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Thread: Spin off from SG: i like you

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    Default Re: i like you

    Note from Mod: Sorry about all of the "edits". I began editing the thread because it was so far off and then I had the bright idea to just split the damn things! So, here you go! Enjoy!!

    Is it at all possible to just be honest? Treat people like you would want to be treated. If you don't want to go out with a guy just tell him so. The problem with this whole business as I see it is that interpersonal interaction is reduced to a hustle or what you can get from someone. I know its the job and all and customers should expect no less but my favorite dancer ever said these words to me, "I am not trying to get anything from you, you know I'm married and so are you so we can't date, but I'll give you a call if I'm sitting around in here not doing anything and if your not busy lets grab a drink and chat for awhile since I like your company". And thats exactly what she did and I would tip her and all just becuase I knew she was sincere, I knew where she stood and I knew where she stood. Much better than playing endless games...it also lets you know what a guys real intentions are.
    Last edited by VenusGoddess; 10-08-2005 at 09:45 AM.

  2. #2
    Crissychan
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    Default Re: i like you

    Quote Originally Posted by skanklover
    Is it at all possible to just be honest? Treat people like you would want to be treated. If you don't want to go out with a guy just tell him so. The problem with this whole business as I see it is that interpersonal interaction is reduced to a hustle or what you can get from someone. I know its the job and all and customers should expect no less but my favorite dancer ever said these words to me, "I am not trying to get anything from you, you know I'm married and so are you so we can't date, but I'll give you a call if I'm sitting around in here not doing anything and if your not busy lets grab a drink and chat for awhile since I like your company". And thats exactly what she did and I would tip her and all just becuase I knew she was sincere, I knew where she stood and I knew where she stood. Much better than playing endless games...it also lets you know what a guys real intentions are.
    Its hard to be honest when you have to remember what we are selling is a fantasy. Its very hard for a woman to mix her club self & then her home self. We know what 99% of guys intentions are and thats why we have the dancer persona.

    You want honesty... my goal is to achieve at least 5 dances an hour and if they are not coming from you then I need to move on and make them off the next guy, the honesty is that your paying cover to come see beautiful women dance naked, if you want to meet someone and attempt to even become friends OTC go to Chili's not the SC.

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    Default Re: i like you

    I agree in general Chrissy, however, the question concerns what happens when a guy actually sees you for you not a fantasy. Sometimes thats why he wants to go out with you...most of the time its just sex...but sometimes not. Sure we are there to buy dances, you are there to sell your "personalities", but a guy can be genuine sometimes. In my case I went in the club to drink and see some hot naked ass...the conversation was a surprise, and me liking her was a bigger surprise as the majority of dancers I've had contact with don't have much to say...so whether it was Chili's or a strip club was not material as I still would have felt the same way.

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    Member Xmacknmadix's Avatar
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    Default Re: i like you

    Well i met a few guys, they were cool. There was one i really liked. But im thinking ok he comes here b/c he wants to see hot naked ass like skanklover and all the rest of them. But then he likes me too. But i had already told myself that i wouldnt date or have any interraction with men i meet at work outside of work... (bad experience) So anyways to the ones i dont like i take their number instead of them taking mine. Im not saying that every guy that comes in whats to meet me outside of work. And i have given the one i like my number. He has called me, and come to see me once again since i met him. But funny thing is he doesnt touch, he isnt a pervert, he doesnt even get dances. He just comes to talk to me and leaves. Could there be something there?

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    Default Re: i like you

    Xmack- he may really like you for you and is being respectful or he just may be shy and not have a real agressive streak when it comes to women. If he seems OK go out to lunch with him with your clothes on and find out. On the other hand I hope he tips you on stage which I feel is respectful...oh and just curious why if he touched you or got dances is he a pervert?

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    Member Xmacknmadix's Avatar
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    Default Re: i like you

    i didnt mean he was a pervert for touching me and or wanting dances. He does tip me on stage. And when i say pervert i mean the guys who are really just down right dirty. Im not saying all of them are but some. But i have to say he doesnt talk about sticking his d*ck in me and eating the shit out of my pussy. lol. very respectful man.
    Last edited by VenusGoddess; 10-08-2005 at 09:18 AM.

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    Senior Member Luke34's Avatar
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    Default Re: i like you

    Quote Originally Posted by Xmacknmadix
    And when i say pervert i mean the guys who are really just down right dirty. Im not saying all of them are but some. But i have to say he doesnt talk about sticking his d*ck in me and eating the shit out of my pussy. lol. very respectful man.
    LOL... love your definition of a respectful man...

    Truth is you cannot judge a person from where you met them... just as there are people who will have certain preconceptions about you because of your job. I find in it sensible not to mix relationships with work because in any work environment it becomes messy when things work out, as well as when things dont work out. Having said that the heart is not so smart

    If you meet someone you really get along with, IMO it is better to find out what it could be, rather than to die wondering....

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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: i like you

    Some guys will target a newbie dancer because she does not have the survival mentality it takes to avoid being someone's target. You will be meeting thousands of guys who will try to pursuade you to let them get in your pants. You do not know if this guy is different yet. You are not experienced enough to make these judgements now. Give him time, only in the club, to show his warts.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Veteran Member Phedre's Avatar
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    Default Re: i like you

    Hahaha

    Are you kidding? I have met lots of guys that I like while dancing. However I have to constantly remind myself that they are walking ATM's. If this guy is "the one" he will find a way to have a life with you outside of your work, so if you are interested in him STOP letting him come in.
    Phedre
    ~ my very own pole dancer!

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    Default Re: i like you

    I read this thread yesterday and now I'm confused.

    I have been with dancers that I really enjoyed their company & they seemed to enjoy mine. After a few hours and a few drinks I have looked at them, leaned close and said "I like you".

    I have only said this when I really meant it. I've had it said back and delivered with a kiss.

    Should I not say this? I never want to make dancers feel uncomfortable. Maybe this could be to much emotion.

    Your thoughts.

    Rick

  11. #11
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: i like you

    Rick, if you did that to me while I was working at the club, I would lean close too and maybe kiss you on the cheek and tell you how much I like you too. I would probably mean it, too. Then when I went home, I would forget all about you, cuddle up with my boyfriend, and count my money.

    You are not going to find true love in a strip club. It's just an arcade with naked people - you go and spend money to play games, nothing more. Enjoy it for what it is.

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    God/dess threlayer's Avatar
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    Default Re: i like you

    "Like" is simultaneously an over-obvious word and an ambiguous word. You 'like' to be spending time with each other. Yet 'like' is NOT love, how could it be?

    Best to substitute a more exact phrase, maybe "I really enjoyed spending this time with you and I hope we can do it again soon." If something a lot closer ever develops, you both will have the irresistible urge to say more and the 'like' word will sound stupid and trite. Just give it its due time.

    In my opinion in the case of sex workers (here dancers) if you have sex too soon, it puts huge complications to your determination if love is there or even could be there. Too often there is both the lustful infatuaton thing and the dependency thing. Both of these destroy your short-term judgement.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: i like you

    Quote Originally Posted by amadeus_x
    In sum, the lowest common denominator of "customership" does not include enough information to make a rational judgment as to one's character. Therefore, a policy decision to not date customers can only be a logical one if it is justified on other grounds (i.e. club rules, you're married, etc.).
    The lowest common denominator of a customer is that he's not there to interact with my real persona. He doesn't desire nor is he receiving enough information from me to make a sound judgment about his feelings except for purely physical attraction and/or interaction with a false persona. Therefore, a policy decision not to date customers is logical given the lack of essential information and the abundance of false information being exchanged between dancer and customer.

    -Ev
    Last edited by VenusGoddess; 10-08-2005 at 09:42 AM.

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    Veteran Member Phedre's Avatar
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    Agreed. When I dance I do not project a false view of who I am. I may be a little "meaner" than in my normal day to day, but thats due to being aggresive for profit!

    1. I like taking my clothes off.
    2. I like taking my clothes off for money even more.
    Phedre
    ~ my very own pole dancer!

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    Veteran Member Phedre's Avatar
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    Default Re: i like you

    If you like the guy, tell him his relationship potential goes down dramtaticly when you view him as a customer and if you and he are even remotely going to work out you have to have similarities outside of your job. So find one of them and meet up somewhere else with some friends so it doesn't turn into a DATE thing.
    Phedre
    ~ my very own pole dancer!

  16. #16
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: i like you

    Amadeus, you still may not be getting the real deal. In real life, my name is Kimberly, I work full-time in the film industry, I have a Master's in Film, I come from Memphis, I live in Hollywood, I have a boyfriend, I moved here over a year ago, and we swing. In the strip club, my stage name is Dixie, my real name is Jen, I'm a full-time preschool teacher, I have a Master's in English Literature, I come from Biloxi or Tupelo depending on my mood, I live in Santa Monica, I have no boyfriend because I just moved here, and I never have time for entertainment since I work so much.

    Even if they seem like they're being so open and honest with you, they're probably still not. It makes you feel very special to act like they're telling the truth, but they don't want to invite stalkers.

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    Default Re: i like you

    Yekhefah: It seems you have spent a lot of time and thought in deception. Thats fine. However, your way of doing the business is not necessarily how its always done. You are in sales. How you sell is your business. Many people in sales are genuine and honest...even strippers. Perhaps your film background has helped you create false persona easily. But for some being themselves is what works. I have met dancers like you and my experience has been that all there is is body not substance. But some are easily fooled. And most likely why when I do sit for a moment with one of your type I keep it business. SHUT UP AND DANCE.

  18. #18
    Yekhefah
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    My whole point though is that you have no idea I'm faking you. There's enough truth in it for it to be natural to me, but not enough for you to be able to track me down. Maybe it's because I HAVE been stalked and have been terrified for my life, but I see no reason to give total strangers an open invitation to repeat the experience.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: i like you

    My whole point though is that you have no idea I'm faking you.
    How do you know that?

    How do you know that you are fooling the guys who say 'no' to you? Maybe they see through your act and just aren't interested....

    How do you know that you are fooling the guys who say 'yes' to you? Maybe they see through your act and are laughing inside at the idea that you think you've faked them out...

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    Default Re: i like you

    I guess Yekhefah that when you push all the bullshit aside if dancers want to pretend to be actresses who cares, for $20 I get to have a first class piece of ass in my lap for a few minutes with no strings attached and if you can make me believe you like me for even a minute your doing your job. Whether you want to give up the inner you or not is your business because that is not what I am paying for. Smell good, smile, be soft and sensual, make my dick hard and make me want you....the outer you. If you like me, great, I like people who give me money and attention too.

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    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amadeus_x
    evan_essence - I think you pre-supposed too much. A "false persona" is not an inherent and necessary attribute of a dancer. A dancer's LCD is: One who is wiling to appear in various stages of undress in return for compensation. While selling a "false persona" may or may not be a wise business move, it certainly is not an essential attribute of a dancer.
    Not for a dancer perhaps, but for a stripper, it is. It's that compensation part that makes it so. Outside the club, I don't engage in a sexualized interaction with someone I have no sexual attraction to, even for money. If you don't want to characterize the modification of behavior inside the club as "false persona," that's fine; pick a more neutral term like customer service. The point is my on-the-job behavior is different than it would be if I were interacting with the same men outside the club, and therefore, gives off false signals about my potential interest if interpreted as though it were outside-the-club behavior.

    -Ev

  22. #22
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: i like you

    If you're making OTC friends at strip clubs, great. Me, I am WORKING. My customers usually don't even speak English and I'm not there to make friends. I have met interesting people and enjoyed spending time with them, but like I said I've been stalked before and I have no desire to wind up in a dumpster or on the news. Being Jen the preschool teacher works for me and allows me to engage in normal, natural conversation (with those who speak a little English, anyway) and still not put myself at risk. And my point, like I said, is that more women are probably doing the same with you than you realise.
    Last edited by VenusGoddess; 10-08-2005 at 09:23 AM.

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    Default Re: i like you

    Wow, deep topic, I like it!

    Amadeus_x, I have a sportscar and a Harley . I wonder what this makes you think about me. Hum, like to go fast maybe, likes the biker look maybe. I also own a very nice business, own commercial land and love to know dancers, like you.

    A quick story about a dancer I told "I like you"

    A dancer comes along and asks if I'd like some company, I say sure. As the afternoon went by I found out she was 35, is a 4 year grad. & has a 3 year law degree. This is true, she is very intelligent. I had a very nice time with her, she even asked me out. I went to see her two more times before I went home. I knew something about her I did not let on that I had figured out. She had been eluding to this information the first day, but I just was not interested. The third day we were sitting close and I look over at her, she was starting to get emotional and she says "If you really knew me, you wouldn't even like me, but I am what I am". I leaned over and whispered "paid escort". She asked me how I knew, I said "you've been telling me for 3 days", just not openly. I told her I was not there to try to get her to have sex with me. I said to her, "Sweetie, the reason I'm here is simply because, I like you". She then became very emotional. Later we shared personal contact info. and wrote back and forth for about 3 months.

    This was the first dancer I became close too. I then realized I enjoy the company of dancers and have been close to a few more. I am at the point that I only want to be close to one dancer and will see her soon. Will we have future together? Who knows, maybe.

    Rick

  24. #24
    Veteran Member Phedre's Avatar
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    Default Re: i like you

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah
    Being Jen the preschool teacher works for me and allows me to engage in normal, natural conversation (with those who speak a little English, anyway) and still not put myself at risk. And my point, like I said, is that more women are probably doing the same with you than you realise.
    I think you have a valid reason for having an alternate personality at work. But I also think that people [not just women in SC's] in general make up the same falicies about themselves to keep their relationships at arm's length until they decide that the other person is someone they want to associate with.

    Sometimes dancers [ones that I know] make up a false persona so that customers really don't have a chance to get into their personal life. I don't do that because it doesn't work for me. I am direct and open about who I am, HOWEVER, I have got into conversations where I just felt it best to make the other person hear what they wanted to hear. Sometimes tho I am just not interested in being myself for someone, so to annoy them [or accomodate them] and make more money I would use my FABulous acting skills.
    Phedre
    ~ my very own pole dancer!

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    Veteran Member Phedre's Avatar
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    Default Re: i like you

    Quote Originally Posted by amadeus_x
    Yekhefah - Interesting, one of my very good dancer friends (who I met while dancing) is also a pre-school teacher. My ex-girlfriend (a dancer) was as well. Is teaching pre-school a prerequisite to dancing? It sure is starting to look that way!

    YES, it is a prerequisite! Shhh, don't tell anyone, our pre-schools are losing teachers to stripping!
    Phedre
    ~ my very own pole dancer!

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