Last weekend, I was all ready to go dance. I've been on Stripperweb for months, reading, etc. I've been getting ready, buying what I need, walking around in platforms, asking questions.
I live an hour away from the clubs. So, I had a ride, and at the last minute she pulled out. I decided to drive myself (Never driven outside my town before, so this was a big act of independence.) the van DIED after me getting 15 minutes down the road. I was rescued by people I know, and brought back into town.
This weekend, it doesn't look like I'll be able to make it. My hubby announced that the breaks are now acting up on the van.
I feel like this cosmic joke is being played on me. I've always danced, loved it, wanted to take classes, but there was never money in the house. I go out to the local place, and I'm the belle of the floor (I have a good time, and dance with everyone. strangers comment all the time. I'm silly and fun.) I know I can dance! I"ve always wanted to "dance naked", and now that I'm confident enough, educated enough about what I'm getting into, and made the decision... it seems like my goddess is suddenly against it!
I"m frustrated.
I don't know any other dancers to ride with. I can't meet them until I start dancing. I don't know any drivers who go back and forth with dancers, either. Same deal.
And it seems the few people I'd be comfortable with being there on my first night can't do it, or are going away.
I need to make cash to fix the van. I need the van to make the cash.
Catch 22 of sorts.
And then I wonder if this is a spiritual thing on my part. Being guided away from it. (which to me, doesnt' make any sense, but I've stated it to simply present the arguement. I love my physical body, I feel very natural about it, and I can't see me losing any of my spirituality by doing this.)
I read tarot, and got the psychic thing going on for everyone else, but I've never made alot of money at it. (maybe $200 per month.) working retail sucks, and we need to catch up, and start saving.
So, what would you do?
(sigh)



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