Anybody who knows me ought to know that I am really fucking happy with my life. And with my job. You all know that dancing for me is not jsut something I am doing temporarily to pay some bills, but it is something I really love. I am happy doing it, my days are my own, (mostly) and I have no stress that carries over into my daily life, etc., etc.
Before I get up on my high horse, there are two facts that are important to this tirade:
1. My parents did not contribute ONE CENT to my education. I joined the Army to pay for it.
2. My mother does NOT know that I dance. She believes I am a cocktail waitress in a hotel bar.
Now, My mom did not go to college. But she could have. She got maried almost right out of HS, probably b/c she was pregnant. But she has always been hell bent that I shoudl go to college. (Yes, I understand the psychology behind vicarious living, and so on). So I picked up a rifle and off I went. Got a psychology degree. It got me a several jobs, all of which I hated.
So I got me a second degree. Molecular Biology. Unfortunately, I didn't do my due diligence and found out, while I was trying to get a job with said degree, that it was basically useless b/c my school was not properly accredditted. Most of the options open to me involved decapitating rats. No thanks.
I am close to fulfilling my pre-med rewuirements (2 classes to go) but I was having second thoughts abut it before I became pregnant. After my son was born, I decided I definitely did not want to pursue it.
So now I have a good job. It is interesting and challenging to me. I enjoy the people I meet and the actual work I do. I like my coowrkers and management. The hours are flexible, I can take time off, as much as I need, with 5 minutes notice. I can be home with my kid when I want to. I make more than I did in the jobs that requied my degree. I have money to travel and for little luxuries (like I just bought a coach purse and we were able to replace my wedding ring as soon as it became apparent that it was not going to turn up.) I am home schooling my child, and he is obviously better off for all the parent-time he gets.
I spend a lot of time with poeple who have degrees and are working in thier chosen field, who are not happy. THey have stress, debt, expensive cars, huge mortgages, etc. They are divorced and/or rarely see thier kids.
I AM HAPPY.
MY HUSBAND AND SON ARE HAPPY.
Is this enough for my mother? To know that her daughter is happy and doing well financially without killing herself? Isn't she happy to know that her grandson is always with one parent, not spending time in day-care under the neglect of strangers? Doesn't she notice that he is more articulate than his 6 year old cousin?
NO IT IS NOT!
My being actaully happy in my work is not important at all, apparently. She is bitching at me for WASTING the education that SHE DID NOT PAY FOR. Apparently she thinks it is better for me to put my son in child care and go back to college (again!). Not that she is offering to pay for the college or the child care or anything. (She could. Not that that would change my mind.) So I would have to work even MORE hours to pay for the classes that would keep me away from my family even MORE hours and that woudl generate MORE HOURS of homework.
She has the nerve to tell me she is thinking form a "mother's perspective." (her words) I ask you! Shouldn't a mother be content when her kid is finally happy in her life? I want my son to grow up to be honest, kind, intelligent, and self directed--but wheter he is a professional anything is up to him. I don't think it is part of my motherly responsibiities to continue to push him toward any path that he feels is not right for him.
I have spent so much of my life living for other peoples' expectations. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I am so much happier jsut doing my own thing. Why can't my mom, who is supposed to love me, jsut let me be happy??
OK, end of rant.....



Reply With Quote
I love her and respect her opinion but in the end I'm still going to make my own choices and be happy with them. I just hope she can be happy for me too.




Bookmarks