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Thread: Just friends with dancers

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    Default Just friends with dancers

    New here...first post

    Girls please respond:

    What do you girls think of being friends with customers and occasionally grabbing a coffee, drink, etc.... with customers that become more than just a regular customer. I have become friends with some girls at a club and I have a good time in their company outside the club. I find them to be more interesting, better conversationalists and more open than women I have met anywhere else (prior to being married of course). I have no intentions about a relationship, sex etc...

    It started a few years ago when I had what was referred to on another post as an "intense connection" with a dancer. We talked alot and I would visit and ended up just becoming great friends since I am married (it made me nervous at first). My wife knows I would never cheat and gives me a monthly budget that I stick to. She has been in the club with me and understands it is harmless fun.

    I have more to say but I'll wait for some responses first.

    There is an accient chinese proverb:

    "once you've seen one girl naked........you want to see all the rest!!"

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    Featured Member WiseGuy_TX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    Go ahead ladies ....i have my popcorn ready again.
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

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    Veteran Member laplover69's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    I have a few "platonic friendships" with dancers, it's when I start to develop genuine "feelings" for them that it complicates matters. I try and say I will never have another strictly platonic "friendship" with a dancer that I have genuine feelings for... My thinking on this is if she takes her clothes of for strangers who could give a hoot whether she lives or dies, why should I be penalized OTC for having genuine feelings for her other than just lust? It's different if she is married or in a serious relationship or visa versa. I still do have platonic friendships with dancers, but I try and keep it simple and not care too much, but a lot of times it is a tremendous struggle of emotions!

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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    Some of the girls I am friends with are married, some have boyfriends, some single.

    Who cares what their job is. They happen to be interesting to me.

    You said "why should I be penalized OTC for having genuine feelings for her other than just lust? "


    I think you are saying

    If she worked as a bank teller I can be friends with her but because she is a dancer I can't

    That is crazy if a girl thinks that way. Especially since it is so hard to meet people these days. Hey I have a great friend that is perfect for one of the single girls and it might work out for them.

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    Veteran Member laplover69's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    Originally Posted by BuckinBronco
    Some of the girls I am friends with are married, some have boyfriends, some single.

    Who cares what their job is. They happen to be interesting to me.

    You said "why should I be penalized OTC for having genuine feelings for her other than just lust? "


    I think you are saying

    If she worked as a bank teller I can be friends with her but because she is a dancer I can't

    That is crazy if a girl thinks that way. Especially since it is so hard to meet people these days. Hey I have a great friend that is perfect for one of the single girls and it might work out for them.



    Well, if I am a "regular" to a dancer and I PAY HER for a groping lapdance, then we become strictly "platonic friends" OTC, mutually enjoy each others company and genuine "feelings" about her other than just "lust" develop, yeah it is a struggle. If I pay ITC for false "fantasy" affection when there is real affecetion OTC & ITC on my behalf then yes it is a complicated issue. Usually, I don't even get lappers from dancers that I have platonic "friendships" with OTC or ITC anymore, they know and appreciate the fact that they mean more to me than a PAID GROPE. I still respect them & enjoy their company and we attempt to understand each other ITC and OTC. A bank teller analogy doesn't apply to this situation.

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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    I don't get dances from them anymore ( some I actually never have) but I give them $5 and $10 stage tips instead. I usually spend some time just talking with them so I am keeping them from making $ but they can walk away at any time so I guess they just feel like talking to me. Sometimes one girl will bring over another dancer who is having a slow day and ask me to go for a private dance with them (which is $20 per song) and I will almost always do it. She asked if that was OK or made me uncomfortable and I told her I would tell her when it did. She asks before doing it and I have told her not
    today.

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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    Why are you asking here? The only people whose opinions matter are those of you and your friends. If you're going to become hangout friends, it will happen naturally, just like any other friendship. It happens all the time.

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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    Being too good of friends that doesnt happen naturally will cause a loss of money. IMO its good not to get too attached to a customer or be too good of friends with them. Its makes dancers seem too real.

    If this was the case Id had soooo many guy friends right now. Ill pass and keep my business on the inside. Is this what you want when you walk into the club? Its great to have friends and its nice that your wife is ok with it...but its a place for play not for buddy buddy friendships.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    heheh

    Tigersmilk and I are friends OTC....
    damn my lack of papers.

    Hhaha

    Duder, you're thinking about it enough to post. That means you're looking for something that isn't clearly evident. Just relax and go with the flow.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    Okay - if you are friends with these people and you feel so confident that they like you... what are you asking about right now? I completely don't get it.

    In terms of me becoming friends with my customers - it depends. When I have travelled, I've worked in places where it was be friends with the customers, or be very, very lonely. But at home? I don't think so. It's not that you DON'T like them - it's more like you like them, and feel comfortable with them where they already are, and you don't feel the need to change it. And here is the thing - you are a customer and I tend to think of you as such (same as guys think of me as a dancer. You just said that you find dancers particularly interesting - why? What is it about dancers that you find so facinating? I ask because, honestly, I don't find dancers to be particularly interesting. I would rather drink coffee with a video performance artist. Or maybe a contortionist. Possibly a champion at full-contact basket weaving (funny story there - I had a cab driver recently who happened to be a champion at full contact basket weaving until he suffered an injury. Very interesting guy). Point being, that you are obviously fetishizing the dancers because the fact is that they are NOT better conversationalists, more open, blah, blah, blah than other women. They ARE other women, with the same spectrum and variance that the other women have, you know? Plus - if you felt legitimate respectful friendliness you wouldn't be here either asking for reassurance or props for it. So these things, although they give me some clues about the girls you're talking about, give me pretty firm ideas about where YOU'RE coming from.

    Good Luck to you
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers


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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    I offer you this piece of advice. If you think you are friends with a dancer in a club, unlesss she offers to move things outside the club as friends, don't push it There are many customers in my club I would consider friends in the club but for most of them I find it intrusive if they try to enter my social life. There have olnly been a few that have developed into true frieends and I have chosen those.
    Keep in mind that we are good talkers and know how to play the game telling you what you want to hear. I know girls that will keep up relations with even non-paying regulars for someone to chat to on a slow night, or someone to bum drinks and smokes off, or someone to run errands for them.
    We are not always who we seem and often like to keep work and home life very separate.
    Be careful

    http://www.darkvisions.com.au

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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    I guess my questions really is:

    Firstly, we are friends outside the club. They call me to do things. And they actually are more interesting, not because they are dancers but because the ones I have happened to talk with are more interesting people...not fetishizing at all,

    Q: Miss Misha answered my deeper question...... since they call me I don't feel like the errand boy, stooge to waste time with etc...

    Thanks

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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    THE DEEPER QUESTIONS ARE THE ONES YOU SHOULD BE ASKING.

    But truth is, in my life, custy or not. I CHOOSE MY FRIENDS.

    I open the door, and leave it that way. One dancer I like enough to be good friends, or know well enough. The door is open, she can contact me with anything its how I am. All she has to do is ask for my number/email/whatever. If she never does, I don't really care, its just that part of accepting someone as a person means accepting what they want from you.

    Take a bartender at a local restaurant I frequent. We became friends via some shit we're both going through. We've known each other for years, but she was messed up due to a current issue, and so I gave her my number to talk if she wanted to. At this point she didn't know any of my issues. And I'm sure she had plenty of numbers to call if she wanted. If I would have heard from another waiter/waitress that she tossed it or laughed or joked, I wouldn't have cared. Her loss. I can't let myself be hurt for trying to help when someone abuses that trust, I'm just happy if I find out early enough. ANYWAYS we talked and now we are really good friends. I don't question her motives because she is a baretender just like if you are using the term friend, you shouldn't be questioning motives just because she is a dancer. If I ever felt she was abusing my trust, it wouldn't be some long horrible drag out walk away arguement, I have better things to do, I'd just tell her, and leave the ball in her court.

    I don't think I am better than anyone, I just know that for everyone who finds it worth using me for whatever, there are 2 out there who wont, so why bother seeking answers?

    If you had to have someone address "Deeper Questions" like whether or not you're an errand boy. Then you probably are. Because honestly "friends" means knowing the role and not asking these questions. MissMisha's FRIENDS probably never ask "am I MissMisha's friend?" they probably know.

    ::Mast::
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    Well you may not be Fetishizing at all, but, take this for what it is, Jenny is an intelligent/interesting girl. Last two things I need to know to know that is that she's a dancer and you're support for thinking that.

    Dancers are people. People are interesting, just dancers aren't afraid to talk about sex, or sex with other people. or sexuality. All of which I find very interesting, and I bet you do too.


    Sorry Jenny, I was more or less using you as an example.... I do think you're smart tho! :
    *gold star for you!*

    Don't throw rox at me :/
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    I started hanging out in strip clubs years ago because that's what guys who spend a lot of time on the road do. I'm comfortable in the environment and any stereotypes I harbored about dancers disappeared a long, long time ago. I enjoy the company of beautiful, intelligent, interesting women and many dancers fit the bill nicely. I have also found over the years that many do not. If I become friends with a woman it's because of who she is, not what she does for a living.

    BB: I'm not quite sure what you’re asking here but I sense you are not being totally honest with yourself. I also think your wife is a very naive woman.

    Best of luck to you.
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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    They are calling you.... UHM... you are the errand boy. You must have something they want or they wouldn't be calling you. What do you have?

    FYI ~ dancers can make a "connection" with anyone. Thats part of the biz.

    I am not trying to burst your bubble, but maybe you better go back to your wife and find that connection.

    Phedre
    ~ my very own pole dancer!

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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    I used to see the relationship between customer and dancer very clearly...I am attacted to you sexually, I have some money, I will give you the money for a few minutes of fantasy, you treat me nicely, then you go away...done, until next time I go shopping. Then a dancer confused me by calling me her friend. I wasn't sure what that meant exactly. I had what I felt were long deep conversations with her, bought her drinks and other party favors, and did feel a sense of mutuality in the relationship...but friend...hell, I was paying her for her time as a customer and enjoyed my limited sexual fantasy....and lets face it, would have fucked her in a second if given the chance...but FRIEND. Well the confusion lasted a long long time...especially when she was hustling and I knew it, but I guess friends sometimes do that to one another. So, eventhough I saw her over lunch several times...and eventhough she bought sometimes...and I knew about her life and her mine...I kept in mind that it was up to her ulitimately to decide where she wanted to take the relationship because the bottom line was that eventhough I thought she was a good person and interesting and all the rest she was an object of fantasy for me and when I was being my most honest with myself I loved the sexual exitement and flirting, and the feeling that she projected when she was with me that I was special. But it was remembering, once the haze cleared, that the true relationship was customer and dancer, that I could appreciate her as a person doing a job and could relax with her meaningless playfullness and flirtation...and finally feel comfortable with a "friendship" on her terms.

    PS: Do not get your wife invloved with your "friends". These are naked women who want your money to then...NOTHING MORE! If your going on errands for these "friends" there is not a woman in the world who wouldn't get pissed off...including a great many dancers I know. Be honest with yourself...you want to see something different than you see every night...fine, your a man. But don't think for a minute that she seemingly being OK with you hanging around with naked girls and buying them stuff won't bite you in the ass when she wises up that she is not satisfying you or that you are going outside your relationship for sexual fantasy without her. If I were you tell her you got that out of your system, take her out for dinner, and then bang her all night. Most guys forget that girls want to know that their pussy is in control...including your wife. Take it from experience.

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    Default Re: Just friends with dancers

    It just seems to me that if your wife is not comfortable with you hanging around with the "friends" then you should just not do it. Unless, of course, you don't mind getting hit with divorce papers.

    While I'm not a big proponent on not doing things just because someone else doesn't like it (my mom can attest to 30+ years of this...heh heh), you are in a relationship...you are meeting these girls in an environment that your wife finds threatening. It just seems like it would be better if you just backed off for a bit. And, I don't know ANY woman who would be ok with her husband getting calls from other women and taking off for "coffee" a couple times a week. Hell, the only women that Scorpio does that with (and it's not even a couple times a week...more like a couple times a year) are our girlfriends (who are dancers) but who we've known for years...and even then, I'm always invited, but sometimes have to turn down for one reason or another. I'M comfortable with them and I trust them.

    I would venture to say that if your wife is uncomfortable with these new "friends" it probably has more to do with your inane, constant babbling about how great friends they are and how much fun they are and how cool they are and how funny they are and blah, blah, blah...with that little gleam in your eyes. It probably has nothing to do about THEIRr jobs, but more about YOU.

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