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Thread: Gripe Sheet

  1. #1
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Gripe Sheet

    After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. (P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
    (S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on backorder.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're there for.

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
    with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
    *******************************

    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

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  2. #2
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: Gripe Sheet

    hahaha very funny! the last two cracked me up

  3. #3
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Gripe Sheet

    LOL Russia's Aeroflot had an incident where someone used lemonaide instead of hydraulic fluid in a landing gear cylinder, among other violations of safety rules. Needless to say flying that airline is an adventure. My friend M.'s review: "I'd rather walk."

    Applause to Qantas for their safety record!

  4. #4
    God/dess MrChristopher's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gripe Sheet

    I like "Evidence Removed." Nice.
    waffles are just pancakes with little squares on them.

  5. #5
    Member WMassGuy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gripe Sheet

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
    with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.
    http://www.myspace.com/wmassguy

  6. #6
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Gripe Sheet

    George Lopez does a little routine about the difference between flying American & Mexican airlines (According to him: Americans are nice & don't know what Fanta is, the Mexican flight attendants are rude & won't get you a blanket because they took them all home. LOL)
    What's interesting is there's a word-of-mouth network on which Mexican airlines are safer to fly. If you're flying to Mexico, please consult your local Little Tijuana for consumer reviews.

  7. #7
    Member WMassGuy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gripe Sheet

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine
    George Lopez does a little routine about the difference between flying American & Mexican airlines (According to him: Americans are nice & don't know what Fanta is, the Mexican flight attendants are rude & won't get you a blanket because they took them all home. LOL)
    What's interesting is there's a word-of-mouth network on which Mexican airlines are safer to fly. If you're flying to Mexico, please consult your local Little Tijuana for consumer reviews.
    haha...

    Fanta...? Hmmm, fruit-flavored Soda "stuff"?

    PS Thanks for the tip.
    http://www.myspace.com/wmassguy

  8. #8
    Featured Member venusofwillendorf's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gripe Sheet

    lofreakingl
    be the change you wish to see in the world....
    ~ghandi

    i really love your peaches wanna shake your tree....
    ~steve miller

    why not?
    ~anon

  9. #9
    Veteran Member DancerNTampa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gripe Sheet

    hahaha!! That put me in a better mood...thx

  10. #10
    Veteran Member TJAndDani's Avatar
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    Default Re: Gripe Sheet

    Funny list, but sadly its in the form of joke chain e-mail that has circulated the internet and been the subject of a number of different airlines. It started out as a military joke list i believe.

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter
    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
    Here is evidence right here. I never seen a civie airline with a targeting radar.

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