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Thread: Her fault or His?

  1. #1
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Her fault or His?

    Newly recent issue with friend and his gf whom is a very hot girl.

    Symantecs aside this came up and I am looking for points of view here <even if its just right>

    She gets hit on, CONSTANTLY, this is the same personality that brought him to her.

    NOW Let me draw a scenario.

    You're SO gets bought a drink at a bar by a person that your SO would normally be very hot and bothered for. The person puts an arm around your SO.

    Do you get mad at the SO? or the Person?

    Assume:
    The person bought the drink with intentions that go beyond a "thank you"
    This is how you won your SO
    You've been together for about 2 years.
    SO knows you would react negativly to witnessing that.

    I hear so many dudes sayin "Kick his ass!"

    IMO the problem lies with her and a lack of mutual respect for eachothers feelings and relationship expectations.

    And yes I set this up so even DSUSB could answer! <So happy you two really hit it off!>

    :Mast:
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  2. #2
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    It's her fault. Doesn't matter how hot you are or how much you get hit on. There should always be that "line" that says, "Thanks, but I'm taken."

    No, you shouldn't kick the other guy's (or girl's) ass. They are simply picking up on the cues given out by the SO.

  3. #3
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    The SO is not being respectful of the feelings of the other person.

    One shouldn't get bent out of shape over a drink and a hug though.

  4. #4
    Senior Member FL Dancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    You're SO gets bought a drink at a bar by a person that your SO would normally be very hot and bothered for. The person puts an arm around your SO.

    Do you get mad at the SO? or the Person?
    If the SO doesn't move away from the person and allows them to continue having their arm around the SO then I would be upset w/ the SO

  5. #5
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    Sounds like this is her personality pre-so that being said 2yrs you should be fairly secure with the relationship - my so gets a little giddy when she drinks a few I flirt as well but as mentioned we know our safe boundries and stay within the set limits .

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    Wouldn't be upset. If you trust your SO, this is very minor. If you don't trust your SO, then this is just a symptom a bigger problem.

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    Featured Member Crystal_eyes's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    She is the problem she needs attention and get it from other men. I think it is really disrespectfull I wouldn't even get a drink from a guy in a bar if i'm with my boyfriend and if on top of that the guy started putting his arm around her !!! Disrespect.

  8. #8
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    ^ I wouldn't let anything like that happen either. That's a total no-no and is a VERY obvious sign of disrespect.

  9. #9
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    Quote Originally Posted by Deogol
    The SO is not being respectful of the feelings of the other person.

    One shouldn't get bent out of shape over a drink and a hug though.
    Remember to read the assumptions.

    In this case in real life, she knew the dude, and knew what he wanted. maybe its not what he wanted but SHE believed he bought the drink to get into her pants.


    Cool replies, always refreshing to see diverse points of view. Thanks!
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    The OTHER GUY put his arm around her? And it's HER fault? Did she encourage this or did the guy just come up and do it? Some guys are very aggressive with their flirting - I've given negative signals, shaken my head, told them falt out "no", given dirty looks, etc, and sometimes none of it works; the dude just keeps on coming at me. Of course it usually doesn't get that far if I'm with a guy because my guy will step in when he sees some dude not backing off.

    Whether or not the other guy might've been her type is irrelevant. If she didn't initiate/encourage it, it's not her fault.

    Also, if she gets hit on constantly, it may be seen as "just another schmuck" by her and nothing to get bothered about.

    Boyfriend may be overreacting.

    She may still get some little thrill from the attention but have no intention of going beyond that.

    Anyway, you've left out too many details in the story. Most importantly, how did SHE react to the guy buying her a drink and putting his arm around her? Can't really draw a conclusion until we know that at least.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    I would decide who to get mad at (if at all) based on her reaction to the guy's arm around her. If she didn't say something to him, or remove his arm herself, I would get pissed at her. If the guy knew I was her BF and did it anyway, I'd just kick the crap out of him.

    I understand that if I found her attractive, there's a good chance other guys find her attractive too, and they'll approach her just like I did. That's nothing to get mad about.

  12. #12
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    Is the person there? If the person is there watching this, it is obviously very rude and very inconsiderate. If not - eh, I'm not so sure. Because there is no question of infidelity in any form (because nobody thinks putting an arm around someone is being unfaithful), I'm not sure it has a lot of potency if the guy isn't there seeing it. I mean, there is a big difference too, in putting an arm around someone's shoulders and cuddling them all night.

    Nutshell - flirting (harmless flirting) isn't bad, as long as it isn't inconsiderate.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  13. #13
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    I know plenty of people who get a thrill out of having a Hot As Hell SO. I would! & I do.

    (Or not...my redheaded Irish guy friend would turn red all over when he saw me at work talking to other men, and taking tips at the rail. Great guy, but some people are just possessive.)

    Anyhow, I think he needs to get over it, unless he's going to put burlap sacks over her head & torso when they go everywhere.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    MadMaxine...I'm one of those types. I get a kick out of a girl that I'm with being hit one. I consider it a compliment.

    OTOH, I wouldn't be with a girl that I couldn't trust.

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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    I understand its just a hug and a drink..sure sure...this person could be a good friend or even someone who wanted to send a drink their way.

    But, the scenario changes when/if that person doesnty ward off the other persons advances whether or not the SO is looking or even there. Its just out of respect for the other is the person is persistant to let them know you have an SO and are happy.

    I think its a respect issue.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
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  16. #16
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    My ex never had a problem with guys buying me drinks when we were out, saved him some money. If you are a couple and going to be at a bar and can't handle it, stay home in the suburbs where you belong.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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  17. #17
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    Jealousy was invented for people to feel bad about themselves, and we'd be better off without it.

    Communicate, resolve it, move on. There are real problems in this world.

  18. #18
    tampafldancer
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    uh..... hmmmm

    I say its nobody's fault.

    Tell her if it happens again you would like her to try and brush off his advances better. I wouldn't get mad at her, after all it wasnt her hand that went around his shoulder!

    It isn't worth a bar fight either, so if she doesn't look stressed by it, i don't see why you should cut in... Maybe say something like "Hey babe, I want to show you something" to her and see if he gets the point?

  19. #19
    Senior Member Abbeynormal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    So? Dsusb? Wtf?
    "This above all: to thine own self be true."

  20. #20
    Cally
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    My SO thinks its funny when guys hit on me... he stands back and laughs while a guy buys me a drink then when the guy goes to put his arm around me or lean in close to talk to me I say 'Thanks for the drink my bf is waiting over there for me so I gotta go' my SO(signifigant or how ever its spelled other btw for abbey) gets a good laugh and I get a free drink. The chick should be drawing the line when the guy tries to put his arm around the girl or anything. Just say 'thanks but my man is waiting' and walk away. Or if its a big problem just refuse the drink.

  21. #21
    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus
    Symantecs aside this came up and I am looking for points of view here
    Symantec? What's the company that makes Norton anti-virus software got to do with it? Bastids just hit me up for another $35 to renew my protection for a year. Protection racket is more like it.

    -Ev

  22. #22
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    Quote Originally Posted by evan_essence
    Symantec? What's the company that makes Norton anti-virus software got to do with it? Bastids just hit me up for another $35 to renew my protection for a year. Protection racket is more like it.

    -Ev
    Here's where I say "Buy an Apple!"

    (Just have to get that in ya know!)

  23. #23
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    Quote Originally Posted by evan_essence
    Symantec? What's the company that makes Norton anti-virus software got to do with it? Bastids just hit me up for another $35 to renew my protection for a year. Protection racket is more like it.

    -Ev
    Yea. I suck @ words. Computers I do not. Use norman. Cheaper and better virus detection
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  24. #24
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay Zeno
    Jealousy was invented for people to feel bad about themselves, and we'd be better off without it.

    Communicate, resolve it, move on. There are real problems in this world.

    See I agree with that entirely.

    The basis of which is that if she knows this bothers him, and does not fend it off in his presence or at least show restraint, then its not the person's fault its the SO's problem, and its not really a "problem" per se, but it is if it causes trust issue between the friend and his SO. He either needs to accept it as her, enjoy it, or she needs to slow it down and resolve. If they want the relationship to move forward in this aspect. A compromise should be reached.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  25. #25
    jonniejasmine
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    Default Re: Her fault or His?

    so I can't buy one of my attractive friends a drink...? two years should say it all...either you are secure and happy or there are other issues that need to be brought up. ..so are you supposed to go through life never talking ot people ? is no one supposed to give you subtle flirtations....what are we boycotting everyone and just drying up and rollin gover and dying. I mean I have seen girls who are loud and VERY flirty, who just need to be center of attention and be hit on by everyone, and take it too far, and then there are those of us who just get along with everyone and seem to have drinks bought for us no matter who wea re with or what we are doing.....an arm around ....that is nothing to me, in or outside the club....kissing is my thing or anything crotchy......thatis too far.....think of how many ex's you would still get along with but just knew you weren't meant for eachtoher, or how many hot people you meet that actually have personalities and respect.....just b/c you speak to them doesn't mean you are goign to bed. where is it that she thought she was being bought a drink by someone that wanted to get in her pants? sounds like she knew the person....however for whatever, and if she did this right in front of you she probably though there was nothing to worry about.....its not like she tried to hide it, and it doesn't sound like she encouraged it either.
    I am just sick of these guys or girls out here that expect someone to respect their every little thought and make them happy when no one is doing anythign wrong. and we know when we are doing somethign wrong.....you wouldn't have to say a word....you could look at us and watch us squirm.....so unless there are more details than this...it sounds like INSECURITY and that is goign to run the person off faster than if any hot person was there or not.

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