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Thread: OMG WHAT do i do here?

  1. #1
    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default OMG WHAT do i do here?

    I'm stuck!

    The general consencus is for a Dungrons & Dragons themed Bachelor party... Now can anyone imagine a more nerdy bachelor party? Here i am trying my ass off to organize things all the while knowing that this goddamned D&D thing is floating around...

    I sat there and told these guys "how the FUCK am i gonna get a stripper for this" and was told to just deal with it since i "know about those things"... Um.... I do?

    In the movie Excalibur, that chick who started dancing at the beginning was sexy (Igraine in the flick). BUT look what the fuck i'm dealing with here. I like Lord of the Rings, like Fantasy itself, can't stand D&D. This is from one who has played it, it's like "Kill this" now "kill this"... Here's this funky thing, kill it... Lets roll some dice... THAT'S D&D!

    So....

    I can get hold of some medieval garb for a dancer to wear, but WILL SHE? Most of the shit i can get has no push up nothing, and all i have to go on is Arthurs mother in the flick "Excalibur!" Medeval garb is just so un-fucking-sexy! SHE was hot in that flick... Rennisance garb has boobs spilling out the top and girdles and all kinds of tease-type-stuff... But, um, i preferr *um* MODERN Katrine/Bridgette strippers...

    I'm seriously considering skippinng this bachelor barty or calling it cold and DRAGGING people out to the SC...

    Thus are the trials of working around a bunch of trekkie/D&Dheads... This is some shit i just don't know how to handle. But yet, 'since i know so much about Strippers (You may giggle about that any time you wish) I must set that angle up...

    The fucked up thing is this: If it's a bachelor party where a stripper does her thing and then leaves and then guys start playing D&D... is there any way to slit my wrists without the groom knowing?

    I can't just leave.

    My intention is this, rip these fucking housecased into the SC, but that is meeting with some, ahem, cough, resistance... (Imagine that!)

    Why the fuck is throwing a bachelor party this fucking hard to plan???

  2. #2
    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    Special thanks to Madmaxine for even giving me the medieval garb idea, that led to me remembering John Boorman letting his daughter dance like that in Excalibur...

    Why do i have such weird problems?

  3. #3
    Senior Member JumbliesMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    Find new friends.

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    Veteran Member lwtex52's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    Madcap, I'm here to help. I have a friend who can get you plastic surgery and a fake passport to some remote location such as Mongolia, Sierra Leone, Chad, or Tibet. Just let me know when.
    My latest conspiracy theory: I am convinced that Dick Cheney is, in reality, Elmer Fudd.

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    Featured Member showgirlschloe's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    A D&D bachelor party? Wow. And one of those guys actually found a girl to marry them? That's impressive. Don't worry too much about it. The dancer will probably do good 'cause obviously these guys are out of touch and will be blown away. Get her some fairy wings and a shiny thong.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    Quote Originally Posted by showgirlschloe
    A D&D bachelor party? Wow. And one of those guys actually found a girl to marry them? That's impressive. Don't worry too much about it. The dancer will probably do good 'cause obviously these guys are out of touch and will be blown away. Get her some fairy wings and a shiny thong.

    Every....word.....like a white hot.....needle.....in my... HEART

    hahah

    LIUTENANT WORF. CALL IN THE STRIPPER.

    Aye Aye CAPTAIN!
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  7. #7
    Featured Member showgirlschloe's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    Are you a D&D fan Mast?

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    Featured Member Crow's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    Maddy.. make the other guys who are going to this Umm.. * cough * bachelor party chip in and help you pay. Money is the great motivator, if you find some place that does stripper-grams or bachelor parties, make sure to sweeten the deal with some extra cash. Unusual requests cost more. My two cents worth.

    R

  9. #9
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    Quote Originally Posted by showgirlschloe
    Are you a D&D fan Mast?
    Nope.
    But god knows you couldn't tell by looking at me!



    I like cartoons tho!

    Unfortunatly I also like women.

    These often do not mix.

    In my history anyways.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  10. #10
    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    CrescentLuna. She's the local D&D expert. I'm betting she's considered this very problem before.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    From what I've learned, not all guys like/enjoy/want "typical" stripper-involved Bach. parties. To each his own, it's their time, & that doesn't make 'em nerds. From what I've heard, golf outings, gambling boat outings, etc are not that uncommon. Why not round up the interested parties after the D&D fiasco, & head out to a SC? This way wouldn't everyone get what they want, bascially?


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    whoever heard of a D&D bachelor party? I'm supposed to take this seriously?

  13. #13
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    No, you don't "have" to do anything. Sounds like you want to back out?


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    Quote Originally Posted by showgirlschloe
    The dancer will probably do good 'cause obviously these guys are out of touch and will be blown away. Get her some fairy wings and a shiny thong.
    Exactly. Why turn her into Xena warrior princess with all that pesky outerwear when the magic/mystical motif is just as much a part of D&D and much riper for sexploitation?

    A D&D theme for a bachelor party is lame-o, but I'd love to see the jaws of virgins dropping during the stripper performance. Anyone for co-ed strip D&D, boys? All damage points will be assessed against articles of your clothing.

    -Ev

  15. #15
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    In "The X-Files" episode about a computer Role Playing Game where the character "Goddess" is really killing people who play it, Mulder & Scully trace the bodyscan of "Goddess" to a stripper.
    When Scully asks the stripper whether she posed for a bodyscan for the character, the stripper asks whether they think that's the craziest thing she's ever been asked to do.
    So......tip her extra and explain it's a "role playing" gig.
    Someone was telling me the Medieval Times dinner show in Las Vegas has a segment where a wench is bartered off to the winner of a jousting match. You could look to that for some ideas. I have a screwy sense of humor so if I was in your shoes I'd be using "Kentucky Fried Movie" and "Excalibur" for inspiration.
    PS Strapless push up bras can be found at K-Mart, ask the stripper to make her bazooms go boom for the costume.
    PPS This is really sweet of you to do for a friend.

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    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    Quote Originally Posted by whirlerz
    No, you don't "have" to do anything. Sounds like you want to back out?
    No, i can't back out. But the thought of looking a woman in the eye while saying all this with a straight face is, um, not a good one...

  17. #17
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    Speaking as someone who looked horrified when other house party dancers broke out lollipops, bannanas & crack pipes, a "D&D" themed party would be a DELIGHT.

    I'd do it happily but I live on the other side of the US & my race didn't exist in the Middle Ages. Heh. (Oh, I just thought of Maid Marian's chastity belt from "Robin Hood: Men in Tights." That would be a cute party gag.)

  18. #18
    Featured Member red red red's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    You know there's some nerdy D&D stripper out there who would LOVE this gig...
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  19. #19
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: OMG WHAT do i do here?

    One word for you Madcap: chainmail. A bra and belt like this:
    http://cgi.ebay.com/Chainmail-exotic...QQcmdZViewItem

    Add a gauzy chiffon skirt and veil:
    http://cgi.ebay.com/BELLY-DANCE-BLEN...QQcmdZViewItem

    Have her dance to the score from Lord of the Rings or something equally dorky.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

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