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Thread: Favorite Jokes

  1. #1
    Featured Member southstbabe's Avatar
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    Favorite Jokes

    Ok, the weather here in NJ is lously again, my day has pretty much sucked and I thought to myself I could use a good laugh. Lets hear some jokes!

  2. #2
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Favorite Jokes

    I heard this one today...

    A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

    He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

    St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.

    Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

    "Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

    "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating
    that she never told a lie."

    "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

    St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands
    have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

    "Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man.

    "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

  3. #3
    Featured Member DSUsb19's Avatar
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    Default Re: Favorite Jokes

    If girls with really big work at Hooters, then where do women with one leg work?








    ................IHOP!!!!



    How do you catch a unique bunny? You neek up on it!! Lol
    How do you catch a tame bunny? Tame way yu caught the other one, you neek up on him too!!!!


    A mushroom is sitting on a bench at the park watching some kids play dodgeball. One kid walks up and says to the group, "Hey, can I play?". The group agrees and let's him play. Another kid walks up and says, "Hey, can I play too?". The group again agrees. The mushroom gets up the courage, walks up and says, "Hey guys, can I play?". The group says no. The mushroom looks at them puzzled and says, "Why not? I'm a fun guy (fungi)." LMAO!
    Last edited by DSUsb19; 10-25-2005 at 05:39 PM.
    *~If you play with reservation, you never play to your full potential.~*

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    In beer there is freedom. In water there is bacteria. ~*

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    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Favorite Jokes

    Why did the farmer think he had an STD?

    He was allergic to wool.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



  5. #5
    God/dess blondhottie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Favorite Jokes

    What do a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
    The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

    ***********************************************
    Little Billy was playing basketball outside one day when the ball went into the rose bushes. He cut his hand on a thorn when he went to retrieve the ball. He ran into the house and said "Mommy! I need a glass of apple cider." His mom got him a glass of apple cider and Billy stuck his hand inside the glass. His mom was puzzled and said "Billy, what are you doing that for?" Billy replied, "Well, I heard the babysitter say whenever she gets a prick in her hand, all she wants to do is put it in cider."

    ************************************************

    A husband and wife are in bed. The husband is horny and wants to have sex. He starts rubbing up against his wife and kissing her. She says "Not tonight honey, I have a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I have to stay fresh." He rolls over and tries to go to sleep. Ten seconds later, he taps her on the shoulder and says "Honey, do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow?"

    ************************************************** **********

    Bill is in bed with his wife Jean. He grabs Jean's boobs and says "Honey, if you firmed these up, you could get rid of your push-up bra." Then he grabs her thighs and says "And if you firmed these up, you could get rid of your support pantyhose." Irritated, Jean grabs Bill's package and says "And if you firmed this up, I could get rid of your brother, your best friend, and the pool boy."

    ************************************************** *************

    Bob loves to go to his local strip club, but he has to keep it a secret from his wife or she would get very angry. Well, one day, he gets the bright idea that the two of them should go to the strip club together. He hopes that maybe his wife will enjoy it there and the two of them will go home and have really hot sex.

    He talks her into going to the club with him one night. She is reluctant, but she finally agrees to go along. Bob tries to pretend that he's never been there before so that the wifey doesn't get mad. They walk into the club and the DJ says "Hey Bob! How's it going, man?" The wife gets a little suspicious and she says "Bob, you must've been here before if that guy knows your name." He says "Oh no honey, he's on my bowling team. We bowl together every Tuesday."

    They sit at the bar. The bartender comes along and says "Hey Bob! Do you want your usual Budweiser?" The wife is even more suspicious and says, "The bartender knows your name too! And how does she know what kind of beer you like?" Bob replies, "Oh honey, she's on the women's bowling team. They bowl on the lane right next to us on Tuesdays."

    Next, Bob's favorite dancer Amber comes along, throws her arms around him, and gives him a big kiss on the cheek. "Hey Bob sweetheart! I've missed you!" she says. "Would you like to go in the VIP room for an hour like we did last week?"

    Now the wife is furious. She storms out of the club and hops into the first available cab she sees. Bob tries to make amends and follows her. He hops into the cab with her. The cab driver turns around and says, "Bob, looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight."
    ************************************************** *******

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