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Thread: My mother is that unspeakable word....

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    Featured Member MeganS's Avatar
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    Angry My mother is that unspeakable word....

    Hmmm, this isn't like me, but you know that whole, "bottled up inside" shit ain't no good for ya!

    I have an estranged relationship with my parents (along with a few of my siblings). It's been on and off for several years, mainly off at the present.
    Well 1st off, I've been wanting to go to school for quite some time, but wasn't ready... until now (I'm enrolled for spring semester, 2006, SAID & DONE!!) But, last year when I was out in Denver in June buying boobies, I spoke to my mother once over the phone and that was for her to send me MY $$$. She bitched about the ridiculousness of this whole procedure. I flew a girlfriend out to take care of me for a few days, paid in full.
    Flash foward to present, my sister-in-law, (my extremely wealthy brother's beautiful wife, with two fabulous babies, and live in nanny (in Chicago)) got hers done. My mother takes a week off of work to drive a measley four hours down to them, and TAKE CARE OF HER, AT HER OWN HOUSE!! Mind you, Iwas only half a country away by my freakin' self in a hotel room!!! Now I call about all the good school news, and my mother still doesn't even know where I live. Had one phone call from her in about two years.
    Now I know if I can truly pull off being a student and succeeding, my parents will change (sucks, I know). So question is, do I say, "Fuck you, did just fine on my own thus far, and I'll keep it that way", or do I try to be the bigger person and suck it up, let 'em back in? I mean, these people don't exist to me at this point!
    Phew, sorry, that felt good! I think...
    "A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you."
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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    Don't let them make you doubt yourself. I empathize with ya. My mom does the same thing.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    Oh Toughie for me. Hrm, if I were you Id cut em off. Just because you are their daughter doesnt mean its ok to treat you in such a way. Not b/c of the boobs or anything else it would be for all the crap they probably put you through.
    I would let them back in when youre ready. Its not like youre a hateful person so they can play adults too and be cool. As long as youve tried to make the 1st move the rest is up to them.

    Its ok we all need to rant sometimes.
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  4. #4
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    I can't go into great detail, but I know how you feel. My mom and I don't get along but luckily my dad & step-mom are great.
    Some people are just wired in ways that are not meant to be pleasant to others (drama queens, aggressive alpha males, narcissists, etc.) I always tell myself God put them on this earth to test people & to also give them a shot at redemption before He has to send them to Purgatory.
    That might sounds harsh to say about family members, but you know you can't choose your family, that's why friends are so great, you can choose them.
    I think in your mom's mind your sister-in-law's BA is "OK" because she "earned" it by marrying well & having two kids. Wheras she doesn't understand why you would do it because if you want to go to school you "shouldn't" invest in your dancing career.
    Sorry this happened.....It hurts me a lot that my aunt decided I was a crackhead with no proof just because I kept stripping, but you know what, over time people usually see the light. You have to be patient.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    Yeah, I can relate. I've cut mine off. I figure if they can't act like adults and treat me appropriately, they don't deserve me. Why should someone who treats you like shit get special pardons just because they're related? Bullshit. IMO, family should be held to higher standards BECAUSE they are related, not given chance after chance after chance.

    A good relationship is a two-way street. If you're the only one giving it's not worth it.


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    Featured Member hannah83's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    ^^^^well said bridgette!

    After my family acted like assholes, I did give them another chance. I thought that they would change, but they didn't. They don't let ya live down any mistakes you have made in the past. So I had to make the same decision you are, and i picked having a happy life w/o them. Until they can grow up, they will not have contact with me. Why surround yourself with negative people?

    good luck!!
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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    Family isn't always blood.

    ::Mast::
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Veteran Member TJAndDani's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    My mom hasnt acted the same towards me since her sister died on my b-day. I had nothing to do with her death. Her youngest son is the favorite in the family. I am the outcast. I no longer felt welcome so I hardly ever spend time with them.

    They used to say you could count on family for anything. But not anymore, the only family you can depend on is the Mafia and even they'll let you down.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus
    Family isn't always blood.

    ::Mast::
    Very, very true.

    I would cut your family off. Like a wise person once said (Bridgette) "I'd rather have zero than have negative." Your family's negativity is bringing you down. There's more to life than that. Some of my "family" are just really positive, good people who started out as good friends.

    And, sorry to say this, but it sounds like your mom is being a money-grubbing kiss ass. Sounds like she's trying to "get money" by brown-nosing with the wealthy ones. Sad, really.

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    Featured Member MeganS's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    Well, she's always held "her boys" in higher regards than the girls in the family. I'm also getting divorced and my mother (with a couple others) talks to my husband more than me. Ugh, it's quite revolting really.
    "A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you."
    Francoise Sagan

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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    I say cut them off. Life is so short, why waste it dealing with nut cases ? The world is full of them. Whats unfortunate is some of us get them for parents.
    My new love...is me !

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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    Sounds to me like your parents/siblings are angry over your stripping. Doubtful (to me) if your education will help much with them, at least, as long as you dance.

    If you cut them off completely, you will be isolating part of yourself, your background. Do you hate that part of your past life so much? Someday they may wake up. For now keep in touch maybe twice a year with non-specific news (still healthy, going to UofW, majoring in nuclear medicine, staying in dorm, working part-time in the library, etc.).

    You don't have to visit them; they must make the first honest efforts at any eventual reconciliation. Do you have an aunt or uncle in touch with your parents who you can talk to, maybe in time as an intermediary?
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Featured Member tragic-beauty's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    my parents were like that for a while.... but after bolth of us kids kinda... flew the coop... and went pretty far away i think they re-evaluated everything....


    i told my mom to change or id never call her again.. and she did..

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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    Megan....Im sorry to hear about this. That is definately something that you shouldn't have to deal with. Family is supposed to be a bond that is unbreakable.

    But like the others said.......sounds like it is the dancing that they are up in arms about.

    My advise.....do what feels right. No one should be treated like shit........no one.
    I've heard that a good signiture sets you apart from everyone.
    Well......is this good enough???

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    God/dess kitana's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    I agree with B and Mast and VG. Cut them off, if they can't love you and care about you just the way you are; then you don't need them.

    Sometimes friends are 100% better than family. I mean; you get to pick who your friends are.
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    Senior Member Delany's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    I know it is really hard when it is your family. I finally realized with a few people in my family that I wasn't missing anything by not having them in my life and I gained peace from not talking to them anymore. I did give lots of chances and hoped things would be different.

    Good luck to you whatever you decide.


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    Member WMassGuy's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mother is that unspeakable word....

    Megan:

    Sorry to hear it. Sucks, I know.

    Simply put, however, cut her off. Even if just for a while. (1+ years)

    My fiancee went through a (loosely) similar experience. She did not speak to her mother for five years. She (fiancee) completely erased her mother out of her life, even though that meant her children not being able to see their grandmother. (they didn't care either way, really) However, it was devastating to her mother, of course.

    Speed up a few years: They keep in touch, and write each other on a regular basis.

    Here's to hoping that your situation improves, and that whatever decision you make, that it will be the right one decision at the right time.
    http://www.myspace.com/wmassguy

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