but at least he'd be coming home to me. In the same way, your bf is coming home to YOU to be with YOU.

    If you can't go with him, I would suggest just going to an sc with one of your friends just to check it out. It may make you feel better about it.






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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    I had a bad experience with an ex who frequently went to SC's. Never again will I date one.

    If I also got lied to, I sure hell wouldn't stick around either.


    No, it's not OK if you don't think it's OK. Especially if you're being lied to about it. That's just my 2 cents though.

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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it ok....??

    I have a very basic approach to answering these type of questions.

    The dancer goes to clubs to work, but is often approached about doing extracurricular things. It is up to the dancer to avoid these temptations. The spouse (or near spouse), so your dancers say on the pink site, is not going to be approached by a dancer to do any extracurricular activities. Then it is up to the (or near spouse) not to attempt to change anyone's mind about extracurricular activities. And it is up to understanding the level of trust that may have built up to provide your answers to the relationship, though it is not just during while at clubs that either dancer or near spouse could be attempted.

    I say the insurance policy here is to, as completely as you can, sexually satisfy each other, that is keep each other excited about your sex life. The bf (or near spouse) seems to need some other sexual expression, though maybe not overt activity. Don't know about the dancer here. Just make sure the lives are based on the conditions of mutual honesty, truthfulness, sex and love. It's good sex and plenty of it that cements relationships, not verbal promises or obligations.

    Metaphor - I might like to look at someone else's painting, though my spouse (or near spouse) may be an artist too, but I wouldn't want to steal it or paint over it.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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