Results 1 to 19 of 19

Thread: expired dancer?

  1. #1
    Veteran Member RachelleD's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    202
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts

    Default expired dancer?

    Dancing makes me want to throw up. I did it for over five years, and now (financially at least) it would be smart for me to go back. But I have a small problem… I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t tell you how many times I walked out onto the floor and felt like I was watching a bad movie. The smoky environment, the girls getting drunk at the bar, the dancers slamming down Percosets/Vicodens/etc. in order to numb themselves, the dancers looking uninterested while grinding on customers, the random customers grabbing girls, the bouncers holding their hands out for more money than they deserve. It just felt so empty, and so wrong. I didn’t used to feel that way…. or at least, I didn’t think about how I really felt. I squashed my feelings about the job, never admitted them to myself, and focused on my goals. I would always get a bit nervous on the drive to work, but it would only take a few minutes, a few deep breaths, and then I’d be out on the floor, smiling and emptying wallets. And by squashing my real feelings, I was successful. For some reason I was able to internalize everything just enough. I made awesome money. But even when I would go home with a lot (like 1K or more) it never felt good. I didn’t feel bad either, I just didn’t feel anything. Like I wasn’t happy about it, but I was just this robot stripper. I LOVED the independence it provided me, but towards the end I just couldn’t believe what I was exposing myself to. So many woman hating assholes, who would try to talk dirty to me, grab me, or just be nasty in general while I was dancing for them. I did have a lot of good customers (who weren’t sick fucks) but even then I developed the mentality of “these guys don’t deserve to see my body- they’re complete strangers.” It almost became a conflict in my head- when I would sell dances, it killed me that I had to ask men if they wanted a dance. I always thought, “they should be so fucking lucky.” It just became really disgusting to me, and every single day I knew that I deserved much much better than that.

    I faced this problem last year, and I took a DW seminar and I was able to transform back into my old hustle mode for a while. I read motivational books, which helped, but only for a limited time. I know that this job is not for everyone, but has anyone experienced this? I feel like I had a shelf life & now I’m expired. It’s really weird.

    The problem is, I want to mentally train myself to be the way I was. I want to overcome my negative feelings about dancing & the way it made me feel (long-term.) I just don’t know how. It's been four months since I last danced, and I really want to find a way to suck it up and hustle again. I am just EXTREMELY confused on how I should go about this. Has anyone had any similar experiences?
    "She believed she could, so she did." -unknown

    **Rachelle**

  2. The Following User Says Thank You to RachelleD For This Useful Post:


  3. #2
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Posts
    11,302
    Thanks
    4
    Thanked 143 Times in 72 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    what you are describing sounds like what red red red is talking about in the perv-over in Ladies Only.

    you might want check that out....

  4. #3
    Banned BigGreenMnM's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    Virginia countryside.
    Posts
    3,299
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    ok,this is going to sound really retarded,but thats a great attitude.

    I have seen many vets retire from the stage for those same reasons,only to be forced back finacially in a couple of years.(leaving the stage aint easy)

    When they came back,because of those reasons you listed,they didnt fall into some of the potholes and the drama,the root cause of many of the issues they had.

    Now they make a shit load of money and actually.....

    Like doing it.


    I told ya,sounds retarded,but i swear i see it often.

    Its not the young teenie bopper thing this time,its a whole different gig.

  5. #4
    Banned BigGreenMnM's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    Virginia countryside.
    Posts
    3,299
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    BTW,dont go back to the club you were at,start fresh,with this new attitude,with a new club.

  6. #5
    Miss. Kristina Lee
    Guest

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    you answered your own question hun, if you dont want to be there, dont go back. youll either have a nervous breakdown, or youll kill someone. in either case you wont make money.

  7. #6
    Member moonlite's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    40
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    You had to find the right club to dance at. You see I dance down here in Miami. I tried a couple of times to work clubs, but most of them are of the chain. It made me feel like I don't belong.I made money, but I was getting anoyed by everyone. I finnaly found a very nice club. Managment is respectfull, monitoring everything thats going on. No extrs in the club.Housemom is there to really stick for the girls. I don't see anyone getting drunk. It's just feels like a whole new world, beautifull. I am definatly staing.
    [SIZE=4][COLOR=Magenta] " Life is short. Eat pie first." - anonymous

  8. #7
    Senior Member FL Dancer's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    183
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    PLEASE DO NOT GO BACK TO DANCING !

    Re-read your post.

    It was very sincere and heartfelt and shows that for you personally, stripping is an
    abusive, negative and unhealthy experience.

    Why subject yourself ( by choice) to something that causes you emotional damage ?

    No amount of money is worth longterm mental and emotional damge to yourself.

    Take what you learned from your time in the clubs and apply it to something else. Something that will not effect you in such a negative way.

  9. #8
    God/dess Paris's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    6,345
    Thanks
    168
    Thanked 801 Times in 419 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    Unless you can have a major change of heart, it does sound like it is time to hang up the heels.

    I have a deep love and caring for my customers. They aren't assholes or cheap fucks to me, they are people looking for escape from the cares of the day, and also looking for a place to express their sexual needs that aren't being met in their "real" life. I do not accept abuse from my customers. If they wish to be abusive they can keep moving, because no amount of money is worth having them degrade and insult me.

    I don't see a man expressing his sexuality as abusive, though. If he wants more than is available in the SC, that is just normal. He wishes to verbally fullfil a fantasy by having a dirty talking stripper, what's the harm? As long as you are all clear that it isn't going beyond the VIP room, then it is fun and creative.

    I see what we do as strippers as important to a healthy society as what nursing home employees do, and day care workers, personal trainers, and life coaches. We are fulfilling a basic need of many men in society. Studies of crime statistics prove that the more available sexually oriented business is to the general public, the less common is crimes of a sexual nature (date rape, molestation, indecent exposure, etc.).


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  10. #9
    Veteran Member Lady's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    607
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 10 Times in 9 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    RachelleD, I know exactly how you feel. I hate the job too. I hate the girls I hate the club and Ihate the custys, and btw ... I work at a great club and have been there 4 yrs. I hae worked in a lot of clubs and never found one that i liked more than my home club for any reason other than better money.
    Unfourtanitly, I eont have a whole lot of options. I go to school and take care of myself. My hubby is crippled so very limite on what types of work he can do.
    Trust me, I have tried to figure out anther job in which we would be able to financially survive, we havent come up with anythin yet so if you do, let me know.
    I get out of school in about two years. Every night I just tell my self, "two yrs, then its all over. put a smile on your face, pretend to have a good time and make as much money as you can by the end of the night," at least good money helps my attitude sometimes. Anymore it seems like I have to make a killing to even acknowledge the fact that I had a decent night.
    Try taking a break for a while or visit another club. You also might want to think about buddying up with another girl to make money with. Sometimes, even though you are doing the same thing, it feels like you are spliting the work load with her. Trust me, it can help. If you can find someone you work well with, it also can help your money, you can keep each other encouraged to keep trying.

  11. #10
    Cally
    Guest

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    Im sorry but I have to agree with Paris...Dancers make a lot of guys happy. Some guys just dont get attention from females for one reason or another so they go to a SC and they actually feel good about themselves for a few hours, girls sit and talk with them they get dances whatever. And honestly the SC industry gives a lot of people employment. These girls work for their money just like the rest of employed people do. Anyway im not going to try and defend anyone because I know they can if they feel the need to. Oh and im not a dancer im a waitress in a SC so dont think im trying to defend myself

    Oh and if your not happy with dancing... dont go back to it. Honestly you wont make the money you used to unless you want to be there. Why not try waitressing or something? The money waitressing in a SC is pretty good and its a lot of fun.
    Last edited by velvet; 10-10-2005 at 12:58 PM.

  12. #11
    Veteran Member Phedre's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    734
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    Rachelle,
    If you are not comfortable being a dancer anymore, don't try to numb it out. It will be better for your mental state if you take a break and work on getting some different feelings for the industry. I think the suggestion for being a waitress in a SC is a wiser choice for you at this point since your heart isn't in it anymore. Good luck hun.
    Phedre
    ~ my very own pole dancer!

  13. #12
    God/dess velvet's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    4,778
    Thanks
    154
    Thanked 280 Times in 146 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    cleaned and warning sent to the *person*

  14. #13
    Featured Member bikinigirl04's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2004
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    939
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    Quote Originally Posted by velvet
    cleaned and warning sent to the *person*
    dammit! i missed the drama again lol.

    in response to the original post--i go through those feelings on and off all the time.
    even if you psych yourself back up you might still end up feeling that way again. thats one thing thats great about the job though, when you are burned out you can take a break.
    if you are looking to psych yourself up again, i cant tell from your post if you already did this--did you go back over all the stuff that helped you before? re-read those motivational books, go back over your notes from the dancer wealth seminar.
    remember that alot of what makes a dancer successful is her mindset and her attitude.
    if you are expecting to go back and find nothing but pervs and weirdos, you're going to dread it, of course. if you really want to change your mindset, then focus on the idea of the custy's you've had who arent sick fucks! we only spend time with the customers we choose to spend time with. go back knowing that you will not spend time with anyone who you can't deal with and that you will gracefully remove yourself from those situations and move on.
    all that being said, don't force yourself. what's the point? you'd be better off working more for less money at a "regular job" and having your peace of mind.
    Oh, I musta took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.


    howdy ho, junior rangers.

  15. #14
    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Posts
    6,699
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 22 Times in 20 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    has anyone experienced this? I feel like I had a shelf life & now I’m expired. It’s really weird.
    Actually, I dealt with this, and got over it. It forced me to change the way I do things- instread of dancing 3 night a week or whatever, I now dance EVERY night for 3 weeks or so, then take 3 months 'off' (where I do school, regular contract work, stage-only etc). I also try to always go to new clubs, so the 'honeymoon' period is extended.

    It may not work for everyone, but this has given me a new love for my job.

    Also, it sounds like you haven't come to terms with the idea/fact that you're (or were) a dancer. I say this because it is also something I struggle with, and am only just starting to fully accept. Your descriptions of it being like 'watching a bad movie' etc are very telling; it seems that you think that by being a part of the environment, you are being reduced. I don't think it has to be this way, but again, the key for me is to not get too immersed in 'the life'.

    But then, obviously don't do somthing that making you massively uncomfortable. Just try to recognize WHY you're feeling the way you are. It could be that you really are just done with it.

    Good luck!

    Feature costumes for sale!

  16. #15
    Senior Member Abbeynormal's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    Austin, TX
    Posts
    191
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    I've felt this way many, many times, but I've also felt this way (kind of) working at a day care, dealing with parents telling me how stupid I was and unable to care properly for their children. I felt this way working a tech support line for a computer company, when I got yelled at for things that were NEVER my fault. I know it doesn't compare, but I had to tell myself that burnout happens at EVERY job, and so I pushed through it. And like BigGreen said, I made a hell of a lot more money.

    On the other hand, your post paints a very real picture of someone who could use a vacation from ANY job. (Actually your post is very unsettling to me, because it hits home a little too hard for me.) Try a new club, or try waitressing. Going back after a while really does enable you to be more detatched and businesslike about it.
    "This above all: to thine own self be true."

  17. #16
    Banned BigGreenMnM's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    Virginia countryside.
    Posts
    3,299
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    notice this part of my response....


    in a couple of years

  18. #17
    Senior Member FL Dancer's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    183
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    I think what it really comes down to is what is the overall best choice people can make for their mental and emotional health.

    It doesn't matter how much money a person makes if they are completely miserable .

  19. #18
    Member Asbat's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    43
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    burnout happens at any job but that goes doublely so where your pay is determined by your performance. as a telemarketer their where nights i was so close to crying myself to sleep.
    Support your local stripper!

  20. #19
    Veteran Member RachelleD's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    202
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts

    Default Re: expired dancer?

    Things are always blurry when you're directly in the middle of a situation (it's so hard to figure out what's right) so I truly do appreciate everyone's opinions. Emily, BigGreen, Kristina Lee, moonlite, FL dancer, Paris, Asbat, Phedre, Scarlett, Abbey, bikinigirl & Ladyme you have all helped me see both sides of my dilemma more clearly.

    I'm thinking about being a hostess/door girl or a waitress at a SC for a little while, then trying for a job in another industry. I know this sounds nuts, but my struggle about whether or not I should go back almost feels like an addiction to stripping. In a way I feel like dancing is a drug I'm addicted to (even though I don't like it anymore.) It’s really bizarre… transitioning out of dancing is actually difficult! I would've never suspected how much...

    I also realize (after thoroughly analyzing my original post & everyone’s responses) that I could mentally train myself & be the way I was, but it would only last for so long & then I'd be stuck back where I am now. If I felt some of the things I used to (like enjoying the attention, not being disgusted, having fun, getting all dolled up, etc.) I would go back in a heartbeat. I should note that I never looked at stripping as an abusive experience- my first few years I found it to be quite liberating, even though it was a little tough. It's just that towards the end my feelings of liberation vanished & I found it *personally* degrading. I probably should have been more careful with the wording in my first post. Anyway, I don't necessarily find dancing degrading, that's just how it became for me (as if I lost my power with it, or something like that.) I fully applaud & respect all women who dance, because I know firsthand how stressful- and beneficial- the industry can be. I think that dancing is what you make it. Now that my perception has shifted from a positive one to a negative one, I’m going to do my best to move on. Now hopefully I can stick with it!!

    Much love to the awesome women (and men!) of SW,
    Rachelle
    "She believed she could, so she did." -unknown

    **Rachelle**

  21. The Following User Says Thank You to RachelleD For This Useful Post:


Similar Threads

  1. Expired LAS VEGAS DANCER LICENSE
    By Lady Xplicit18 in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 08-22-2012, 06:02 PM
  2. Replies: 11
    Last Post: 06-27-2007, 11:03 PM
  3. Do White Dancer Make More Cash$$ That Blk.dancer??
    By MADAM LIZZ in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 69
    Last Post: 07-08-2006, 03:36 AM
  4. sometimes i feel stupid being a dancer when non-dancer staff at the club makes more
    By miabella in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 02-12-2006, 02:19 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •