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Thread: Don't fuck with a smurf.

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    Featured Member Moneywise's Avatar
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    Default Don't fuck with a smurf.

    You'll lose every time.

    Case in point:

    This snake decided to show itself this morning when I was out mowing my lawn. I swiftly grabbed my weapon of choice and pummelled it into oblivion.

    mmmmm lunch.




    weapon of choice:




    Don't mess with a trick.


  2. #2
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    wow
    what a scary big sneak? what was he? 9 inches long Wuss

    Hhaha
    thanks for the heads up.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus
    Wuss
    Ev would have stomped it in flip-flops. Jenny would have argued it to death.

    You Da Man, Wuss.

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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    Are you sure that isn't an earthworm?

  5. #5
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    I thought MW lost a shoelace.

    You need to keep those around, man. Better to have snakes than mice.

  6. #6
    Veteran Member NVJosh's Avatar
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    punk would have argued that the snake knew exactly what is was getting into when it slithered into the lawn and that in fact it wanted to be hit with a shovel.

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    God/dess doc-catfish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    Quote Originally Posted by SportsWriter2
    Ev would have stomped it in flip-flops. Jenny would have argued it to death.
    Quote Originally Posted by NVJosh
    punk would have argued that the snake knew exactly what is was getting into when it slithered into the lawn and that in fact it wanted to be hit with a shovel.
    AmyLynne would have called it a looooooooooser.

    Katrine would state that it didn't have enough girth.

    Provided it wasn't poisonous, I would have just kept mowing.
    Former SCJ now in rehab.

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    Veteran Member TJAndDani's Avatar
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    using a shovel vs using a lawn mower and you choose the shovel?!

    well i guess if you used the lawnmower you wouldnt have anything to show us.

  9. #9
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    Actually, it looks more like a legless lizard than a snake. Both are reptiles, but they are different species. I used to have a major reptile obsession but my knowledge is rusty. What type of snake was it? These days all I see are trouser snakes.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

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    Featured Member Moneywise's Avatar
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine
    Actually, it looks more like a legless lizard than a snake. Both are reptiles, but they are different species. I used to have a major reptile obsession but my knowledge is rusty. What type of snake was it? These days all I see are trouser snakes.
    Did you say lizard? Since your knowledge of reptiles is a bit rusty why don't you let me educate you a bit in private. All halo.. scouts honor.

    I'm pretty sure it was a grass snake. It was about 15" long and the circumference of an index finger. It was actually on my neighbor's side of the fence slithering along. I saw it through the slits and jabbed the shovel through to no avail twice. It then slipped about 5 inches of it's head section through the fence to see what was going on and I chopped it off like an executioner in heat.


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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    But why, MW?? I can understand killing a rattler or a cottonmouth, but this was a harmless creature. Did you know it was non-venemous, or did you just destroy it first and ask questions later? (I can't say for sure, but according to my Peterson guide, it most closely resembles one colormorph of the Eastern garter snake.)

    Oh, and Kat, would you please stop giving me ever more reason to be hopelessly in lust with you???
    "Doc still loved true things, but he knew it was not a general love and it could be a very dangerous mistress." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row


    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    Well, with the size of that snake, a smurf probably could have killed it. LOL

  13. #13
    Featured Member Moneywise's Avatar
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    I'm not a snake connoisseur so my first impulse was to chop chop first & ask questions later.


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    God/dess Malibu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    I was actually amazed at your courage of having approached the snake until I looked at the second picture (minus the superzoom function). Looks like you only like to wrestle with the best of 'em, eh?

    I can also see that is was situated close to the fence. It was hardly wandering in your path by the look of things. Seems you just wanted a big blue pat on the back. Looks like it backfired!! lmfao!!

    If it was a bigger snake, you should call pest control asap if you can. Because if your knowledge of snakes is lacking, you could have ended up killing a protected species for all you know (= hefty fine!!).
    You are the envy
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    Quote Originally Posted by Malibu
    if your knowledge of snakes is lacking, you could have ended up killing a protected species for all you know (= hefty fine!!).
    It's a small Eastern garter snake. The Suburban Lawn Rule is that snakes can slither in the woods and forest edge. Lawns are a no-slither zone. You give them a 10-second warning to leave, then you pick them up and throw them back into the woods. If they come back again, you cut them in half with a shovel. A square shovel works better.

    If you don't have woods adjacent to your lawn, too bad for the lost snake. You cut them in half and throw them in the trash.
    Last edited by SportsWriter2; 09-12-2005 at 04:44 AM.

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    Featured Member Moneywise's Avatar
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    Quote Originally Posted by Malibu
    I was actually amazed at your courage of having approached the snake until I looked at the second picture (minus the superzoom function). Looks like you only like to wrestle with the best of 'em, eh?
    Yes Yes I do.

    Quote Originally Posted by Malibu
    Seems you just wanted a big blue pat on the back. Looks like it backfired!! lmfao!!
    Actually I was just sharing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Malibu
    I can also see that is was situated close to the fence. It was hardly wandering in your path by the look of things.
    Actually it was wandering close to my fence (taking full ownership for my purchase of the fence that separates my humble abode from my neighbor's). Therefore in response to your last statement I point you to exhibit A.

    V
    V
    V

    Quote Originally Posted by SportsWriter2
    The Suburban Lawn Rule is that snakes can slither in the woods and forest edge. Lawns are a no-slither zone.
    The are no woods near my slice of home. Sorry naturalists. Someone should have gotten that snake a subscription to Mapquest.


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    God/dess Malibu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    Quote Originally Posted by SportsWriter2
    It's a small Eastern garter snake. The Suburban Lawn Rule is that snakes can slither in the woods and forest edge. Lawns are a no-slither zone. You give them a 10-second warning to leave, then you pick them up and throw them back into the woods. If they come back again, you cut them in half with a shovel. A square shovel works better.

    If you don't have woods adjacent to your lawn, too bad for the lost snake. You cut them in half and throw them in the trash.
    For real?
    You are the envy
    of all parallel lines that
    dream of curves and convergence
    - Sara Bailey: Sieve of Words

  18. #18
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    I don't follow suburban rules, much, I guess. I'd prefer to have a snake, or several snakes, in the yard than a mouse who's going to leave turds or hantavirus in the garage or a rabbit that's going to eat the flowers or a gopher that's going to dig the yard. It's not being a naturalist. It's being a practicalist. Snakes are pretty benign.

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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    Quote Originally Posted by Malibu
    For real?
    The Suburban Lawn Rule isn't for real. Some guys make up sports rules for everything in life, and these rules often include a number of seconds.

    Example: If food falls on the floor, you can still eat it if you pick it up within five seconds. If you're SO is aghast, you just smile and say, "Five Second Rule."

    You can get away with a lot by invoking made-up sports rules.

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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    Hope you get rats in your house U big wussy.

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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    Eww...snakes are creepy...I don't think I'd ever be able to get close to one, and I KNOW I couldn't kill one...eww...

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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    Quote Originally Posted by SportsWriter2
    The Suburban Lawn Rule is that snakes can slither in the woods and forest edge. Lawns are a no-slither zone.
    Ooohhh, I see. I wasn't trying to give MW a lecture, just wondering about his motivation. My first impulse, on encountering a snake, is to identify it, not kill it.

    E.O. Wilson says that nearly everyone has an irrational fear of either snakes or spiders. But, as brilliant as he is, I cannot agree.

    My house is chock full of spiders and they don't bother me unless they are crawling across my pillow toward my face (you've gotta draw the line somewhere.) Also, I've always liked snakes. I used to have a pet garter snake called Wally. I fed him earthworms and kept him a secret from my mom for months. He used to wake me up in the mornings by escaping from the sock drawer where I usually kept him and crawling across my legs. I guess he was just seeking heat, but it felt like affection to me.
    "Doc still loved true things, but he knew it was not a general love and it could be a very dangerous mistress." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row


    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  23. #23
    Featured Member Moneywise's Avatar
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    Default Re: Don't fuck with a smurf.

    Color me impractical. When I see a snake in my yard I am not thinking about saving its life. It shouldn't be in my yard. My small piece of yard is indeed a no slither zone. Only slithering by yours truly is acceptable. If it's brother, sister, mama or daddy wants to slither along and find out where poor mr. slithers went they'll get their heads lopped off too.

    Public Service Announcement: If you know of any snakes slithering in or around MW's place please be sure to insist they visit this link before advancing any further. Take a wrong turn at the fork and suffer the consequences.


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