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Thread: Deciphering the Experience

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    Deciphering the Experience

    here's an account of my first time at a topless bar. and i have a lot of questions, so i'll apoligize in advance for the long post. but greatly appreciate any feedback.

    i'm on leave from iraq, and get laid over in dallas for 2 nights before continuing my flight back. so about 9:00 sunday night, i tag along with 6 other random soldiers i don't know to this topless bar.

    being my first time, i have absolutely no idea what to expect, and don't bother asking any of the other guys since i don't know them at all. i don't know the rules, tipping etiquite, just completely in the dark here.

    i've had enough time to drink barely half a Corona, and this short brazilian dancer starts giving me a lapdance, just out of the blue. and she made a lot of contact, which i guess varies a lot between clubs. but i found the rules posted 2 hours later that turned out to be pretty strict. after reading some of the other threads, seems like the girls usually try to subtlely convince men to buy dances, not just jump right in w/o payment.

    1) so generally, what's the motive for this type of maneuver?

    i'm instantly suspicious, feeling like i'm a target to get hussled easily, being young and possibly because i'm in uniform. though i'm not going to let this interfer with having a good time before i have to come back the next day.

    2)is this a valid concern? do you dancers target younger customers for any reason?

    now after doing a little research, i realize how lame i was in not tipping her, though i did buy her a beer upon request. this was the trend thoughout the night. now she convinces me to pay $15 of $20 fee so she doesn't have to dance the stages, but we're not in time. so she dances the stages, but really just for me. rubbing her tits, ass, and couch ins my face. the bouncers ask if we're OK several times.

    3)are these kind of stage dances for a single person normal?
    4)is there a some code, like asking if we're OK, to tell the dancer she's going too far or any other message/system like that?


    after we finish the 4 stages, she takes me to a somewhat isolated corner for pretty much the duration of the night. dancing for me, letting my hands and mouth go everywhere, then talking inbetween periodically while she sits in my lap. she asks if she can have my dogtags...and ends up haggling for one of them.

    5)do dancers ever ask for something like this?

    all this while, she also kisses me several times.
    6)what's the indication here? and how common is it?

    when i mention i have to return to iraq the next day, she literally starts crying. she says it's because she was there before and it wasn't a good experience. also, periodically a waitress would come to collect my lapdance fee of $20 and sell more beers. and she seems to be getting mad at them for some reason. so i pay twice, but the next time she pays the fee.

    7)what would provoke her to pay the fee?

    then at the end they ask for $40, which we split. so all in all i paid
    75 in lapdance fees, and 45 for our beers(3 for me 4 for her), for a total of 120 for almost 3 hours of dances. but she also spent 45 of her own money.

    i saw some nightly earned amounts in some other posts, and this would be an absolutely terrible earn rate for almost 3 hours even if she collected all $20 per dance.

    8 )do many dancers drink on the job? what about getting hammered?

    though i don't know how much she drank before i got there, but 4 beers in 3 hours isn't really anything. though she was a mere 5ft tall, so maybe alcohol had something to do with her actions.

    ok, almost through. she gets off at midnight. so she tells me to meet her outside shortly after 12. i find her, and we talk for a couple minutes when a car pulls up and is apparently waiting on her. she starts crying again, but eveything i get out of her is portugese or muffled into my shoulder. then the guy gets out of the car, so we say goodbye and that was it.

    9)do dancers spend a majority of the night with just one customer?
    10)how often can i expect this kind of experience and reaction out of dancers?


    i'm really am hoping for hustle/attempted hustle rational behind her actions, so i don't have to kick myself for not getting her number or something. and like i said, i only had a few beers, so i remember the night pretty well.
    but reading other posts, i found that the you dancers are in a work/hustle mindset and would never sacrifice a night of earnings for any one customer. hell, maybe her boyfriend was somewhere else in the crowd and she was trying to make him jealous.

    for those who made it all the way through this novel, thank you for reading and your feedback,

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    Senior Member naughtynaomi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    Maybe she has a thing for GI's, or maybe she was on drugs, cos I would NEVER pay for a lapdance myself when I was the one giving it.....she sounds like she was a little bit out of it that night.

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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    Sometimes clubs will hire mentally unbalanced dancers. Even if they are clearly not playing with a full deck.

    I can think of a ton of scenarios that would fit this situation, but you never know for sure.

    Be glad that you enjoyed your night, and understand that the money situation was not typical. Everything else seemed to be in alignment with a typical evening at a SC. (rule breaking is common)


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Featured Member Destiny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    Quote Originally Posted by DannyBoy
    1) so generally, what's the motive for this type of maneuver?
    Generally that's not the type of manuever a dancer would use. Like the other said, it sounds like she is mentally unbalanced or on drugs.
    2)is this a valid concern? do you dancers target younger customers for any reason?
    No. In fact, most dancers target older customers because they tend to have more money to spend. Please don't take this the wrong way, but a young guy in an army uniform would be one of the last guys I would approach. My brother-in-law is in the army, I know how little you guys get paid.

    3)are these kind of stage dances for a single person normal?
    Unusual, but are seen occasionally.
    4)is there a some code, like asking if we're OK, to tell the dancer she's going too far or any other message/system like that?
    The bouncer's may have thought you were harassing her. Or they may have been trying to signal her that she was going too far with the stage dances and to save that kind of stuff for a dark corner.

    5)do dancers ever ask for something like this?
    No, they don't. In fact, most "gifts" customers bring a dancer wind up in the dumpster out back. See mentally unbalanced, drug comment above.

    6)what's the indication here? and how common is it?
    The indication is that she's high on something. Few, if any, dancers will kiss a customer on the mouth. Dancer's that will give a guy a BJ won't kiss him on the mouth. It's gross.

    7)what would provoke her to pay the fee?
    See mentally unbalanced, drug comment above.
    8 )do many dancers drink on the job? what about getting hammered?
    Yes. Far too many.

    9)do dancers spend a majority of the night with just one customer?
    Not for the little bit of money you paid they don't.
    10)how often can i expect this kind of experience and reaction out of dancers?
    Never again. Who really knows what was going through her head. Maybe she's on drugs, drunk, mentally unbalanced. Maybe she just had a big fight with her b/f. Maybe you look just like an old b/f that died in her arms wearing his army uniform. Who the hell really knows. Sounds like you've looked around on this board some. So you have an idea of what a night at a stipclub is usually like. If you go again, keep your expectations in line with what you've read in here and you'll still have a good time. But don't expect anything like what happened to you last night to happen again.

    But at least you've got a great story to tell back at the barracks!
    Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it. ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    Quote Originally Posted by DannyBoy
    when i mention i have to return to iraq the next day, she literally starts crying. she says it's because she was there before and it wasn't a good experience.


    Huh? Was she ex-military? Maybe she suffers from PTSD????? I am confused....

    Destiny and the others have given you great feedback, but I'll add my two cents:

    What you got was a series of high-mileage lapdances at a severly discounted rate, along with a generous helping of this chick's emotional baggage and/or substance abuse issues. The high-mileage lapdances are not at all uncommon in certain clubs, but the discount is an anomaly. The open display of a dancer's emotional wreckage is probably something you won't have to deal with very often in the future.

    Overall, it sounds like a highly unusual stripclub experience (though it's not all that difficult to find emotionally disturbed dancers if you really seek them out, as I'm sure certain customers who post here could attest.)

    Also, while Destiny's comments on kissing reflect the opinions of most dancers, from what I've read on this board (especially on the blue side), kissing isn't all that uncommon in some clubs.

    I'm curious, Danny: Did you enjoy the experience, or did you find it rather disturbing? Did it turn you off to stripclubs, or did it intrigue you? Are you eager for another visit, or would you just rather skip it next time? Did you feel sorry for the girl, or attracted to her? Or both?

    Good luck with your future SC visits....And please take care of yourself over there.
    "Doc still loved true things, but he knew it was not a general love and it could be a very dangerous mistress." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row


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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    thanks for all the great information, things are quite a bit clearer for me now.

    i enjoyed the experience very much, and if i wasn't intrigued i wouldn't have seeked you gals' expertise. i will definitely go at least once or twice more. i had such a good time, in fact, that i doubt my following trips will be as fun. though it will be nice to know a little more about what the hell i'm doing. but the undivided attention through the night from her was quite nice, even when she was crying on my shoulder, just added to the feeling of importance to her. i also regret not getting any kind of contact info, i felt like one of the many customers she's probably been with and figured she had the attitude most of you seem to : that the bottom line is the whole show is a business, not an oppertunity to make friends.

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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    oh forgot, don't know if she was ex-military. she didn't say specifically, just she was here as a "kind of nurse." which would be a job that i could see messing someone up mentally. and i don't see how she would end up over here without being military.

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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    SHE...HAS...YOUR...DOGTAGS???!!!!!

    With your name, SSN, religion, and blood type on them . . . . . .

    NEVER give that kind of info to a staranger!


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    When you perform... you are out of yourself--larger and more potent, more beautiful. You are for minutes heroic. This is power. This is glory on earth. And it is yours, nightly.

    --Agnes De Mille

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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    OMG--I was just thinking about this while I was in the shower (don't ask). This girl probably also knows your rank, unit, where you are garrisoned, when you left for iraq and when you expect to be back. Anyonewith an ounce of sense can read half of that off your uniform and put the rest together easily with some simple research.

    If she has a friend in the VA, she can use your name and last 4 to get almost any info she wants about you, including your service record, medical record, and so on. If she is in college, that would not be unlikely, b/c many vets do work study in VA facilities in order to earn some cash for school.


    I wouldn't worry about not exchanging contact info; I think she has all she needs.

    Does anyone smell identity theft here?

    BTW, DannyBoy, allow me to introduce myself. I am former Army, 32d Sig Bn Darmstadt GE 1991-95. Welcome to the board.

    Oh and . . . uh. . . . even though I am not airborne and you may not be either . .. .


    HOO-AH!


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    When you perform... you are out of yourself--larger and more potent, more beautiful. You are for minutes heroic. This is power. This is glory on earth. And it is yours, nightly.

    --Agnes De Mille

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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    She was probably BS'ing you about ever being in Iraq. The chances are she's not even legal. The chances are even better that her boyfriend isn't legal either. I don't know exactly what they can do with a dog tag but I don't think it was a very good idea to give one to her.

    I know a lot of Brazilian dancers. Most of them show up for work, hustle like crazy, are very friendly, give a lot of contact, make their money and go home. Some are happy with a minimal amount of cash or would rather hang with one guy and see how much they can get out of him. Brazilian guys treat their women like crap so a little kindness goes a long way sometimes. Unfotunately, some of them are involved in scams or ways of seperating you from more of your money OTC. Lastly, some of them are looking for an American to marry them and make them legal.
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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    All hail yoda, Supreme Master of the Brazilian Stripper Sisterhood.

    Danny, listen to yoda. He knows whereof he speaks.

    Colleen--wow! That never occurred to me about the dogtags.
    yikes.
    "Doc still loved true things, but he knew it was not a general love and it could be a very dangerous mistress." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row


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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    Yeah. Giving away your dogtags is almost as bad as giving away your weapon. Between the tags and the basic info you can read off a uniform, that is a LOT of information.

    Even assuming they DIDN'T have the usual chit-chat we military and former military people have all the time (Where are you stationed? Where were you before that? Whare did you go to Basic? What was your MOs (cereer specialty)? When did you join? etc etc) she could have figured out his unit and therefore where he is garrisoned, from that found out the mailing addy, and with his SSN applied for any number of credit cards. Enlisted people in the military get promoted according to a fairly set schedule, so if she looked at his collar and noticed his rank, she would have been able to figure out his approximate enlistment date. The list like that is endless.

    If I had somebody's dog tags and the time to chit chat with him for a while, I could figure out all knds of personal info he would not really want me to have.

    IF she is looking to make other kinds of trouble for him, she could easily find out who his commanding officer is and send a letter.

    I really really hope she is just a weird, confused girl who now cannot remember where the tags came from. However, I read too many detective novels and am suspicious by nature.

    My guess is that she saw a young guy in uniform, singled him out quick, and did evrything in her power to convince him that they had a "special" realtionship and/or that she was too stoned to be much of a threat. Then she kept him in the back room as long as she could to keep him talking and get whatever information she wanted out of him. That woudl explain her over-aggressive behavior, sudden teary-eyed breakdowns, and paying the show fee for him.

    I hope he posts again. I am curious what is going to happen. I hope it all works out for him.


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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    Danny, please call the credit bureaus(sp?), and add a fraud alert to your profile. Why on EARTH does she have your freakin dog tags!!!!!! Your First Shirt(what we call them in the AF) will just be THRILLED, if someone calls him/her or your commander about bills(and God forbid babies etc.) you didn't create!!! You may want to even mention to your supervisor that you tags were "stolen", yeah I know, integrity, core-values blah-blah, but unless you want to tell him/her how you really "lost" the tag, do it for CYA purposes!
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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    well, if it's any consolation. she didn't ask me about anything military whatsoever. and i don't have any credit cards. forgive me if i'm being naive, but what is the credit bureaus'/how would i contact them/and what does a fraud alert do? and does it matter if i don't have any credit cards?

    guess i'm too young to realize how important SSNs are. we (wrongfully?) use them ever so freely in the military, and i've been in since i was 17, before i even knew what a SSN was...haha. anyways, thanks for all you gals' concern.

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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    Here is a helpful site about credit reports:
    http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/pubs/credit/crdtdis.htm

    It does not matter is you have a card already or not. That jsut means your reports are squeeky-clean. That woudl actaully make it easier for somebody to apply for a card in your name.
    Last edited by colleen; 10-03-2005 at 01:52 AM.


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    Default Re: Deciphering the Experience

    Sorry for the multi-posts; my cat is sitting on my keyboard.

    IF this girl got a good look at your unit patch, she can make all sorts of trouble for you. If it were me, I woudl go into an army surplus store or anyplace where they might have a lot of insignia on display, and jsut ask. "Oh, I saw a soldier at the airport the other day with a patch like that one. Can you tell me what it means?"

    Just for shits and grins, I googled my old unit to see what I could find. It took me about 10 minutes to come up with the units location, curent Co, a base phone book, and some other info. http://www.22sigbde.army.mil/32nd/1024x768/main.htm

    Now think how easy it would be for somebody to apply for credit in your name or (god forbid) claim you were the father of some real or imaginary child.

    Please be careful and let us know how it goes.
    Last edited by colleen; 10-03-2005 at 01:50 AM.


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    When you perform... you are out of yourself--larger and more potent, more beautiful. You are for minutes heroic. This is power. This is glory on earth. And it is yours, nightly.

    --Agnes De Mille

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