starting off I want to make very clear that I am NOT AN EXTRAS girl.
When I started out I decided early on that I would not be, and would avoid it at all costs. But durning my first VIP session I found that it is harder than it seems to avoid.....let me explain...
first of all I am a college student, and currently taking a class on gender and violence here is a resource from that class that will help:
What is consensual sexual behavior and what is not?
its comes in stages....but how can you be sure what is and what is not....it depends on the situation and what is going on (what words come to mind)
consensual- love, respect, communication, trust, comfortable to say no
seduced- lust, candles, music, trying to get to a sexy place, propesition, effort, can say no with some akwardness
Manipulated- heavy drinking, guilt motivated, ultimatums, no fun or sweetness, bribery, intimidated, money, intimidation, not comfortable to say no/ very difficult to say no
Coerced- controling, threat of isolation, power struc. is not equal, desertion, drugs/ drinking, used as status, feels like you have no options, scaried to say no
forced- physical force, not options, no voice, slefish, verbal threats, weapons, lack of control, dehumanizing, no is not a option
--notes taken from Vilence and Gender, Women's Studies 120 at Minnesota State Uinversity, Mankato in Fall 2005 taught by Deirdre Rosenfeld director of the Women's Center
I recently started dancing (this happend on my 5th night dancing) it was my first time working at a club with a VIP area. It was rented out for the entire night by a party of 3 men. One of the dancers that knew the men introduced the dancers to the men and then the men choose the dancers who they wanted to bring back with them. Money is suppost to be given up front ($100 or so for a half hour) and it has cameras. I ended up being invited back by one of the men and a dancer was sent to get me, this dancer has danced there for years and knew the men well. We started by hanging out talking some and haveing a few drinks. I was super nervous because I didnt know what was expected of me. I had yet to see a dime and no one moved to give me any. I started to give a man a lap dance but was called out to do a stage set and told the man that I would return. After the set I talked to the owner about the money, when would I get paid for my time? people are asking me for lap dances do I say no to them and go back to the man? he said I should ask the man about settleing the money. so I did I said that normal we get the money up front and that it would be $100 for a half hour. He talked with the other dancer and one of the other men and they said it was all taken care of...we had to be tiped....at that time I didnt want to raise more of a stink and ask when I would see the money (I should have) but was told that I would be tiped as the time went on. the man asked me to start danceing, asked me to play with my nipples/ play with my breast...all of which is part of a normal lap dance. This is when it started to get bad....he started taking dirty asking if I liked what I was doing to my self (yeah I know guys do this) and demanding that I answer, I looked to the other girls in the room and the dancer that orginzed the room to see their reaction, they looked at me like I should answer. so I played along. I wasnt sure what he wanted from me, he kept giveing me horrable looks as I danced as I normaly do, and then he started directing me. It started off fine show me your ass...but then turned uncomfortable...I looked at the other dancer and she didnt give my any clue that what I was doing was wrong. NOONE ever told me that I couldnt do that. (I would rather not say what I was doing,but it was not sex or any sexual favors preformed on him or any other dancer) he kept talking dirty to the point that it was just lude. I didnt feel that I could stop, I didnt want to piss him off and end up with no money and the other dancers didnt give me any clue that I should stop, then the owner walked in and said I was busted "you cant play with your self". I just about started crying right there....the man got up to go to the bathroom, and I went to the dressing room.
changed clothes and made up my mind that I was not going back to the VIP...my travel partner came in and I started bawling, she told me that I almost got kicked out of the club.....I have never felt so small or helpless. I felt like I had no control at all, I felt like I had no options, felt cheap and that I I had totaly failed my self.
my friend talked to the owner and the other dancer and they got my money for me (not all of it but some) I wasnt able to stay in the dressing room for very long because of a stage set, that made me feel better (reminded me why I like dancing and that I could make money and not let some guy push me around) my friend gave me a pep talk and reminded me that I would be pissed at my self later if I let what happend end my night, get out there and make money the way I do not the way some dick wants me too.
after some thought through out the rest of the night I know I was manuipulated out of my boundries.
later on the other dancer apoligized to us for his behavior, and so did his buddies...in fact they sent him home and promised the owner they would never bring him back again..
I told the owner I was never again avalible for VIP
the lesson to take from this:
know the rules, if you are not sure what they are make a list and grill the owners AND bouncer. dont be shy be fucking blunt, THERE IS NO TRAINING FOR THIS JOB< YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOUR OWN
get the money up front so you are in total control
dont look to other dancers to gage what is right, or what is right for you
remember the sisterhood is powerful, I couldnt have gotten through the rest of the night without the other girls on my side...dont forget we are all in the same boat
please dont judge me....I want to share my crap so you dont have to feel like I did.



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~ my very own pole dancer!
I wish I could appologise for all the men who do this to you girls and have it mean something

I know women can be tough if they have to, but in the end run women are pretty felines, men are grizlly bears

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