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Thread: Screaming Mad

  1. #1
    God/dess KamrynAnne's Avatar
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    Default Screaming Mad

    ok, well currently i am living in my hometown with my parents for the first time in about four years..... they found out about me dancing not once, but twice.. i lied about it twice and got caught both times.. they threatened to disown me.. i'm still not sure about what im going to do.. well my mom went snooping through my things the other day and hid all my dance clothes and shoes away..... I went psycho.... .. Who does she think she is to go snopping through my things.... i am at ends wit with my mother.... i am just ready to tell her goodbye and to have a nice life... because she found all my clothes she is calling me a "black sheep"- meaning i will no longer be a part of this family if i decide to dance or not..... i just don't know what to do..... i keep telling her that no i don't want to go back and dance, but in actuality i really do...... i know this sounds dumb, but i never would have though two years ago i would be working in this kind of industry.... i guess i kind of got hooked..... the money, glamour, and glitz of dancing just kind of took me over..... sorry i just needed to let off some steam...
    Last edited by KamrynAnne; 10-05-2005 at 11:16 AM.

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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    well i see a point on both sides, you are living under their roof. but you are their child. they should love you regardless, even if they hate what you do, they should still love who you are.

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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    and i think going through your stuff is uncalled for. if you were doing drugs, yes. stripping, no.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    My dad once told my I was 'no longer a member of the family'.... he acts now like it never happened, but I will never forgive him... be strong. You can't live your life for someone else, even your parents....

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    Veteran Member CallMeSky's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    "You can't live your life for someone else, even your parents...."

    That`s true...if it`s something that you really want to do - you should do it. You need to get on your own, tho if they feel that strong about it.

    I told my mom I was bikini dancing once (which wasn`t a lie, I was at the time - just didn`t tell her I had also danced nude and topless) and she flipped out and told her I wouldn`t know how much of a dissapointment I was to her until I had a daughter of my own. Well, I have a daugher now I and know I would`nt ever say anything like that to her. You can`t blame people for having differant ideas about what is "right and wrong"...but I guess some parents are just like that.

  6. #6
    God/dess KamrynAnne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    exactly.... thats all my mom ever says is "u wont realize any of this till u have a daughter on your own"... i'm just pissed off that she went through my things and took my stuff..... not just two outfits, about twenty..... i'm currently trying to figure out my living situation so i can get the hell out and live my life.....

  7. #7
    God/dess KamrynAnne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    has anyone experienced anything like this before???? please help.... i don't want to end a relationship with my mom over my clothes, but then she'll wonder why i want them back if i " dont plan on dancing again", which is a lie..... sorry to be confusing....

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    Featured Member Prester_John's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    Quote Originally Posted by KamrynAnne
    has anyone experienced anything like this before???? please help.... i don't want to end a relationship with my mom over my clothes, but then she'll wonder why i want them back if i " dont plan on dancing again", which is a lie..... sorry to be confusing....
    Your mother is being inflexible in her beliefs, and there is little you can do to mollify her except for living your life the way she wants you to. While you live under her roof and enjoy all the benefits of that, you haven't got a lot in your corner for living life the way you want it (although that doesnt mean she is justified in any way for snooping through your things).

    Sounds like she is forcing you to break those strings, and it's not going to be pretty. Try thinking long term - it may be rough and she may say hurtful things, but in the end you are her daughter, and it can be very tough for a mother to totally ingore that love forever. That might give you some hope in the near or far future. Plus, you will be able to have that independence of life that all adults are owed.

    Its a trade off, and not a happy one, but one that doesnt have to be damaging permanently, at least in my opinion.

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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    Tell your Mom that your lawyer recommended you file charges, but you decided to negotiate first.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

  10. #10
    Veteran Member DJ_Duane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    If you'd rather live your own life, rather than live the life your parents want you to, the first thing you need to do is move out of their house.

    I dont know any parents who ever cease looking at their offspring as children, no matter how old they are. The fact that you are again living in their home, the same as you did when you were a child, only reinforces that standpoint.

    I'm not saying its right. That's simply the way it is.

    It didnt help matters that you lied about it twice and got caught both times. Its similar as when we lied to our parents about things when we were children and got caught. This was a mistake on your part. It reinforced in their eyes that you believed that dancing was something you were doing that you knew was wrong and were trying to cover it up.

    If you're going to continue dancing, you'll need to find some place else to live as soon as possible. In the meantime, find someplace else to keep your work clothes, like a storage locker that you can rent, so your parents cant sabotage your work staus by stealing your clothes again.

    Your mom probably threw-away the clothes she took, so its no use trying to get them back from her.

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    Banned BigGreenMnM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    lol yea,sue your mother for tossing out your stripper clothes,thats going to help.

    Thats almost the dumbest thing i ever heard.

    Your living under thier roof,stripping against thier wishes,and then lieing about it.

    Your the one in the wrong.

    maybe its time to show a little respect,ignore the shithouse lawyers,and dont let the "all power to the strippers,no matter what"mentality ruin or hurt the relationship you have with your folks.

    Its house rules,you cant be a stripper and live at home.

    You can be a stripper and have a great relationship with your folks,as an adult,providing for yourself,living under your own house and its rules.

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    Featured Member thechaosfairy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    Bill your mother for the clothes.

    Doesn't matter if they didn't cost very much -- a lot of stripper outfits cost $50-100, so tell your mother they did and you were going to sell them.

    Then move the fuck out, because your stuff will be more secure in a crackhouse.

  13. #13
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    Move out. The only reason I got away with being a stripper AND living under my mom's roof is that she needed my financial assistance.
    I came home to help her out again but it's just making me miss being on my own. If you get room mates you can live in a nice place for $500-$900 a month.
    I'd be pissed over the outfit's value.....if she threw them out she owes you. It was still your property.

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    Veteran Member soybeangirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    Ok, while it was wrong for her to hide your stuff, there is one important thing to remember. YOU WILL NOT CHANGE HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT DANCING. It will not make things any better to scream and yell and threaten to sue. You should just tell her that you are of age to amke your own choices, you know that she will not give her consent and that's fine, but you are still a human and she should at least respect you and your stuff enough to not throw it out. Tell her you will find your own place asap and don't mention another word about dancing. She doesn't want to hear the details and you don't want to hear bitching.
    This is a sucky situation. SORRY YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS PAL!

  15. #15
    Sitri
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    Quote Originally Posted by KamrynAnne
    has anyone experienced anything like this before???? please help.... i don't want to end a relationship with my mom over my clothes, but then she'll wonder why i want them back if i " dont plan on dancing again", which is a lie..... sorry to be confusing....
    Well, I was out of the house at 16. Part of growing up is learning that you can't have it both ways. You can't expect to do things they disagree with and continue to support you -- financially or mentally. People that you have relationships with have expectations of you just as you have expectations of them.

    As you grow up, you find that there are consequences for what you want to do and what you believe in. (Whether you are right, or wrong in a relative sense.)

    Relative to lying, People lie when they don't want to be responsible for the consequences of their actions. It takes maturity to tell the truth and be accountable for what you have done or believe in. We all at some point lead secret lives. It takes time to have the courage to show people who we really are.

    Just as you want the right to make decisions, they have the right to support those decisions or to challenge them. If they don't approve of them they have the right to withdraw their support.

    That's just life--- yours and theirs. Sometimes it sucks.

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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    move out. I did, and it worked...saved my relationship with parents. There is a logic to "my house, my rules" - get out of their house and there's no issue.

    They do love you (probably) and always will...and will ignore what you do when you're not at home. But if you're gone every night from 8pm - 3am and living "the stripper lifestyle" it'll be hard for them to ignore and thats kinda not fair to them either.

    besides (was the case with me) the "no overnight same-bed guests" rule goes away when you move out.

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    God/dess colleen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    Quote Originally Posted by soybeangirl
    Ok, while it was wrong for her to hide your stuff, there is one important thing to remember. YOU WILL NOT CHANGE HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT DANCING. It will not make things any better to scream and yell and threaten to sue. You should just tell her that you are of age to amke your own choices, you know that she will not give her consent and that's fine, but you are still a human and she should at least respect you and your stuff enough to not throw it out. Tell her you will find your own place asap and don't mention another word about dancing. She doesn't want to hear the details and you don't want to hear bitching.
    This is a sucky situation. SORRY YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS PAL!
    This is exactaly what i was going to say. I broke off all communications with my mom for about a year once, for a number of reasons. I guess I had to do it to grow up, and maybe so do you. Just get out, be honest, and don't tell her any information she doesn't need to know.

    Good luck!


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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    Quote Originally Posted by colleen
    Just get out, be honest, and don't tell her any information she doesn't need to know.
    yep, like, I would call up the parents when I got new job... when I quit it 8 months later, I did not call...wrote them a letter about a ski camping trip, but they still don't know that I went to prison in the Caribbean for pot... you get the idea...

  19. #19
    God/dess KamrynAnne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    i'm confused

  20. #20
    God/dess KamrynAnne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    i wish more than anything, my dancing wasn't even an issue... it has completely torn my relationship with my mom apart....

  21. #21
    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    Quote Originally Posted by KamrynAnne
    i wish more than anything, my dancing wasn't even an issue... it has completely torn my relationship with my mom apart....
    Don't be confused; what is the point of being metaphysical about it? You cannot figure out why because you don't have a daughter of that age. Maybe you wouldn't be in 20-30 more years; maybe you would. But this is very likely the case for 95% of the dancers; why would your mom be different?

    You cannot justify it, but you must deal with it.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    They just dont understand you at the moment - and I can understand that they are a little concerned about the dancing they dont understand you and what you are doing - doesnt make it wrong or rite just makes it not understood by all parties . You do live under their roof so expect that they go through your shit its their home they do have the right I know that sounds harsh but its reality . Get on your own if you want more freedom - and I am sure your mother loves you she just needs some guidence from you and what you are doing with your life .

  23. #23
    Veteran Member Angel1112's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    Your mother is just concernd for you and wants a better life for you ,she doesn't want you to get caught up in that lifestyle and wants you to make wise choices in where to work.Your living under her roof so i guess theres not a whole lot you can do about it until you move out on your own.

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    Featured Member Lilith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    I can empathise with both. I don't care if you're old and grey and flabby, you're still your Momma's baby. She's going to fuss and worry until she dies, and you might as well stop the sun as try to change her. And sure, we might be well-informed about the stripping industry but she isn't. She'll worry. She'll worry and wonder about what her baby's gotten into and what those people could do to her baby and whether this will make you happy. Really happy. Picket fence happy, the kind she spent eighteen years hoping like mad you would wind up with. I'm sure you can look through her eyes and see why she doesn't think stripping will bring you this kind of happiness, and why she peeks into your room when you're asleep and wonders where she failed you.

    On the other hand, you've been on your own for four years, which makes you - let's see, add the four, carry the one - an adult. if you're on the youngest side of the adult years then I can see having to put up with a bit of last-minute parenting in exchange for living at the folk's place. If you're middle to upper twenties or older then "respecting your parents' house" extends to pulling your own weight and not waking them up at night when you come home. Neither of those gives her the right to go through your belongings and steal some if she doesn't like them. You need to make it more clear that Mom's job isn't what it once was. Stop acting like a naughty child; demand the return of your possessions and let them know flat out that you lied to spare their feelings but your job is none of their concern. What your mother wants for you might be fine but it remains your choice to decide if that is what you want for yourself. That is not negotiable.

    I assume it's obvious that it's high time you move out.
    He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

  25. #25
    Pamela
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    Default Re: Screaming Mad

    I highly agree with DJ_Duane!

    You must move out of their home, or live by the rules of the house. Parents being parents will go through their childs personal belongings...it's human nature. They probably fear for you. And, fear you will have a customer follow you home to theor house!

    Lots of concerns there.

    However, going through the clothes and such, well again some parents do this. It's not right, shows lack of trust.

    You need to move out of "their" home.

    Good luck,

    Pamela

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