
Originally Posted by
crunchy
not sure if this is the right discussion for this but will give it a try.
starters. last night my fiance tried out to be a dancer at a local club but after the audition she was told she could dance ok, but wouldnt be able to hustle since she had never danced before. Now the backstory
We have been dating for over 6 months and for 1 of those months we have been engaged. We are each others best freinds and cant see being with any other person. We are hoping to get married in the summer. Before and when we first met she had some money troubles where because of car problems, credit cards and such. She hid most of it from me though i did know her general situation so I did my best to help, such as paying for most everything, and even loaning her a bunch of money for some of the stuff... In the past week however we have run into a head. She finnaly confessed to me that she is stuck, she tried to hide from me that she needed to pay a car payment that was behind, a behind insurance bill, and a speeding ticket. and a daycare bill for her child, which by not paying, she would lose her day job by having no place for them to go after and before school.
We had joked around about it before, nothing to serious, and have even been to a few clubs to jsut experience it. So she mentions about a week ago that she cant bear having no xmas and the stress was gettin to her and that she should just dance. She told me it was against everything she felt about herself in terms of self esteem and self respect but she saw no other choice. I offered her the money, but i am in grad school and working freelance so I am near the edge myself. Her response is that she could not live with herself if she brought me down with her. So I gave her a choice, either let me pay and take the risk of causing me harm, which i preffered, or to try dancing. So she said she would jsut not pay her bills and lose her car, her job etc... I told her that she had to choose so she choose to dance.. that day I went for her and got her 2 black dresses ,some shoes and simple jewelry.. we went that night to a local club together and after she got the nerve and said just screw her values. she went to the manager.. but he told her they were too busy to audition her and to come back another time. so we left
Afterwards I told her I dont think that I can handle the stress, and jealousy.. that it would as people have told us, tear us apart... so we spent the next few days tryin everything to get the money. to our chagrin, nothing worked. So last night after a few days of stress, I told her that I am taking the risk and paying the stuff so she can keep her job ... she tried to leave me but i told her i would still pay them since i loved her. She said fine, you gave me a choice and so i am gonna dance.. we went to the club and she got an audtion and I watched from the floor.. I told her everytime she came to sit with me while she was waiting to go on, wearing her dancing clothes that I didnt want her to do this, that it wasnt too late. Soon her name was called, a song or two later she was on stage.. those songs before she came on were spent with me shaking, and wanting to grab her from the dj booth and go home.. BUt i Let her go up on stage, where she was nervous and ended up going topless for two songs.. she had crossed the line. SHe doesnt have any dancing experience and is a normally not outgoing person.
After the songs, the manager and dj told her that she wasnt expereienced enough for their club, and have high competitetion among the girls and that she should go work somewhere else then maybe come back.. we went home where I broke down that I couldnt believe I would let her do it, and she broke down that she went beyond her limits tried it, and was turned down and that the only reason she went that night was because she didnt want me to risk my fiances by bailing her out. she then told me that she was going to go take an audtion at a smaller club, that since she had already crossed that line it didnt matter anymore... I told her that while i did encourage her to make a choice and supported and encouraged her when she did, I didnt think i could handle the stress.
We were up all night, each of us stressed and breaking down, it is so bad we have each lost 7-8 ;bs from not eating for about a week and from stress.. So today the day we needed the money, I drove her to work, so i knew she would have to come to my apt and not hers after.. I paid her past dues balances so her child is back in daycare, and she is upset at me for paying them and feels that what she did last night , something that makes her hate herself, was pointless and worthless..
She wants to go tonight for the audition and pay me the money, even though at that club she would average 100-130 a night. and I have already covered 1800 in bills, plus the 300 in clothes for her to try dancing..
The dilema after all of this, is that should I let her go dance, when she has a good chance tonight of getting turned down, or maybe just taken on to be another girl for the roster. SHe is only doing it to try and prevent me from getting bankrupt, but is it my place to tell her no, and have her resent me for having crossed that line, and still have me risk everything... I am a loving fiance and just want her to be happy and make it in life, not lose her, and do the right thing. She told me that if I told her not too, that she would not go, but do i have that right? and is it something I should do? I am sick to my stomach and at a loss..
thanks
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