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Thread: Insecure and Depressed

  1. #1
    Curious Guest
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    Default Insecure and Depressed

    Hi Everyone,

    I'm new to the board here. Sorry for such a hardcore topic for my first post, but this has really been bothering me.

    I've been stripping for 3 months now and i dont know if its the strip club atmosphere or if its just me but im feeling more and more depressed. I secretly think its insecurities that I have from my childhood and thats why i'm working there. And I know I am starting to act stupid and irrational but I won't admit it to my friends. I believe I have really low self esteem and this is a good way for me to get attention (by getting naked in front of random guys).

    Has anyone else had these feelings or am I on my own here?

    Thanks for your response,
    Cindy

  2. #2
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    Well, if the club is exposing you to temptations that will de-rail your whole life (drugs, etc.) quit for now and go back when you're stronger. If you show up at work radiating frailty, you will get taken advantage of. A large percentage of people in the club are there to look for someone "on the fence" and yank them down.
    It's not neccessarily bad to get an ego boost from dancing. I went from being an ugly neglected kid to being an attention-getter on stage. You might just need to fake confidence to gain it.....I recall Janice Dickinson (a famous model) talking about how she went from being an abused "white trash" teen to an international modeling star, and she decided to act high & mighty because after all she'd been through, she deserved to be a diva. Look at it that way, God might not have given you an easy life, but he gave you a rocking body to advance yourself.
    Knowledge is power. Read all about skills you will need as a stripper (Prince Machiavelli & Dale Carnegie, various sales skills books, finance management, male psychology, etc....) so you can go to work prepared and aware that stripping is a means to an end. You WILL do you job, SAVE your money, MANAGE your time, and RESIST those who will pull you down to cilmb over you. Being a dancer can make you stronger, not weaker. Good luck.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    If you are really feeling that way, then you need to go talk to someone. It's not good to hold those things in...they end up getting worse over time.

    We all go through those periods, but you need to really do the work behind it. Otherwise, it does you no good. This is a good experience to really look at what is bothering you and decide how you want to deal with it. This experience, like dancing, can make you stronger, but you must choose that.

    Good luck!


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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    This business is not for everyone. It will be hard to dance successfully if your mental focus is not strong. If you have no family or friends you feel comfortable talking to seek a therapist. It may be as simple as you talking about your feelings with out being judged or being embarrassed. Your depression will not go away until you deal with your feelings and get medication if needed. If dancing is not for you , thats okay. It just means you will be happy and content doing something else. As for feeling insecure start a workout program , get a pedicure, or what ever makes you feel good. Only surround your self around positive influences and getting on a schedule sometimes will distract you from feeling depressed if your busy. Working nights causes you to more than likely sleep more during the day. If your partying and sleeping too much that alone causes depression.

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    Senior Member samanthamx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    IMHO, this business may boost your ego saometimes, but it also exposes your whole person much beyond your skin, actually, some therapists would consider stripping as a risky profession for somewone depressed, so, I would recommend you for seeking professional assistance and perhaps taking a break from dancing.

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    Member Antigone's Avatar
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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    Hi Cindy,

    I am majoring in psychology , and I am quite surprised to read that
    Quote Originally Posted by cindyc1981
    I believe I have really low self esteem and this is a good way for me to get attention (by getting naked in front of random guys).
    I don't know in what popular psychology book you read this, but the relations between self esteem and the stripping is usually not that straight forward. Darling, if you have enough courage to get naked in front of a lot of guys, your self esteem is not that low. Rather, you just like the attention and you chose the occupation which not only allows you to get the attention but also to earn quite good money on that.

    You know yourself best, so you should be able to figure out if your depression is associated only with your job, or perhaps there are some other stressful situations in your life.

    As Madmaxine and VenusGoddess had pointed out, stripping requires certain "mind setup" and also can make you feel more confident.

    To end this in more positive note - maybe this is your adjustment period - after all, these are just 3 first months in your new job and new lifestyle. Hang around here, read some more experiences of other dancers, perhaps it will assist you in realizing how smart, self confident and beautiful you are
    [FONT=Courier New]Antigone - The play's tragic heroine (re: Sophocles, Antigone).

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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    from Madmaxine--"...after all she's been through she desirved to be a diva." -- great!

    I like that rational of thought! Miss Cindyc, we all have adjustment periods and as stated before too, could it be something else?
    My own 2 pennies-- If you know for sure it is the job...take a break...see what happens after you've taken maybe a week off. If the depression subsides then it is the job, quit. If you still feel off, seek out counceling , talk to friends, other 'newbie' dancers, ect. I have found sometimes when first starting out others will sense this and bombbard you with their "suggestions" and this can be overwhelming! --So basically listen to your heart and mind is it superficial (just starting out blues/adjustment) or is some deep seeded heartbreak of some kind from your past?

    Good luck & best wishes
    ~ Everytime you vote for a conservative republican, a civil right dies~ political cartoon
    ~ [whisper] " I don't bargain! " ~ Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive

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    Banned BigGreenMnM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    Just a side note,and probably doesnt have anything to do with your situation,

    Are you making money???

    Are you hanging out with alot of girls at work who are not,and rubbin thier mojo off on ya??

    Is it a dive club,and your earnings potential is as depressed as you feel??

    I know money doesnt cure securites,phobia's or depression,but it sure makes them more bearable at times.

    Usually from what i have seen,and in most cases,when girls are newbies in thier 3rd month,they are usually still riding the high of it all,and making more money they they ever have in thier life.
    They still have that new car smell and look like a kid in a candy store.

    maybe your surroundings are the problem,location and its inhabitents.

    As for being insecure,most dancers i have met are,and that never changes.
    Even to the ones who use it to thier advantage,its still thier achielee's<sp>tendon(that greek guy with the weak ankle,played by bradd pitt in a movie,you know,akeelees<sp>never mind,i give up lol)
    Would BA's even exist with it??
    I say NAY!
    learn to play off your insecurities,before others do.

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    Senior Member Abbeynormal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    I agree with Antigone...it takes guts to strip. It's a rare courage, and to the fact that you've been doing this for 3 months now, way to go! Everyone on here has made great suggestions, so I don't really have any, just know that YOU are in control here.

    I have had these feelings a few times, but then again, I had them when I was a waitress, too. Just being in this business makes you a very strong person!
    "This above all: to thine own self be true."

  10. #10
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    Dancing is a damn good way to get attention! So is being a bitch! But not always the best ways.

    Hun if you feel this way, first work it out. Get attention through you're brain, not getting naked if this bothers you!!

    You sound clever, don't let this job make you feel bad. That is a sure sign it may not be for you at this moment! You're thoughts are a warning!

    Maybe in a few months. Take care of the issues at hand first!

    Good luck,

    Pamela

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    Veteran Member CallMeSky's Avatar
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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    Are you at work alot?
    I remember when I used to work alot (more then 4x week) I would get in this really weird mood and just want to stay in my room with the lights off watching movies for a few days. Maybe you just need some "down time" away from the club enviroment?

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    Veteran Member Foxey's Avatar
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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    "she decided to act high & mighty because after all she'd been through, she deserved to be a diva"

    I totally agree. I was the fat girl in high school that everyone picked on and now I'm a bangin' stripper and doing pretty damn good even though I'm still slightly large (compared to the average stripper anyhow) I also agree that the club plays a big part in my pysche. The last club I was at was EXTREMELY slow and I was getting really depressed working there because I wasn't making any money at all and I was blaming myself when really it was the club. So I switched clubs and I'm making money and feeling better. Take some time off and see how you feel. If you start to feel better go back and if you feel shitty again when you go back switch clubs. If you still feel shitty then maybe stripping isn't for you.
    In a black light trance, then go go dance...

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    Banned BigGreenMnM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    I saw this TV show one time,I think it was Maury Povich or something.

    It had a girl on there that was supposed to be an ugly duckling in highschool,and her affections were rejected by the cool "dude"in school.

    Well now she was a stripper/escort and was da bomb.It was hard to belive she was ever considered ugly from what i saw on stage.

    So the guy comes out,and its been 10 years since highschool,the guy wasnt in his football playin weight class any longer.
    He had the receeding hairline,spare tire gut,and dressed in ratty jeans.
    He owned his own company,was married with kids,and seemed like he had a happy and good life.
    She turned on the "diva"routine,telling him shit like "see what you missed","see what you coulda had","see what you cant have now".Yadda Yadda,she really laid into him.

    He just sat there and smiled thru the whole "diva rant".
    When she was done,all he said was,

    "I didnt want you then,and i dont want you now,I didnt even remember who you were,they said someone used to have a crush on me from highschool,and my wife and i wanted a couple of days vacation in the city."

    The crowd all went "OWWWWWW" at the same time.

    I almost choked on my sammy.

    She said a few backpeddlin comebacks trying to live up to the "diva code"and get the last word in,but it was to late,she got "diva faced",and the segment ended fast after that.

    It was a total "diva backfire".

    Im sure she had to return her "diva" tickets to the VH1 special,and her membership in the national "diva"association will be suspended soon.heheh

    One thing is for sure,specially in our industry.

    There is a fine line between acting like a "diva"and acting like a "biotch",and thats one power custies have,they can see it.
    Some dont care,most do.

    Besides,Diva is born,its not an act.

    <<3 snaps up>

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    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    antigone- you noticed the same thing I did...

    Self esteem issues can be related to stripping after the fact, but not during, in my opinion... I know from experience that I had esteem issues AFTER I was stripping, not during, not before, but after.. and my esteem issues stemmed from the comments of other people putting me down and making me question myself as a person.. however, this only lasted a few months and after I kicked a few of the stupid asses to the curb, I was fine.. but if you have self esteem issues before, the last thing you are going to do is get on stage... just my two cents.

    However, I have worked with girls who could not do their jobs without being high or drunk.. that's the first sign of trouble right there.. if you feel that you need a "Fix" of somesort just to get through the motions of the job, it isn't for you.. and that's ok.. but don't become an alcoholic or drug addict over it.. it isnt' worth it.. plus it just makes you look very unprofessional and very unappealing.

    Talk to someone who you can confide in and if you still find that this isn't what its all cracked up to be, then maybe you might be ok cocktailing instead...

    Good luck.


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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    I have to disagree with the notion that if you have low self-esteem, you wouldn't be on stage in the first place. At least for me, I had no problem getting on stage but I definitely have low self-esteem. There are different kinds of low self-esteem. For example, I don't really have low self-esteem when it comes to my appearance but when it comes to just about everything else, I do. So I can tell you for a fact that it is possible to be on stage and not have a lot of self esteem.

  16. #16
    Veteran Member RachelleD's Avatar
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    Default Re: Insecure and Depressed

    Not to be an ass, but CindyC seems like a troll
    "She believed she could, so she did." -unknown

    **Rachelle**

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