Dancing makes me want to throw up. I did it for over five years, and now (financially at least) it would be smart for me to go back. But I have a small problem… I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t tell you how many times I walked out onto the floor and felt like I was watching a bad movie. The smoky environment, the girls getting drunk at the bar, the dancers slamming down Percosets/Vicodens/etc. in order to numb themselves, the dancers looking uninterested while grinding on customers, the random customers grabbing girls, the bouncers holding their hands out for more money than they deserve. It just felt so empty, and so wrong. I didn’t used to feel that way…. or at least, I didn’t think about how I really felt. I squashed my feelings about the job, never admitted them to myself, and focused on my goals. I would always get a bit nervous on the drive to work, but it would only take a few minutes, a few deep breaths, and then I’d be out on the floor, smiling and emptying wallets. And by squashing my real feelings, I was successful. For some reason I was able to internalize everything just enough. I made awesome money. But even when I would go home with a lot (like 1K or more) it never felt good. I didn’t feel bad either, I just didn’t feel anything. Like I wasn’t happy about it, but I was just this robot stripper. I LOVED the independence it provided me, but towards the end I just couldn’t believe what I was exposing myself to. So many woman hating assholes, who would try to talk dirty to me, grab me, or just be nasty in general while I was dancing for them. I did have a lot of good customers (who weren’t sick fucks) but even then I developed the mentality of “these guys don’t deserve to see my body- they’re complete strangers.” It almost became a conflict in my head- when I would sell dances, it killed me that I had to ask men if they wanted a dance. I always thought, “they should be so fucking lucky.” It just became really disgusting to me, and every single day I knew that I deserved much much better than that.
I faced this problem last year, and I took a DW seminar and I was able to transform back into my old hustle mode for a while. I read motivational books, which helped, but only for a limited time. I know that this job is not for everyone, but has anyone experienced this? I feel like I had a shelf life & now I’m expired. It’s really weird.
The problem is, I want to mentally train myself to be the way I was. I want to overcome my negative feelings about dancing & the way it made me feel (long-term.) I just don’t know how. It's been four months since I last danced, and I really want to find a way to suck it up and hustle again. I am just EXTREMELY confused on how I should go about this. Has anyone had any similar experiences?



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