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Thread: How Do I...?

  1. #1
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    Default How Do I...?

    Don't mean to bring anybody down, but I have nobody to ask (that's in the biz) about this.

    I work close to my home so a lot of people know me on the outside...men and women both. My 17yr old daughter was killed in a car accident two years ago and it was in all the papers. A ton of customers came to the viewing and a bunch of dancers and club owners as well. I am very lucky that people care so much. I actually couldn't believe that the customers cleaned up so well!

    Anyway, there is this one woman I dance with and she talks A LOT! People tip her to get them away from them. That's some background. Here's the problem...every time I see her, she mentions my daughter or how nice the decorations at her crash site are or how she saw stuff in the paper about it (we have tons of lawsuits going on).

    I have to be up and on my game to work. What is an effective way for me to tell her to leave it be? I've tried asking nicely, changing the subject etc. She just doesn't STOP! I don't think I should have to change my shifts to not work with her and I don't want to be rude either. The place we both work at is really small so we have to deal directly with each other when we work together. I hesitate going to management because I'm very close to them and am afraid they'll fire her.

    Sorry for the long post. Any suggestions? You women are all so smart I figured someone could help me. Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: How Do I...?

    That's a hard one! She sounds like one of my friends - I've noticed actually that alot of people deal with death by not shutting up about it, totally oblivious to the fact that others may not really want to be listening or talking about it.
    I think you need to be less polite and maybe you could interupt her with "SHUT-UUUUUP!" or "If I want to talk to you about it, I'll come to you ok?!" and then explain how you feel. Thank her for caring but point out that you need to grieve and move on in your own way at what ever pace is right for you and not have people constantly reminding you about what's happened - obviously your never going to forget, but it would be nice if people would leave you to get on with your own thoughts and feelings. Maybe you could put what you want to say in writing - get a nice card so she knows you still want to remain friendly?

  3. #3
    Tart
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    Default Re: How Do I...?

    I would honestly tell her to shut up. She has no tact so ... to put it bluntly ..fuck it.

    I mean she knows it's bothering you. How could it not?! I would be stern., pull her aside and just say " hey look i've tried to be subtle about this,. obviously it's not working. But you need to just shut up about it "

    And walk away. Now judging from what you wrote she's going to start following you around going " im so sorry blah blah blah " But honestly the best way is just to handle it sternfully.

    Just be honest tell her it is driving you insane. If she has ANY common sense she'll understand and drop it.

    If you aren't direct about it then she's going to keep up.

  4. #4
    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: How Do I...?

    Well, to be polite..
    "You are really stressing me out, okay? I don't know if I can deal with that. Can we please not talk about this in the club? It's too painful."
    It's polite, but hopefully that will take care of it.
    You obviously need to keep your game on and she's messing with it. We are taught to leave our life at home when it comes to work and tell her you want to do just that.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



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    Default Re: How Do I...?

    I think Aussie said it (most girls did) ... tell her to back off, then explain why you need it. APPRECIATE that she's trying to be caring (give her benefit of doubt) and thank her for being there, and lether know youll get to her if the time becomes right.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: How Do I...?

    Thank you ladies. I'm not a confrontational person so I've decided to do it with a card...a thank you card letting her know that I appreciate her concern then maybe end it lightheartedly with a joke or something like, "OK, this subject is now closed, let's get on to the biz at hand, hustling those guys.

    Not sure exactly how I'll word it. Thanks again, your suggestions were worth more to me than you'll ever know.

  7. #7
    Featured Member susan's Avatar
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    Default Re: How Do I...?

    I call them the "black holes of emotional need". They spend all their time talking to YOU cuz they are trying to escape from something inside THEM.

    In a way, a club is a great environment, cuz you can always just go hustle some custy's and get away from women like her. In an office or other w--k setting (and yeah, girls like that are EVERYWHERE) it's sometimes really hard to get away from her. Kinda difficult in an office to say, "Hey, I'd love to talk some more, but I really have to go give the VP of Personnel a lap dance!!!"

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