So... started off great - sold everything I own (car, furniture, stuff)... paid off all money owed to friends/family and filed Ch7 BK. I now have $0 in debt to anyone, anywhere. I also have $100 to my name...some clothes, photos, and personal items.
I moved to Hawaii to go to school and dance part-time to pay for school and stuff. The plan was great... it was set. It didnt work out. I HATE Hawaii. I hate the clubs here. I hate the humidity. I hate the racism here. I hate the 6 people in a 800 sq ft house. I hate that the school is 16 months where in CA its only 10. Im flying back to California in 11 days.
Ill be staying with my on again off again boyfriend when I get back. I have nothing... I have a new plan but its just so depressing when I think about it because nothing EVER EVER freaking works out for me.
The NEW plan is to stay with Ryan and drive his truck to Sacramento (over an hour each way) to work and save money for a car. I have 2 months to do that. School starts on January 17th. School is $7500. I THINK they have federal financing available.... Im hoping they do at least. Ill find out in 2 weeks. If this school doesnt Ill end up at a different school that is 90 minutes away and is almost $20K...they do have financing.
Ryan said hes willing to move down by my school (the closer school, by my work) so I can go and not have to drive to far. I dont really want to worry about household finances while in school 40 hours a week. He said hell take care of it... then I feel like Ill be a huge burden and I know I HAVE to bring in my own money... I cant just live off someone... its not in me.
Is this just pathetically sad or what? Im practically homeless... OMG... what the HELL did I get myself into? Im at the point where I dont even want to get out of bed because the days go too slow... I look at the clock and count the hours until I go to bed and then the cycle starts again. Its to the point where I dont even want to leave my bedroom let alone the house but then again I dont want to be AT THIS HOUSE. Now Im just waiting for the next 11 days to go by to get back to california. Hopefully everything will be better when I get to california. but if i didnt leave california i would be depressed because i owe people money and have collectors calling me.
Hopefully when I move back everything works out... its like a fresh start... or at least i keep telling myself that... im glad i did what i did but its just so hard. I dont want to go back to dancing but at this point i need to to get a car. im definately not dancing again in hawaii thats for sure... just gotta wait out these next 11 days...
Kinda wish I could go back to age 12 when i told my mom "I dont wanna be a good girl anymore, I want to be a bad girl" and never to have said that. To have stayed in school and gone off to college like I planned. Oh well... time for a new beginning.
And after re-reading this I think I need some serious councling... which means I need Health Insurance which means i need FREAKING MONEY... damn vicious cycle. Im gonna go buy a lotto ticket.![]()


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